New Year - Goals without reflection is like going skiing without skis.

The start of a new year always give me a pause to reflect on the prior year. Whether there were an abundance of bad times, or good. A time to reflect on goals, finances, relationships, or whatever has happened in our lives.

This for me, has become an annual tradition. Not just of brief reflection, but continuing to reflect throughout the year. For about 2 years I have been redefining where I want to go with life. I am constantly looking at relationships around me, finances, my personal goals, the person I have become, the person I want to be, and what I want out of life itself. For me, reflecting allows me to face past hurts, relationships that didn't bloom or ones that have died off. It allows me to look realistically at everything.

So, for this post, I will tell you a little about how I reflect, how I set goals and a few tips I have learned from facing the past that isn't always a pretty memory!

As I said, this journey began about 2 years ago. It was actually started about 7 years ago, but I didn't really realize it until 2 years ago. I was faced with a situation that caused me to not only open my eyes but also to be old enough to face the facts and deal with them. It was 7 years ago that my reality began to change, my personality was challenged, my whole life - or life as I thought I understood it, changed. Since then, there have been little and big issues that have caused me to reexamine my life, my morals, my standards, and my values. I can't help but be grateful to so many experiences in my life that have allowed me to know what I want, need, and also the things I don't!

I love my gardens and nature. My first thought is that to truly reflect, you must find a space that you can relax, breath, and think clearly. As I said, for me that space is in my gardens, walking in nature, riding my horses, or hiking. You must be able to think without interruption and without the input of those that are creating your stress.

Once you have found a place that allows you relaxation, then you need to examine you. I mean really examine...EVERYTHING. Even though many of us have pasts that we'd like to forget parts of, you have to be willing to face those past actions and be totally honest about them. Every single thing you have been through or are going through has shaped who you are, and is still shaping you today. Every single issue is an opportunity for you to grow, and learn from. You just have to be willing to accept whatever the issue, reflect on the lesson at hand, and then be willing to face it - however you need to face it. You have to be honest with yourself through every issue, both past and present. Face them, learn from them, and grow from them.

Now, you need to be willing to make a physical list of good and bad points of your life, both past and present. Make lists of who you want to be, where you want to go, and what you want from life. Of course, this task isn't always easy. I personally keep a journal that is off limits to everyone but me. This way I can be completely honest, without fear of interference from outside sources. Having a journal is one of the best way to reflect, be honest, and be able to reread your thoughts to see a pattern of thoughts too. Writing or typing thoughts, is really a release for your thoughts, and also a stress release when in trying times.

As you move further into your reflections, you will find it easier to put your thoughts in order. You will find that the more you reflect the easier it becomes to be completely honest with yourself too. In the beginning, it's hard to be honest with yourself, and truly be willing to admit to faults, and indescreations that you have dealt with. Being honest with yourself is one of the truly priceless gifts you can give yourself.

I try to recommend keeping a journal at all times, as writing your thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. is a great way to determine who you are as a person. My thought is: if you are constantly trying to be someone that someone else wants you to be, you will never be happy. You have to know how to be yourself, and be happy with yourself before you will ever be happy with anyone else. It is not up to someone else to make you happy, that falls squarely on your own shoulders.

As many of us that were born in the 70's get older, we are finding that what we want isn't whats considered normal by our parents generation let alone by the younger generations. Many of us have turned away from modern medicine and began focusing on natural/holistic medicine. We have transitioned from fast food and store bought, to growing our own gardens again. We raise our kids with discipline, with standards and values. Many of the women from my generation have careers, children, spouses, homes, and still make time for a life of our own. Some of us gave up careers to be full-time moms, and some chose career over children. There is no right or wrong, just personal preference.

As my generation gets older, I personally have found that what others think, is really no business of mine. My household looks at life a whole lot different than most, and since we are all in agreement in our house, outside opinion doesn't matter to us. That's not to say that remarks made don't have an impact but it does tend to drive a wedge in those relationships.

As you continue to reflect, it's important for you to know - without a doubt, what you need. As this is a very brief description, you have to know wants/needs of your own heart. These wants and needs must cover ever area of your life...and be completely honest with yourself!!!

As we get closer to a new year, I encourage reflection. Not only will this give you a starting point for becoming a happier you, it gives you an opportunity to set achievable goals for the coming year...instead of resolutions that will be thrown by the roadside before the end of January.

Setting achievable goals is not only important in careers, but in life too. Setting goals, allows you something to work towards. Setting short-term, long-term goals helps you to not only work towards something, but to manage stress, manage finances, deal with relationship issues, and so much more. When you pair reflection with goal setting, you can move forward in your life a much happier and more grounded person. My next post will be on goals. Setting goals without reflection, to me, is like going skiing without the ski's.

I hope this post will help others, as my own experience with reflection, has allowed me to see life much clearer and to know exactly what I want out of life.

Until next time....
~Sal~

Reflection and Chaos!

It's that time of year when everyone has plans, there are Christmas parties every where, and we wind down another year.

For me, it's a bittersweet time of year. This is the time of year, I really reflect back on the year and take inventory, so to speak, on everything that has happened. Our normal holiday plans are quite a bit different this year, which also means our schedules are thrown out the door. There is no way of keeping anything normal for the next week.

My husband's brother and his family have come to Missouri for Christmas this year. That usually means a lot more activities thrown into an already chaotic schedule. This year, my husband decided to take vacation time during his brothers visit.

My year has been crazy at best. In the path of discovering a person within that I am happy with, I found many road bumps and a whole lot of discouragement. Not for finding myself, for the the person I found who has a very non-typical way of thinking. I found myself in the chaos of learning how to care for livestock, poultry, pigs, and horses. I have had to learn how to juggle everything that goes on in our daily lives, and still have time to cook 3 meals a day, and sleep some. I have learned that many people believe that a Mom that stays home everyday, has nothing but time. Which is far from the truth. I have also learned that time is fleeing. This year I lost my paternal grandfather, and that hit me harder than anyone will ever know. I have watched those that I love deal with issues, I have also found myself pushed further away from my own family. I have learned that even though family is blood, the best friends in the world, are the ones who are always there. They never judge, and always have time to talk.

This year, for me, has been one of many eye openers. You find out very quickly who respects you and who does not. I for one, have found that because we think outside the proverbial box, we are the weird ones. I guess being herded like the cows is normal?! I have also found that no matter how crazy or bad life gets, there's always someone there willing to help. Someone who will not belittle you for your thoughts, but instead will offer a hand up and a shoulder to cry on. It's those there in your worst times, that you learn to not only value and respect, but those are the ones that you love the most.

I will be 38 years old in less than a week. Over the course of those 38 years, I have seen so much. I have moved around, seen both side of the coin of life, and walked away from so many things without knowing why. I have lost many role models in my life pass on, and even some great friends. I've made some huge mistakes and some decisions lead to a more positive and productive life. I have cut people out of my life by choice, while some have just quietly faded away. Yet, there are some that have became such a tremendous part of my life, that weren't before. I've learned who I can trust, who is only in my life when it's convenient for them, and who doesn't want to be in my life at all. Some it broke my heart to watch them slowly fade out, some left and didn't really faze me, and some I have just accepted that although they were in my life - I was never really in theirs. I have been gradually accepting all of this. While some of these things have really hurt, and some have made me mad, all of this was something I had to learn from.

I am a difficult person, I am completely aware of that, but if you can not accept me for who I am, all my faults, and for who I have become; then you don't deserve to be in my life for the good times either. I am the one who handles everything at our home. I am the one who juggles the kids, their school work, my business, the meals, the laundry, the housework, the bills, the everyday life....it's my life. It's not perfect, and neither am I. However, each and every day I do my absolute best to keep everything moving as smoothly as possible. My days are busy from 6 am to well after midnight daily. Do not judge something or someone you know nothing about. And do not try to include yourself into something that you haven't bothered to be apart of, except when it's convenient for you.

Anyone that truly knows me, knows that my children are my world. Although there are days that we drive each other crazy, I wouldn't trade them or the time I get to spend with them for anything! Absolutely every decision I make, is made with their best interest in mind. It may not be what others would do, but these are my kids. I know their personalities, I know their quirks, I know how they operate. I do not teach my kids to blindly follow what they are told. I teach them to question everything. I teach them to speak up for themselves and what they feel is right. I teach them to respect their thoughts and the those who respect them. I do not teach them by drilling thoughts, figures, and statistics into their heads. I teach them to love to learn by questioning everything. Anything that comes up is researched, discussed, and they can draw their own conclusions. 90% of the conversations in our home, include our kids. They are included in talks about finances, time scheduling, and even everyday operations. We spend a lot of time with hands-on learning. Our entire lives, as adults, are not spent with just a single group of people. So, there is no reason we should limit children's abilities and growth to that either.

Even as everyday life is about to be turned upside in the coming days, it is my job, as their Mom, to try to keep some form of normalcy in their lives. Even with the excitement of Christmas in our home, there is dread as I am the one who has to deal with their schedules being tossed out the window. I can only hope that my kids don't end up sick or so overly tired that it takes a month to recover.

I hope that each of you can have a beautiful Christmas with your family. This year, I am just ready for it to be over. As our family winds down yet another year, I hope to reflect more, and maybe be able to find some answers and regain a resemblance of level ground. Maybe find a way to manage my stress a little better, and learn to deal with disappointments a whole lot better. There isn't anything better than finding peace during chaos. I will find my peace again.

Wishing you peace and happiness in 2013 and beyond.

This crazy life...

Life in all its craziness and splendor, contains lessons that many of us miss.

As a child, we struggle to identify ourselves. We do what we are told, are taught what to think, what is appropriate and some are taught respect. Then as we grow up, and face real life...we find that the majority of what we were told really has no bearing on real life. We are thrown into a world that is harsh, unfair, cruel, and even hurtful. We are spoon fed information from media outlets, political leaders, and even family. Yet, we are completely unprepared when something goes wrong. We take example from our peers, of this time, and find someone to point fingers at, instead of taking responsibility for our lives.

As a child of the last baby boomer generation, I have seen so much. My generation of children was brought up with more "stuff" than we needed, a school system that was beginning to change from actually learning to being told what to think, believing that bigger is better and keeping up with the "Jones'" was normal. In my generation, I have seen the constant building of storage units to house all the "stuff" there isn't room for in the house. I have seen the shift in mentality about hard work being the key to the American dream, instead it has become a deal of every one thinks they are owed something. Neighborhoods went from communities where everyone watched each others kids, to not knowing who your neighbors were. When bullies weren't protected, they were punished. When children had respect for their family, instead of complete disregard. When it was encouraged to play outdoors with other children, instead of sitting in front of a television or video game. When hero's were our parents and the military members. When you knew if you misbehaved, you would be spanked or grounded.

I can remember being one of the first houses in our neighborhood to have a microwave or VCR or Atari. We thought we were something special! Now, children believe they are owed everything, and won't do much without payment of some sort. There is no such thing as just doing something to help a neighbor or family member. I can remember going to one set of my grandparents home, and being envious. They didn't live in the greatest or most modern home. It was always so full of love. When you walked into their home, it was warm and inviting. They always took in the strays, those who didn't have anywhere else to go. Those strays were just added to the family. Grandma was always full of valuable, real-life advice. She was always the one that would give you hug just because she thought you needed one. She was a lady that raised children, worked on the farm, gardened, and had a heart so big that she had enough love for everyone and everything. She based her life on caring for her family, feeding her soul, and caring for even the smallest little creatures. She was an amazing woman. I can only hope to be showing that much love to everyone in our lives.

As I have gotten older, I am finding my thoughts and the direction I want our lives to go, to be going back to that of my grandparents instead of my parents. I want my children to understand the value of hard work, to understand that they are not owed anything, I don't want them being envious of what others have but instead be willing to work hard to achieve the same, I want them to understand the pride that goes into being part of a community, helping others even when they can never return the favor. I want them to understand that you don't need a bunch of "stuff," to be happy. Knowing that the greatest gifts we receive are the gifts you can't buy at a store. I want them to know that it's ok to think for themselves and not just be told what to think. I want the kids growing up with old fashioned values, and morals.

While we do try to live our lives simply, on occasion, the outside world is brought into our world. While I think those times are valuable learning experiences, we notice the change in each other when too many of those times come too close together. We don't shelter our kids, but we do look at life differently than most! We put our family first. We don't live to work. We work to live. Our family talks about everything...as a family. We share experiences, thoughts, and opinions. Even our 3 year old is allowed to voice opinions. We do not degrade or down-play their thoughts or opinions. Although we may not always agree with their thoughts, they are respected. Our kids have learned that it's ok to cry, to share emotions, and that there is no such thing as gender specifics. Our son has tea parties with his sister, has learned to cook, and is learning to sew. Our daughter plays with farm toys, helps with the farm chores, and isn't afraid of being dirty. By teaching our kids at home, we are able to show them the importance of learning instead of forcing them to learn. We are instilling the love of learning. Every single day there is so much to learn from so many different sources.

As we celebrate Christmas in our home, we look forward to starting a new year. I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years.
~S~

Slow down and enjoy the scenery!

Life seems to be speeding by at a break-neck speed! Just showing up for life isn't enough. You have to be actually present to enjoy it, learn from it, and truly live it.

Let me start with a little story. Our 12 yr. old has decided he wants to raise pigs. Not just any pigs mind you, Berkshire pigs to be exact. Now, trying to find a full blood Berkshire has been a constant hunt for about 4 months. Finally, we found one. So, this morning was the day to go look at the pig, and see if it was what he wanted.

After a busy weekend, I wanted nothing more than to sit around the house, and veg out all day! I attempted to come up with every possible excuse not to go. Much to my own frustration, there were no excuses not to go! So, we loaded into the truck to begin the 20 minute drive to where the pig was at. The trip wasn't too bad, we ended up seeing some beautiful scenery on the trip up. We looked at the pig, and it was exactly what he was looking for. The drive home was what really changed my outlook today. My husband decided to take the back roads. We cut through a gravel road, and saw some of the most beautiful sights I had seen for awhile. Old barns, old farm houses, cows and horses littering the fields, newer homes built to replace the older homesteads. It was such an eye opener this morning.

The past week has been very hectic for me. I spent the week baking cookies, making candies, and cleaning the house to get ready for our first Christmas Open House. Then came the horrific news of the school shooting in CT and the constant news, imagines and political responses to it. I cried while watching the initial reports, and my heart broke, as a parent, for all the parents. However, I refuse to continue to watch news reports, or even read all the posts on FaceBook. The problem is more news coverage, and more good intentioned people trying to save everything and everyone. They are more worried about everyone and everything else than they are about themselves. I don't mean to sound heartless, but enough is enough. I personally have a family, and home to worry about first and foremost.

Once I turned off the news, I got our home ready for our Christmas Open House, and the family, friends, and neighbors that were to be coming to our home to celebrate such a beautiful holiday. After a great evening with a house full of great people, I have began the hectic schedule of holiday parties in other locations, Christmas with our local families, and the arrival of my husbands brother and his family.

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in stuff that we forget what's truly important. I am no different. We worry about keeping the house clean, keeping up with jobs and farms, and focusing on gifts bought at stores. What we neglect to realize is that the most important things in our lives, aren't things at all. They are the people in our lives. Our spouses, children, parents, siblings, and other extended family. Spreading cheer to those in our communities, and helping those in need.

I think we spend too much time trying save everything from trees, to animals, to limiting what's seen on television, and who's allowed to do whatever, or even punishing those who have more than we do. Rather than be envious of what's others have, why not be happy with what we do have and focus on making ourselves better?! I don't have much money or material items, but our home contains so much love for each other that we honestly have everything we need. It's not to say that we wouldn't love to have more, but why and for what purpose? It's more clutter, more head aches, and honestly why would anyone try to compete with each other?

Since the spirit of Christmas has consumed my heart even more than usual this year, I can only hope that others will find the spirit to carry through not only the season, but through out the year too.

Be grateful for those in your life, for the "stuff" you have, and don't be afraid of hard work to better yourself. Don't try to save everything, instead focus on you. What others do, is none of your business...unless it DIRECTLY effects you.
~S~

My heart breaks

"My heart breaks when my family is hurt by others actions!"


It's hard enough to see the hurt on a child's face and in their eyes when something happens that you, can not understand. Especially when that child is wanting to know an explanation. It's hard to explain how family members can treat each other in that manner. Then you have the pain of heart break when it happens to an adult in your family too. When the adult is hurting, and trying not to show it, you see and feel a whole other emotion. It begins as hurt for them, and turns to anger for the others involved.

Having family, to me, means that you love, respect, and cherish the relationships you have with them. If you don't have a relationship with them, look in the mirror to see if your actions have caused the problem.

As we gear up for what's proving to be an interesting season, I am learning real quick how little family truly means to some. I have dealt with the explanations of issues that I don't fully understand, and I am dealing with the hurt both my husband and I are faced with.

It's hard to understand how family can be so hurtful to each other, but we also know, that our little family is close and close ties will never be broken. Those that choose to be included in our lives, will always have our loyalty, love and respect. Those that choose convenience will still hold a place in our hearts, but not a priority.

In our lives, maturity, responsibility, respect and love goes a long way! We treat others the way we are treated. I can only hope that someday others will learn and value family the way that we have.
~S~

Respect? Where?

Have you noticed the latest trend of disrespect? Whether you are out dealing with the public or at home, the amount of disrespect is increasing at an alarming rate! Even among family members, there seems to be a disturbing lack of respect, and it's so many different families being affected.

Children have zero respect for their elders, and where do you think this comes from? I personally believe it is a multi-layered problem. As parents, we aren't allowed to discipline children anymore. I believe this is the core problem. Kids today know that if they are misbehaving, they will not get paddled...as the schools and child know-it-all doctors have decided that spanking children is not only abuse, but will crush their "identities." Yeah, ok! Another issue is that these disrespectful children typically come from disrespectful parents. Parents, who also deserve to have a good paddling! Having seen this aspect first hand, it really angers me to see and hear how children treat others. To this day, I would never intentionally disrespect my elders...and I wasn't ever paddle...but was taught right from wrong!

Adults are a whole other issue! As we get older, it is assumed that we mature, understand being respectful, understand responsibilities, and common courtesies. Do people even understand these three aspects at all anymore? I am beginning to think not. Just one example, have you been to a Wal-Mart lately? People are rude, ignorant, pushy, lacking a respect for they way they look, and then they either don't have the money to pay for they items they are purchasing, or they pull out their food stamp card and their iPhone at the same time. Now, before I get maimed for being critical of government assistance, I have no problem with those getting a hand up after being knocked down. The problem I have comes in when the government assistance becomes a way of life, and is a hand out! So, back to Wal-Mart. My last trip there was no exception! A lady walking around without a bra, wearing spandex pants that were about 5 sizes too small, then she gets to the register with a cart full of groceries and misc. stuff...only to have a $300+ total and only about $120 cash. So, being that it was Wal-Mart and there were only 5 registers open, we were stuck waiting for this lady to weed out over $200 worth of items. After waiting 20 minutes, she finally checked out...only to find out the person with the cart full right behind her, in front of us, was with her too. Another cart load, of all groceries. This cart load was also $300+. This one went a little smoother with only about $20 to eliminate and out came the food stamp card, iPhone, key ring to a newer vehicle(it had the alarm, door lock/unlock, and wireless remote starter). To say I was mad, was an understatement. We do not use government assistance for anything! We drive a 1991 vehicle that you have to manually start, lock and unlock. There are times we have to postpone a bill so we can buy groceries, or only buy a few groceries so we can pay a bill...it's called RESPONSIBILITY!

To me, holding a door for someone coming in right behind me, helping pick something up when some drops something, helping any way possible is a common courtesy. It becomes disrespectful when any of these issues is ignored. When you see someone trying to reach something on a shelf that is obviously out of reach, you help! If someone drops something, you don't step over them and keep going. Too many people have become too rushed and disrespectful to pay attention to anything besides themselves.

The world has become I want it now, and I it doesn't matter who I have to step on to get it! It wasn't that many years ago, that life was different. People used the government as a hand up, respect was shown, maturity actually happened, people took their responsibilities seriously, and common courtesies were a normal way of life. I am not that old, but the changes I have seen in the 20 years I have been out of school are really scary! They aren't good changes!

As our family has ventured in our own homestead, we are considered the weird/not-normal people. That itself makes me laugh! We decided many years ago to stay with the values of the past. We teach our children respect, we actually teach our children, we grow/raise most of our own foods, we believe in family first, and understand that the bygone years actually held the best lives, with a lot less material stuff. We have little debt in terms of the national average, and don't spend excessively. We only buy what we absolutely need, and believe that most technology is a waste of time. Now, we aren't cut off, so to speak. We do have cable, internet, and cell phones but we don't do video games, we don't have to purchase all the latest tech stuff, and we still believe that sitting down for meals at the table as a family are the most important times of our days.

I am extremely saddened by so many stories that I hear. Families that scream and yell at each other, are conniving and cruel to each other, and those that feel the need to lie to each other. I know it's my own past that has brought me to this stage in my life. I believe that through good and bad, families stick together. We may not always agree but we never criticize or throw another family member under the bus. We stand tall in the face of adversity, and we do so as a united front. We talk, disagree and even argue respectfully with each other. We never degrade each other for our beliefs, and encourage each other whenever possible!

I guess today was my day to vent. During the days of my grandparents, seem to be more and more appealing to me. Moms were really moms, dads were the bread winners, children were respectful, and neighbors helped neighbors. Thankfully, I may not be able to change the world, but I can change my family, and inspire others to change theirs!

~Salli~

Holiday Financials pt 3 - Gifts

Are you the type of person who loves to give? Maybe you feel more obligated to give because others give to you, or maybe you feel you have to buy a gift for every single family member?!

Let me tell you from the "been there, done that," perspective...that gets expensive - QUICK! Whether your priorities change, your family grows, or any number of life altering events...buying for everyone is not only expensive, but unnecessary. You stretch your budget or max out credit cards, and for what? Why on Earth would you want to be still paying for this years Christmas gifts in July of next year? Most of us get what we want or need, when we want/need it. So, why not purchase gifts for your family only and give gifts to others that are made from your heart?

Homemade gifts were the way of life many years ago, and only in the past 30 years or so has gift giving become so commercial. So, instead of blowing your budget and credit clear out of the water...MAKE SOMETHING!

Making homemade cookies and candies are always a great treat. These gifts are great for extended family, neighbors, teachers, co-workers, postal carriers, and paper carriers. Make a beautiful plate of cookies and/or candies.

Homemade facial or foot scrubs are simple and easy but a wonderful gift to receive. Most are made of epsom salts(about $1 a bag at Wal-Mart), or sugars. These can be scented with essential oils, fresh herbs, citrus peels, or a simple mix of sugars.

Gifts in a jar were real popular a few years back. Whether it's soup mixes or cookie mixes, these are still an amazing gift.

There are so many options for simple, inexpensive gifts and ideas online. Pinterst is the newest form of "all things creative!" For those of us able to create, just not creative enough to think of everything...this has been a great tool!

Always remember that giving a gift from your heart will always mean more!

~Salli~

Holiday Financials pt 2

Save your precious money through the holiday seasons with planning! Planning your baking, and meal menu will save your grocery budget.


As someone who has done this off and on, for many years...you will be amazed by how much this saves. I always encourage people to find their favorite recipes, a few new ones, and some quick "I don't feel like cooking" recipes too. For our household, our game plan: On a sheet a paper, I number each line to represent the number of days in the month. Then I go through recipes, meals that are tried and true, a few quick meal ideas, breakfast and lunch ideas, and even snacks/baking ideas. My paper ends up looking like a mess, but when I type up the final copy, it all makes sense. My page set up:
Meal # column(date) Breakfast Lunch Supper Snack
(EXAMPLE)
Dec. 1 Ceral - Left over from supper - pork chops, potatoes - peanut butter cake

Dec. 2 pancakes - pork chops - fried chicken, baked potatoes - left over snacks

Dec. 3 scrambled eggs - chicken salad - sloppy joes/tator tots - cookies

Dec. 4 muffins - taco salad with meat from last night-hot dogs/chips- left overs


As you can see, we use left overs from supper to cover the next days lunches, snacks made up every other day or two gives me a break from constant cooking, and quick meals mean less time to prepare/cook and less time I am in the kitchen.

Menu planning works well, so you can make a grocery list ahead of time. This save several trips to the store and will keep you from buying items you really don't need every trip. Using the example above for a grocery list:

ceral, pork chops, potatoes, peanut butter, flour, sugar, milk, pancake mix, chicken, eggs, mayo, bread, hamburger, buns, tator tots, manwhich, chocolate chips, cinnamon, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, salt, muffin mixes, lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese, hot sauce, hot dogs, chips.

The key is to look at each recipe. Decide what you will need to fix each meal, each snack, etc. Make a list. I keep lists going monthly that I add to as I run out of something. I section mine off: Food, Supplies, Animals. That way I can keep track pretty easily.

When you go to the store, you will be better prepared to only purchase what is on your list. When I budget for groceries, I figure $100 per person, per month for food/supplies.

Now, looking to supplies. This is an area a little more tricky for me. We have pets, and I make most of my own soaps and cleaners. So, my list looks like this:

fels-naptha, washing soda, borax, dish soap, shampoo, body soap, vinegar, baking soda, epsom salts, razors, toliet paper, paper towels, cat litter, dog & cat treats, fish food, pullups, wipes, notebooks, sponges, deodorant, toothpaste, tooth brushes, vitamins, foil, wax paper, plastic wrap.

I also buy what I can in bulk. I always figure the cost per ounce on items for this. I buy flour, sugar, baking soda, epsom salts, and spices in bulk form. In my area, it is so much cheaper to purchase in bulk, and I can get my raw/organic products for less than the other stuff. Initially, learning quirky ways to save, and plan will be work. Once you get the hang of it though, it becomes not only frugal, but fun for the whole family to get involved. Since we are notorious label readers, and we home school, our grocery shopping trips become a huge learning experience for both kids. Not only do we read labels, the oldest keeps a running total of products(grocery math), the youngest is learning frugality early, and my husband and I have to set examples for the kids, by not splurging and following the list.

We are very fortunate to live in an area highly concentrated with Mennonite and Amish families. Each of them offer different stores that allow us to purchase the way they do. So, even if you do not have this convienence, still look into small/local owned groceries, and even consider places like Dollar General for a few items. Although many believe the mom and pop places charge more, check them out any way! Remember that money spent at these mom and pop places are supporting those families....not corporations!

There is a quick thought for your grocery budget!
~Salli~

Beliefs, Loyalty, Limits? What do YOU stand for?

What do you believe in? Where do your loyalties lie? Do you know what your limits are?

As someone who is constantly analyzing everything, these are questions that I consider every single day. Honestly, it doesn't matter what the subject matter is. I am constantly questioning everything I do, feel, think I know, and even people I know. It's a form of micro-managing, I guess. It's the easiest way for me to handle everything thrown at me. As someone who loves family, I don't really fit in with any one of them completely. I am essentially a "black sheep." I have my own way of thinking, doing, and living. I am strong enough to take what others say with a "grain of salt," usually.

I try to make time every day to evaluate the person I have become. There are several areas that I am not happy with, even though I accept them. Many times I question the person I am, because of the way I am treated by others. I have every reason to be hard, cold, uncaring, and hateful. However, I have never stayed that way...even though I have my moments. I have chosen to go to the other direction, almost to a fault. I try very hard to always be nice to people, always consider others feelings, always give people the benefit of the doubt, and strive to stay positive.

My belief is to treat others the way you wish to be treated. This doesn't always mean you will be, but you will know that you did your best. I believe to have a good friend you must be one, to have a good neighbor you must be one, to have a meaningful relationship you must be willing to give that too. I am a firm believer in doing everything as naturally as possible. I don't believe there is ever enough education or learning opportunities. I believe there is always more to every story, and that the story is only part of the equation. I believe in being prepared, no matter what the circumstances. I believe that you must love yourself in order to love others. Not conceitedly mind you, but respectfully. Understanding and accepting who you are, and loving yourself despite your flaws.

I accept that I will never be perfect while on this Earth, and that there will be some that will criticize my flaws to hide their own. I know that my personally views, thoughts and ideas will offend people. I accepted long ago that some people you can't please no matter what you do. I also have accepted that I am different. Is it wrong to be different? Who knows! I do know that my beliefs will not be changed just because someone doesn't like them. My views have been known to change as I research and educate myself. I do not blindly follow what the masses say/do. Which to most will be obvious! I am very aware of my flaws, and for many years, I hid behind them. To the extent of ruining some great relationships. As I have matured, umm gotten older, I continue to grow and learn. I also continue to accept that some people don't mature. Some cling to their circumstances as a way of having a crutch or scape goat. I know for me, there were many circumstances that could have caused me to follow a different path. There have been many times/issues that could have caused me to use those issues as a crutch to never grow, change, or accept those things that I can not control. I do not judge people. I know that every one has their own battles, whether they are self-inflicted or not...they are just as important to them, as mine are to me. However, I do feel that if more people were willing to use their circumstances to improve themselves, the world would be in much better shape. My theory is: "To each their own!" What others choose to do with their lives is not my problem, unless their decisions harm me or my family.

I have some amazing friends, and family. I am, and always have been, their venting post. To some degree, I don't know if that's a good thing since my opinions/beliefs are so much different. Many times, their issues take ahold of my heart, and all I want to do is ease their pain. I don't like to see anyone struggling so much that their health is affected, or even their mental health. Whether they are struggling financially(As so many are), in their relationships, with their children, or just have a day of negativity, it affects me. There have been many times I have had issues of my own and those that I am always there for, are no where to be found or don't have the time to just listen to me. I do get upset, but I would never tell them how much that hurts me.

My own personal issues of juggling children, spouse, farm, home business,cooking, cleaning, home school, extended family issues, and trying to keep in touch with friends; is sometimes too much for me to handle on my own. I usually try to keep to myself, but there are days that I just need to vent. Although, I never would, I just want to say I don't like anyone today and I just want to be alone. Am I allowed to feel that way? Probably not, but some days I do. Some days, I just need to go within myself, and find some level ground to which I could rebuild my spirit to be able to keep moving forward. Do I get those days? Yeah right! Now, to be honest, once in a great while, I will have the honor of having a few hours just to me. I have found a few things that I can just be without the demands for a short while. My gardens have brought me much contentment. It's hard work, but there is something about having my hands buried in dirt, being able to finish a thought, and have time to speak from my heart to our creator. My cooking and baking have given me some of that peace too. Being out with our horses and even the chickens givens me such a sense of spirit. My horses, are so much a part of me know. They just know when you need to talk, cry or have some peace.

I grew up thinking everything was either black or white. You were either one or the other, and there wasn't anything in between. That is really not the case. There are so many gray areas. There are so many issues that you can justify by the phrase, "every story has 2 sides." While you can see an issue, what you don't know is the story that led to the issue to start with. You don't know what circumstances led to the issue. Yes, the issue itself may be against your personal morals but you also need to see what happened to cause an issue that led to the current issue. Now, I'm not saying that either way is right or wrong. I'm just saying that if you truly want to be honest, you have to see both sides. As I said before, no one living on Earth will ever be perfect or free from flaws. Every single one of makes mistakes, tries to better themselves the only ways they know how, and no one likes to be judged for trying to find a better way.

Personally, my horizons have been expanded enormously over the past 20 years. So many faults I found with others, as well as myself, have helped me to become who I am today. I am not saying my personal beliefs, thoughts, morals or limits are right or wrong...but they are MINE. I like the person I am becoming and I am proud of the accomplishments I can make for myself.

As the Winter months can become long, and many days are dreary, I encourage each of you to take time to find what you stand for. Not what you see on television, or read in print, or read online...but for what YOU stand for. What makes you tick, what stirs a passion deep in your gut, what issues have you allowed to hold you back from becoming a better person, and what can you do to become the best YOU possible!

Peace,
Salli

Holiday Financials....pt. 1

When the holiday season rolls around, more and more people become depressed and withdrawn. Why is this? My personal opinion is because they have either just gotten last years Christmas paid off or are still paying on it. As a season of such beauty, spending time with family and friends, and for many the celebration of Christ's birth; I am always dismayed at the negativity.

So, here I am to give my opinions about holiday budgeting, and so much more!;)

I myself have always loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, I can remember a time when the holiday season gave me so much stress. The amount of money spent was constantly more than necessary, and for what?! You spend hundreds of dollars on gifts that you give, only for those gifts to be used a very limited amount of time and tossed in the trash.

Here's a little story. I can remember as a kid, we waited all year for those special gifts. For me it was Barbie stuff, and one year it was little miniature dolls(I can't remember the name of them.). I knew Mom and Dad couldn't afford to buy some of these things so every year, I asked Santa for them. Every year, I usually got 1 or 2 of those bigger items. As I got older, the price of my wants began getting higher, the holiday became nothing more than a time for gifts and gritting my teeth while dealing with family. (My parents were divorced, so we'd spend part of the holiday with each) Once I had a child, I found myself in a different situation. I began wondering why it is that Christmas gifts were the focus of such a magical season. So, I began the shift of our Holiday Seasons. Christmas was no longer a holiday focused on gifts, but instead focused on spending time with friends and family. Now, we have 2 kids and our Christmas is still centered on spending time with family and friends, with a few gifts and a really low budget! We do not use credit cards or finance any part of Christmas gift giving. We have also made the shift to only buying for our little family, and making gifts from our heart, with love for our extended family.

So, here is what we did years ago. Since our oldest started out with Christmas as I did, we explained that we had a conversation with Santa and that Mom & Dad would be buying his Christmas gifts so that other, less fortunate children could have gifts for Christmas. Santa usually still delivers 2-3 gifts. We have set a budget for each person in our little family. $100 is the per person total.(Includes Santa). So, we learned to get creative, no big or useless gifts and we don't do video games so that isn't even in the equation. Now, we've had to make a few adjustments as needed or as the budget allows. Our oldest is getting harder to buy for, his needs/wants are getting more expensive, and we do try to make sure each of our kids get the same number of gifts. We were pretty lucky it really only took a year or two to make the transition with our oldest, and this is all the youngest has ever known. We shifted to focus to what really matters...Family! We look forward to spend as much time as possible with family through the holidays. Our kids have so much fun playing with their Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents. We love to cook and bake and share these items with all of them. This year we have decided that homemade gifts for our extended families will hopefully show them each, how much they mean to us. Everyone buys what they need and most of what they want, themselves, so it seems pointless to us to spend money we don't have. Making gifts from the heart makes so much more sense.

So, as the beginning holiday budgeting posts begin, I wish you a season of more financial sense, and more of what matters most...FAMILY!

Christmas has filled our home!

It's Christmas time in our home. Well, at least the decorations are going up. The tree has been up for about 3 weeks, the indoor decor is increasing everyday, and some of the outdoor lights went up this past weekend. This is my favorite time of year.

There's so much I love about Winter. The beautiful lights that luminate the night, the bold reds & greens of decorations, the change in spirit of most people, and even the blankets of snow that usually find us in December. People seem to find a little more patience, and a lot more generosity during this time of year. You see the Salvation Army Santa ringing a bell outside many stores, and like me as a kid, you see all the kids anxious to put some change in the bucket. The Christmas music is playing in stores and on the radio. For me, I always end up getting one of my favorite flowers, the Poinsettia. Yes, I am a sap when it comes to Christmas. I look forward to spreading my own Christmas cheer to anyone I meet. I look for ways to help my children understand the true meaning of giving. We donate to our local food pantry, we purchase hats & gloves and donate good coats, we try to purchase at least 2 angel tree gifts every year. We have offered to donate our time to help boxing the food pantry's food, and try to make sure we help as much as possible.

In our area, there are a few second hand clothes stores, but every one of them charges what I see as too much for families that are struggling. I have spent the last few years wanting to open up a store that offers clothing to people really cheap or free. Take in donations from the surrounding areas, and put $1 or less on everything. If families don't have the money for the items they need...it's free! I would love to give this to our local communities, and that will be a project I will be working on in the coming year.

As we began the holiday thinking early this year, we looked at what is being called the 4 gift rule. The rule was basically, 4 gifts - one from each category: want, need, wear, and read. Although we typically do close to this and have for many years, I thought 4 gifts, that's easy enough. I was wrong. This year, instead we put a very minimal amount of a dollar limit per person. This gave us a little more flexibilty. We do not buy big items at Christmas. By setting a dollar limit per person, this caused us to have to get creative. We kept the 4 gift rule categories in mind, but also had a little more room to move around as need be. Since our oldest has more expensive "toys" now, and the youngest is still really easy to buy for...we had to make descretion for that too. We also spoke to Santa this year. Many years ago, we spoke with the man in red, and told him to spend more time focusing on children that didn't have Christmas. We asked him to let us take care of our kids, so that other children could have a Merry Christmas. So, this being said, Santa usually only leaves 3-4 gifts and Mom & Dad take care of the rest.

This year, including Santa's gifts, we put a $100-$125 limit per kid. Richard and I spend $75-$100 each on gifts for the other. We also decided not to purchase gifts for extended family. We will be making a lot of cookies, bread, candy, and ornaments to give, but nothing will be purchased. For the first time in several years, our Christmas budget was cut in half. I don't believe the Christmas is about all the commercial toys, all the electronics, or even about material stuff. For our family, Christmas is about family, friends, and helping those who have less than we do.

My kids know they will not be getting the latest and greatest new video game system, or the new computer or electronics that is going to be outdated before leaving the store, they also know that most of what is advertised on television is junk. I spend so much time with my kids that I know their personality. Although this year was very difficult to buy for the oldest, once I reset my mindset, I just had to remember his personality. I had to remind myself that he isn't all that much different from me.

So, although we did not stay with the 4 gift rule, we did stay minimal. Each of the kids has 4 gifts from Santa, and 6 from us. They always get a small gift in their stockings, and this is what my kids know. Do they go without, not hardly! My kids have so much they could provide Toys R Us! There seems to be no logic to me when people max out their credit cards, or break the bank to give their kids so much for Christmas. I hear people talking about buying the newest video game systems, new electronics, or some new toy and I can't help but wonder why. Electronics are outdated basically before you leave the store, the video gaming systems are great if you want kids that never go outside, and most of the toys made now are so cheaply made after they've been played with a handful of times...they are trash! My kids still get excited over new clothes, books, and things that help with their hobbies. Both my kids have learned to shoot guns; mind you the youngest is only 3 so she still only gets to shoot the BB gun and the 22. The oldest is 12 and this was his first year hunting. The youngest is discovering Barbie, much to our dislike, but doesn't want much just a few things to plan with while she plays with my old Barbie house. She loves Dora, horses, puzzles, and most girly stuff. Although she's the first out the door to help her Daddy with shoveling manure, driving the tractor or feeding the pigs/chickens/horses or cows. The oldest is much more difficult the last couple of years. He has gotten out of most toys, but still loves his farm toys and star wars. Now he's gotten into shooting, hunting and animals. He bought his first calf last year, and his first pig this year. He is now in search of a Bore so he can raise some piglets in the Spring. He loves the horses and cows, and is learning the farm life so much better than I would have imagined. I am very proud of the young man he is becoming. He is constantly helping his Grandma, and loves to spend time with his Great-Grandparents too. He is very independent, which proves to be a battle when it's time for school work, but we work on that a little every day.

In the year that we have lived on our farm, we have all had to learn and grow. We have learned to work together, the hard work it takes to keep everything running somewhat smoothly, and the value of dedication. We are working together to make our farm as organic as possible. We don't use chemicals, fertilizer(except natural manure), our animals are fed only natural/organic feed, and we are raising or growing most of what we eat. We have eggs and meat from the chickens, our beef from cows, pork from the pigs, and vegetables and herbs from the garden. We hope to get fruit trees put in come Spring, and a section of the pasture is going to grow for wild herbs too. We have so many goals that are still unmet, but we work hard every day to achieve them. We still have decks to build, a shed to finish, need gravel in the driveway, a wooden yard fence to build and want a good size barn to get all our stuff out of my Mother-In-Laws barn. We want to get our horses worked a little more so we can ride more. I want to get my kitchen remodeled to make it more usable for all the cooking/baking I do. We want to start having a regular gathering of neighbors to keep our rural way of life alive. Times are tough for everyone. Our rural communities haven't been affected to the extreme that many cities/towns have, but we have been affected none-the-less.

We have several dreams we have realized, while several dreams have yet to come to fruition. My husband and I were raised with morals, and very high standards. We are trying to pass those along to our children. It's more important to help family, friends, and neighbors than to compete with them. That is our family thoughts, and we hope to be an example for others.

Wishing you all a Happy Winter, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
~Salli

Unwelcome in the family

Some days, you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. Then there are days, when you are part of something, yet you still feel like an outsider and really not welcomed.

This has been an experience I have felt so often over the past month. I come from a very large family. It's very rare that we are all together unless it's for a wedding or funeral. As it was, this gathering was for the funeral of my grandfather. My little family does not go back to my hometown often, but we spent 4 days up there. It's a strange feeling being the oldest grandchild in that large family, and having to find my place once again. All my cousins are younger than I, and a few of my aunts and uncles aren't much older than me. It's still a challenge though. I have a difficult time finding common ground with a lot of younger cousins, but even though age differences between aunts and uncles are too different, I felt left out of that circle. Just as I was out of the younger generation circle. I spent some time talking with everyone while we were there. Yet, I felt out of place. I had such a tremendous amount of pride spending so much time with that side of my family. To know that we had such enormous numbers and almost every one of us was there. It was such a bag of emotions spending so much time with my family again. We have gone to a few different occassions spending a day or two around my family but we hadn't spent that much time for a long time. As it typically goes, it was a bitter sweet reunion. It took losing my grandfather for almost all of my family to gather.

I was thrilled to spend time with my own siblings. All 4 of us, all together...it was truly exilerating. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much, or felt so included. Naturally, those close feelings and the strong emotions begin to release after time. Although my pride in such a large family, and being so thankful for 3 younger siblings will never diminish, things have somewhat calmed. Once again, I am on the outside looking in and finding that my own pride in family is being tested.

As a very instinctual person, you can sense some massive issues. As typical, I am not being told what these are, but I know they are there. I am being fed pathetically little information, even though I have asked about the issues. I'm guessing my own pride in family, is my own.

Finding your own place in this world is a constant journey. I am very fortunate to have an amazing husband and 2 kids that are my world, but even knowing this, makes for such a roller coaster of emotions from extended family complications.

I am different from my extended family, I always have been. I can't tell you how or why completely. I have always felt like a black sheep of sorts, and haven't really fit in for years. I always chalked it up to being the oldest grandchild, and not being in the aunt/uncle generation. I am also not a person to think inside the box. I am willing to try new things, even if it means walking down a path that didn't exist before I started.

The last 3 trips back to my hometown area, have proven this and so much more to me. I want to say first that I am very proud of my extended family. I love them very much and only want the very best for them. I however, have never felt so unwelcome. Each of 3 trips just pushed this feeling even more to the forefront. The first trip, I chalked it up to the chaos of planning and preparing for my nephews 8th grade graduation party. It was a busy time, so I kind of brushed it off. By the 2nd trip, my whole family not only felt completely unwelcome, but spent most of the time there hungry, just as the first trip, and wishing we had stayed at home. The 3rd trip, less than 3 months later, for my grandfathers funeral, ended up the bitter sweet trip on so many levels. It was this trip, and ultimately the time since, that I have learned so much more.

When such an unexpected tragedy happens, most families will come together. They usually spend time bonding, and become close for awhile. My family hasn't been any different. It's also during this time that many true traits will show themselves. As a very intuitional person, I felt some very strong emotions that weren't affiliated with the passing of my grandfather. I also felt that my very presence was not welcome, yet again. It's hard to know you are disliked so much, and that your presence just fuels a fire that you didn't even know for sure about previously. This last trip was something that I never expected. To know that you are disliked, not welcome, and told in not so many words...your extended family is none of your business and that your concern is causing more troubles, is kind of a huge blow. I can't imagine ever making someone in my home feel this way, nor would I ever try. In my family, we believe that when someone comes to our home as a guest, they will be as comfortable as possible, and even those that we may not agree with are treated with respect. Whether it's immaturity, insecurity, or whatever the case, I would never treat people in our home the way were treated. Although our 3rd trip, we stayed with my brother and his family, we had a very welcoming place to stay...it was heart breaking to me that we could not be near the family we had hoped to be.

Since the last trip, I have tried to let it go. I have tried to accept that what ever is going on, will be revealed to me when the time is right. As someone who listens to their intuition, this is very difficult. I can feel there's a problem, I have asked both sources about the problem, and been basically told to butt-out. That's great and normally, I would. This current problem, has my intuition going nuts! I can't let it go. I have tried! I have spent the last month with a constant headache, and my stomach and nerves have been a wreck. I have spoken to my siblings and we all feel the same thing, however, they are up there...I am not. Since I am not there, I'm told to just let it go and all will work out. That's swell. But my own intuition is screaming, my dreams are telling there's a big problem, but is anyone involved saying anything...of course not! When I ask anything, I am being nosy, and a bitch. So, I am beginning to understand my place. My place is to be a free place to stay for every one else to get away from their lives, my place is to be here when everyone else needs me, but don't ask for that favor to be returned. My place is a granddaughter, daughter and sibling when it's convienent for everyone else. My place is just slightly below a mushroom.

Since, I am beginning to realize my place, I am finding it very difficult to not be angry. I have a good heart. I care about people, to some degree too much. I don't want to see anyone hurting, or upset. To my own downfall, I am a compassionate person. No matter how many times I have been hurt, mistreated or ignored; I have stayed true to myself. This may be the secret to life, it may not.

Although I am extremely hurt right now, I know that I am strong enough to carry on. I just have to accept my place and be willing to let the childish games go on with out me. I have a beautiful family of my own, a beautiful home and a good life. Even though I will have difficulty letting go of this intuition, I have to. My health is being affected by it. Since I do not hold a high enough place to get more that an occasional phone call or an annual visit from most my extended family...I know that I mean a lot to my family. I just pray that those involved in whatever the problem may be, will have some respect for some one and that they not be treated the way they have treated me.
~S~

The fog has allowed me to see more clearly.

"The fog has allowed me to see more clearly."



I look through a window, separated only by a single glass pane, but still separate. I can see the festivities and happenings taking place on the other side of that window, but can never just travel through it to join in. Always on the outside looking in, always just inches from joining the happenings. The glass is not foggy, nor does it cloak my view. It actually allows me to see clearly. I can't hear the conversations on the other side of that glass, but I can read the facial and body reactions. I can read the moving lips. I stand there longing to be on the other side of that window, joining in the conversations. Then I feel this overwhelming emotion that tells me, being on the outside of that window is showing me so much more than if I were included. So much more is seen and revealed when you aren't so close. I still have that longing to be included, but the overwhelming emotions of being outside that window not just hearing words, but seeing others reactions seems to add more meaning to the words.

Too many words are spoken to consciously register the conversations, until the window fogs over. For a brief moment the window fogs over and I am forced to consider the conversations I never heard, but saw instead. For the brief moment, the picture plays out in my mind, the conversations play out in others voices, and then their reactions are also shown to me. When all the pieces are put together, you begin analysis of each conversation. Some were sweet in words, but gently harsh is the response. Others were blatantly obvious to be harsh in words, tone, and reaction. While others yet were harsh in words, but reactions softened the words. The fog has allowed me to see more clearly.

How can this be? How can you be able to see the conversations but not hear them, see the reactions but see them at the same time?

Once again, the glass clears. All of a sudden you are within the realm of happenings. Not outside the window. All of a sudden, you aren't on the outside looking in, but on the inside. You aren't seeing the conversations anymore, because you can hear them. You aren't reading reactions and expressions, they aren't visible to you anymore. How did this happen? Why can't you realize that the only reason you were able to see the true reactions during those conversations, was simply because you were looking from a different angle. Do you feel better now, now that you are on the inside of that glass? Do you feel as sure of your own instincts on the inside of that glass, as you were just looking in?

While you were looking from the outside in, there was someone looking from the inside just dreaming to be on the outside. Wishing they could take that step through the door, and look in from the window. The have such a longing to take that step, and see things from a different angle. The hear the conversations around them, but it's just noise. It's too much to process. For them taking that step out, means taking a step into the unknown. For them the unknown is a frightening concept. It means doing something that they haven't done for such a long time. It means taking a stand for themselves and not allowing anything or anyone to stand in their way. It means taking a leap of faith. Stepping into the great unknown may mean having to completely start over. Having to have enough confidence in themselves to know that once outside that door, they can restart. That they are capable.

That's where those already on the outside can help. Those already outside that door, have already made a fresh start, and have worked to rebuild. They were once in those insiders shoes. They have experienced the longing to be inside, even though when they were inside, they weren't content. The current outsider sees what you are going through and offers the advice from the outside but you have to be willing to not only hear it, but also to see it and feel it.



Many times, we are all in this scenario. We aren't completely included into someone's life, so we are able to see situations that those closest to them can't. Especially if you are an intuitive person. Each of us has our own respect to which side of the window we may be on. Sometimes, it just takes a small glimpse from the inside to decide we are better on the outside. Many times when we are on the inside, we can't see "the forest through the trees." When you are on the outside, seeing the conversations, reactions, and emotions , it's very easy to put the pieces together. However, not so much when you are on the inside.

We all want what we aren't supposed to have. As the phrase goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side," it is true. This is human nature. The choice however, is always ours. We can choose to walk through that door at any time, we can choose to not only see conversations, but also to hear and feel them, at any time.

Sometimes looking from the outside in, can be lonely when you don't have or listen to those on the outside. However, it's only lonely if you choose to make that way. You must wait for the fog to clear, so that you can once again see clearly. Once the fog has gone, you can now see that life may look better on the other side of the fence, but more times than not, the true challenge comes from making your side of the fence look better. If it's truly not better, YOU are the only one that can change that. YOU are the only one that can decide if the grass is worth the fertilizer to fix it or if it's time to work up the ground and start over!

As we are currently in the midst of the Autumn Solstice, this is a season of hibernation to rejuvenate the sacred Mother Earth for the coming Spring Solstice. This is a time to put to rest the very things that no longer work, and prepare to welcome in the new beginnings when Mother Earth reawakens in the Spring.

I encourage you to put to rest those things that are tired and not working. Allow yourself a vision from a different perspective and know that YOU are responsible for making your own grasses greener.

Without fear,
~Sal~

Election 2012

"God Bless America, land of the free because of the brave!"



I can remember as a child, my grandparents voted in every single election. The part that stands out to me now as an adult, I can never remember them talking about whom they voted for. Quite honestly, I don't remember anyone talking about whom they would vote for until I was in high school.

One of the problems as I see it is the money spent on campaigning. Candidates for the past 20 years that I have been able to vote, have asked for donations. They have taken in unforeseen amounts of money to advertise, hold rallies, and pay for all the campaigning. While I know that some must be spent for voters to know a candidate, millions upon millions are spent to sling mud. This is millions upon millions that seriously needs to be spent on something much more important. Like the hungry and homeless in America, like our out-of-control deficit, and I could list at least a half a dozen others.

Another problem I see is the amount of time candidates spend trashing each other. It's not only disrespectful but has caused friends to never talk again, and many outrages through the years. The election this year seems to be one of the ugliest, nastiest, and most irresponsible one that I can remember. Instead of all the trash talking, how about something with a little more substance. How about telling voters who you are, what you stand for, what you are going to try to accomplish if elected, instead of what the other candidate supposedly said/did/didn't do! People living today, are very capable of doing the research on each candidate, and deciding for themselves who would be the best person to give their votes to.

Another problem as I see it is that we do not elect the vice president. Why on earth should we vote for our president, and allow that person to choose who the vice-president should be. I think we should vote for both president, and vice-president. Then, there would be a true "checks and balances" starting at the top!

I personally will not be telling anyone whom my vote will go to. I probably won't even decide until I vote. Honestly, it's no one else business either. I have my own thoughts and feelings, and yes they are usually different than most. I know what kind of standards help my family, our farm, and my business. I also know what hinders our recreations and our growth. I can see strong positives with the 3 presidential candidates this year. Yes, there are 3, and you have a choice! I will be deciding between the 3 candidates to see who will best fit to my family's needs. I am tired of the constant mud-slinging, the constant facebook posts glorifying the candidate of choice, the constant political commercials, and tired of the media. I refuse to watch television and what I need to know about the candidates, I RESEARCH! I check their records, view what they want to try to accomplish, and view their positions on issues that matter to me. I refuse to register for a specific party as I have voted, Republican, Democratic and Independent.

As we approach the final stretch of this election chaos, I urge you to get out and vote. It is a privilege, a right and an important aspect of being American and supposedly free. Remember to vote November 6th!

God Bless America!
Salli

Family Ties

"Family ties run blood deep. No matter how you
feel about the way they live their life, you are
bound together by the blood."


One week ago today, my family lost the physical presence of an extraordinary man, my paternal grandfather. It has been a whirlwind experience that really opened my eyes to how short life really is. Three and half weeks ago, he was driving a tractor in a parade, three weeks ago today he went into the hospital with a sinus infection and a residual affect of antibiotics, and a week ago he gained his wings.

I will not claim to know many of the details, but I can tell you, when something happens this fast you can't help but re-evaluate your own life. You tend to look at life a little differently; even if it's just for a short while. At least I do.

I moved away from all of my family 15 years ago. Although I did spend a lot of time traveling back and forth for the first several years, after having children and building a life here, it has been a lot of work to make a regular trip to see everyone, too often. As hard as it is to admit, I hadn't seen some of my family members in years! In the bittersweet way the loss of a loved one has, losing my Grandpa is no different. It took something so sad for me, to make me take the time to make the trip up to see that side of my family.

This trip allowed me to see family, and open my eyes to how short life is. Seeing some family members that I hadn't see since I was kid, just proved that I can not let that many years pass before seeing them again. I have an amazing family that is so big, it's almost overwhelming sometimes!

The paternal side of my family consists of: the 9 children my grandparents had, their spouses/significant others, 25 grandkids(not including spouses), and 51 great-grandchildren. When all of us are together, it would total 102 people! That is just immediate family. This doesn't include the many that my family has adopted, the sisters of my grand parents, their children/spouses/grandchildren, and extended families. We are quite the group when we're all together. I bet we'd be able to fill a football field if we were all together at the same time! : )

Being the oldest grandchild on my Dad's side of the family, is sometimes a bit overwhelming. I have always tried to set a good example, not just for my brothers and sister, but also for my younger cousins. I spent a lot of years trying to stay away from my family, for many reasons, but mainly because I couldn't or didn't know how to associate with them. Being the oldest, puts you in a strange position. You spend your early life being a kid, and playing with the younger kids. As you grow up, and become an adult, you don't know how to make that transition. You are a niece/nephew, even though you are an adult, you don't have the connection with your aunts & uncles and the cousins, some of the are still pretty young. So, you are still in limbo as an adult. That is how I always saw myself in my family. My Aunts and Uncles are all pretty close, and my Cousins that were quite a bit younger than me were all pretty close...then there's me. Somewhere in the middle.

After such an eye opening experience for me personally, I know that I need to make more of an effort. Although I firmly believe that the roads travel both ways just as well, I know I want to make a better effort to see this side of my family more than just at weddings and funerals.

I want to find that family binding closeness with my family that I have always felt left out of. I want my own siblings and I to have a close bond that allows us to always be there for each other, and for us to always have each other no matter what is going on in our lives.

I am going to make every effort to not only make the effort to see my extended family, my siblings, and cousins more...but I am also going to offer our home as a meeting place for all of them to join us whenever they want to get away.

As I always try to reflect on life experiences, this has been no different. I watched my Dad. A man who has always been my hero, my rock, and many times my go-to for another point of view; and realized, again, how much this man means to me. Although I am too old to call him my "daddy," he is my Dad, my hero, and I love him so much. I watched my Mom, who hasn't been part of my Dad's family for 25 years, grieve a man she knew as another Dad for many years. I can't help but grieve for them too. Both lost a man, they had known and admired for different reasons, but loved none-the-less. I watched my Step-Mom, although typically hard to read, and know that the 25 years she has been with the family that she too had loved my Grandpa as another Dad. I watched so many that had been part of our family at one point or another, each of them with their own experience in our family. All of which are still considered part of the family. My family has always taken in the "strays" when they have no where else to go, those that have been adopted by our family are part of it always.

So many times, divorce enters into families, and changes everything. Our family is no different in that regard. We have had many marriages and divorces, many new people, and many that have come and gone. For me personally, it took becoming an adult, with children of my own to understand a few things. First, you are born to two parents, your Mom and your Dad. You can NEVER replace your parents! No matter how many times they mess up, make mistakes, make decisions you don't agree with...they are your parents. You love them, you forgive them, and no matter what happens, they are still your parents. You can't replace them, and I wouldn't want to! Second, even though divorce is something relatively common, finding a stable ground to stand on, can be overwhelming. You have to find stable ground to grow, and excel in your own life. You have to find a balance that allows for extended family and your own family to co-exist. In my case, many miles hinders a lot of what I would love to see happen...but it is no excuse to allow many years to go by before seeing family members. Third, sometimes no matter how much you try, there will be some that will not make the same attempts that you make. This is inevitable, but you take the high ground to always make the attempt.

There have been so many realizations for me over the past week. I can't begin to explain how much has changed for me. I just know that one night of our trip was spent with my own siblings. All four of us, and our spouses, all in the same place. It was so overwhelming to me. We bonded in a way that, I don't know if it's ever happened. We talked, and laughed, and I felt complete. I had 3 other people with me that knew me, loved me unconditionally, and although we have all grown up...I know I have 3 best friends for life. No matter who comes and go's in our lives...we will always have each other. We may all be different, we may all have our own way of doing things, and we may not agree on everything...we still have each other, and that will never change. Our bond began by blood, but will continue with our love for each other and acceptance in who we have become. Each of us with our own little quirks, our own way of doing and looking at things, and our family history of perseverance through even the darkest of times. I love you guys!

Sometimes, things like this allow you to see that some things just don't fit. Whether that be by the peoples own making or just by the design of life in general. No matter how hard you try to make things fit, no matter how long you try...sometimes they just don't. You either learn to accept that and go on, or you move on to another piece to see if it fits. Either way, is not right or wrong, it's just what it is. Some things aren't made to fit.

As I try to get my regular routines back in place, I can't help but reflect on so much. The biggest reflections are how amazing, resilient, and determined my family bloodline is. Having a family of my own now, I can only hope to pass on these traits to my own kids while they also learn about the amazing paternal sides of their family here too.

The "Grand" Plan

As I sit 400 miles away from my family, we all share in the sadness of watching a great man being called to his spiritual home. I have shed many tears, and even had a tug-of-war within my heart of whether to make the trip or to keep the better memories, I once again turn to my own style of expression. Writing, the one way I can sort out my own emotions and keep a realistic grasp on life. As my Grandfather makes the journey from physical being to spiritual being, I continue to pray. My writing today:

The Grand Plan

Before a physical being is conceived,
a Grand Plan is already in place.
A Map of sorts.
We are put into physical beings to fulfill this plan.
We are given many choices throughout this plan,
but the Grand Plan is always in place.
No matter your physical age,
once that Grand Plan has been fulfilled,
you are called home to our Creator.
Those physical beings left on Earth,
that still have plans to fulfill, will grieve for the
loss of another physical being.
Do not grieve for long,
As a celebration of a being fulfilling their plan should be celebrated.
A celebration of a being that is being welcomed home by our Creator.
Sadness for the loss of a physical being is inevitable as a physical nature.
Our spiritual beings are always with us and guide us toward our own Grand Plan.
As we take time for our sadness,
we must also take time to celebrate a Grand Plan completion.

Our Creator is about to welcome another amazing spiritual being home.
Although, I am very sad to be losing the physical being I have called Grandpa,
I will celebrate his physical life completion and his homecoming with the strongest woman I have ever known, my Grandma.

With this Grand Plan completion, these two amazing people will be together again as eternal spiritual beings.

I love you Grandpa and Grandma.
~Salli~

Coming into your own

Why does it take some people so long to come to grips with their own person? I have to wonder this for many reasons, but most importantly, for myself! So many times we attribute who we are, with those we are associated with, the jobs we hold, the money we have, or "things" we have. We are not taught the importance of finding our person, through self-exploration.

It's amazing how this thought can sneak up behind you and smack you in the head, hard enough to knock you a step backward. From my own experience, it took years to "come into my own." I was taught to be independent, however, I was not taught that happiness and self-acceptance came from within, and was not relative to anything else.

I grew up basically as a town kid. I went to public school, and participated in a few activities associated with school. As a kid, you are molded to be like your parents, not out of choice but out of necessity. You do what you have to do until you are old enough/ make enough money to get out on your own. Then you begin the process of remolding yourself to fit the requirements of the time again. Whether that is a college student or full-time employee. Then you age to be a "real" adult...that much anticipated age...21. Which you then begin to believe that you are an adult, you still know everything but occassionally, still fall back to talking to your parents but they of course just don't understand. Coming of age (21), you begin to remold again. You are now old enough to go out, party like rock stars, hold a full-time job, and still believe you are invincable. You are said to be "sowing your wild oats," but in truth you are learning your own values, goals, and limits. Then comes the next remolding age of 25. At least it was for me. You believe it's time to settle down, you are of course getting "old." You now respect your parents more, have had countless dates, several heartbreaks, more alcohol than is necessary, a lot of life experiences, and have re-invented yourself countless times to fit whatever situations you have encountered. By the time you reach 30, you now realize you don't know everything. You have children, a spouse, constant bills, several unexpected expenses that have threatened your sanity. You depend on talking to your parents when life is moving too fast, your kids are driving you crazy and you don't know how your parents did it with more than 1 child, your marriage is rocky at best, you wonder if there is something more out there that could be fulfilling, and you question who you really are. Then you reach 35, and life seemingly changes over night. You truly begin to understand that life is what you make it. You have continued to learn(even if unknowingly!), your children are older and not so insanely overwhelming, you begin to remold but this time it's time for you. You begin to look within yourself to find happiness and stability. You look back throughout your childhood and realize that even though you were mold as a young person, weren't allowed an opinion, you were molded into exactly who you needed to be in order to be who you want to be today. All the prior molding, showed you exactly what you do not want to be today. You are raising your children differently than you were, you run your life differently, you aren't afraid of not knowing - you are more than happy to research it, you face the facts that you have denied for all the years prior. You now look at your life, as your life. You are who you are, without apologies and without reserve. You begin another amazing journey into self-acceptance and happiness. Neither of which is determined by your surroundings, but instead by who you are as a person, what your values are, what your beliefs are, and what your morals are. You begin the path of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and you are learning to let go of those in your life that have held you back or have been a constant negativity in your life. You learn that sometimes, it's easier to let go than to deal with the anguish of no longer fitting into a world that you not only don't fit in, but also don't want to be in! This stage isn't necessarily an easy one, but one of necessity for your personal self. You find yourself, finally, "coming into your own."

I have personally been on this self-discovery path for about 6 years. It was about 6 years ago, that I received that proverbial smack in the head that sent me back several steps. I learned that the life I grew up in, and believed to be a rock solid life...was no longer mine. I didn't fit anymore, I didn't like that life, and I didn't want my children any where near that life. It was a life changing smack in the head, that felt more like a slap in the face. It was at that point that I began a truly remarkable reshaping in my own person. For years I had fought my husband on how we should live, what a marriage "should" look like, and how we'd raise our children. It was during the last 6 years that I began to understand and admire my husband. He had been raised so much differently than I had, and had led a different life than I had. It was 6 years ago, that I accepted I was no longer a product of my upbringing, but the exception of it. I wanted to be a good wife, but stay true to my own beliefs and person. We began a serious uphill battle to reshape not only our relationship but also our lives. We began with talking. Not just small stuff either. We talked about everything. We had heated discussions about finances, how we were going to raise our oldest child, how we were going to live, where we were and were not going to live, what we needed from each other, and what we wanted out of life. These were done over several conversations, and several years. It wasn't always a bed of roses, and there were several disagreements and even the realization that even though we were different...in the end we wanted the same thing. The last 2 years, have proven that the uphill struggle I began 6 years ago, has moved me towards the person I want to be. Almost every decision made is done so together. We agreed a few years back how we planned to raise our kids, and the path we wanted not only for us, but also for our life as a family.

I can tell you, I am not the shell of a person I once was. I have learned and continue to learn, to accept my strengths and my weaknesses. I continue to grow and venture down the path of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Some days are easier than others, but every day is a new day to make the most out of. My marriage has become an indespensible highlight in my life. My children have opinions, even if they disagree with us...they still have an opinion. They are involved in almost all decisions, finances, farm, and life events. They are thriving in our home schooling environment, and in all ways, growing into independent, critical thinking, logical thinking little people. They are not told what to think, but instead how to think for themselves. They are taught problem solving in real life situations, they are taught how to interact with people of all ages, how to use common sense, and how to help the communities they may live in later. As parents, we have a lot of pride for what our children are becoming. We try to give them a nudge in the direction we feel is best, however, it is not a shove nor is it said to be the only way to go.  Ultimately, they are shaping their own future with input and experience not only from their own discoveries, but by their parents experiences. Our opinion is Lead by example parenting, not just "do as I say, not as I do." That is too hypocritical for us.

We are teaching our children to be frugal, not out of necessity but instead out of common sense. Having money is a good thing, but can also bring about a sense of competition. They have gotten the experience of finding the best value while grocery shopping, finding a piece of clothing at a high price or finding a similar piece for a fraction of the cost on sale/garage sales/second hand shops. Thinking purchases through for awhile before actually making the purchase. They are being taught how to raise and grow food in its purest forms. How to preserve those foods for use later. How to raise and care for animals. How important it is to research everything before coming to any conclusions. How to make the best out of every little thing you have. Not to compete with anyone else or their possessions. How every one you meet is facing some sort of battle so it's important to never judge any one.

For me it has been a path of discovery into a life that I fought for the 7 years of my marriage. It challenged every single thing I ever thought I knew, and every single thing I had ever learned. It went against every thing I had strived to project to every one else. Many people have said they wish they could change the path of their lives, but I wouldn't want to. I survived those early years, I "sowed my wild oats," and I got out with a few lessons learned, a few misconceptions, a few scars, and a great understanding of how I no longer wanted to be. I didn't want to be a shell of a person. I didn't want to shaped by my surroundings, the people I associated with, or the circumstances of the life I was living. I wanted to be whole. To be the person I am without any preconceptions of who I was "Supposed be!" Now, I continue to grow and learn. I still struggle with my flaws, and find that there are a lot of shellish people out there that haven't come into their own yet. I am finding that there are several who still blindly follow the masses, and for them it works. For me, it didn't! I knew there was a better way, but it took me years to find it. It took removing myself from my comfort zone, and putting myself in a position where I knew no one, and didn't know anything about the areas way of life. It took a broken relationship, a "wait and see" relationship, interference, arguements, finding that the way of life you protected and held on a pedestal was bogus, and coming to terms with the fact that I was so much more than I had ever been given credit for. It took a great man with the patience of a saint, 2 amazing kids, and a few life altering events to put me on the path of self-discovery. That brings us to today.

Today, as I begin our day, I find that each day is one to cherish. I am learning that every single day is an opportunity to grow, learn, accept, face, and make memorable. I am blessed to be home every day with my kids, and help them grow into productive members of society with independent thinking brains. I have an amazingly supportive husband who pushes me when I'm not feeling secure in a decision, and is there to be my shoulder to cry on when life get too crazy or some issue becomes overwhelming. We have a beautiful home, farm, multiple forms of livestock in which I am still learning, and organic gardening. I get to be affliated with a great company, that provides some of my favorite products - candles! I have been so blessed to be home every day and make our house a home. We've had many struggles, and still have some battles, but life in our neck of the woods is beautiful, simple, productive, and has meaning.

Peace,

Salli

Getting back to a minimalistic and frugal life

"Putting everyone in a single catagory, is like only offering only 2 options on a menu."

In today's tough economic times, it's essential that people know how to do basic budgeting and learn how to live frugally.  There are many online sites, blogs and advice columns from which to learn.  Another option is your local library.  There are a multitude of educational references available.  Some written by "field gurus,"  others by folks like our family that are actually living it.  You can learn everything from budgeting, finances, cooking on a shoe-string budget, places to get free help, and so much more.  The internet is an amazing tool for research, but it's also a quick way to lose your personal information to a company/hacker and blow your budgeting clear out of the water.  You won't ever find a hacker in a book!

Many of today's wealthiest Americans didn't get there by having a silver spoon in their mouth.  They got there with hard work and frugal living.  I personally know 3 people who are independently wealthy.  They worked hard and earned that money.  They don't own multimillion dollar homes, they don't own money wasting/high dollar vehicles, and they don't feel comfortable telling most about the size of their wealth.  Honestly, all 3 of these people, are more comfortable sharing how they live frugally.  Are all who have wealth this way, no!  There are those out there that associate wealth with fancy cars, high dollar homes, and brag - every chance they get about how much they are making.  Then you have those that live honestly, work hard, and would rather help others even if it's done anonomously.  

As a family, we work hard.  We live on one income, try to budget every penny, shop wisely, and still try to maintain our goals for our selves, our family, and our farm.  To accomplish our goals, we have to live frugally.  We don't have a choice.  Our budget is never perfect, sometimes we have to choose paying a bill over buying groceries, we work hard to minimize our debts and pay a little extra every month to pay them down, we shop in bulk when it's feesable, we shop by sale ads, we utilize Aldi's and local shops, and we talk about everything...as a family.  Many times, as part of our home school math, our 12 year will work with us on our budget.  Since he has learned about loans, finance charges, and credit cards, he will occassionally throw out a thought...that we didn't think of.  Although our youngest is only 3, she sees the work that goes into having the life we have and will grow up knowing how to live well within her means.  

Over the coming weeks, I will be going through some of our frugal living lifestyle.  I will show how and what we do to live a decent life, live frugally on 1 income.  It amazes me that I have had requests about budgeting and frugal living from people older than I am, but more and more folks are finding that their current lifestyles aren't sustainable.  I hope that the upcoming series will help many and encourage getting back to a minimalistic lifestyle.

~Salli~