Believe it or not, for everything I say, there's a million things I DON'T say. I observe a LOT, and have honed in on my own intuition and discernment. All of this, has played into better insight but has also left me bewilder a lot. Not knowing how to manage or tactfully say what I feel is important, ends up leading to not saying anything, and in turn, leads to feeling overwhelmed. So, I am going to unpack a few subjects today, and wade through some thoughts.
Weeding through the tangled webs of thought, can be a little messy. It tends to lead to upset in people that are easily offended, or weaker minded. So, this is one area - leadership. Over the last several decades, leadership has taken a big hit. To be a valuable and effective leader, you need to be willing and able to work along side those not in that position, be capable of empowering those around you to be better, stronger and effective. You have to be capable and willing to teach/direct those around you, so you don't have to micromanage, or constantly hand hold to get tasks accomplished. You have to be able to weed through those lacking in ability for a job, those abusing or behaving lazily, and those that are not cost effect for whatever job/industry you are working on. Nothing will kill a great employee faster that seeing a poor one excel because they are willing kiss more ass. I think we have all seen how a lack of leadership can make or break any industry - including countries. When a poor employee is costing a job money, not pulling their weight, or creating unhealthy environments; to see that "leader" moving up, creates very unstable environments. A true leader is not one that sits in a tower shouting orders, a leader is in the trenches working shoulder to shoulder and helping each worker excel in the areas they can reach their maximum potential. Some leaders are just born with a natural talent, others can learn to be good and effective leaders.
Along the same path, the roles people play in our lives can be natural or learnt. While I get a lot of grief about my antiquated beliefs, I firmly believe this has brought on the majority of issues today. I believe that the role men play in relationships has become a crux for the messed up world we live in. So many men, have been de-masculinized and removed from the intended role of leaders in family. The family unit has taken a huge hit, and especially when divorces became easier to get than job, while women gained a lot during the suffrage movement, society went to hell. I firmly believe that men and women, have strong roles to play, but they are different roles - neither less important than the other but individually important. Men, in the biblical sense, were created to be strong, hunters/gathers, and heads of a family. Women, to be the nurturers, the creators of life, the home makers. Relationships were bonded in these roles. Men and women are created differently to fulfill these role. We are not equal, because we were never meant to be. We have equal but DIFFERENT roles. A family, should have both roles represented. Instead, many of today's people have a beer-goggle view of what a family is. It shows up in all the social media - parents can't wait to push their kids out - whether it's to school, extra-curricular or on their own, men not taking on the roles of breadwinner and protector, women not taking the nurturing roles a "mom" serious, children not having good role models/responsibility/discipline. It comes back to - "everyone wants rights, but no one wants responsibility." Now, I am not a believer in dealing with abuse, BUT if you think back just a few generations ago...relationships have always had issues. Our grandparents/great-grandparents, lived by the theory of working through those issues - you know, you fixed what was broken, not just throw it out. We have become a society of disposability, and instant gratifications. We have become dependent on debt, handouts, and living outside our means. Women used to take pride in making their house into a home, raising their children, having children, being the backbone on their home. Now, if you hear talk about someone being a home maker...it is looked down on, and even degraded by many. This is an area I personally know, as fact. I have been a home maker for the better part of 24 years. I have heard all the belittling comments - why don't you go get a "real" job, you don't work - it must be nice to stay home all the time, you are ruining your children's lives by not putting them in daycare/school/etc. Along with a hundred other comments. What so many don't understand, I DO work - 24/7/365, no vacations, no sick days, no wage increase, no breaks. My "job" is, in my eyes, the most important job in the world. I am a Mom and a wife. I gave birth to two children, and have several bonus children I have welcomed into my home and family. I brought two little miracles into this world, that means it is MY responsibility to raise/care/educate them. PERIOD! I take my responsibilities extremely serious, always have. It is not the job of anyone else to care for these children, provide for them, or in any fashion educate them. It has been my job to try to teach them right from wrong, to teach them strong morals and values, to teach them the importance of their roles in life, and to prepare them for the messed up world we are currently living in. It's not an easy task, when there are so many bad influences and screwed up morals. It just makes me push even harder for my children to see and understand their responsibilities even more. The family unit has taken a massive hit for several generations now, and you see the results in the several generations of late.
This leads directly to responsibility. This was driven into my head from as far back as I can remember. In my case, it was - you are the oldest that means you have to set a good example for your younger siblings, it meant in my case - stepping in to not only babysit but parent my siblings at times, it meant checking off the boxes that were, at that time, the acceptable way to live(graduate high school, go to college, avoid run-ins with the law, get married, have children, provide, buy a house, etc.). I did all of that. Much of my choices, were made trying to set good examples without learning who I was or could be. I was expected to be a certain way, and I did my best to stay in that lane; even if I swerved a few times. I wanted to make my parents proud, and in turn, I thought it would make me a good person. In many ways, staying in that lane drove home what my responsibilities were and should be. In other ways, it created unrealistic expectations and in my eyes...it has caused me to keep myself in situations I shouldn't have stayed in, out of a misplaced sense of responsibility. The one thing I have learned, I am not much different than a lot of others in my age group and birth position. Being the oldest child always comes with bigger and more defined expectations, and has for forever.
In a time as we are, where this whole conversation of mental health has gone off the rails...it would be easy to start throwing blame and excuses, as many do. I'm not going to. I'm not going to blame anyone for the choices I have or will make, those are mine. Maybe prior to becoming an adult there were choices made for me, but I am too old to keep blaming that. I am responsible for me and have been for almost 32 years. I have made choices and decisions that have both good and bad, I have moments of being extremely bitter about things, I have moments when I let my heart override my common sense, and there are days I do ask...what I did to deserve whatever has happened. I'm flawed just as everyone is. I refuse to allow excuses in my life. I have tried to learn from every experience, to grow and become a better person from the negatives, and to make more positives a normal. I don't always succeed, and there are days I need to hear that I am doing ok and not screwing everything up. Again, I'm human, but living for accolades, praise and constant coddling...no thanks! That's for the weak. That is one thing I will never be, at least not for more than a short period. Weakness breeds excuses and allows manipulation, and steam rolling by people that need to degrade others to feel better about themselves. I say what I believe and what I see as truth, but never outside my 4 walls. I don't do gossip, I go to the source and get truth. Lies irritate me and I will walk away from anyone that proves they can't be trusted.
I don't handle shallowness well. I think deep, and that tends to make it difficult for some to manage. I refuse to play games. Be real, be honest, or stay away. I have struggled with having to step back and allow truths to be revealed, and they will be. The only areas that I will go to bat for, are my children, my husband, my way of life and the veterans. I have noticed my inner circle getting smaller than ever lately, and know many that have said the same thing. When you are observant enough, people reveal their true colors. It's just very sad to me that so much has become fake, irresponsible and manipulated.
I'm leaving this here. This is my outlet for releasing thoughts. As there are still plenty of areas that need to be addressed, and I will be in a video later today or tomorrow. I am finishing this and sending a prayer to find like minded, relatable people. That I will continue to be guided by the hands of our mighty Creator. Even if he must put an arm around my shoulder and his hand over my mouth!
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