Year End Coffee Chat

 

My official "new year," began yesterday, with quite a bang. Waking up at 2 am with a migraine - that lasted until midnight, a 2:30 am text that my mother had a heart attack, and basically having to waste my entire birthday feeling like crap was not exactly how I planned to kick off my new year. Maybe we can get this nasty stuff out now, so the rest of the year can be better. 

I spoke to my mom today, she is in one of our bigger hospitals, probably the best one for cardiac care in the area. She did have a heart attack, and is currently waiting for test results for possibly a bypass surgery next week. She seems to be in good spirits and ready to get through the surgery to get on the road to recovery. I do not know much beyond this, but saying a few extra prayers for her. 

As for me, I have terrible sinuses and peri-menopause to add insult to injury. So, migraines have taken a toll for a few years now, as have some major headaches, literally. Weather changes irritate my sinuses, so when the pressure changes...my head feels like it will explode. Then it settles into my cheeks, jaw and ears. So, when even your hair hurts...it makes for really long days! This has been my battle, recently since the week before Christmas, and culminated yesterday into a migraine. I still have a pretty sensitive head today but I can sort of see straight again. I've tried medicines, and they just make it all worse. The only things that seem to help is my ACV tea, Russian Tea, and lots of elderberry juice. Over the past year, I have spent a lot of time sicker than ever. I am relating this to too much stress, trying to manage too much, and having basically no help/support at home. So, I have had to take some pretty major steps back to take care of myself first. This is irritating for many others. It's easy to take other's for granted, when they have always been there to do whatever is needed. When you are the one to be "everyone's go-to," you get burned out quickly. I have reached the "end" of the peri stage...so I am told. I can tell you, I have become a lot less tolerant of stupidity, liars, rudeness, crudeness and those who refuse to try to do better. So, basically...the same way I have always been...except those feelings are on steroids! Kinda like Texas or not actually being...everything has become BIGGER! 

I finalized my general goals for my new year, the night before my birthday. Typically, I have them done long before that...but I am running behind on everything this year! Another of my pet peeves is being late for anything. Sadly, I have been late a LOT in 2023. The time has flown past me this year. I have made one of my goals a priority - slowing down in 2024. I know many of us are "waiting for Friday," "Waiting for this holiday or date," and all we end up doing is wishing away time. Instead, I'm going to work harder to take down time to enjoy some bonfires, some hiking, some walks, and just enjoy each to my best ability. Taking some steps back to remind myself of my own priorities. Instead of trying to be everything to everyone, I need to be everything to myself first. I have spent a lot of years putting everyone first, and having nothing left to give myself. 

You all know that I am not going to change who I am to please anyone. I have some plans in place for videos, blogs, projects, gardening(my biggest love next to my family), our farm, and gatherings. I have accepted some poor behaviors that won't be accepted any longer. I have let a lot of things slide that won't be allowed anymore. 2023 was a year of hell for me, and only I can fix it to make sure it does not continue. It's so easy to blame someone else for issues, when we neglect to take responsibility for our own responses to those issues. We have to be held to our own decisions, actions and take accountability. Myself included. We either make the choice to what is right, do what we need to do, and make a better outcome...or we make the choice to blame other's for our decisions, not do what needs done, or be lazy in our thinking and just accept poor decisions/choices...and whine. 

As I said, 2023 has been a year of reckoning for me. It has had a lot of insight, spiritual growth, physical ailments, resentment, sadness and anger. I am the only one that can fix this mess. I've made choices, I've reacted more than responded, and I have enabled poor behaviors...my own included. I have debated about sharing my goals, and I may later. More as a means of being held accountable to myself...but also so others know that I walk the walk...not just give lip service. I have had a lot of folks complain about my constant reminders to stock their pantries...again, I practice what I preach. I have taken a dive into learning about the financial markets, gold, silver, housing and commercial lending, and I'm still trying to learn military law, executive orders, and continuity of government. For 4 1/2 years now, I have dove into researching everything possible. So much of what I have learned, I can't share with a majority of people, because they don't want to know or can't stomach the evil. I get that, it is overwhelming. There have been days I have wished that I was content to just live life like everything was "OK." That's just not who I am. I have had too much experience with first hand knowledge of misdirected information, completely wrong information, and seen first hand what the medical industry lies can do to a person's body. If I am to be completely honest, my research truly began about 24 years ago. It began with nutrition, hormones and vitamins when I struggle to carry a child after miscarriages. It continued 22 years ago after being diagnosed with cancer, and the treatments left so much scar tissue that would never go away. My constant research lead to finding a healthier means to manage my health. It continued strongly nearly 15 years ago when I went back to school to learn natural health and holistic medicine after a round of vaccines nearly killed my 4 month old baby. That research, has never ended. It has become a way of life for me. Knowledge is something that can never be taken from you, however, you will constantly grow and sometimes outgrow those around you. 

Today, as I try to work through this headache, and feeling quite crappy...I know my intentions for the coming year. I know the entire world is a shit show. I truly expect 2024 to get worse, it is an election year. I have every intention to continue my research, work hard at paying off debts, saving some money, getting my own house in order, making some videos, and making more time to just enjoy the simple things. I have zero desire to travel the world, take vacations, have the most expensive home or car, or any of that nonsense. I live in a small piece of heaven, I have a roof over my head(although a little bigger house would be nice), we have 2 vehicles, I have lots of gardens to work with...and could have a lot more if I so chose, we have lots of livestock, and quite honestly...have all we need, and most of what we want. Taking stock in what I am grateful for everyday, is high on the list to remember in the coming year. 

I hope each of you has a safe and healthy New Year's Eve....and a healthy, safe and prosperous New Year!

Pre-Christmas Coffee Chat and Always More!

 

It's early, I know! From my home to everyone reading this:  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

We are down to just 5 days remaining before Christmas. I think I blinked and missed half the year! Is anyone else feeling like the world spinning has picked up speed, and is out of control? Not even mentioning that 5 days from Christmas, and it just doesn't feel like Christmas. What in the Ground Hog Day is happening?! Do you feel that? It's like each day holds some new dog & pony show, because we have spent 3 1/2 years avoiding a major problem to start with. Each new day, brings some new form of shit show. 

I have spent most of my life, looking into every crappy thing that has happened to me, trying to find the lessons meant to be learned from them. So, looking at the past few years...it has made me wonder how, exactly, to fix the mess I see in the world today. I really don't have any precise answers but I do have a LOT of questions. It is very obvious that our justice system is 2 tier. One for the average citizens, and one for the elites. It very obvious that "projection" is what the Democratic party has been doing for a lot years. Whatever they accuse of others of doing...is exactly what they are doing. We have a seriously huge problem in our country with human trafficking, drugs pouring in from the southern border, an out-of-control government spending out-of-control, a serious lack of knowledge about our Constitution and Bill of Rights, there is a major crime problem, and a massive lack of repercussions for bad behaviors...just to name a few. I have dug into a lot of information the past years, and forced myself to learn...not to mention, getting past the serious cognitive dissonance. Honestly, there are days that I wish I wouldn't have. It would be so much easier to stick my head in the sand or the clouds, and pretend that the world hasn't turned 15 shades of wrong. It would be easier to just go about life, and keep the proverbial blinders on. I didn't, and now, I want answers! I am not OK with a lot of stuff that is happening. I do not believe that "it is what it is and there is nothing we can do about it." That thinking is what has gotten into this mess to begin with!I am sick to death of all the investigations, and nothing else happening. I am sick to death of the lies the media is spewing, without ever being held accountable. I am sick to death of having to walk on eggshells, with all the censorship and weaker minds screwing about being offended. 

I can't ever remember being someone that just accepted that I couldn't fix/do something. I have always fought for what I believed in. Now, I'm just older and more determined. Maybe a little more strong willed. I rarely have ever sank back from a challenge put before me. If I know or believe I am right, I will argue with everything I have. This irritated my parents while I was growing up, and it irritates a lot of people now too. I don't manage dealing with weak people well. Whether it's weak minds or otherwise....

So, yesterday, I was talking to my best friend, catching up on life, kids, etc. We were discussing the lack of Christmas spirit that seems to be running amok this year. I can't pinpoint exactly why or what it is...but I had a dream last night, that fueled a couple of new videos this morning on my Youtube channel. It was a dream basically saying slow down, take a deep breath, look at this logically, and stop whining. Ok, so the whining....yeah, I'm still whining because I WANT to feel Christmasy. Anyway, as I took my time this morning to meditate and pray...a laundry list of stuff came into my head. It sent me racing to get a notebook and pen. I took copious notes on thoughts racing through my head on many subjects...but mainly the entire Christmas thing. One thing that I didn't mention in my videos, was the thoughts that sometimes, we have to make new traditions, remove toxicity from our lives, and just deal with life - however we can. I have had so many subjects weighing heavily on my heart the past few months, it has actually caused me to withdraw from a lot, while I figure out how to manage them. 

I've got probably 15 different blogs started, and never finished them. I have struggled to get projects done this year - with a ton of different events thrown in. I have found myself in a constant state of chaos, trying to do and be everything to everyone....to a point of not being useful to much of anyone. I have spent the entire year of 2023, trying to pour from an empty cup! It does NOT work! When there is nothing left in your cup, you can't pour anything out of it. So, I have struggled to try to learn how to refill it. I quit doing a lot of things I enjoy because the cost of everything went through the roof. So, that took away a lot of my "me time." I have been eye brow deep in homesteading, gardening, food preservation, keeping my pantry full, cutting anything extra from our budget that was possible to cut, making sure my family has what they need. One thing that has come from this, I've seen how one-sided most of this is. While I have busted my butt to make sure everyone is taken care of, that I do what I say I will do; I've made life really easy on everyone except me. I've taken all this on, while everyone else has shirked their own responsibilities to step up to help out. Then, it's just taken for granted that I will do all the work, and when others find things they need done - it's also thrown at me, because no one else can see anything they could do to make MY life any easier. Having pinpointed part of my own problems, it's time I fix it. 

It's become very clear to me, how much certain projects and events mean to me. I've taken a lot of time to reflect on some areas that I struggled through this year. The biggest area, has been learning how to be a parent to adult children. My oldest is now married, my other son is now engaged, and my daughter is in high school. After spending the better part of 23 years as a full time mom...the changes that have taken place this year have been difficult. Having to learn how to manage the loss of being that full time parent for so long, has knocked me backwards. My kids are now old enough to manage on their own, and mom is more of a nuisance most of the time. 3 years ago, I left a position that I held a high regard for. Not because of the company, but because of the cause. I worried a lot about how to move forward, still doing what I felt was what I was meant to be doing. I've done so, and it has been a successful annual event, but basically being a "one-man" show, with a great friend stepping up to help out...has been a challenge. I worried about losing my own edge, my confidence when I had to face the challenges from my own family, and even my own abilities. Honestly, whether this sounds bad or not, I know I am more than capable of anything I set my mind to do. Especially, if someone tells me I can't!! There are things I enjoyed being involved in when I had the position in that company, and had some good friends I do miss from there. However, sometimes, you just know or feel that something is off or wrong, and you have to listen to that gut feeling. Especially when you are being left out of loop of information. Anyway, this year was the 3rd year I got this event put together, paid for, got volunteers organized, and even managed to get to enjoy parts of it. It's been a challenging year for me. There is so much more to this story, and I honestly would even know exactly where to begin. 

This year is winding down quickly. My 49th birthday is just around the corner. The start of another new year, is just behind that. What the new year will hold, remains to be seen. I honestly could make a million resolutions, but I wouldn't keep them. I'm lucky to keep reaching for my goals these days. Our Christmas gatherings began on the 10th, we have one on Friday, and continue with 3 more on Christmas Day. This year, I'm almost happy that we at the finish line. I need some down time. I want to day dream about my upcoming gardens, layouts and possibilities. I have some pretty lofty goals to work towards next year, but I'm OK if they aren't met entirely. My biggest goal is to refind me. Not as a wife, or a mom, or anything else...just me - the good, the bad and the ugly. I've put so much focus into everyone else, it's time to focus a little more on me. I need to refill that cup. 

Life around the farm will be pretty crazy starting in January. We have nearly 70 ewes, all set to have their babies January through March. Hopefully, the weather will remain sensible, I won't have a bunch of bottle babies running around my house, and that our livestock guardian dog doesn't knock out any more of my teeth! Lambs are always exciting, even if a lot of work. Typically, I manage everything during the day and my husband manages everything at night. It's crazy but it seems to work. With the drought this year, we know we will be short on hay. Even getting some extra bought, we are still short. Hopefully, Mother Nature brings decent weather all of 2024. Spring will bring the purchase of more chickens. Sadly, something has gotten a hold of several of my girls these last few months. We put the goats into a separate pen, and now something is getting my chickens. I'm wondering if I should rethink that move! The feed costs are still too high, even though they have come down a few cents.(Kinda like grocery prices) We are continually having to watch to the markets, as livestock prices have really fluctuated over the past year. When the costs out weigh the profit, it's not good. 

I have managed to not get a whole lot accomplished this week. I've been battling with my back again this week...it's been pretty awful. After going to get a massage in October, I was loving not having this pain. Now, it's back and with a vengeance. So, I am giving in to only doing what absolutely has to be done, for now. That is a difficult task for me, as I need to be busy. With this pain though, it's been a little easier, as it has almost sent me to my knees a few times this week. I hope it eases soon! Getting in for another massage is months out, because of their schedules...not mine! I'd have been there days ago, if it were up to me! I'm not going to stress, and I'm only going to do what I can. Others in my house may have to pick up some of the load. 

For today, I am going to finish this up. Go take a look at my videos, and see if anything there can help. Have a Merry Christmas, do your best to enjoy it, and be grateful for every blessing AND lesson!!

Morning update coffee chat

 

Monday morning again....this time with just 14 days until Christmas!  Lots to say, so let's just jump in!

This past Saturday, we had our Christmas Open House. For those that don't know, we began this tradition in 2012. Each year, usually the second Saturday of December, we open our home to neighbors, friends and family to come in and enjoy so treats and visiting. It is always family friendly. I spend the week before cooking, baking and making candy. My husband makes a couple types of soups, and we have several types of dips. It is an old-fashioned type of Christmas gathering. It's not formal, and gets kind of chaotic and loud...but it seems to be enjoyed by everyone. Our early years usually brought out 15-25 people. This year, we had 56 people come into our home, from 4 states(Missouri, Iowa, Illinois and Texas). My girls and I made: 12 types of cookies(over 1000 actual cookies), 7 types of fudge, 3 types of bread, 6 types of dips, 2 types of soup, 2 types of meat & cheese trays, and a dessert salad. We went through 7 gallons of tea, a gallon of eggnog, 3 pots of coffee, a case of bottled water, some hot chocolate and some Russian tea. We had people in and out from 4pm through about 10 pm. So came to visit the entire time, and others came in and left after a short visit. It's a lot of work to put together, but it is absolutely worth every effort!!! We all really enjoyed it! 

We had a really busy weekend. The open house Saturday, and Sunday we ended up with a house full again to have Christmas with my Dad. This meant most of my siblings, us, my Dad and step-Mom, my niece and her husband, my nephew and my great niece. That was a spur of the moment gathering but it was so much fun to have everyone here. I am always thrilled to get time family, and my great niece! I have gotten to spend so much more time with my brothers in the past year, and that has been amazing. Having most of my extended family fairly close now, has allowed for more time together. 

Around the farm, everything is always in motion. Yes, we are just a couple weeks from Christmas and New Year's...but those are just a few days. After the first of January, we begin our lambing season. The times for the lambs to start arriving is within 2 weeks of the 19th of January. So, that means anytime after January 4th...we could start having baby sheep. With 70 head of them, the breeding program has 2 groups to help stagger the births. The first group should be done by the start of March, and the second group should be about 6 weeks behind them in start and finish dates. With such a big group this year, it means my husband and I will be on barn duty 24/7 for several months. We have had 1-3 babies per sheep each year, so that means a LOT of "baby sitting" and several possibilities of raising babies indoors. This is just on the livestock end of the farm. Beginning in January, will also be the start of garden planning, complete inventory of the farm/house/food/stuff, repair/maintenance planning, and a very large shift in dynamics for my family/home(more on this later). While December means finishing out a year...January begins the planning for a new year. I have a new large garden, the original garden and plans for another pollinator garden to go along with the one from last year. 

I am finishing out all the paperwork for this year, over the next few weeks. Our farm stuff, the business stuff, and the veteran hunt paperwork. It's been a real challenge to stay on top of things this year. I have found a serious lack of motivation and concern for a lot. I have struggled to stay positive, and keep too much negativity from seeping into my own soul. That has been a full time job, in and of itself. Attitudes, personal interactions with people not matching my own drive, and those who lack integrity has really put some major bumps in my road. I am determined to overcome these dark clouds that have found me this year!

The 2024 Disabled Veteran Deer is in planning mode. The date has been set and the lodge has been reserved already. The hunt will be held Sept. 26 - 29, 2024. We are planning for 6-8 veterans once again. We have had so much interest that we have had to start having a random draw of names to attend the hunt. We have determined that keeping this hunt smaller is the best way to keep it personal. If it got too much bigger, we could not maintain the interactions that make this hunt great. We have some great volunteers that are working hard to get raffle tickets sold for our drawing, that will help cover the expenses for the 2024 hunt. Each raffle ticket is $10, with only 500 tickets being sold. We will continue to sell these until they are gone. We will be visiting with local businesses also, to help make sure this hunt continues. Donations are always welcome.

I want to finish this blog with some thoughts. I have personally had a few weeks of really impactful thoughts. As I said earlier, there have been some pretty dark clouds over me this year. While I firmly believe in facing issues head-on, educating myself instead of being fearful, having a plan for everything; I would rather fix problems than whine about them. The past few weeks, I have had a few dreams that left me scratching my head. Things that have come up in them, have been resurfaced issues for many years. I believe when we remember our dreams, it's because we are supposed to learn from them or prepare. So, what has occurred to me is there are several areas of issue that I have either not learned my lessons from or the issues are recurring issues that I need to deal with - so I can move on. Allowing myself to get too stressed, is one area that is recurring. I worry about people more than I should most of the time. I allow my empathy for others to override the logic that giving too many chances to behave with grace, class and integrity; only causes me stress because many others don't care or don't recognize their poor behaviors. I have allowed too many excuses for my own actions and that is disturbing to me. So, moving forward from here, there are some massive dynamic shifts coming. For my own peace of mind, it's time to get back to being the fixer instead of whiner. It's time to make my own way out from under the dark clouds. I am too strong willed for this nonsense. 

Have a great day!

Why is truth so threatening?

 

 

 

Do you remember playing truth or dare as a kid? I rarely ever chose dare...truth was easier...usually. The truth today seems to be so shrouded, that when you attempt to be truthful, you are ostracized and demeaned.  So, this has me asking:  "are others too oblivious to see it, too brainwashed or just uneducated." 

Truth is not something you have just an opinion on. Truth is truth even if no one agrees with it. There isn't a my truth, your truth, etc. Truth has facts to back it up, YOU just have to be intelligent enough to seek whether something is true or made up. Sadly, I watched a news channel over the weekend, spewing information that literally took me less than 10 minutes to prove wrong. But, because it was on the news...it must be true. I hear this a lot! Well, what you are saying isn't on the news, so it must not be true/you are just a conspiracy theorists, or any number of other derogatory blanket statements. Typically, when those statements are made, I just shake my head and realize I am in the wrong crowd of people. I don't need people to agree with everything I say. I want people around me that bring their own RESEARCH, NOT OPINION!! I do my best to not speak on subjects that I have little knowledge about. I research because I choose to be educated. Yes, it takes a LOT of time to research all that I have. In my eyes, that is my job as an American citizen to KNOW what B.S. our government, our media and the world are feeding us. I will not be a sheep lead to slaughter because I chose to ignore, down play or just follow a crowd. I question and research everything!I don't care if you are watching Fox, ABC, MSN, or whatever main stream media there is...you are not being told the truth. Turn them off!

When the numbers were released yesterday about the Black Friday thru cyber Monday shopping, I was floored! A large majority of citizens are struggling to pay their bills, buy food and pay for medications; yet nearly $7 trillion was spent over 5 days?! I personally didn't see a single ad that was "jump off the page" good. Just 6 weeks ago, the TV's were cheaper than Black Friday! How many TV's do people need?! Thanksgiving alone - this year was nearly $30 higher than last year, and nearly $60 higher than 2019. So, when nearly 75% of this country live paycheck to paycheck...WHY was the spending so high? I get buying gifts, but really....if you can't cover a $400 emergency with your savings...you should probably not be maxing out credit cards to buy a bunch of unnecessary stuff. Our economy continues to get worse, yet so many refuse to quit their addiction to spending frivolously. In multiple financial classes I have taken, it states that you should be able to allocate no less than 20% of your income to savings. While I personally can not do this now, I can't help but wonder if anyone could. That would mean living on only 80% of your income. When the governmental numbers claim that 65% of American's have $400 or less in actual savings....either there is a whole lotta people living below the poverty line, or a whole lot living outside their means! Either way is sad!

Christmas time is something I have always valued as a time to gather with loved ones. There is quite a mixed bag of thoughts when it comes right down to it. I love our gatherings with family and friends. I love to give but refuse to break our budget to do so. I also do not do well at accepting gifts. I appreciate them, but would rather see others do something to improve their own lives...that is the best gift for me! I don't need more stuff. My biggest and best gift is always my family. On the other hand, there are people that have to be excessive. They want the attention of giving the biggest, most expensive or most sought after gifts. They find it necessary to draw attention to themselves, make themselves look important or just be the center of attention. I have no use for that. Years like this one, the only gifts I focus on are the ones for my kids. Each year, our family hosts a Christmas Open House. This means I spend a week baking and making all kinds of goodies, and that one day...we open our home to friends, family and neighbors to enjoy. It's time for everyone to remember the important part of life - fellowship and kinship. That is our gift to others. I am happy to stand back and let everyone interact how they will, but it's not about me or my family being in a spotlight. We are just the vehicle in which we all can get back to the root of the holidays. 

I know there are many that like to argue whenever I share much. Although I realize quickly that most just have to argue, to do so. There are some that are now sending me information that I researched a while ago, as they are just seeing through the veil. I am truly happy that more are becoming aware. The hard part for me is where I am in my own research. Interestingly enough, and maybe this is the cusp of the problem, research is just like pulling on a thread on a sweater. The more you pull, the more it unravels. Digging into what has been happening in our world is a shock. A conversation, just yesterday, was interesting. Someone had seen how the media has been not so truthful, and they couldn't grasp how so many in the media could be bought and paid for. When I commented that all these media outlets were owned by 6 corporations, it made more sense. You wouldn't know that without diving in. It will push you into a state of cognitive dissonance state. It's difficult for people to grasp how much they have been and ARE being lied to. 

I think I will finish out today with this:  I remember my children having a book when they were younger, that was teaching about details. You know the ones, what is different from picture to picture or finding items in a picture that don't belong. American's, at this point, should be doing a "where's Waldo" search.What is wrong with the current picture of the United States? Even the most unaware can see that things are not right, even if they don't want to admit it. When you start looking into laws, executive orders, and continuity of government....it all makes more sense.

Coffee Break

 

 

 

 

Holy crap!!! I was just making out my weekly calendar and realized FRIDAY is the 1st of December!! I am seriously NOT ready!! I have spent this entire year living from moment to moment, and drama to drama. I am over this year entirely...but I refuse to make Christmas anything but magical for my 14 year old child. While my child is pretty typical of most that age...questioning everything Christmas, not really acting over excited...yet, my child still asked about writing a letter to Santa and if we'd have our annual Christmas Eve gifts. So, my moody teen, is still somewhat interested in Christmas. 

 

As someone who has always loved Christmas, just 2 weeks ago...I was ready to put everything back in the attic and cancel Christmas in my home. I have had it with ugly attitudes, disrespect, liars and self-created dramas. You see, I don't have the time or energy to deal with crap. I am already managing a household with adult children, a teenager, a husband and juggling the worst economic times since 2008. I am doing my damnedest to keep my own mood/attitude above the water line. Trying to paste a smile on my face, put distance between those that are toxic to me, keep up with some that time has gotten away from us, keep a house in order by myself, make sure bills are paid in a reasonable fashion, make sure there are meals prepared, food to work with, juggle the end of the year records for personal/farm/veteran event, make sure the traditional gatherings we have are planned/executed/enjoyed, and I am still canning coming into December. So, when a drama presents itself - my initial reaction is going to be very negative. Whomever/whatever creates the drama can deal with it on their own. 

 

I learned a long time ago, an apology without changed behavior is nothing more than manipulation. Sometimes that is hard to grasp. I have always attempted to see the good in people. It's not a bad quality, but sometimes it is one that ends up hurting you a lot. I've had to accept that there are people that thrive on drama and self-inflicted turmoil. You can only confront that so often, until those repeat patterns wear thin and the desire to "fix" is gone.

 

As I said, I am still canning, and December begins in 3 days. Who would have thought after the serious drought this year, I would have had such an abundance of produce. I am not complaining! Although, I am about to the end of my ability to work up anymore, because I am already out of space to store them but also almost out of jars. I have already had to buy several cases of pint jars this year, and they are now all officially used. I am just about to the end of my quart jars too. It's a good problem to have. I have shared our bounty as I could. I would rather give the stuff to someone that could use it than let it go to waste. For the most part nothing has been wasted this year. I still have tomatoes in my freezer. I even ventured into making my own homemade tomato soup this year. This week, however, will be the end of my canning. After the 1st of the month, it's time to kick into baking and the count down to Christmas.

This year, I decided to add some fun things into our mix. I have put together a 25 days until Christmas countdown activity, one for each day. I got the kids each an advent calendar. I am also adding the advent candle wreath to honor my German roots, and our "Feast of the 7 fishes," Christmas eve meal to honor our Daughter-In-Law's Italian roots. We will have our annual open house again, although it will be a little different this year. We aren't making big plans for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, just because that is time for individual families to be together. We may have a few in and out, it is not organized. Some time in the next 27 days, I still have to start AND finish my Christmas shopping. I hate waiting until now to do this, usually, I am finished before Halloween!!! 

I am just not feeling like myself this year, and it's showing. As a trusted friend pointed out this morning, my cup is running on empty. I'm thinking it's more like bone dry! As usual, I will paste a smile, and get through any adversity. Each day, I work hard to start fresh with the best possible attitude. Each time I see a little light, something else tries to darken it. I will prevail. I may be a lot of things, but Hard Headed is definitely at the top of that list!!!

Thanksgiving Coffee Chat

 

 Good morning! I am so ridiculously excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow! I have no idea where this excitement came from...but I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. It's pretty fun anyway. 

So, before I begin my day of preparation for Thanksgiving, I want to have some serious conversation for a few minutes. Tomorrow is a day to be thankful for all the abundance we have. We may not always have all we'd like to have, but for many of us, we have what we actually need. We have been pretty spoiled with abundance, addicted to buying things we really don't need, and living outside our means due to being able to having access to "cheap" debt. Being realistic, it was easier to spend 3-5% on a mortgage than the 8+% now. Credit card and personal loans at 5-6% that are now upwards of 10%, some as extreme as 30%. Think about 5 years ago, how many people bought all their Christmas gifts on credit? I personally remember going to stores that were offering a discount rate on your order if you signed up for their store credit card. Now, that $500 expense on that credit card is inflated with nearly 30% interest if not paid in full in a month. Is that purchase now worth the extra expense? It was easier to over spend on gifts when interest rates weren't sky rocketing, and many children got a lot of gifts that they may have played with for a month and it ended up collecting dust, getting thrown away or given to a second hand store. I believe we need to change this!

What do I mean? I mean, you need to set a realistic budget for Christmas, NOW! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving after all, and many people will be out Black Friday shopping in just a couple of days. Does your child really need a new game system, or do they need food, utilities or having you not working 3 jobs just to provide something non-essential? We need to be real with our children now more than ever! We need to explain to our children, in age appropriate terms, what is happening in the economy, how money/credit works, the differences between needs and wants, and more importantly...how many hours you have to work to pay for everything, and how many hours you will not be home with your family to afford it all. For example, if you make $20 per hour, that $500 wish list item, is going to cost you 25 hours of work - that means an extra 25 hours away from home, and that does not include the actual cost of needs like food, water, electric, fuel. If your budget is $4000 per month for just the essentials, you add in a single $500 gift - that is now requiring 225 hours of work per month. That is 225 hours per month that you don't get with your family. Is that $500 gift really worth it? I know everything has gotten stupid high, and $500 does not go far, but I have seen kids asking for a new gaming system or some other high dollar gift...in addition to lots of other gifts, and I have seen parents putting themselves into financial hardships to buy these ridiculously high priced gifts. I think too many have forgotten and in turn, not taught their children, the true value of money and what the entire holiday season should be about. 

I don't know if I will head out shopping Friday or not, I haven't for years. If I do, it will be fairly local. I don't spend massive amounts for Christmas. We do focus more on needs, than excessive gifts that end up collecting dust in less than month. I have a basic budget in place, obviously this year is much tighter because the cost of everything has increased so dramatically. This is a time, I am grateful that my husband and I learned early not to over spend on Christmas. We have basically lived on a single income for nearly 24 years, so we know how to manage when income is stretched paper thin. 

I will encourage all of you to enjoy your Thanksgiving, and the time spent with loved ones. Don't put yourself in extreme debt to over indulge your children, and help them to learn value of your time and money. I pray that everyone scales back drastically this year. We need to come back to balance and the most important gifts - our families. 

From my family to each of you,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Chat - Patterns, accountability, leadership and excuses

 

I had planned a video today to go through news and information. However, these areas have been weighing pretty heavy on my mind. Let's talk about these and maybe I'll get to a video later. 

Ok, so patterns... Myself, I think of the patterns I have seen in my own life. From teaching my kids, to behaviors, to personalities. Many times, you can pin point behaviors rather quickly, if you pay attention. Certain personalities are the same way. You know people that get or end up overwhelmed when they are faced with changes or challenges, news they don't want to hear, and even simple disagreements that tend to be on repeat after so much time. In my eyes, these behaviors and patterns are proof positive of a refusal to grow, learn and expand knowledge. Instead of facing a challenging issue, they tend to bury their heads rather than face it head-on. I honestly see this a lot in today's world. When information is truly at our fingertips 24/7, it's difficult to remain blissfully unaware...unless it is out of choice. In which, I see this as living in fear. There are plenty of areas I have researched that have left me very fearful, but I had to face it in order to not allow it to continue. What I mean is this: my research and diving deep into what is going on in our world today, began over an article I read talking about child trafficking. This to me is terrifying. The deep I dove into this subject, then more sadistic it became, and the more notable the players involved became. This was a difficult pill to swallow. In my eyes, children are off limits, PERIOD! When adults who should know better, begin behaving in the manners I have researched, they do not deserve to be breathing let alone running anything from corporations to governments. The deeper I went into that rabbit hole, the more it spider webbed out, and the more information I found to support all of it. However, as I began to try to share the information and help others become more informed, the more push back I got. The more I heard phrases like, "projecting fear, there's no way that's possible, you're just a conspiracy theorists, and I don't want to hear this - it's just too scary." You think you're scared? How do you think the millions of children that are swiped from their parents feel?! 

I personally, need to combat fear with knowledge. It honestly doesn't matter what subject matter I am speaking of in the moment. If something scares me, I need to dig into research and knowledge to understand it, and that is my accountability. I hold myself to extremely high standards. I typically will not speak much of things I don't know much about. Holding ourselves to high standards and holding ourselves accountable for our behaviors is the very basis of the way our Constitution was written. Self governing, self responsibility; is the way most of our ancestors lived their lives. They didn't live off the government, they didn't depend on anyone else to support them, and they worked hard to make the best of what they had. Similar to our current "throw away" models of life, that would not have worked 50 years ago. Do you remember hearing, "waste not, want not?" Five plus decades ago, people took care of the things that took care of them. Everything from relationships, to vehicles, to equipment and even jobs were tended to; to preserve them or fix them, instead of throwing them away. You didn't just run out to get a new car because the old one had high miles, you fixed what needed fixing and drove it until it completely gave out. Equipment - whether farm, yard or tools - was no different. You fixed them until they could no longer be fixed, you knew or learned how to work on them to keep them operating. The same went for jobs. Just think about it, how many people went into jobs right out of school, and stayed there until they could retire?! The employee was loyal to the company, just as the company was loyal to its employees. Typically, when a "good job" opened up, it was because someone retired or passed away. Some industries, there were generations of family members that worked there. Now, we have little to no skilled labor, most job availability is in the service industry - flipping burgers or making coffee, and those "good jobs" have been sent out of the country. Accountability has been starved at every level of society. It's no wonder there are so many dependents on the government. 

Leadership is another area that has lost a lot of traction. Good leaders don't need recognition. They push those that work with them to do their best and rise. They don't take credit for what they have done, instead they give credit to others. Good leaders stand up for those they lead. They go to bat for those working with them. Good leaders are not "yes men." A good leader is especially difficult to find today. Too many, in a leadership role, are focused on their own image and "pats on the back." When this becomes the focus, the leadership role is diminished. They look out for number 1, are happy to credit or place blame on anyone but themselves, and refuse to hear anything that goes against them. Being a good leader is a difficult position. The thing is, most times, it take many to complete a task. Claiming that it is a single person that has, or berating a team below you to make you look better, is not leading. The way I see it, being a leader, is just like a relationship. You may think your partner is a complete fool, but in public...you are a united front. You may get home and tell them in no uncertain terms how much of an idiot they are...but in public you are a team. A good leader will also inspire their charges to want to do and be better. Being a leader, is not an easy job. It's multifaceted, requires constant effort, and at times, requires finding others that have what it takes to do the best job possible. Again, this is not much different than a relationship. Not everyone is capable of being part of a team. 

Over the last several decades, society has taken a very peculiar turn. We have evolved from a society of self-sufficiency, reliability; into one of excuses. It's really quite a freak show anymore. When men are told they are toxic, they end up running around in their sisters jeans with a bun on their head. Men no longer are capable of defending their partners or family. Women went from fighting for equal rights, to now believing they can be men, allowing men to physically beat women in women's sports. Children no longer have any respect for anyone or anything. They believe they can mouth off to whomever they wish and not have any repercussions. People walking into the capital building is an insurrection, yet people burning down cities/businesses/federal buildings and defacing federal and personal property is considered acceptable...it's a messed up world! It's become acceptable to use every excuse, not to mention every label possible, on everything! Allowing excuses instead of thriving for excellence has become normal. It's completely upside down! When you have people choosing to sit at home on computers/videos games all day, refusing to get a job or two, pissing and moaning about anything; they become null and void. They are not productive members of society. Stop all the excuses. You have a health issue, do something about it! Stop using it as an excuse. You don't know how to do something, LEARN!!! The internet is full of how to videos, there are tons of skills you can learn through apprenticeships too! I scroll through social media and just shake my head. I just do not get how so many seem to be content to just exist. There is so much possible, even today, if you are willing to put in the effort. There are people, older than me, still putting in 12+ hours a day, before getting home to work around their houses. Yet there are twenty somethings that struggle to get through an 8 hour day. There are people that have just begun to take their own health issues into their own hands today...eating healthy, exercising, even if it means starting out with a 5 minute low impact exercise. There are people that refuse to give up on their dreams, even if it means finding multiple ways it won't work...before finding one the does. 

Sadly, I have seen so many fall into each of these areas. While there are plenty of others that refuse to understand or acknowledge the need for changes. Overall, it's become easier for people to live disposable lives. Rather than working on something, "waste not want not," they get rid of it and get something new. People have chosen to use excuses to not accomplish great things, instead they focus on something or someone that dropped the ball in their life. Use those set backs, instead of as an excuse to not succeed...use it as a catalyst to achieve everything you want and more! We all have 2 choices in life - success or failure...AND NEITHER ARE PERMANENT!!! Anything worth having or doing, requires constant effort. You may find a million ways something doesn't work, before finding a single way that it does. The only one responsible is YOU!!! You have to decide where you want to go, who you want to be and if you want to succeed. Just you! It's no one else's responsibility but your own. 

So, here's another opinion to upset some....my opinions usually do. I don't voice an opinion without enough knowledge to know what I'm talking about. So, I hope this inspires some to do and be better...even starting with small steps today. Knowing you are responsible for your own life should be empowering. It should be a constant work in progress. No one knows it all, about it all...although many like to believe otherwise. My own experience, the more I learn...the more I realize how much I didn't know!

Cultivating Growth In Life

 

                                                    Cultivating Growth In Life

This blog is entirely my generalized opinion, from lessons I have learned and continue to learn daily. We each go through different phases at different ages, and from different experiences or current life path. The great thing for each of us, is that we have choices that can change the direction, if we are willing to make the efforts to do so.

I personally find it funny that I am considered at mid-life age. I remember thinking mid-life was old...and I do not feel old, mostly. I still remember the feelings/thoughts from my 20's & 30's, the ups and downs that went with life. I still remember the long sleepless nights of newborns, the constant care of toddlers, the teething, watching all their firsts, and even into the preteen years. I remember the jobs I held, the struggles and the joys. I don't feel all that different at nearly 50, than I did 20 or 30 years ago...aside from a few more aches, and a lot more knowledge. 

My kids, at least my 2 oldest, are now at the age I begin to remember very well. The 21-24 year old range was the time I "sowed my wild oats." I explored, I tried new things, new job directions, different people, worked hard, partied when I could, finished my "formal education," and found out who I was separate from my extended family. I made more than my share of mistakes and bad choices. I also made some amazing choices that continue to shape who I am today. It was during that time, I had to learn to pay attention to details, after some dumb mistakes. Even though I have continued to make some mistakes, I work hard to learn my lessons from them. I am not perfect in any shape of the word. Using the lessons I learned, I was able to work towards raising my children to break the generational molds. 

My generation of kids was pretty much raised fending for ourselves. By today's standards, we had detached parents. We didn't have parents up our rears every second of the day, we weren't over-stimulated with activities because they didn't have time to cart our butts everywhere, and we were forced to be outside playing. We sat on the hot tar roads, popping the tar bubbles until someone yelled "car," girls and boys alike were playing in the dirt and grass with Hot Wheels and Tonka's. We rode bicycles everywhere. We had our groups of friends, and our groups of bullies. We mostly looked out for each other, as did other parents that were around. We weren't a bunch of germaphobes, worried about washing our hands every 20 seconds, and none of were sick everyday either. If you fell down, you rubbed some dirt on it, got up and tried again and again. If you were involved in an activity, you busted your butt to do your best, but you were only rewarded if you were the best. Otherwise, you worked harder to prepare for the next time. Nothing was handed to you. You worked for it...mowing the yard, babysitting, after school jobs, but you did chores and you weren't getting a dime for that. If you got in trouble in school, it was going to be ten times worse at home! You did NOT disrespect or talk back to your parents...you might have ended up with missing teeth, a shoe up your butt or a time frame you don't remember. Even an eye roll or too deep of a breath would be considered "talking back." 

Kids today have gone soft. I don't know a single "kid" under 30 that could have survived the 80's & 90's. My own included! Most parents today work. There isn't a parent full-time home anymore, it's just not possible for most. However, kids are in all sorts of extra curricular activities, daycares, after school programs, etc. and that has the younger generations over stimulated, and they don't know how to handle boredom or even a challenge in real life. The younger generation has been brought up with everyone getting a ribbon to avoid exclusion, so they don't understand the stamina it takes to excel. They enter the world thinking if their feelings get hurt, everyone else is in the wrong. Real life is hard and we have created such a mental softening that it is making it even harder for them. Everyone wants to talk about mental illness, but I see it more as a mental softening. As I said, I am guilty too. We always want to do better for our kids, but we(myself included) have made it worse. We have taken to hover parenting. Everything from too much screen time, to too many activities, being too over zealous in illnesses, to not allowing our kids to experience failure and growth. Young people today do not understand that failure isn't permanent, that we should learn from what doesn't work. When they experience a set a back, they think it's the end of the world and become "depressed." Rather than teaching our young people to build from guaranteed failures, we teach them that failing isn't an option. How wrong is that?! I know, from experience, I have failed a LOT! I used those lessons to grow, become better and do better next time! I have made plenty of mistakes. I fix what I can, but learn from all of them! 

So many times, we unintentionally project our own issues onto the kids. Again, I am guilty of this too. We give advice from our experiences, but we also give it from the point that we are at currently. While that can be beneficial, it can also cause a world of other issues. Giving advice, as most of us do, is our opinion only. Many times we do not know the entire story, unless you see what goes on behind closed doors...sadly, we never get the full story. My Dad always told me there were 3 sides to a story - his side, her side and somewhere in the middle was "the rest of the story." Again, from my own experiences...the way I perceive issues/problems, is usually completely different than my husband sees them. Our responses to those issues/problems are usually, also at different ends of the spectrum. Even though we still have kids at home, even they don't know the entire rest of the story. My husband and I can sit down, have a conversation or yelling match...but usually it's the conversations when we lay in bed talking at night, when we find a common ground. Sometimes, we have to just agree to disagree. This tends to be an issue for younger people though. They hit some hard spells, and rather than try to find that middle road, they give up. 

It all reminds me of a young lady that I spoke with a couple of months ago. She was mid-20's, and had quite a plan for life. She had a reference guide for her dates! She was part of the online dating stuff. She chose her dates based off this guide. Now, I get the dating world is COMPLETELY different than it was 30 years ago, but holy cow!! They had to look a certain way, had to have a certain income, had to have a "life plan" (what the hell is that?), they had to be in one of four industries, and way down the list of about 50 items...they had to like to travel, like animals but not eat any, the guys parents couldn't be divorced, etc. Damn! No wonder she was having troubles with dating. First of all, how are you going to find a partner for your life if you are not physically interacting with people? Second, talk about limiting yourself or having a simple marriage of convenience. I tried to understand the thoughts that went into this...but honestly, it left me with my jaw hanging open. I have heard plenty of stories of the dating world today, and I don't think I could do it if I had to. It just breaks my heart that young people have become so superficial. 

For me, it comes back to the how we were raised though. Even in my generation, we were raised with checking off boxes, as a means of how successful we were. Finishing high school, finishing college, getting married, buying a house, having a kid, yada yada. I won't lie...I bought into that for awhile. I thought that laundry list of accomplishments would mean I had been successful. I have since found out that it's a big ole crock! None of that made me successful, so to speak. I have done the married thing, I finished high school and college, I have amazing kids, I have a house...and you know the biggest success I have, is having a family that is my entire world...no matter how frustrated they make me at times. My success is not based on material stuff...it's based on the people I have in my life. It's not money, possessions, or any of that nonsense. Sadly, you can share this knowledge with others, but too often it's not going to be recognized. The world today has destroyed the family unit...with divorces, dysfunction, over extended schedules, outrageous debt and a lack of stamina to hold hard to core values.

It's sad to me. Growing up in a divorced family, it super tough. Especially when the adults can't co-parent, use/manipulate not only the kids but the other parent as well, or they simply use the kids as a pawn. I swore when I had kids, I would do everything in my power to never put them in any of those situations. I nearly broke that pact many years ago. I will not take all the blame, but I know it's take 2 to make or break any relationship. Fortunately, we have avoided it. However, we part of a rare bunch. It's not easy. We are two very independent, and different people...even now. We hit heads, we argue, we fuss, we mutter under our breath; but at the end of the day...we keep going. We keep trying. It's a daily challenge to avoid miscommunication, differences of opinions, and still the differences in our upbringings. Sometimes, though, it's the late night break through or compromises that make the biggest impacts. Learning to be a united front in public, even if having the "you're an idiot" conversation in private, keeping your life private in a world of over shared everything, and learning that having to label everything is nonsense. 

 

It's ok to not have a concrete plan, sometimes having a laundry list of backup plans is necessary. You may even get to plan z before you find the right decision. Learning that a failed attempt, is not the end...but it means you found a way that didn't work. Go on to the next plan and the next until you find one that does work. Don't over schedule your life. I know everyone needs to work, but you must make time for things other than work...and running kids to everything under the sun. Plan a day of no screen time hiking, board games, actually being present in the lives of your loved ones, without the distractions of technology. I know this is difficult, but the most rewarding parts of life come from some of the most difficult parts. Get to truly know your kids, and let them know you...without the stress of technology or scheduled activities. They will truly hate the no screen time for awhile, guaranteed! They will thank you for it later! Actually listen when they talk to you, ask questions to clarify if needed. If you have little kids...getting down on their level to talk/play can make a world of difference! 

I am still learning and growing every day. I'm nearly 50 and I don't care what anyone says...you can teach an old dog new tricks, if you have the stamina, determination, patience and desire to do so. One of the best of life, aside from my family, has been learning and growing every day. None of us know everything about everything. Honestly, many of us don't even realize what we don't know. We have been taught that learning ends when you are out of school, and you should just "know," once you reach a certain age. That could not be further from the truth.

Coffee Chat

 

November 3, 2023

It's difficult to know where to start this chat. I would love to ramble on about the upcoming holidays, and I will eventually. Yesterday, was another eye opener for me, another one, and I need to work through it. My day started with another great group of veterans at a local Veterans Coffee. I look forward to those monthly meetings. That group has welcomed my daughter and I into their mix, and it helps my heart. Each month, the group gives donations to the local food pantry to help restock paper and nonfood products. After the meeting, I had a laundry list of errands to run. I tend to let errands pile up until there is a real need to actually get things done. A part for the truck, sheep feed, goat feed, chicken, and then a trip to the grocery store. The grocery store left me shaking my head. I'll get into that in a minute. I was exhausted after the errands and meeting, from all the energies. That part is harder to explain. Then, this morning, catching up on news stories from a few days...had me asking more questions. Learning to function without a cell phone has been a challenge. You do not realize how much those damned devices have become required to do even the simplest of tasks....until you don't have one. This doesn't even touch on the fact that making or receiving calls becomes very complicated, and zero access to texting - which seems to be most peoples preferred form of communication now. It's nuts! Ok, so let's dive into all of this.

I want to start with the grocery store. We all know food prices are out-of-control. So many people I have heard talking are scaling back on everything, especially food. I saw this happening each time I have gone to the store over the past year. Yesterday, I was floored by the shopping carts, food prices and check out totals. I was only in the store to get a few things, mainly the sale items I had seen on their ad. I did end up with a few other things that I knew we were running low on. Anyway, I visited with an older man, probably in his 80's, that was talking about some of precooked foods that were available - soups that were frozen, taco meat frozen, and some beef fully cooked beef roast. He said it was easier for him to have these items as he only cooked for himself, he could take these items home, thaw them out, and separate them into portions for himself and it was cheaper for his budget. He explained to me that a woman who lived just down the street from him, another older person, was struggling until her new Medicare program kicked in because the cost has wiped out her savings because of all the hype on tv about the plans. Anyway, his plan was to divide out the items he was buying and share them with her. We talked for only a few a minutes, but we agreed that these types of items would be great to have set aside for helping someone in need get through a tough time. Mind you, the frozen soups are less than $4 for about a gallon of soup. The taco meat was $6 for 5 lbs of premade/precooked meat. Now, I am not a fan of precooked meats, but I did buy some of each yesterday. Whether we eat them for a quick meal, or I just keep them in the event someone is in need of food...that gentleman touched my heart with his story. I wish everyone shared in those same principals. Anyway, I decided to start getting a price list for the upcoming holiday meals. Wow, was that unbelievable. I honestly was shocked by some of the prices, and surprised by others. A couple weeks ago, I had gone into the store and they had 3 turkeys. Those turkeys were priced at $1.79 lbs. Yesterday, there was not a single turkey. Fortunately, my son found turkeys when he was out for 98 cents a lbs, and bought 2. Pricing the items I needed for the upcoming meals added up quickly, and there were several items that store didn't have. I'm going to be putting together a price list, for our traditional meal, at this year's prices and compare notes to last year's cost. I'm sure that will shocker. Simple things, in the sale ads I have seen just this week, like soda...OMG! I'm sure glad I don't drink that stuff!!! $7 for a 12 pack of Pepsi products...good grief!! I remember complaining 3 years ago when they were $3.95 a 12 pack. The cost of pasta has gotten outrageous too! I know a few things have come down in price...but not many. As I was standing in line to check out, there were several at the registers that had 2-3 shopping carts full! I have shopped that way, but that is typically 2-3 months of food for my household. As each of the shoppers were visiting with the cashiers, all but one was shopping for THIS MONTH alone. There were 2 that I could personally hear and see. The first was a woman with 2 heaping carts, and the undercarriage full too. That was her groceries for TWO WEEKS. OMG! Her total was well over $800. While I have my own opinion on these 2 women, I know my jaw hit the floor. The second one, had a baby, but also had a cart full and the undercarriage full, and her total was just over $600. I will be the first to admit that I am pretty judgmental. I rarely buy name brand anything, and will cut every corner possible. When the last one was emptying her cart with all name brands, the large chunks of uncut steaks, snack foods galore, soda, the highest priced coffee in the store; I knew exactly who was paying for those groceries...and I was right. 

For a week now, I have been kinda flying blind, without a cell phone. Let me tell you, you do not realize how much you depend on one until you no longer have one! So much of our lives now revolve around them. They are not only phones, but used for text messaging, cameras, calendars, notes, paying bills, and GPS. Just to name a few. I don't live on my phone, as much as most, so I didn't believe that it would be a big deal to be without for a few weeks. Of course, mine would quit when one of my friends had a bad accident and I had no way to check in. At the end of month, when I had started putting everything into my calendar with reminders so maybe I'd quit forgetting so much. When I need to finalize the financials and year end paperwork for our veteran hunt and have a conversation with our partners and committee. And it naturally died, before I could remove or write down pictures, documents or even contacts. So, now I am going to have to figure out how to get all of that. The stupid phone will turn on, but the touch screen doesn't work at all. So frustrating! I refuse to spend a ton of money on these stupid phones that are outdated in a week. Not to mention, our area has limited service and paying a pricey phone plan will also not happen. So, needless to say, I have some pretty hard and fast guidelines to work with. We did manage to find some phones and a plan that were acceptable, it's just a matter of getting them and trying to recover our numbers to a new phone and plan. Such a pain!!

I have talked before about the pricing of animal feed. Living on a farm is a serious gamble from year to year. Sure, it has a ton of benefits, but there are also a ton of expenses. The past 3 years, the expense have increased at record rates and even though some prices have begun to decrease...it's at very slow rates. As a small farm, our farm depends on the livestock production, the hay production and the feed cost ends up decreasing the profits substantially. My feed run yesterday showed our sheep feed has remained the same, the goat and chicken feed have decreased by only a few cents. Because we had such a severe drought this year, our hay was also seriously short. That means we had to purchase hay too. The cost in our area had shot up, at one point to over $200 per bale. We were able to get some for a lot less, but still - having to purchase it will lessen the profits even more. When Covid hit, everyone and their brother jumped into raising chickens. All that stimulous money ended up burning a hole in people's pockets. Rather than paying off debts, they went on spending sprees. So now, selling eggs is ridiculous. Not to mention, when you can buy the mass produced white eggs for $1 or so again, people think us lowly small farms should sell ours for that too. It's crazy that more people don't understand where there food comes from or how it's raised.

I personally am affected by other people's energy. You could put on a good show, act nicely, and have a silver tongue...but I have a built in bullshit detector. Whether you call this energy, vibe, or gut...there isn't much that gets past me. I observe, a lot! I tend to keep my distance from people until I have an understanding of their energy. When I am in stores, there is so many different energies, and sometimes it becomes overwhelming for me. When there is a bunch of rude people, that ends up ratcheting up my anxiety to a level that I have to physically leave the store. That was my experience at each of the places I was at yesterday. Especially the grocery store. It's difficult to explain, but once I get overwhelmed...I am done with whatever I am doing.

 

On to the holidays. I am honestly struggling with this, this year. I can't seem to find the same spirit I've gotten in prior years to even get excited. I am hoping this changes soon. We always plan for traditional meals on the holidays, our open house and even our New Years Eve gathering. This has always been my favorite time of year. The planning, the gatherings, the cooking, the baking, basically all of it. I love the beautiful decorations, and the kindness that is more defined usually during this time of year. Gifts to me are not as big of a deal. I like them, but my most favorite gifts are the times I get to spend and share with those I love. Having a younger child still at home, I want to help teach her these traditions so they can be passed down to future generations, without the drama/bias of the holidays being only about gifts. That has become more difficult through the years. It also is more difficult with others that no longer do these old-fashioned traditions. This year, I hope to be able to include my new daughter-in-laws, and my daughter. My husband has said it is time for me to start decorating...even though I had pretty much decided I wasn't decorating until December. I guess maybe he is hopeful it bring out some of my normal spirit. Maybe it will. 

 

Anyway, I have a list to get knocked out. Hopefully, the coming days will help redirect my mood, and allow me to find what I am looking for. Stay safe, warm and be kind. 

Mental Cleanout - Frustrations, Gen X kid, and More

It's time for some DEEP cleaning!!!

 

I don't even know where to begin today! I am beyond ticked about so many different things. My stupid cell phone was the catalyst to the frayed end of my rope lately. I work very hard to manage my temper and my moods. I'm talking dozens of notebooks of journaling to keep too many thoughts from piling up in my head or spewing out of my mouth. The minute amount that I share online doesn't even cover a small fraction!  I'm told I think too deeply, too much or whatever...maybe the real issue is others don't think enough.

I may think too deeply, but I can promise I am a "too much" kind of person. I love, care, think, give loyalty, and give empathy too much too. I'm not for everyone, especially the weak. I am honest to a fault, will argue what I know to be true, and I will research the hell out of things that I don't know or don't make sense to me. If you have any clue about who I am as a person, you will know my facial expressions will tell an entire story before I can even school them! One thing I can tell you from experience, there are more people that ignore or don't pay attention to details let alone anything else, than there are that do. When you have the character I do, you get taken for granted a LOT! 

I don't dislike who I am, it's actually quite the opposite. I have grown to love the woman I am, flaws and all! All the trials I have faced in my life, they did shape me, but they also made me a better person. I have chosen to rise above them, to learn from them and to push myself to become better. I could have easily taken the other path; becoming bitter, using them as excuses to not do/be better, to become depressed or oppressed, or worthless. I'm NOT! I am smart, because I was once stupid. I am strong because I was once weak. I am stubborn, hardheaded, set in my ways - because I was once run over, used, and treated badly. Meek, weak, frail, can't....THESE ARE NOT IN MY VOCABULARY. I have struggles that would be a bit less if I didn't buck the "system" at every turn, but I refuse to just live on my knees. 

My final thoughts on this line:  I am too much for many. I get that. Even when I am too much, I am worth it for the right people. The rest are not my people, they are just lessons to learn from. I am perfectly me, good, bad or ugly. I am happy to be unique, not like everyone else. Sadly, I wish I had learned this 40 years ago. Life, phases of life, people, and situations cause us to face reactions or responses to actions...and as we get older, we learn that when patterns repeat, you have to remove that toxicity from your life or you will be dragging an anchor behind you and you will end up going down with it. 

As I move on to more mental clean out, I know many will tune out or leave this blog. It's ok. I am only one person, I can't save everyone or even help everyone. I honestly don't want to. I want to give thoughts, experience and ideas to others that fall into the same "too much" category that I do. The world is experiencing what some are calling a spiritual battle of epic proportions. I feel this in my own gut to be true. The world is on fire. We are dealing with weak leadership, war mongering politicians in every country of the world, our fiscal irresponsibility have created an unrepayable debt, our children/grand children are being strapped with that debt, too many people are distracted by things that shouldn't matter yet are intentionally ignoring the things that should, consumerism has replaced capitalism, family units have been divided for decades but are being further divided by ignorance, greed has taken the place of empathy/responsibility/moral. While I am not religious, the understanding of a God, whatever name you choose to address this, has been replaced with worship of actors, sports figures, and a million other things. One area of trouble for me has been having a twenty something still living at home. So many people have looked down their noses at this. Has everyone forgotten that having multi-generational homes was NORMAL until about 50 years ago?! Why has this become such a taboo thing now? Sure, I get parents wanting to down size or spend time alone. However, in my case, that is neither one an issue. When I became a parent, in my mind, that is a lifetime job. That means I will always do, say and push for what I believe to be best for my kids. I don't care if they are 5, 35 or 75!! With the state of our country, the economic uncertainty, and even the multiple wars happening currently - it makes ZERO sense to push my kids to buy, let alone rent a house. ZERO sense to rack up unnecessary debt. Sure, we can all give advice that seems to fit the situation, BUT we do not always KNOW the entire situation...and encouraging debt at today's interest rates on everything is irresponsible and could potentially be detrimental to people and relationships. Realistically, relationships are in such turmoil in today's world...they do not need any more flames. Realistically, we should ALL be learning to be more fiscally responsible. What happens if you lose your job, lose your pension or retirement; do you have the cash money to support yourself until you can get another income? When 70% of this country depends on their job, pension, retirement, social security or disability....that also means the large majority of this country would be SUNK if they lost it!! American's especially, have become not only weak but debt driven. When it takes 20% down, 8-10% interest for good credit; to purchase a home 60% inflated above the average American income - NOW, is NOT the time to be spending stupidly. 

Most of you know my push to stock your pantry. This makes sense to me. We all have to eat...but what if you lost your income? How long could you make it on just what you have in your home currently? Could you survive a day, month, 3 months, a year? What will you do when you have to choose whether you eat, pay a utility, vehicle payment, or rent/mortgage to keep a roof over your head, have large vehicle repair bill, major home repair bill, a medical emergency? I do not understand those that keep pushing back against being stocked up for food, water and essentials. Common sense says that this is one area we CAN control, and we need to be. Yet, there are some that think food just grows on the grocery shelves, that they could never lose their income, or having a stock pile is for "weird people." That was a new one for me yesterday. The question, "are you one of those weird people? those dooms day prepper people?" LMAO!!! Nope, I don't have a tank in my barn, or an underground bunker with an old ham radio, or a complete arsenal. I believe in being responsible, doing everything within my power to never need anything from anyone, and to make certain my family would have what they needed in the event of an emergency - whether that is weather or man-made. I believe that God has won this spiritual battle, but it is my job to honor him, by doing all I can to help myself and anyone else that will listen. I do not believe we are expected to just sit back and depend on government or anyone else, or just "have faith," the thing is...I have full faith in God, not in mankind. There is a reason I was pulled to this life, that I never really understood until the last few years. That's a story for another time though. I grew up mostly in a town/subdivision. So leaving everything I had ever known behind for something so foreign to me...I'm sure seemed seriously crazy to my family. After an overnight trip here previously, I knew in my heart I was meant to be here. For what reason, would take years to make sense. Now, I can say that being here has pushed me to learn so much more than I could have ever learned, had I not moved here. 

I did not grow up learning how to prepare, preserve or even really protect. My Dad gardened for as long as I can remember but we never canned or froze anything...that I can recall. We didn't have a root cellar, or a basement with shelving for jars or potatoes. Many times there was barely enough food to get through a week. I was never around firearms or learned how to safely use them. I never learned self-defense until I was a young adult. I didn't learn how to cook or bake. Shoot, I remember eating a chopped beef sandwich with a single slice of the "meat," because that was all that was available to feed four kids. While I do have some good memories of my childhood in our neighborhood, and had some good friends there...I grew up with just enough. I was Gen X, that meant spending most of our time outside of school - OUTSIDE! We didn't have parents up our butts at every corner, even though at that time, all the parents actually watched out for everyone's kids. We truly did drink from garden hoses, usually the ends were covered with dirt and you'd get a mouthful if you forgot to wipe it off. We'd ride bikes, play, run around the entire neighborhood in groups. We had bullies, but they were handled with fights and if it got too bad, the parents stepped in - including the bullies parents to tan their backsides! I actually grew up without a cell phone, the internet, or even technology until I was basically in high school. At that time, there were repercussions for your actions - both good AND bad. Talking back to your parents, telling them "no," or to "shut up," meant a bar of soap or missing teeth. It wasn't abuse, it was discipline, so you didn't grow up to be an asshole. There was abuse, but I was not personally effected by that. We weren't allowed to be involved in everything under the sun. You picked one thing, and you stuck by it until it was over, period. You did not get everything you wanted. You got gifts for your birthday and Christmas - most of which was items you needed and a few that you wanted. You appreciated everything!! We never did the name-brand thing. You got what was affordable, or what was handed down. I know I always loved when my older cousin handed down her clothes. It was like a Christmas to me. Kids today, would not survive my childhood...my own included. 

I learned preparation by some of the most amazing women! My husband's grandmothers and mother were my guides. That was all he ever knew. They all grew big gardens, which were all divided amongst each family involved. He has told stories of one grandfather growing all the potatoes to feed, I believe, 5 families. They grew corn, and would all get together when the corn was ready to shuck, silk and work up that corn. It was then divided among the families. The same went with beans. Everyone worked together, like a well oiled machine, to preserve and divide them out to the families. Not only did it take the entire group to do this, but everyone working together to make sure all their families were fed until the next harvest. I was lucky enough to get to see a lot of this first hand, for many years. I learned to garden watching my Dad, but I learned to grow big gardens and preserve them from my husband's family. One grandmother, days after we got married, told me if I was going to be his wife...I better learn how to manage the family, keep up what he was "used to" and leave the "city girl" behind. Initially, I was a bit irritated by this. However, I learned quickly that my own short comings were vast and I have never stepped down from proving I can do anything I really want to do. So, my big journey began. That was nearly 25 years ago. I have since learned how to manage my family(although, that is a constant struggle), I learned how to read the garden soil, what additives to make a garden more productive, how to preserve anything and everything possible(not just vegetables, but meat, fish and so much more). I now know how to defend myself AND my family. I have my own firearms, and am proficient with them and many others. I can shoot a bow. I can prepare my household for a year plus, in most necessities. I took every excuse, and every "can't" that was in vocabulary and DID! I got out of my own way! I have learned everything from livestock to poultry, farm equipment to lawn equipment, hay ground to pasture ground, and learned to live on a single income(which I can tell you is one of the biggest challenges). 

While some may not realize it, but I walk the walk. I bust my ass for anything and everything I am involved in. My loyalty is firmly in place until I am given a reason to remove it. I give a lot of chances to others to do the right thing, but even I have a breaking point. Once my trust is broken, it won't ever be the same. I am flawed, and I will never seriously say otherwise. However, I become a better person each and every day. It took me time to get out of my own way, and to understand that there was so much I didn't know. I had to take a giant leap out of my comfort zone. The one thing one of my husband's grandmother told that applies to, not only gardening but life itself - "when you garden, you are taking a leap of faith. You patiently plant that garden, nurture it, pray that mother nature helps give it what it needs, and once all the hard work is put in - you reap the harvest. Then however, more work is in store to preserve that harvest to care for your family through the off season. A garden should be a labor of love." The life lessons through gardening, for me, have brought to me a place in life that I still get excited for and dread...every year. The patience, the work, the upkeep, the harvest, and preservation bring me a sense of pride, value, and a return to time when people understood what mattered most in life. I have felt like I returned to my own roots, and hope that my own grandparents and distant grandparents are smiling down on me. Even though my own children are in a struggle with modern life; the antique beliefs I have pushed for our family, brings many battles. One day, I pray they will appreciate, and strive to hold on to their roots and teach their own children. 

This week has been a very difficult one for me. I have battled with sadness, anger, anxiety, and a whole host of other emotions. As much as I love my life and my little farm, sometimes it does get lonely when you don't have a tribe that you share a common goal. I learned many years ago to cope. Sometimes, I just have to express what I'm dealing with. Life is difficult for most people right now, no matter what your situation is. All the nonsense in the world has all of us bouncing our heads like we are watching a tennis match...from one issue to another to another. I try to stay upbeat, positive and turn everything I can't control over to God...but I am only human, and will never be perfect. One thing I can promise, I will always be me; smart mouthed, sarcastic, opinionated, hard headed, strong willed, well researched, and constantly striving to do and be better than I was yesterday!!!

Coffee, farm, season changes

 

Seasonal winds have shifted around here. Let's visit.

Living as we do, we pay attention to the changes in weather, seasons, plants, and wildlife. Many times, those things are much more accurate than any meteorologist. The weather shifts are visible in not only the wildlife behaviors, but also in livestock/chickens/dogs/etc. Have you noticed the change in your pets when it's going to rain/storm? If you pay attention, you will see it. Animals get a little "squirrely," they don't behave as well, are racing around like their backends are on fire, or simply just don't listen. Wildlife and livestock, are the same way. Their behavior differences can alert you to an upcoming weather change. Typically the worse the behavior, the worse the weather difference, at least in my experience. The time of year, also indicates the weather pattern disruptions too. This could be rains, storms, snow, ice, cold, etc. 

Even though we have stayed warmer longer than normal, even the gardens have a built in radar. While I still had plants growing, some still producing, many of them had been dying off for several weeks. Our growing season here is typically the end of May until the end of September. We've had years when there is still snow on the ground in May, and years - like this one, when there is still some growing degree days in October. However, usually by the of September...you need to be finished with the gardens, as they do not produce much, if anything beyond that. This year we have had extreme droughts, and later than usual increased temps. My gardens have been officially put to rest for the winter. We spent our weekend on winterization projects. Thankfully, we had the help of our oldest son and my youngest brother, and that allowed us to get a lot more done. It's always sad to me when it's time to get the gardens ready for winter, and when the mowing is officially done for the year. 

Another area that seems like it would be the stuff of old wives tales, but it's not, is the persimmon seed predictions and the weeds going to seed. I will be perfectly honest here, almost all the weeds going to seed - this is my husbands thing. I do not know all the weed names, or the folk lore that goes with them. I just know that certain ones will not go seed until just before our first frost. As for the persimmons, this is fascinating to me. There are seeds in this fruit that have one of three "images" in them. A spoon, knife or fork. Each of them is supposedly a prediction of the coming winter. To this point, everyone that has shared them this year has gotten spoons. This typically means lots of moisture, which indicates warmer than average temps to allow snow fall. I honestly can't remember the meaning of the fork or knife as I write this. While some moisture in the ground would be welcomed, I am hopeful to not have a harsh winter. Over the next week or two, we will be watching the wildlife a little closer. The squirrels, the deer, fox, and even rabbits are telling, if you pay attention. 

As for right here...we did get our main garden put to rest for the winter. We got it cleaned out of any remaining produce, pulled/cut the remaining plants and weeds, and my husband even got it plowed up this year. We did some rearranging of my chicken pen earlier in the fall so the old area where no grass had grown this summer is also now plowed, and will become another garden next year. I am actually thrilled at having another garden area! My husband, son and brother were able to get a portable building put together to house square bales of hay and straw. This opened up our barn to allow for more lambing pens for the sheep this year. They also got the carburetor fixed on the wood splitter, my brothers garden plowed up, my son's hay hauled for his cows, my brother helped me finish cleaning out the floor of my chicken coop.  It was a very productive weekend on our farm. 

I personally have had some revelations. I have spent a lot of years jumping for everyone and everything. I've always tried to make life a little easier for those I care about. I don't do this for any reward, or even recognition. I do it because, in my eyes, this is what you do for your loved ones. Sadly, you put yourself in a position that it just becomes expected and others raise the bar to expect more and more. Last winter, I spent the entire winter seriously sick! It sucked!! Most didn't even acknowledge it, I was still expected to jump when anyone needed me, and the amount of help I personally got was almost zero. It's ok. I have honestly come to expect that. It just really hurt me for that realization to slap me, as it did. It took almost every ounce of energy I had last year just to get out of bed, make minimal amounts of meals, keep just basic cleaning up, and make sure laundry was done. Beyond that was a huge stretch. Anyway, it took this for me to realize a few things. First, my expectations of others, is my own issue. I have always believed that there is good in everyone, that people are inherently empathetic, and it just took someone believing in them for that to come out. You know, I believed I could help everyone become their best by helping them to the point of burning myself out. I was wrong. Second, this is basically the same as the first. I believed that people needed a hand up to better themselves, so I tried to do that; when in reality they were just looking for a hand out. This is not how I think, so it's difficult for me to understand. Third, burning myself out, did not help anyone or anything. All I did was allow my body to get run down, depleted of what it did need, and destroy my own peace of mind. Fourth, I let my own passions go. So much of what I have loved doing....I haven't done in a year or more. I haven't taken time to take any pictures with my good camera for a year or more. I have not built any new furniture for nearly 3 years now. I have lost so much drive toward even baking that it's sickening. This year, I am even struggling to find a hint of interest in anything Christmas related. I am burnt out with the rat race that has become of our lives, the disappointment of trying to help others and just getting burned every time. I am tired of trying to everything to everyone else and losing myself AGAIN in the process. 

I guess I've hit my terrible late 40's. I haven't cared what others thought of me for a LONG time, but now, I just ignore most. I have a lot of pet peeves that I have had for years. I've had to reach a point of "I love you, but it has to be from a distance for my own sanity and peace." People that love you do not manipulate you - verbally, mentally or physically. I don't make apologies for my blunt/no bullshit opinions. Sugar coating or mollycoddling is not how I operate. I have enough drama in my house to add any from outside of it. To be honest...I don't deal with drama well no matter where it comes from...so unless you want to be ticked, it's best I don't know about it. Anyway, I have allowed myself to get away from too much of holistic path the past few years, and I can tell. Not only in my health issues, but also in the arena of mind and spirit. There are a few things that I am doing that I wanted to do for me. Several years ago now, I went back to school to get my certificate in Natural Health Consulting. Although I do not do anything professionally with that, it has allowed me different avenues of holistic health options, having not only myself but my children, with severe allergy issues. I have recently become an ordained minister. I have considered this for many years, but the final push was to be able officiate my brother's wedding. I am also currently studying Reiki. I am a firm believer that God has given us what we need in every sense, but we have become too "busy" to pay attention. We have been told by modern medicine not to listen to our own bodies, and instead take some pills to fix problems. I believe this has continued to make society in worse health. Wellness does not come from synthetic, factory produced pills. Pharmaceuticals lose money if someone is "cured," so why would they do that? If you believe they are all trying to find "cures," I am probably not the person to follow. 

Most times anymore, you could tell me that 1 plus 1 would equal 5, and I will say "whatever works for you," and move on! I am not dealing with nonsense anymore. I get people are too "busy" and too broke to pay attention most of the time. However, when people have taken the time to research, they have taken the time to learn...do not discount what they are saying just because you have not. Too many people today are too hypocritical. One that sends my blood boiling, "follow the science." Ok, let's follow the science, but they only want you to follow the science they want to believe...not the science that goes against whatever stupid thoughts they have. A great example, follow the science with the illness but NOT the science that says there are only 2 genders. I think we really need to be following the money on all of it...who is making billions off all the bullshit we are being fed?! Anyway, I am not going any deeper in that rabbit hole today. I follow facts, the ones I have researched and know. Many times, I have learned how wrong my thinking was. That is called education. To learn what you don't know, you don't know. 

Finally today, I have had to push past a lot of my thoughts as I read through social media. People have become weak, needy, insecure and frankly...a bunch of whiners. Myself included! We are allowed to have opinions, for the most part, but sure seems like the age of technology has brought about the age of insecurities. No one can do anything without technology anymore. Yet, spouses get all up in arms over who their spouse is talking to online or on the cell phones. God forbid you have a friend of a different sex. I can tell you, no one is going to tell me who I can or can not talk to. Nor am I opening up my phone for "inspection." I wouldn't be that disrespectful to husband, and I will not be disrespected that way either. If you don't trust your partner, you don't have a relationship worth being in. Period! Putting on a show of how great life is online, while your real life is in shambles is pathetic. So many have to be continuously "reminded" online of their "love," and that just makes me shake my head! I swear, if I roll my eyes any harder, I will be able to see my own brain! Where the hell did the confident, independent, secure, decent and productive people go?!