"Grandpa and I always toyed with his electric trains, RC boats, and building whatever we could out of left over junk. For those lessons, that special time, and the unconditional love; I will always be grateful!"
Just a couple of weeks ago, I went back to my hometown for 8 days. The trip was not planned, but fueled by a procedure that my grandfather had to have. While the details were sketchy of all the illness his body was consuming, it felt very important that I be there. So, here is what my trip home entailed.
I decided on a Sunday night, that I needed to be there for his Tuesday procedure. I decided to take the Amtrak up and save a little money, since this was not a planned trip. To do this, I had to work around their schedules(not good at being on some one else's schedule!). After multiple hours of tears and my youngest attaching herself to me for hours; I decided just to take her with me. I was told the procedure was one he had gone through 22 years ago, and he had died on the table then, but they were able to save him. I knew this would be a very risky procedure.
When I got to the hospital to see my Grandpa, I was blown away by how frail he looked. You have to understand, my grandpa was always such a pillar in my life. I spent a lot of time with him and my Grandma. Their house had always felt like home to me. When I needed to talk and needed direction; they were there. When I needed tough love; they were there. Grandpa always worked so hard, but had some of the most amazing hobbies!
As I walked into Grandpa's hospital room, I was struck to see him not only frail but almost fragile. We had to wear gloves to be near him because of the multiple illnesses. He did know I was there, to some degree, at least for a few days. However, by the time I left, I don't believe he did...and I don't believe he would have cared either way.
22 years ago, he had a bout with trigeminal neuralgia. This means: Paroxysmal shooting pains of the facial area around one or more branches of the trigeminal nerve, of unknown cause, but often precipitated by irritation of the affected area. Also called tic douloureux. Here is an idea of where the trigeminal nerves are:
This had reoccured, and the attending physicians had to try something to try to help this pain and allow my grandfather to be able to eat and drink again. The problems that existed with this pain, complicated matters. In addition to this problem, he had pneumonia, MRSA, his sugar levels and blood pressure were high also. He was malnurished and dehydrated from the the trigeminal neuralgia. Not to mention his age is twenty some years older now. The odds were stacked against him from the start.
To say my grandfather is a stubborn man, is the biggest understatement I could make! Stubborn, hard-headed, set in his ways...yes, I come by it honest! ;) With having the procedure it would help to ease the pain and give him the ability to eat and drink again. The odds were stacked against him. The proceedure was set for Tuesday, but no time was given. This was a huge break down in communication by doctors and the hospital. Anyway, the procedure was said to be about 20 minutes, long enough to go in to each of the trigeminal nerves and numb them. Almost 45 minutes later, the surgeon came out to discuss the results. A quick disclosure here: My grandfather has a DNR. If you don't know what this is, it's a Do not resusitate request in his medical directive. No heroic measures are to be taken with a DNR. This means if he was to quit breathing or his heart to stop, they could not try to bring him back. This said, when the surgeon prepared to do this surgery, they began with the second branch; which consisted of the upper lip, cheek and nose. When they entered the nerve, my grandfather quit breathing. They backed the needle out and he eventually began breathing again on his own. However, they were unable to to proceed with the other two branches. Because of this they said some of the pain would be subsided, but not all of it, and it was too risky to do anymore.
After just a few more days, the insurance company decided they wanted him back at the nursing home. So, with all the other health issues, he was transferred back to the nursing home. He did not know I was there after that. I didn't see him awake after that. After Friday, I started making my travel plans to come back home. Unfortunately, when you have to depend on other people's schedules, you have to do things on their time. So, I spent a little time with niece and nephew, my best friend and her son, and got a short visit with another friend, before allowing myself to the time I needed to accept that Grandpa was in the hands of the great creator. He is still alive, but honestly, his pain and living conditions are so much less than he would want. Not to mention that at some point he was diagnosed with Sun Downer Dementia. By mid to late afternoon, he is not in his right mind. Now, I am hearing of becoming physically violent too. That is not the grandfather I knew.
The time I spent with my family, will be time I will never regret. The hardest part of seeing my grandfather, was seeing how far he has depleted. At 91, I know he has lived a long life. I know he and my grandmother loved each other, and that he was always the pillar of our family. While I know I will be terribly saddened when he called home, but I also know when he is, he will no longer be in pain, will be free from suffering and will be with grandma again. Until then, I will pray for him to find peace, rest, and whatever relief will allow him to be pain free.
Salli
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