Chapter 47 - my year in review

 

My 47th chapter has begun. It's incredible to think about how much has changed in just my 47 years. I can't imagine what it's like for those older than me. If you have read my social media, you know my deep thinking has me in kind of a strange spot. I spend a lot of time thinking, learning and going within myself. Most of the time, I am quite happy being just me and not socializing. People tend to ruin my people skills..rather quickly! 😏

I have spent 2 years in kind of a weird position. Knowing I do not trust anyone fully, but trusting some more than others. Sadly, even when my intuition screams at me, I don't always listen. I tend to give too many chances, always believing there is good in everyone. Sometimes, even though I know there is, the actions presented do not reflect the words. So, we all know we can talk a good game. The proof is in the pudding, as the phrase goes. When actions don't reflect words, you have to pay attention. Unfortunately, I have seen this too many times, first hand. 

God knows I am no where near perfect. I have made my share of mistakes, made more than enough stupid decisions, and been plenty judgemental. This weird spot, is that I am trying to learn and grow more everyday. I want to be and do better. I don't want to blindly just exist. I'm not happy with mundane. I have enough down times, but I don't want to camp out in negativity nor spend all my efforts there. Rather than whine about issues, make excuses, etc., I want to fix things. I want to excel and be better. In my own pursuits, I've found that my inner circle has gotten so small. I haven't found enough other people that are doing their own growth. I've had negative responses from others as I reach out to find like minded people, on both the outside and within my household. It's difficult to do your own growing when you have plenty of others not willing or able to do the same. 

That brings me to my very personal and usually not talked about life. Life for me seems to be a 3-ring circus at any given moment. I have 5-6 people living within my house, and 3 that live on my property. That makes for 8-9 people constantly in ear. I will not complain because I love my family/extended family, but it makes me crazy. For 23-24 years, I have spent my life in Missouri, and most of that has been spent dealing with stuff alone. Most of that time, was raising kids and learning to be a "farmers wife." It meant going from break-neck speed with everyone in my extended family know my every move to moving at turtle speed and feeling isolated. It was a massive transition that I didn't handle well for about the first 10 years. In that time, I dealt with cancer, having 2 kids, lots of arguments, and basically a one foot out the door at all times attitude. It was exhausting; mentally and physically. I had a few years that weren't too bad. They were comfortable and I will dare say even fun. Then, we had another major transition, and that was a disaster! Thank God, it was only a couple years and we ended up back to what feels like home to me. The past 3 years, have been a shit-ton of work and reevaluation. Then we were slammed with nearly 2 years of this virus B.S.  Which included nearly 6 months of unemployment(an a loss of income...not sure who got to enjoy that "extra money" it wasn't us!), and now we are still trying to get caught back up from that. It was taking on extra debt to try to get to a point of making ends meet...somewhere. Then the prices began increasing everywhere but our income did not. Then we agreed to let a family member put a camper here while they worked on a rental, then the rental fell through and there weren't any other options available before it got cold. So, now we have a tiny house with usage of our utilities on the property; and I have more energies hitting me from more sides. It's not a problem...just a difficult adjustment for me. To be blunt, I just have too much on my plate, not enough time, not enough energy, and ZERO time alone. People truly do not understand when I say I don't get time alone...I really don't!! I am responsible for one child and myself, but have the weight and energy of 9 people all day, everyday! If I am not cooking or cleaning, I am attempting to teach, attempting to learn, taking care of the animals that give me a much needed release, trying to keep up with my parents, friends when I can, budgeting, meal plannings, grocery planning, my husband's business stuff, attempting to remember meetings I should be attending, or a million other things. I'm freaking tired!!!  Most days it's a struggle to maintain at least an ok attitude...not even going to attempt a good one right now. And of everything I have mentioned...none of it includes making time for my husband, let alone making time for myself. I have constantly got people talking at me. I have constantly got energies draining me, and attitudes affecting me. 

How do you tell people, nicely, to get the "F" away from you so you can think? While I am known for being blunt/straight forward...I do not like to be rude or ignorant. I do not like to be negative, since that plays into my own emotional health. I work very hard to not fall into the negativity trap. I am constantly striving to find light in even negative/dark situations. However, I'm finding myself slipping into that direction. I am aware of this, so I know I will just work harder to avoid that dark hole....but it's draining. I don't like to behave rudely, it makes me feel like shit. When I do snap, and behave that way, it weighs on me. I don't want to hurt anyone, but at the same time, I ask myself if anyone else feels the same. It seems that people are quick to be rude, condescending and manipulative; yet when you return the behavior...you are the ass. Honestly, I am ready to throw my hands in the air and tell everyone they are on their own. Will I? Probably not, that's NOT who I am. 

In the past several years, I have slowly had to learn who I am...not as a wife, or mom...or any of the other hats I wear, but ME as a person. Some of what I have learned has been good, some not-so-much. I've had to accept that who I am, does not mean that others will respect/accept/like me. No big deal on that front for me. I'm not worried about others opinion of me. Honestly, that is my least concern. What I do care about is, do I like me? Am I doing/being the best I can? I am staying true to who I am? Am I accepting who I am and comfortable in my own skin? The short answer: yes and no. I've found myself in situations that I should have never been in, I've found myself in situations that I could have done more and some I should have followed my instincts instead of disregarding them. I've found that people can only accept you, if you fit in their vision of who you should be. Other situations that were slowly taken away from the original view and the new view was not in line. For me to me, I have to accept all of who I am. Some is good, some not, some changes as I learn and grow, and some falls off to the side.Not everyone is who we are, and that has been one of the hardest lessons for me. People are no longer striving for integrity, common courtesy, or even transparency. So much and many have become greedy, self-indulged and controlling. 

 

As I have learned more, it has forced me to grow. I have had to take off the blinders of simply following the masses. Honestly, this journey began for me in 2012, sort of. I guess a big portion began in 2012...it truly began in 2000, with the birth of my first child. However, I had a major kick in the ass in 2016, and again in 2020. When the Universe wants you to pay attention, it will shove you if you don't! The signs will become so obvious that you won't be able to ignore them, the longer it takes you to open your eyes. I believe we have generational issues that seep down, the longer we neglect to face them. Whether that be abuse, neglect, or whatever. While I tend to laugh, a regular phrase in my house is, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Sadly, that is not always a good thing. Sometimes the hurts, emotional traumas, poor decisions, etc, are excused because "that's just a family trait." Well, I'm tired of the acceptance of excuses for not being the best human we can be. We allow others to treat us poorly, take us for granted, use us, and manipulate us; because we excuse their behaviors as family traits or not knowing better. That is quite frankly, a crock! When we allow others to treat us like we don't matter, like we are just "expected" to do things, or made to feel guilty for trying to change those behaviors....we are accepting this and even consenting to it. WRONG!!! Just stop! Go back to the Golden Rule: Treat others in the manner in which you wish to be treated! It is NOT a difficult concept! I am guilty of this myself. I have allowed myself to be used, manipulated, taken for granted, and the battering ram for any and all. 

 

I am just beginning my 47th year on this crazy world. I do not make resolutions, because I don't keep them. I do, however, set goals. Every single year, around my birthday, I reevaluate those goals. I look at what I have accomplished, what I haven't and what I want to. I see what has worked, what hasn't and what I need to do to change that. I am once again going over all this. It could take me a day, week or who knows how long, but I am reevaluating all of it. I am looking at every single aspect of my life. I know this year has been a massive struggle for me. I have lost or let go of a lot of stuff and people. I have learned that even those closest to me, don't know me. That may very well be my own fault. I have found myself withdrawing more and more all year, and no one seems to notice...if they do they don't question it. I've found this year to be very humbling and even more crushing. Yet, in all this reflection, I know what matters most to me...that is my family. Even though they tend to be some of the negative energies, they are still my world. 

 

As I move forward, I pray this year of my life brings me some balance and peace. I'm not good at "faking it till you make it." I tend to show expressions without even trying. I am working toward being a better a person, each and every day. I may struggle and have rough patches, but I will never give up. I come from a long line of strong women, I just have to find my place in that line. 

 

Thanks for another year, and I hope you will keep up with me throughout the coming year. It will undoubtedly be an adventure. 

Salli

Salli's Soap Box

 

Today, my thoughts are racing! I have had a really hard year and I have had nearly every belief shattered and thrown into the wind. Every truth I thought I knew, every belief I held and defended, and every respected person - in my eyes, has been tarnished. The world has become even more chaotic than previous years. Today, I'm going to jump from my soap box into many rabbit holes I have researched, many beliefs that have thrown into question and get these chaotic thoughts out of my head!

Let's start with me. I'm happy to share my downfalls, as I know there there are plenty. I am someone who feels on a deep level. I tend to experience the emotions of others - right along them. Even when they are not my own, I FEEL them. Whenever I am in any situation, I will go through my own thoughts, but I feel the thoughts of others, without even trying or wanting to. I've experienced aches and pains of others, emotions of all kinds, and honestly have learned to recognize the difference from mine to others - for the most part. This is something I have dealt with since I was a child, but has intensified the older I get. I know there are many people that find this weird. That's ok! I find it weird that people can have a mind that only thinks a single thought at a time! Each of us are unique...this is just mine. Whenever life gets chaotic, the world gets restless; I feel it. Like to my bones, FEEL it! I don't understand others NOT being able to show empathy or compassion. I believe that is one of my biggest downfalls - I follow my feelings, not anything else. I pray, I meditate, and I pull within myself a LOT! That is my "super power." In a room full of people, I can withdraw, being their physically does not necessarily mean I am there mentally/emotionally. Many times, I have to do this because there are too many emotions of others for me to be able to function. I don't say all this for any other reason than to point out that we are all unique in our make up. 

For many decades, those who were believed to be odd/weird, were ostracized from society. They were made to feel different, odd, mad, crazy, or whatever label you want to put on it. However, now, we are willingly putting labels on everyone. Be it, skin color, religion, sexual orientation, jabbed or not, and it's those in power that have begun segregating us once again. Why?! The majority of people are not biased people. We all just want to live our best lives, make ends meet, be with our families, and celebrate life. Most of us don't care about labels. What matters is whether you are a good person or a bad person. We need to be a united front against those control freaks in power and remind them that we are one people, and that We The People hold ALL the power...not the other way around! 

Christmas is just a few days now. Now, our resident-in-chief, has decided to hold meetings with CEO's about the supply chain. Where was he and his administration 3 weeks ago, a month ago, 3 months ago? How is it possible that in 2019 there was a list of variants to the current bio-weapon published, AND it is coinciding with the past nearly 2 years? Why and how was this pandemic predicted and patented in 2018? Why was there a drill that predicted every aspect of this illness before it happened? Why did many of the U.S. elected officials buy stock in the pharmaceutical companies just before the release of the jab? Why are some sitting on BOTH sides of the isle profiting from the rest of us being forced, many against their will, just trying to live our lives. When and Why is our Constitution and Bill Of Rights being walked all over and no one is questioning this?! Why is our medical information any concern to anyone besides our providers and us? When did it become acceptable to bribe, coerce or require ANY medical treatment?  When did America become communist? Does no one else see what it happening? Why is no one standing up for themselves, for our freedoms, or for our liberties? Has all the military deaths and wars not meant anything to anyone else?

Since March 2020, I was thrown into an arena that floored me but more importantly, it was the kick in the ass to open my eyes. Many know my family voluntarily locked down for 2 weeks in March 2020. We have several with compromised immune systems in our house, so we decided to do what we could. Shortly before the 2 week mark, my husband was notified that even though he was an "essential" employee, the jobs his company did were all shut down, so he was on indefinite layoff. That layoff lasted until August 2020. I had more time on my hands, since I had a full time extra set of hands. I was online one day and came across a story that claimed our elected officials were installed by those with more power than our government. I didn't believe it, but it gave a lot of examples. With just a minor amount of research, I found information on Google that proved that story correct. Even though there were journalists claiming it was fake/false/conspiracy. From that story, opened a spider web of information that nearly 2 years later...I am STILL finding more information. I stopped using Google in late 2020, when articles were either censored or flagged. I went to Duck Duck Go. So far, that search engine is still somewhat uncensored. Then Youtube began censoring or removing videos...some I had watched and went to re-find, only to find they were no longer there. Well, Bitchute, Rumble turned out to be a place to find those. Then Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and one other that I can't remember, began massive censoring. I am in Facebook jail about every other day...and I honestly don't share anything I can't back up with facts! Over nearly 2 years of research, amounting to over 1000 hours worth, I have found so many lies we have been fed. Sadly, many don't even want to acknowledge. They choose to stick their heads in the sand, rather than face that our own government is at the top of the list in crimes against humanity, war crimes, money laundering, and pedophilia. The last...is the hardest one for me to swallow. When 95% of our politicians are corrupt and compromised by their own behaviors, we need to remove them! Not give them free will to continue their satanic behavior, not encourage them to rape/torture and kill our children. Every single war, every major catastrophe, every single move these freaks makes is to enrich themselves. It's about power, control and money. I grew up believing that money was the root of all evil. Sadly, that is not true. It's the LOVE OF MONEY that is the root of all evil. Don't believe me? Go search for yourself. I will recommend a few video series: The sequel to the Fall of the Cabal, Out of the Shadows, and The Fall of the Cabal. 

When I set out nearly 2 years ago, I was actually looking for anything to show me that what I was reading/watching was wrong or made up...turned into some of the most heart wrenching realizations I could have imagined. I would have never imagined the evil that has consumed our planet, not just in the U.S. but worldwide. There are billions of people around the world, that are good people, in every country! We are not that different. These corrupt political parties from the U.S. to the UK, Ghana to China, Venezuela to Gibraltar, Canada to Russia. Our countries, our people should never be subjected to labels by those creating the labels and the crimes. All of our countries have been raped, pillaged, and devastated or destroyed by corrupt, evil people - some countries for centuries!! We continue to be lied to by our media, our government and the very censoring they are forcing on us. Many of medical practitioners have been paid off or bought to force health responses based on kick backs they receive by pushing them. They have been denied the ability to treat with patients with medicines that actually work and instead forced to use experimental proceedures/medicine that is killing people. Our medical industry has become a captured operation, just as our court systems, our governmental offices, and in some cases our police forces. It's been beyond disturbing most of what I have learned. I have had some severe cases of cognitive dissonance, especially when it came to children. I had to push past that, because if I put my head back in the sand, I was doing no justice to those children nor to my heroes...the men and women who fight to defend our Constitution, our military. 

You see, after years of working my ass off to do whatever I could to help veterans; I found myself in a position that required me to make a choice(pick a lane). I will always do whatever I can for them, even if it's on my own. However, I chose to pick a lane that resonated with my own soul. After a year and a half of contemplating it, I stepped away from the 501 world. It was heartbreaking for me. I am still trying to find my feet from that. Anyway, the more I learned, the less a part of that model I wanted to be part of. I want and do help people, but it's from my heart. It's not for notoriety nor for money. I help because I want to. I don't want to deal with a 3-ring circus, a constant battle or defending something that I am not privy to understand/know. I have gotten to know some really good people, but the 501 world is more than just a bunch of red tape, it's a world that really is allowed to break rules and not be held accountable...unless it's one made of people that are truly good. While I engrossed myself for 4 years, it no longer resonated with me. 

As I said, I am a person who feels, sometimes too much. I have spent years learning and listening to my own instinct, body and intuition. It has taken me years to truly hear it and understand it. When I feel something, I feel it in my bones. I don't know any other way to explain it. To feel this deeply, means a lot of overwhelm and the past year plus has caused many migraines. I have visited with doctors, some say it is self-induced and others relate it back to my abilities. This type of "feeling" requires a lot of down time, and a lot of recovery time after being around a lot of people. Sadly, it's a built in bullshit detector. I know when I'm being lied to, I just know. I know when a story is "made up" and this tends to cause me to withdraw even more. It's difficult being a feeling person in a world that has become so cold. You quickly become emotionally drained. Mental and emotional exhaustion is off the charts. You have to learn to balance yourself, which I am still not good at. I feel guilty when I have to take time for me, when I want to just take off for days and not talk to or deal with anyone, and even finding hobbies requires a special blend of quiet and productivity. 

After all I have learned, the idea of trust is another issue that comes into play. Sadly, I have had a few that played me for awhile. I really didn't see or feel an issue, at least initially. I can usually get a good grasp on people within minutes of meeting them. For a couple of years, I let down my guard. I had to learn the hard way to trust my gut, again. People are not always what they appear to be. I've come across some that outright use others, while others use them until they get what they want...then they no longer have a purpose for you. So, trust is something I have had to take back. I do not trust. I just don't. I keep everyone at arms length, to protect myself. 

Christmas this year has truly devastated me. I love this holiday, it's my favorite. I love the beautiful decorations, the warmth and caring that is usually part of this time of year. This year, I started out excited! I was thrilled to have all 4 of my kids here, and I am still. However, the feelings overall, I am receiving is so negative. I know these are not my own. As I have shared a small piece of my thoughts on this on my social media, I'm finding so many that are feeling the same way. Some are not usually real festive, but others that are...are also feeling the negativity. For me, I'm doing everything I can to focus on the things and people I love. I have had to send prayers for negativity to dissolve and to be able find the joy again. 

Thanks for getting this far. I truly am ready to see all truths come to light in a world that seems to have been upended. If you have family that you will be spending Christmas with, try to be mindful of those family members that seem to be disconnected or stray off alone from time to time. They may also be "feeling" too much. They may need that escape to rebalance themselves. If they need to leave early, understand that it is out of necessity not just because they don't want to be there. 

Merry Christmas everyone!

Salli

Coffee Chat AND Soap Box

 

I am on a tangent already this morning! I am so tired of incompetent, lazy and quite frankly, ignorant people...I am truly at my wits end. I'm going to attempt to calm my racing thoughts long enough to get them out of my head...no promises though. This is a coffee chat but a bit of a soap box too! I have had about 6-9 months of frustration that I have done my best to keep under wraps, but I am about to blow the top off that box. 

People will inevitably surprise you. That could go good or bad. The people you believe to be good, honest people will turn out to be no better than those they claim to dislike. While some that you believe to be questionable will never let you down. It's such an upside world. The ones you believe you have connections and friendships with are the ones that disappear like they never existed. I'm not talking about those that you are close to that are having to live their lives and you can only touch base occasionally, I'm talking about those that claim to be friends and disappear when the water gets a little rough. Oh well, I guess to each their own. 

I'm struggling. I have been excited for Christmas this year, since this would be the first one to have all my kids home at the same time. My family was finally able to get pictures done with everyone and even our "Italian daughter" is here. However, there has been so much that has put a monkey wrench in everything that I am ready to be done with Christmas. I can't seem to get anything done. Christmas shopping has been stalled and I should have been done a month ago since I started early. I spent a week getting ready for our Annual Christmas Open House, and had such a poor attitude with that...and usually that is my catalyst for Christmas spirit. Now, I keep hearing about bullshit illness drama that is complete hogwash! You can not test for an illness that has not been isolated, let alone test for "variants" that sound like the result of an honest days work. People keep complying thinking they will be able to go back to normal...but by complying you will never get back to normal. Use your damned heads for more than a hat rack!!! So, instead the health departments are illegally using tracking to quarantine anyone and everyone in contact with a supposed illness that can not be tested for, the government is attempting - thankfully a few courts are not corrupt and are putting a stop to it - to require a gene therapy. Just in case you weren't aware, a vaccine is designed and defined as something that helps prevent the spread and protects the recipient from the illness. What is being offered does neither! Instead lots of people have allowed their DNA to be altered, and continue to do so by taking more and more of this crap into your body. By altering your DNA, they are overriding your immune system and this gene therapy is causing your body to battle itself. Anyone pushing this crap should be charged with crimes against humanity, along with anyone requiring masks for children should be tried for child abuse! Do your own research and stop blindly following the masses...usually the "m" is silent!!

Incompetence has become a major pet peeve for me. I do not purchase much online anymore. When I do, I expect that my packages will be delivered as they are supped to do. For at least 8 months now, that is not the case. A majority of companies have begun shipping FedEx. For whatever reason, 95% of the places I order from use them now. BIG mistake!!! I don't know if this is an issue everywhere or just here, but I can guarantee that if a package is being delivered by them...I will not have it for as much as 2 weeks AFTER the promised delivery date. This is unacceptable!!! If that's not enough, following their tracking information...is a joke! The latest package, has shown it to be delivered at least 4 times since the 4th of December and yet, it still shows that it is returned to the hub every single day. There have been packages showing as undeliverable due to no one at residence...there is ALWAYS someone at my house 24/7.  It will show delayed, or left at front door...which is humorous since the driver will only leave packages at my gate - rain or shine. I am so fed up with the amount of bullshit that is spewed from so many directions!!!!!!!!!

I am seriously at my breaking point. I have had enough of everything!!! If it weren't for a sense of responsibility, I would take a vacation all by myself, turn off my phone and just disappear for a bit. I do everything I can to help everyone else, making their lives a little easier, and all I seem to get is more stress! Apparently, by trying to help everyone, I have prevented others from being able to function on their own without having to turn to me for guidance on everything. If I am not pushing, it's not going to get done...at least not in a timely manner. It's irritating. I have always said, "a lack of preparation on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine." Apparently, because I am home all the time, I have all the time in the world to cater to everyone else's needs, wants, and issues. By taking all this on, I have not been able to do anything that I want to do or enjoy. I have not built any furniture in nearly 2 years, I have taken any pictures really in about as long. I've missed 3 veteran coffee meetings due to illnesses and demands here. I'm tired, mentally/physically & emotionally!!!  I'm trying to find solid ground but I'm just not. I'd break down and cry if I could....but I can't cry for some reason. I am so far beyond overwhelmed that I just get angrier instead of calming down. I'm tired of being told one thing and finding out the opposite has happened....or nothing is being done. I know a lot of my frustration comes into play over my own expectations. I know what I do and will do, and when others neglect to do things, it hurts me...rather than deal with hurt, it turns to anger. 

I am someone, even if it has been buried for a long time, that wants to celebrate everything. From little accomplishments to big, holidays, birthdays...everything. I truly believe life should be a celebration. However, I have become pretty jaded over the years. Even though I try to celebrate holidays and birthdays still, I have neglected everything else. You get tired of being told it's stupid, a waste of time, why bother, etc. If that is how you feel, fine. It's no one else's problem to deal with but you. I've heard it all. Over the years, I've allowed these thoughts to enter into my own thoughts...and sadly, some have taken hold. I'm a strong person, I was raised to be. I was raised to be self-dependent. When you depend on others, you allow for others to have control over you. So, no one has ever fully been let into my entire being. Some have gotten deeper than others but I can't say there is a single person that knows all there is to know about me. To me that is sad, but it is what it is. A few that I allowed to get closer have let me down or disappointed my trust; so they are just completely removed from my life. As I said, I'm tired. 

I could go on and on about so much irritation in my own life at the moment. I need to take a step back, reevaluate and find a new path. What I've been doing is no longer working. I believe the coming weeks will be about finding some form of balance, somehow. Until then, I encourage you all to use some sense, some common courtesies, some common sense and some compassion. 

Coffee Chat

 

If you are someone that battles with anxiety/panic attacks...you will grasp the afternoon I experienced Saturday. It was ugly, it was draining and it royally pissed me off. I have done so well at controlling those feelings and not allowing myself to get drug down that rut. When too many things add up, too many things go wrong, and there is too much on your plate....it removes your ability to manage other things. Apparently, my overwhelm led me to not being able to talk my way out of panic/anxiety. It was truly ugly.

It began with a trip to St. Louis, to pick up our "Italian daughter." It's been a couple years since I have traveled very far from home. Even when I do leave home, I never get very far away. The past year has been the worst. That is a whole other story. Anyway, my husband was awesome, and got my vehicle ready - checking tire pressures, rotating tires, checking fluid levels, etc. We get started, and the tire rotation caused a vibration in the steering wheel. It wasn't too bad once you could it up to about 70, but lower than that...it was hard on my arms and back. I managed, but it wore me out. We get to St. Louis, 3 hours later, and I can't find the correct road to get to the parking area for the correct terminal. After 3 loops around, we finally find the parking garage - but I have no idea where to go - I ask the attendant who not so nicely tells me to get back into my vehicle(which he had ignored me until I got out to start with), by now her plane is on the ground and she is texting my son, I get to the garage only to find, I have no clue how to find her gate. I ask the same gentleman who happened to be at where I needed to go, he directed me to a pick up area. By this point, I am flustered and losing my shit in a hurry. My son obviously is going into the airport to find our girl, and I tell my husband to go with him. After a bit of attitude from him, they went in and eventually found her and her luggage. Then, we were leaving and the parking garage was my next challenge. I could not find my way. It was a whole of "do not enter" signs, there were signs to get to the exit but I was already flustered, had too many people talking in my ears, and a stupid GPS that kept talking too. It was my final straw. I was doing my best not to lose it, since I was driving. After finally getting out of that hellish parking garage, about missing my turn off to head back north, a very testy exchange with my husband, we finally get heading north. I decide to stop at a town called Troy to get something to eat, use the restroom, and breath a little. Of course, that ended up being yet another cluster. The food was good, the conversation was fun, and having her back with us is amazing. However, we got done and were leaving. I got distracted by the conversations and a few texts, and ended up leaving my purse. We get 12 miles down the road before I realize what happened. So, we turn around, after my husband calls the restaurant and they put it in the safe for me. Thank God those ladies were so amazing!! So, after about 100 extra miles of stupidity...we finally got home. I can tell you, I am so aggravated with myself. It's really frustrating to watch YEARS of retraining your brain, go out the window in a few hours. 

So, I believe today I will focus on my family, our home, gearing up for Thanksgiving and the lists of stuff I need to do. As I said, for those that deal with this crap daily - I truly send my heart to you. I did for a lot of years but learned how to train my brain and don't deal with it often anymore. I guess when I do have to...it will now be really overwhelming. 

S.

Need spark

 

 

 

 

It's very interesting to gauge and temper myself to fit into anyone's "proper box." I really don't want to be in a box start with. I like the idea of abstract thinking, thinking with my intuition to guide me, and those things that I can't make sense of get prayers sent over. It's a remarkable freedom to not give 2 cents to anyone else's opinion but it's also unsettling when you find yourself among so many that just want to comply or keep everything the same. I don't fit in a box....no matter how big it may be. 

 

I have spent years playing the "middleman," or referee for so many different things, that I'm just tired. I tried to keep my own balance, my own peace of mind, and my own space. That doesn't work when you are overwhelmed. Each year that passed, I lost a little more of myself, until I have reached a point of needing to grow. I used to called it being restless, but I don't believe that is what it is anymore. I'm content in most areas of my life, but I need something. Whether that be a little spontaneity, some relaxation, or who knows what. I just know I'm needing something. You need to understand that I am the least "needy" person I've known. I learned a long time ago, to never "need" anyone or anything. I don't depend on anyone, and trust is difficult for me. I'm usually pretty content to isolate myself to my corner of the world. I love my life, my family is my entire world, and our little farm is all about family - our family and my husband's family. While I was not blood, his grandfather always made me feel like I was. I was close to him. Anyway, I just truly believe I found what I was meant to do...at least my life style. 

 

I thought I had found something fueled my passion, and I did, but the politics involved did not sit well with me. I've got an opportunity to keep going in the same but different direction, but it has me concerned too. I don't do well with the drama, politics and limitations that seems to be involved in so much anymore. That is an area that just has to wait for now. I need to iron out some other areas.

 

The past 2 years have been a pretty massive struggle. I am not any different than a lot of others. For me, I've struggled with so much, in so many areas that I just shut down from most everyone. I guess that's just what I do...when I get overwhelmed, I shut out the world until I can find solid ground again. Unfortunately, I'm still struggling to find it. There's a constant flow of activity in my home and has been for most of the year. Things I have always done have become more trying. I love to celebrate everything I can in life, but so much resistance leaves me feeling defeated and deflated. Honestly, this year should be beyond exciting. I'm going to have all my kids home for my favorite holidays, my brother will be here...I should be over-the-moon excited, and I am. However, I'm also so overwhelmed, it's taking so much energy to not bite people's heads off. Honestly, no one is doing anything wrong. I am just in a weird spot.

 

Expectations.   I think for many of us, expectations are the root cause of many issues. We expect others to believe, think or feel as we do. When that is not the case, we get disappointed. Disappointment tends to come out as anger, guilt, or frustration. I can not speak for anyone else, but rather than voice my own expectations, I keep quiet. I fall back and just see how others will behave. When I don't push, I notice that the drive from others isn't there either. So, instead, I have to nag or throw a fit to get things moving, done or even started. It's simple things, like: emptying the trash when it's clearly overflowing, cleaning up a noticeable mess, or just offering/actually doing something to help; instead of creating more work on my shoulders. I have left housework, intentionally, to see if anyone would pick up the slack. Sadly, all I did was create more work for myself. 

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a rut anymore and I don't like it. I need to find my balance, my solid ground again. I guess until then, I will keep up the juggling act.

Coffee Chat

 

Ok, so I must say, I have so many thoughts racing through my head...it kinda reminds me of a Nascar track...when they still raced. These blogs have become a cathartic outlet for me, kind of like having a cup of coffee with a friend. You know those conversations that go on for hours, and "solve the problems of the world?!" Too many times, we forget the value of face-to-face interaction. I, for one, am very fond of my time alone but I also enjoy conversation with people that I consider friends. 

Today, is yet another day, when I want to talk about this racing mind of mine. I'm sure everyone has seen that meme on social media saying, "my brain is like have 2640 tabs open, half are not responding, and no one knows where the music is coming from." Well, ALL my tabs are functioning, and the music is quite intentional. While I love music, and a great beat is worth its weight...I'm a lyrics person. I relate to words. So, if I talk about a song, or share songs...I'm listening to the words. Sometimes, I have to give myself a kick start with some rocking music to find my step. Lately, I have needed music more. I need stuff I can sing along with, dance around to, and just lose myself in. It helps quiet racing thoughts...even if it's a temporary reprieve. There is only a few things I have found that help to quiet my mind, even if temporary - Music, nature, a few drinks, and conversation. I'm not talking about the surface conversations that so many have anymore. I'm talking deep conversations, that actually have meaning. There's very few that can have those anymore. So, today...my outlet is music. 

I'm trying to find some solid footing again. It became too easy to compartmentalize things for me...so rather than deal with them, head-on, I buried them. Let things roll off my back, while internalizing them and inadvertently causing myself more stress. I quit arguing a long time ago. I moved to a point of just listening to the storm blowing through, took a step back and basically, came to the conclusion of "whatever." I seriously HATE that exact word. It solves nothing, it makes whomever uses it sound less intelligent and caring, and it causes more damage than it solves. However, I'm guilty of using it...repeatedly! I became overwhelmed a LONG time ago. No one realizes the weight that sits on my shoulders every minute of every day. I don't talk about most of it! I can honestly say, there are 2 people in the world that I trust enough to open myself to those vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable is not something I care to show most. It's a position that leads to being taken advantage of or abused. No thanks! 

Lately, it seems I find myself on a pretty slippery slope. Some days are great, while others are not! I can't seem to find any time to just be. I'm constantly dealing with someone else's issues, someone else's energies, have people talking at me constantly, and/or someone demanding my attention. Taking a 15 minute shower, is not even a time for a few minutes of quiet. Last night, I finally made an effort to try to decompress and center myself. I filled my soaker tub with epsom salts, essential oils; lit a candle and had an adult beverage. I turned on some 432ghz music for healing, and meditated. I found calm for that precious time. However, stepping from that back into my life was fuzzy, at best. It was like waking from a dream, feeling calm yet energized...then real life jumped back in with issues, stresses and drama. I don't know how to climb out of this rut. I am in uncharted territory here. Pulling myself out of hard times, is what I have always done. This one feels different to me, and that maybe why I'm struggling. There is such a heavy pressure on my shoulders right now, it's getting hard to bare. 

I'm watching so much chaos in our country and that is playing heavily into my heart. I don't watch any main stream crap, and only a few alternatives now. I had to take a step back. Too many people haven't taken any true steps to try to learn any truth. They just blindly follow, rather than to use discernment and question anything. I've come to the conclusion that some people are going to have to experience being blindsided before they truly open their mind and eyes. 

Clutter. I have always referred to clutter as a mess. I hate clutter, even though I have plenty of it. Clutter causes unnecessary stress and is usually the result of having too much stuff. I have found, for me, that clutter leads to more than just a messy house. It leads to cluttered minds, thoughts, and emotions. When clutter is piled up, it's hard to see clearly. It's hard to find clarity when all we see is clutter. Cleaning up and out clutter, helps to clear the way for clarity within. I'm preaching to the choir here. I need to remove clutter from my home and life! The more crap piles up, the more cluttered my brain becomes!

On a less heavy subject, my internal chaos has not stopped my Christmas decorating. It has slowed it down tremendously, but not stopped it. My family's drama has put a damper on the overall mood for me this year. Even though it looks like I will have all 4 kids here this year, my struggle is playing a major part. I did more yesterday to bring even more decorations out of totes. It's starting to look festive. I have managed to get the deck tree up and decorated, the tree in the house is up but not yet decorated since my family is never all home at the same time right now, the fireplace is decorated, many of the doorways, and lights around the living room & dining room. I finally found and decorated my coffee table. Now, I'm looking at all the Christmas totes cluttering the living & dining room, a kitchen full of cluttered and messy shelves, too many animals making constant messes, and just too much left on the to-do list! 

So, for today, I'm going to stop. There are a million subjects I could touch on, but right now, I just need to find some sort of footing to start my day. Have a beautiful weekend. 

S.

A little coffee chat

 

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking this year. Yes, I meant year...as in almost 11 months now. My brain is constantly running 880, and it truly is in constant motion. I do a lot of deep thinking, listening to my instincts, searching for my own path, striving to better myself, learn something new every single day, be a decent wife/mom/friend - although many times I'm sure I fail miserably. Each and every day, I tend to be my own biggest critic. I don't trust easily and tend to not believe anything that I haven't seen or heard myself. While I do love who I am becoming, I have had a lot of hurt along the way, and that usually leads to it coming out as anger. 

Anyway, I have been contemplating so many different blogs over the months. I am not a person that is comfortable with live videos, they make me too nervous. So, writing is my thing. I love to talk but life today is so busy that most don't take time to actually slow down long enough to talk. I hear so many times...just text me or send me a message. I truly suck at doing both those. I'm not a fan of talking on the phone, but it's better than miscommunicating through text or messages. I'd rather sit down with a cup of coffee and truly visit. I can't promise to stay on one subject, since I tend to have a lot of "squirrel" moments, but I believe in the importance of face-to-face conversations. As I'm sure many of you have figured out from my coffee chats...conversations would be solving the problems of the world in every conversation! So, as I have written many topics in my journals, and written on a few, I thought I would just write a coffee chat to attempt to quiet the chaos spinning in my head even if just for a bit. 

Here we are, at the end of October. In the world today, we have seen so many unexplained things happen, so many things that don't make sense, and for anyone that can sense the energy vibes...it's bad! So, just the facts from my area of the world: Gas went from $1.39 to $3.09 in 10 months, some grocery store shelves are bare but not extreme, there are job openings everywhere so not being employed is unacceptable, many people are so busy just trying to get by that they don't have the energy or time to try to understand why most of the federal buildings in DC have been closed since January. We can't stop working our tails off long enough to focus on the constant infringements on our rights. We are less than 9 weeks from the start of the new year, which around here means Halloween, Thanksgiving, Tax Bills, Christmas...not to mention the rising utility costs, rising fuel costs, rising livestock feed cost, and rising food costs. We are seeing the draconian lockdowns globally, and wondering why the citizens of those countries are accepting that. We are being told that the illness is killing a lot of people, but our border is being left wide open and allowing people to walk through without all the requirements the Americans are having forced on us. That doesn't even touch the Afghans that are being forced into every state without being checked for illnesses, let alone their backgrounds. We have a massive debt owed by our government, that is being allowed to increase while inflation is on a steep incline, and the value of our money is on a rapid decline to nothing. The stock market is being shown to be artificially upheld with the constant insider trading by not only our elected officials, but by the federal reserve board and corporations alike. They can just stop trading whenever they like? Sounds like a ponzi scheme to me. Did you know that Australia, the country, is traded on the NYSE? I didn't until today. How can you trade a country? What about this deal with Alec Baldwin? So, he randomly picks up a prop, that is never loaded with more than blanks, yet it is loaded. Shoots a lady, who happens to be married to a lawyer who is defending Michael Sussman(who was recently indicted), who all worked for the same law firm that represented HRC and the CF...who ultimately was about to release a movie that was going to bring to light child trafficking, in which child porn was alleged found on Baldwin's computer, and I'm supposed to believe this is all a giant coincidence? I don't think so George! Oh well, just more conspiracy's I suppose. We wouldn't want ANYONE to actually tell the truth now, would we?! Ok, so to me it's obvious that there is some pretty wild and wacky stuff happening.  

Anywho, my life is busy but not insane. It seems like a circus to me, until I hear others talk about their lives. Then I realize how truly blessed I am...even though I still complain, hey...I'm human! We have a lot that goes on here, and I have a lot on my plate that most don't think about when they ask what I did or didn't do daily. I'm a thinker, an observer, I over analyze EVERYTHING, I have lists for everything, I over prepare, over think, and usually over "feel." One thing I am proud of:  I always try to do my best. If I can't give my all, I'm not giving anything. Going into anything half-cocked is a waste of time and energy. I love to celebrate. My family will tell you, Christmas around here makes Santa's workshop look pale in comparison. I love to make each of my family feel important for their birthday. I always try to give them the time they need, when they want to talk or vent...although I'm not real good when the venting goes on forever. I try to be supportive. I remember one of my favorite teachers in high school, a lesson he taught was for a self-esteem class. He always said, "be who you needed when you were younger." That has ALWAYS stuck with me. Unfortunately, I tend to give so much that I forget to refill my own needs. So, I'm constantly trying to pour from an empty cup. As I started out, I am truly blessed with everything I need and most of what I want. I'm not a materialistic person, so things are just that. The most important things in my life, aren't things at all, but ARE those I love! Whether it be my husband, my kids, our extended families, or our fur babies...they are my world. That's not to say that they are sometimes my stress too. 

I'm a holiday person. I'm not sure the correct term for that. I despise Halloween but love Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. For years, I would start my Christmas countdowns months early. It usually resulted in lots of negative comments, but it never bothered me. You see, I am not looking forward to gifts. That is not a priority to me. Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially, are times of gatherings with family and friends. Opening our home and "extending" our table. We don't have a lot, but this time of year always seems to bring out miracles and kindness. It seems that during this time, people are more connected than not. Our gatherings usually begin with Thanksgiving. I love the traditions we have. I usually start putting my Christmas decor up the 1st of November(it takes 2-3 weeks to get it all done). That allows us that beauty to see while cook, bake and eat our meal. Then there's a weekend our youngest nephew and niece come up to make cookies, and that is a newer tradition that I love. Then we have a Christmas Open House where we invite neighbors, family, and friends into our home. I spend the week baking all kinds of Christmas favorites, we make soup for everyone for dinner, and we actually visit...the old fashioned way, in person! Then our Christmas eve tradition of opening one gift, which is usually PJ's and a sweet treat. Christmas day is usually me waking up the kids to open their gifts because I'm more excited than they are! Then it's New Year's Eve. We have all kinds of snacky foods, watching the countdown and dancing around to music, or playing games until everyone crashes. It's a busy 2 months, but it fills my heart. If all goes well, this year, I will get to have all my kids home for the holidays. My biological kids and those I've "adopted" too. This includes my future daughter-in-law, from Italy. That means my house will be bursting at the seams, it will be chaotic, and loud, and completely beautiful! 

So much has changed the past 19 months. What began so mild turned into something completely out-of-control. It has divided families and friends, it has cost good people to lose their businesses/livelihoods/homes, it has brought division where there should never have been. However, it has also, for some, brought clarity, reconnection, patriotism, and knowledge. It has shown me that my own old fashioned views make more sense now than ever. It has been a reminder that not everyone wants others to succeed, and it has shown true colors when you take off the rose colored glasses. It has brought to light many mental illnesses and the need to lead by example. It has shown hypocrisy in the highest levels and the double standards. However, a big positive I have seen, is watching parents start standing up for their children again. Demanding accountability and learning how to juggle jobs and kids. I am so proud of the parents that have stepped up to demand their children be taught, not indoctrinated, not be muzzled while those in office walk around without one, and demanding to know WHAT their children are learning. These young people deserve to be given the best possible knowledge without being told they should feel guilty for how God made them! When our children are drug into the political circus through illegal mandates, being forced to feel bad for who they are, or suffering through an illegal vaccine....the parents, and all adults for that matter, that allow this should feel ashamed. This has all become a form of emotional/mental abuse! I can tell you, the Nuremburg War Code, is in court again. This is the same code used after WW 2, it was only a handful of Nazi's that were charged and executed...the rest; well, they were the people working in the concentration camps, the doctors, the nurses, the educators... Look it up. There may have been 8 million Jewish people killed, but there hundreds of thousands that worked in those camps that "just did their jobs." Guilty by association. Pay attention. History is repeating itself. 

As I said earlier, my mind moves...all. the. time!!! I have thousands of hours in the past 19 months researching, digging and following FOIA reports. What I have learned, has NOT been in any history book I ever studied. In fact, most of what I learned was only half the story at best. The parts not told, well, there's a reason they weren't told. History is never written by a neutral party. It's always written by the "winners." The Nazi's may have lost the battle but they didn't lose the war(Thanks Mel K!). Operation Paperclip, brought a bunch of them here to the U.S. and rebranded them. Their names changed, but their mission continued with help from our 3 letter agencies, the royals and the Vatican. They need the useless wars to keep funding their disgusting habits and behaviors. We have all been duped. It's sad to me that some don't want to dig for themselves, or they'd rather spout negative hate speech to those who do, than actually look into things. All I can say, is that those Khazarians were sure successful when they managed to get people so dismayed they stopped questioning everything, they stopped paying attention to their elected officials behaviors, changed history including the Bible, and continued killing children for their sick and demented sacrifices. You all better get out of the disbelief stage. It's real and when it's exposed...I'd hate to see any of you be blinded sided like I was as I learned. 

 

On that note, I believe I will go spend some time with my critters. 

Salli's Soapbox

 

Salli's Soapbox - October 4, 2021

 

Today I am venturing into a "new" forum. I attempt to be objective to other points of view, until it is not reciprocated.  Too many have become blind to anything that goes on outside their little bubble. So, I'm getting on my soapbox to help awaken those still in a coma.

For those in the U.S., you do realize you are supposed to have freedoms, liberties and a Constitution; that is the actual law, right?! You do realize that our elections are intended to be, not only free and fair, but that those elected actually work for WE THE PEOPLE, right?! You do realize that ANY law made that is not in alignment with our Constitution is considered null and void, right?! You do realize that the Democrats AND Republicans are two wings of the same bird, right?! My thoughts, are based in knowledge, and extensive research. Something that I'm afraid has gone by the wayside over the past century. 

 

A quick glimpse of me... I have never been one to just follow the masses or to do something just because I was told to. I have to know why, a reason for the direction, and an logically explanation for the direction.  Even as a kid, I questioned everything and bucked anything that didn't make sense to me. Through the years, I have attempted to follow direction until it no longer made sense. From medical advice that caused my body irreparable damage, to direction on taking care of a newborn that was a complete disaster, to prescriptions that I was told would help one symptom but created many others, to having to learn holistic care to tend to a child that is deathly allergic to about everything. Needless to say, I have never just blindly followed anyone or anything. I have questioned everything, almost my entire life. So, questioning everything now, as so much seems amiss...is not new.  

In March 2020, what began as research into how entire countries could be shut down due to medical emergencies...has not only continued, but proven how the governments, world wide, have failed their country, their people and here in the U.S. - they have trampled all over our Constitution and Bill Of Rights. The saddest part for me, is the fact that American citizens have actually welcomed losing their freedom and allowed a government takeover of their lives. Have people truly been dumbed down so much they can't see what is happening OR have they been enslaved so much by debt and the latest/greatest products that they can't be bothered to stand up for freedom?! This is not about party lines, or anything of that matter. This is an American issue. We have accepted loss of freedoms and liberties for a false sense of security. We have accepted illegal laws, illegal banking practices, governments being allowed to divide us, and where we are right now...go research color revolutions. 

I have racked up over 3,000 hours in research. Everything from American history, world history, finance, medicine, banking, financial, Constitution and how laws work. So, you are welcome to disagree with me...but if you choose to argue, you better bring facts, not media B.S.  I have zero desire to argue or one up anyone, but governmental crap/party crap will not work. They are both corrupt and WE THE PEOPLE have allowed this to happen. Our soldiers deserve better than to be fighting for our freedoms when our elected puppets are taking it away, at record speed. We, as Americans, deserve better than these corrupt, greedy politicians. I have had many conversations about the Constitution, Bill Of Rights, and the Declaration Of Independence. Sadly, I have found that so many don't know these documents let alone what these documents mean to us as citizens, or that our Constitution was altered in 1871. Did you know that your Birth Certificate has been bought and sold since its inception and that was the intended reason for them? Did you know that with the Birth Certificate, we are considered vessels, lost at sea or dead entities due to the altered Constitution and the use of Maritime/Admiralty Law? Did you know that the taxes we pay federally, do not stay in our country, but instead go to the Vatican/City of London? Do you even know about the 3 city-states global government? City of London(Financial), Washington D.C.(Military), and the Vatican(Religion). Did you know they are sovereign, corporate entities NOT connected to the nations they appear to be part of? Did you know that in financing, our founding documents made any interest over 2% illegal? Did you know that our government has accepted finances from foreign governments, for not only elections but also for corporate businesses, schools and medicine? This financing is separate from the tariffs and trade! Did you know that there were 13 bloodline families that actually controlled the globe? They ruled and puppeted foreign leaders AND American politicians. Did you know that NGO's (non-governmental organizations) influenced WHO, world banking and military actions? Every single war has been funded on both sides, by the banking cartel of the Rothschilds. The Rockefeller cartel has infiltrated every medical school, clear down into elementary to indoctrinate students - "we don't want a nation that thinks. We want a nation smart enough to run our equipment but stupid enough to keep paying taxes." Did you know that our entire tax system is fraudulent and illegal? In its inception, it bypassed Congress. Did you know, the 3 wealthiest men in the U.S. tried to stop the central banking industry in America and ironically, all three were on the Titanic when it sank? Ironically, every nation since the early 1900's that refused a central bank, were invaded, and wars broke out to "defeat" their oppressive leaders and to pillage their natural resources. 

I can remember when I was younger, standing in a grocery store line. I'd read the headlines on rag mags, like the National Enquirer. I always shook my head at the crazy conspiracies that were plastered all over the covers. Now, we have the mainstream and social medias for that. Sadly, of all the conspiracies I've read or heard...there is no theory to them. If you are willing to dig into the information, you can find plenty to back up about 95% of them. However, we have been taught to be so busy in life, that we don't need to read or research. We are just supposed to buy into whatever the noise box tells us as truth, and blinded follow the masses to slaughter. For as long as I have voted, I have never voted along any party line. I vote, once I research the candidates, for the person I feel will do the best job. Sadly, we have all had to vote for the lesser of 2 evils for decades. Our elected offices were never meant to lifetime careers. They were meant to serve their country, then go back to their regular lives. Instead we have a bunch of overpaid, career politicians that have held office for 20 plus years, and have become millionaires off the backs of those of us that actually do the work. They have afforded themselves a lifetime of luxury, special loophole laws that apply only to them while screwing every single American. I don't understand the constant division in Americans, when it is blatantly obvious, that ALL of us have been screwed! It doesn't matter what your skin color, your sexuality, your religion or whatever B.S. division that the government has put into the limelight this week...we have ALL been abused, enslaved, lied to, and cheated by these corrupt career politicians. You should be pissed and vote them all out, but it won't matter when they do they counting. They will vote their way in, by any means necessary. Our founding fathers have to be rolling over in their graves by the citizenry's lack of intelligence, lack of pride in our country, and our lack of desire to defend and protect our freedom. When a mandate is considered a law, enforced by a dementia riddled administration, enforced by top down corrupt, power hungry, NON-ELECTED officials...you are being governed by socio-communism. Don't believe it? Do your research!!! If you are one of the Americans pushing for "mandates" to be enforced on everyone...you are no different or less guilty of same policies that happened in Germany. It did not start with Hitler putting all Jews on trains. It started with taking away freedoms; mandates, pitting one religion against another, having to show proof of paperwork, concentration camps for those unwilling to buy into the corruption, and death chambers. Think it can't happen in America? IT ALREADY IS, and has been!!!  Just think about all the division!!

So, speaking of mandates...let's look at this illness that was supposedly at pandemic levels but neglected to raise our annual death counts AND eliminated 90% of deaths of other types. So, typical annual deaths from a flu season are over 300,000 any year...until 2020. In 2020, death from the flu was 1822. Death from heart attacks, diabetes, vehicle accidents, etc. were all next to nothing. Yet, 2020 was the year of a pandemic, and the entire country had to shut down because we were going to be falling dead in the streets. Amazingly, that never happened. Our annual death rates actually DROPPED in 2020. All the homeless in our country, and there weren't dead bodies every where. Hospitals are supposedly at capacity again, yet 90% of videos from hospitals across the country are the same as empty. Not to mention, that over 60% of current hospitalizations being recorded as the illness, are those that have been vaccinated. The corrupt government is pushing for the poison jab to be a mandate, yet there is not A SINGLE JAB AVAILABLE that is approved. We all heard the news stories about the FDA approving a jab, yet the approved jab will not be available in the U.S. until atleast 2023. So, the jabs they are pushing here are Emergency Use Authorizations. THEY ARE NOT FDA APPROVED. That means anyone that takes them is allowing themselves to be the guinea pig experiments of a tyrannical pharmaceutical industry. If you have taken the jab, have you been truly informed by the medical personnel that ALL these jabs are still EUA's? Have you been informed that you are a trial subject? Have you asked and been given the ingredient data sheets? How about the known adverse effects sheets with peer reviewed? Are you aware that some of these EUA jabs have known HIV? Are you aware that these jabs, of which have now killed more than the illness, have caused - sterilization, blood clots, heart attacks, strokes, neurological problems, caused women miscarriages and major menstrual cycle problems - even from being near someone with the jab? Are you aware that everyone that has gotten the jab is spreading the illness, by design? Think that is a conspiracy theory...think again, and do your own research! My entire life, if you go to a doctor, they tell you a virus has to run its course. What happened to that? A doctor in Texas, is on record now, stating that 99% of those his hospital group forced to put on ventilators...died! Not because of the illness but because the machines created bacterial infections. When will people start realizing that the corruption runs so deep? How many more people, soldiers and countries must fall before the citizens of the Earth stand up and demand accountability? 

Our Constitution was written not to protect the government from the people, but to protect the people from the government. We have been in a tyrannical government since, at least, JFK! He tried to warn people about it and was assassinated! That wasn't a random attack. The CIA created and coined the term conspiracy theory when their report came out on that attack. It was meant to discredit and curb any further investigation into the shoddy report. Just as Abraham Lincoln created a special military alliance that termed the "Q" Group. He knew that he too, would fall victim to assassination because the Democrats at the time didn't want to give up their slaves. History has never been written by a neutral party. It is always written by the victors. Just another area to research...look back into the true history of the Native Americans. I see so many post about coming to America legally and adapting to the laws and religions of the country, yet the English came to America, pillage Native Lands, sent their people down the trail of tears, put them on reservations, neglected to fulfill the treaty's that were made, and to this day...most reservations are in serious lack of prosperity, freedoms and rights. You want to bitch about slavery...unless you are Native, I don't want to hear it!!! Slavery happened to all races, religions and cultures throughout history - by the very same corrupt career politicians you defend today!

Let's talk about budgets. How exactly does our government rack up a $28 trillion dollar deficit? How is it that we can send money annually, to countries that HATE us? How exactly can we funnel money into corporations, schools, "infrastructure," museums, network television stations, and a mile long list of other areas when we are BROKE? How exactly is our government operating when the United States filed bankruptcy, once again? Where is the accountability for the extreme debt? Now we are hearing that the U.S. has reached its debt ceiling again. How many more times are we the people going to allow the lack of financial sense by corrupt politicians to saddle our kids, grandkids, and beyond with debt that can never be repaid? Maybe it's time to quit funding politicians! Take all their salaries, and their fringe benefits away, and put that money into paying down our country's debt. That would be a good starting point since they obviously no longer represent the American people. Maybe we need to start asking why the hell Ft. Knox is EMPTY!! Or where the hell the $2.3 trillion that was lost, according to Rumsfeld, went to on Sept. 10, 2001. 

 

How about asking why George H.W. Bush family had a name change when his father came to America. How about asking what Constitutional authority allowed the CIA, FBI, TSA, Homeland Security, NSA, or any of the other three letter agencies. How about asking WHY the Patriot Act was allowed to be used against American citizens, and when. How about asking why illegals are allowed to flow into our country via the southern border or the planes from Afghanistan that don't have to follow the mandates being forced, illegally, by our government. How about asking why foreign visitors to America are still locked out when our border is wide open. Now would be a good time to start researching: Operation Paperclip, Operation Mockingbird, the 3 city-states, the ABC agencies, and while you're at it...look up the passenger list of the Titanic, or go out to bitchute.com or rumble.com and watch the series Fall Of The Cabal. You might learn a few things you didn't know. I did!

 

Next up, Children! I don't know about you, but children to me, are precious gifts that deserve the best. However, this elite class that so many think so highly love, abuse them! From the Vatican to Royals, to politicians, to social media moguls, to network television heads, to publication heads, to governors, to Hollywood, to Music, and sports figures. They are perverts!! Over 800,000 children per year go missing. Where do these children go? These are babies through young adults, male and female. I think we've all heard of Pizzagate and the supposed debunking too. Did you know that child trafficking is one of the biggest industries in the world? I sure didn't! It's a multi-billion dollar industry. From forced work, to child sex creeps, to adrenochrome...these people are sick! If you research this subject, be careful of videos. Some of them will physically make you sick. Sadly, too many have a cognitive dissonance with this subject.  It is difficult for most to stomach the information you come across. I urge you to research it none-the-less. Our children deserve to be protected from these monsters. NXIVM was one of the first cases of child trafficking. It involved Keith Raniere, the Bronfman sisters, Allison Mack, and more. Let's not forget Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislane Maxwell, Robert Maxwell, Mother Teresa, Richard Bronson, Oprah, John of God, Laura Silsby, Harvey Weinstein. The silk road, the Clinton Foundation ties to Myanmar and Haiti, Prince Andrew, the Dutch royal family, the Vatican, The British royal family(video of small naked boy climbing out of the window), Justice John Roberts, Justice Amy Comey Barretts "adopted" children. If you truly research this area, it will blind side you. When records show the people that were at pedophile island, and Bohemian Grove - you will find names that shock you you but also disgust you... Clintons, Zuckerburg, John Roberts, Bill Gates, Prince Andrew, Oprah, and thousands of other known names. 

I believe I will end this soap box for today. There is enough here to hopefully help give some a starting point for their own research. Next time, I'm going to cover some Constitutional information, and the State of Missouri. There is plenty of corruption in my own state from the top down. It's time for all of us to get involved locally and bring our country back to freedom, not corruption.

2021 SEIA/NEMO Veteran Hunt

 

2021 Southeast Iowa/Northeast Missouri(SEIA/NEMO) Disabled Veteran Deer Hunt

 

Jeff K.(veteran), Dan B(veteran), Orville W (veteran), Joe G.(veteran), Chloe, Dicky, Richard, Marcus, Joey, Janet. Missing from the photo: Raymond M(veteran), Salli

The 2021 SEIA/NEMO Disabled Veteran Deer Hunt had another amazing year. We had an outstanding group of veterans that made the weekend truly enjoyable. Events like these take a lot of effort from several people to make them successful. This year, Bowen Family Farm partnered with True Impact Outdoors and local community businesses and individuals. We had great support from True Impact Outdoors, Veteran Affairs Office in Keosauqua, IA (Kathy & Lucy), Raymond & Connie Morris, Exchange Bank of Northeast Missouri, Peoples Bank of Wyaconda, Orschlen Industries Foundation, Kahoka Meat Processing, Dutchman's General Store, Outlaw DJ Service (P.T. Woods), American Sparks & Sawdust, LLC, Janet Meek, Randy & Judy Kennedy, Dicky & Lisa Bowen, Bruce & Pat Helgeson, Shorty's Porties, as well as my family - Richard, Joey, Marcus and Chloe. A HUGE thank you to Lisa Bowen for getting all the pictures and videos!

The Weekend began Friday the 24th with the Meet & Greet Kickoff. A meal was provided - Pulled Pork and cole slaw(made by Kahoka Meat Processing), hashbrown casserole, pasta salad(made by Pat Helgeson), fruit cocktail and butter cake. The 5 hunters were gifted a 3 knife Outdoor Edge set in a hard case(provided by Fox River Outpost) and an engraved cutting board(provided by American Sparks & Sawdust, LLC). Outlaw DJ Service(P.T. Woods) provided our kickoff music(God Bless the U.S.A by Lee Greenwood), followed by prayer, and our National Anthem(sung by Melanie May). We had a small rain shower come through, but we stuck it out until 10:30. Friday evening photos and videos were taken by Lisa Bowen.

(Video of opening ceremony can be seen on Bowen Family Farm Facebook Page.)

Saturday began at 4 AM with breakfast at the farm: Breakfast burritos, sausage muffins, homemade cinnamon rolls, coffee and juice were provided. All the veterans left to hunt and returned for lunch around noon.  Lunch: chili, ham sandwiches, chips, snack cakes were provided. Saturday evening offered our only harvest this year a 17 point buck by veteran Joe G.  Saturday evening meal: Hamburgers(provided by Kahoka Meat Processing), potato salad, vegetable salad(provided by Lisa Bowen), pasta salad, fruit cocktail, and pumpkin bars. Everyone enjoyed the bonfire for a bit before hitting the hay.

Sunday also began at 4 AM with breakfast, lunch was potato soup and sandwiches. Our oldest veteran hunter, hunted Sunday afternoon as the rest headed home. 

A collaboration of the minds came together Sunday and everyone was brainstorming new ideas.  There was a lot of positive feedback, as well as, a lot of great ideas. 

A write up about the event will appear in the local newspaper in Clark Co. Without the help of everyone, this event this year, would not have taken place. We can not thank everyone enough.

Let's Talk...

 

                                                                         September 2021

So, I'm going to put this out here first off. Like everyone, I have my own opinions, thoughts and theories. I'm not perfect(nor would I want to be), I do NOT know everything though I do research daily, I am just me. I have plenty of faults but being made by our Creator means that I am made to his order.

Ok, now, let's talk. 

 

Let's start with our own enslavement. Yes, you read that correctly. The common, average person has been enslaved since 1913. Let me back up just a bit, and please stay with me. This is very important to understand how corrupt America has become and why. I've done my research, I recommend you do your own. After the Civil War, America was broke. I'm talking bankrupt. The Act of 1871, created the city-state rule among many other things.  A city-state is an independent, self-governing country contained totally within the borders of a single city. This act allowed 3 city-states to become the empire of the world. Washington, D.C., London City, and Vatican City; all of these locations are within countries however, are independent of the laws of the that country. These 3 are sovereign, corporate entities, NOT connected to the countries they are in. In understanding this, that means that Washington, D.C. is a 10 sq. mile tract of land within the United States borders, but does NOT belong to the U.S.  These 3 city-states were set up as:  D.C. Military power, London the tax/finance power, and laughably the Vatican as the religious power. These 3 city-states also include the erect obelisk, which if your research, you will learn is actually a tribute to a pagan "God" Amen-Ra, the sun God. Beginning in 1871, the other city-states, began removing rights from Americans - ILLEGALLY! Did you know, prior to the 1913 introduction of taxation, America had an amazing infrastructure, railways, and schools that were not government controlled. Anyway, the taxation that began in 1913, was illegal as it bypassed Congress and was NEVER ratified by the states. This means that all taxes, the IRS, the Federal Reserve - have all fraudulently stolen money from Americans for over 100 years. I bet you never learned that in public school. Moving on, here are some excepts from a great article that gives you more information to research on your own: "Anytime you hear somebody refer to the Bar Association, they are talking about a British/Masonic system that has nothing to do with a country's sovereignty or the constitutional rights of its people. This is why, when you go to court in the U.S., you see the U.S. flag with a gold fringe, denoting international rule.

 

The government of the United States, Canada and Britain are all subsidiaries of the crown, as is the Federal Reserve in the U.S.. The ruling Monarch in England is also subordinate to the Crown. The global financial and legal system is controlled from the City of London by the Crown."  "

Washington DC was established as a city-state in 1871 with the passage of the Act of 1871, which officially established the United States as a corporation under the rule of Washington, which itself is subservient to the City of London.

 

Corporations are run by presidents, which is why we call the person perceived to hold the highest seat of power in the land "the president."

 

The fact is the president is nothing more than a figurehead for the central bankers and transnational corporations (both of which themselves are controlled by High Ecclesiastic Freemasonry) that really control this country and ultimately call the shots.

 

Washington DC operates under a system of Roman Law and outside of the limitations established by the U.S. Constitution." "

Most U.S. citizens believe the United States is a country and the president is its leader, but the U.S. is not a country, it is a corporation, and the president is not our leader, he is the president of the corporation of the U.S.

 

The president, along his elected officials work for the corporation, not for the American People.

 

So, who owns the giant U.S. corporation?

 

Like Canada and Australia, whose leaders are prime ministers of the queen, and whose land is called crowned land, the U.S. is just another crowned colony. Crowned colonies are controlled by the empire of the three city states.

 

Thus, the U.S. is controlled by the three city states.

"There exists a shadowy government with its own Air Force, its own Navy, its own fundraising mechanism, and the ability to pursue its own ideas of national interest, free from all checks and balances, and free from the law itself."

Daniel K. Inouye

U.S. Senator from Hawaii, testimony at the Iran Contra Hearings, 1986

These 3 City-States belong to no Nation and pay no taxes.

They have their own separate laws, own police, mayors, post offices. Their own separate flags and their own separate identities."  Article link: https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/sociopol_globalelite177.htm As I have stated previously, DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH!!! 

I highly recommend you read that article, and start your researching the information within it. It will help you scratch the surface of information we have been lied to about!! Just know that these elite, corrupt people have virtually guaranteed that the average person will NEVER get ahead. They have enslaved us to constant work, pay taxes, then pay more taxes. They have kept us from natural healing and health and kept us on drugs that are killing our own natural immune systems that were made to heal us but are over powered by prescriptions, chemicals in and on our foods, in our water supply, and every product we use - including soaps, makeup, chemical cleaners, etc. 

Do you want to know how much all of this truly affects your body? Take 7 days, keep a daily journal that includes what you eat, how much you sleep, how you feel, and how your body reacts.During that 7 days, eliminate all white sugar, white flour, white rice, all processed and fast food, all soda and sugary drinks. Only eat raw foods, fresh foods, local grown/butchered foods, drink purified water, black coffee. I promise you within the first 2 days - you will have withdrawls. By about the 4th or 5th day, you will notice good changes. The hardest part for most is taking the necessary steps to allow your body to heal itself. I can't deny the convenience of fast food, or convenient easy meals. I can tell you from experience, after YEARS on lots of allergy meds, when I switched my own diet, within a year, I was off ALL meds. The problem I ran into was the convenience of easy/fast meals. After 5 years of no allergy issues, 3 years ago...I ended up back on allergy meds daily because I got lazy. I quit making time to make good meals, and not eat junk. It takes a conscience effort to truly take care of your needs. It takes a lot of discipline. I am slowing working back to a better nutrition and eating only good/healthy foods. I've added in some hot black tea, with raw local honey and organic apple cider vinegar with mothers to help my body's own immune system. 

I have been digging into a lot of research since March 2020. While researching a "conspiracy theory," I found a spider web of information that was stranger than fiction. I also began to learn about the most disgusting, evil and demented beings that walk this Earth. The God they follow, is NOT my God/Creator/Universe. They perform rituals of evil against the most precious gifts in life, children. Think that was debunked? TRY AGAIN!!! Many of us have been or were brainwashed by these bottom dwellers to cover their own heinous acts. These disgusting creatures range from entertainers to musicians, politicians to royalty, sports figures to religious figures. I will not claim to know a lot of Biblical teachings, as religion never made sense to me. However, as my research progressed, I understood why it didn't make sense. Some research has claimed as many as 100's of books were taken out of the Bible, intentionally! Just look to the Vatican and it's halls that represent reptiles, or the symbolism of pedophilia on their garb. If you look closely enough, and dig enough, you will start to pin point those involved in such completely disgusting behavior. Start thinking along the lines of those in regular contact with Epstein, Maxwell. Look into their cases and the cases of NXIVM, Keith Raniere, Allison Mack, the flight logs to Epstein Island that included a former president, Bill Gates, Oprah, Supreme Court Justice John Roberts; not to mention Facebook "founder" Mark Zuckerburg. Then start digging into Bohemian Grove and it's visitors...George H.W. Bush, Bush Jr., royals...just start digging. What do they do there? Look into Laura Silsby, the VP of Marketing for Amber Alert...what was she arrested for? Who is John of God? What was he arrested for, and who promoted him as a "Godly man?" How does Haiti and Myanmar play into all of this? 

Are you getting a picture yet? This criminal, evil and disgusting behavior has gone on in BOTH political parties, in ALL royal families for decades, in Hollywood, in the music industry. Do you understand that these satanists are praying on our children, and all children throughout the world!!! They do not care about you, me, or anyone besides themselves and their minions. This is about power, greed and control! Do not ask me for proof...I've done my research which is why I am talking about it. Do your own!! Do not take my work for anything. Start thinking critically, and start digging!! While you're at it...look into how the Bush's, the Clinton's and Obama are related. 

Next subject...another controversial one. I was raised that being a good citizen of my country meant fulfilling my civic responsibility to vote. Our Constitutional right to vote in free and fair elections was pushed not only at home but in civics classes throughout high school. When I got married, my husband was not brought up the same way. He response was always, "why vote? It doesn't count anyway." He believed being a single vote would not matter. I have battled with him for decades now on this subject. After the recent election, many of us are questioning the election process. We became too lazy and complacent in our duty as Americans. There have been questions raised in every single state within our nation about the vote. When exactly did it become a crime to question election outcome? There have been questions raised and SOLVED since before Abraham Lincoln, yet, in 2020...you are a "conspiracy theorist" to question it?! It appears that whenever questions are asked about possible issues, people are thrown into that "conspiracy theory" category. Sadly, when the CIA created that term...it was to prevent any questions about the assassination of JFK and the absurd theory they masterminded to cover up the truth. So, as some have recently stated, I am changing the status quo and becoming a conspiracy analyst. While it is easy to put to rest some of the crazy "conspiracies" out there...others, have proven to not be a conspiracy at all, only false information spoon fed by those bought and paid for the elite criminals. I'm personally tired of all the games being played in so many aspects of life. Enough is enough. Audit every damned state, fix any issues, do what is RIGHT, and move forward. Arrest and try the criminals, and let's get busy rebuilding a truly remarkable nation. 

With all that being said, I have friends and family on both sides of the political B.S.  I have always hated politics, but in March of 2020...I found myself with time on my hands and information that was not adding up. I quit watching television almost a decade ago. I had watched some news that appeared on it and as I watched in horror at the tragedy it was showing...I was seeing a completely different story showing up in other broadcasts. So, basically, it was a single story that ended up with more than 4 stories told on different channels. When I began researching for myself, on those stories, I found that they were all wrong and fictitious.  That was 2012. Since then, I can not lower my standards, until March 2020 when something unheard in my lifetime was beginning to play out. I listened to hype of this new scare tactic, and bought into it. My family took 2 weeks of "flattening the curve" that lead to almost 6 months of my husband on unemployment. You see, in November 2019, my family got extremely ill. Each with varying degrees of illness. We had our exchange daughter with us then. She and my daughter were extremely sick. My husband and son were ill too, and I fought with headaches and extreme fatigue. Being a mom, I didn't slow down. I was taking care of the others, pumping my body full of vitamins, nutritious foods and aspirin. I began doing to same for my family. Within 3 days, they were all recovering but tired. It took nearly 2 months for the exhaustion to finally wear off. Then in March 2020, they started sharing the "symptoms" of this virus, and the horror stories from around the world were broadcast 24/7. That to me was a warning flag. Something was not right. We ALL know when we have gone to a doctor for an illness...we are told "a virus must run its course. There isn't anything we can do." Ok, so this "virus" is now so deadly that it stopped the world. Well, I was 100% certain we had already had this "virus." Yep, it sucked, yep it made us all miserable in some fashion...but it was treatable with some common sense and some self care. Why the hell would the world shut down? This was either a bioweapon that was spread intentionally, since its patent was out in 2015 OR it was a giant stunt to distract us from something even more sinister. If this was a bioweapon, that escaped the Wuhan lab as is showing now; why is nothing being done to China? Why is the talking head Fauci, still free since it was his gain of function and grants from the NIH that created this "virus?" So, my questions began to run deeper. Yes, this illness is real and it was bad for us and could be really bad for some; however, a corona virus is classified as a COLD. LOOK IT UP!!! So, from a layman's term, this is a respiratory cold? All these medical professionals and hospitals ventilating people are KILLING THEM!! Not the illness. They have chosen to take monetary gain over actual healing, AGAIN! They have allowed the FDA and CDC to criminally withhold the true treatments and cures, and chosen to turn their backs on their oath to heal instead of causing harm. With multiple KNOWN treatments on the market, none of them that cost any significant amount, the medical providers and hospitals have been complicit in medical malpractice. There are thousands of doctors, nurses and other healthcare providers that have stepped up to inform us of the treatments, but are silenced by the lying media and the talking heads trying to protect their profits. I have said for years that true health does not come from a drug store, and in my research, I've learned the truth to that statement is so much greater than most will ever know. Do your own research, please!!! 

 

As I finally finish this post, I'm going to end with a reminder. Prayer to whatever higher power you believe in is so beneficial. Pray, meditate, get outdoors. Take your fur-baby for a walk, walk around your yard, sit on your patio/deck, watch the birds, whatever brings you peace. Even with all the B.S. it's imperative we remember that we are all brothers and sisters of the Creator. We may disagree, but my rights are no different than your rights. We must all stand together, as God's creations, to defend our rights and freedoms before they are all taken from us.