The long and winding...path.

Finding the path that is right for you, can be daunting. It may take several wrong turns and lots of winding roads. Just remember half the joy of finding your path is the journey.


I didn't realize that along a journey, there are so many landmarks that would catch my attention. Did you? What would it feel like to just explore and take on adventures as they were presented, instead of having to plan everything?!

What kind of adventures could you have without the worry, stress and tethered need to pay bills; what would it feel like to just be able to take off on an adventure with no worries?

In my own winding, and some times treacherous journey through life, there have been plenty of adventures and twists in my path. As I have grown, both mentally and physically, I have found areas that have affected me on plenty of levels. In my journey, the past 20 years, there has been plenty of aimless wandering too. While I have been goal oriented for many years, I have always had a restless feeling of needing something more. That feeling there was something I was meant to do or be, was just out of my reach, no matter how hard I have tried to reach for it. I have tried to keep my gypsy tendencies under control for so many years, but sometimes...they come on out of the blue. Usually I can keep them tamped down, and under control. I can usually reason with myself and talk myself out of that need to explore. However, lately, that gypsy soul of mine is popping up on a regular basis. It's rearing it's head, and reminding me that I am neglecting a part of who I am.

As I am learning to embrace my whole self, not just the parts that acceptable to others, I am learning that I need to be true to every aspect of who I am. This does tend to be hampered by financial obligations, time restraints, and yes, even children; but in that regard, how can I encourage them to find their own paths when I am not following mine.

There are so many that have taken the "fitting into society pill," that they are limiting themselves to the possibilities that they are capable of. So many, that have chosen to just go with the flow to be accepted or because of a lack of ambition. Then there are those, like me, that have taken on responsibility and allowed it to drown the very hopes, dreams and ambitions that had once kept them on the right path. Those that have veered so far off the path that they were enjoying the journey, and now are just mucking through each day. Some are so strapped financially, that they can't see the hidden path back to where their hopes and dreams are.

It seems to be another vicious cycle. You follow a path to what you want at one time, you get bogged down by responsibilities and the path begins to grow up in weeds so you can no longer see it. By the time you need to find that path again, and need to go forward with your journey; the path seems like it's disappeared. Like the path is impossible to find again. However, the paths we take through life, twist and turn and even sometimes fork. Each of us know, even if not consciously aware, the direction we should go. This is where we make a choice; we either stay on the path we are on and risk loosing part of who we are, OR we take a giant leap of faith in a new direction that may lead us exactly where we need to be, or may give you a few twists to point you in the right direction.

Everyone is different, yet we are all the same. We are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with, but too many are willing to give up too easy. Too many are willing to keep dredging through life, living quietly in the shadows, and snuffing out their true desires. Too many are afraid to take a leap of faith, even though they would like too. Too many are afraid of how society will treat them if they take that leap of faith and find a new adventure.

Image found at thirdeyeactivation.com



Each of us need to find a path to happiness and contentment. Many times, the very happiness and contentment you find, may change over time. That is when you need to have faith that everything works out the way it's supposed to. I've always been told that everything happens for reason. I believe this but I also believe that sometimes things happen because of a LACK of ability to want to make changes. You have to want the changes more than you want your current situation, or you will continue to be in the cycle you are in until you do. Fear of the unknown, is a reason for many, not to change. Fear is a very big driving force for many. Fear is the same, whether it's a fear of the unknown, fear of societies perception, or fear of failure. Fear is fear, no matter how you look at it. However, fear is not something that should hold you back. If you are chasing your tail, wandering aimlessly, or are so unhappy that you are acting out in other ways, GET A GRIP! For me, getting a grip, meant sitting down and writing. I write my blog, I write in journals or a diary, if you will. Find where and when your fear took over and conquer it so you can begin a journey of fulfillment!

I don't care what your current situation is, take a good, honest look at it. Make a list, write in a journal, talk to good friends, or your partner. Take apart the entire situation with an outsiders eye. If you are in a good situation yet unfulfilled, there is something you are not paying attention to, that you should be. If you are in a bad situation, figure out how to fix it and DO IT! Quit moping, quit complaining about it, quit allowing yourself to wallow in whatever circumstances there are. Fixing it may take time, and may take outside help, but everything can be fixed. Sometimes, it takes looking outside the proverbial box to find the right direction, but if you are really fed up and really ready to change your path; it can be done. Find the way that works best for you, to express your need for change, to express your dreams, to express your fear; then set about to fixing it. For me, the best expression is writing. For some it may be talking, or even meditation.

I can't pretend to understand how millions of people can seemingly be on the exact same path and truly be happy. I won't claim to know how that's possible, because in my eyes...it's not. Each of us is given this one life, to grow our soul and spirit, and it's seems profoundly upsetting that so many are wasting it. I know not everyone is a gypsy, and not everyone is capable of following their dreams. As sad as it is, it's just a fact of life.

I firmly believe my few years of dark reflection has led me to a much better place. It has forced me to focus on what is truly important to me. It has forced me to see so many aspects of who I am, that I have severely neglected for many years, that needs to be let free. It has forced me to see beyond the smoke and mirrors that society has deemed as acceptable. I am not a "cookie cutter person." I am as unique as the universe, as individual as a blade of grass, and only a leap of faith from allowing the world to see the real me - happy, content, and fulfilled.

Many times we cross paths with people to teach us a lesson, occasionally it's painful to learn. However, even if painful, we need to find the lesson and learn. Whether the paths cross to teach us how not to behave, or how amazing some people are, sometimes it's even a simple phrase spoken by someone in our path that makes all the changes. What person was that for you? For me, it was a potential employer, about 10 years ago. I went in to interview for a job. It would have been a good job, with a decent income. That employer looked at my application with the eyes of a typical employer. His remark still resonates with me today, because I believe that was the point when I truly realized how much I was floundering to find what was right for me. His remark, "it seems like you have held many different jobs. We are looking for someone stable to be with us for many years. I don't think this is the best fit for you since you seem to not like staying in the same place for too long." Could I have done the job, and well? Absolutely! Did I want the job? Not really, the idea of sitting in an office every single day, doing monotonous mindless work didn't thrill me. How did that remark affect me? At first it pissed me off. I couldn't help that a few jobs were shut down, or that one job couldn't make payroll so they handed out checks that would bounce. After the initial shock of how my entire life was viewed off one silly piece of paper and a 10 minute conversation; I began to do some re-evaluating of my own thoughts and views. Yep, I do get bored easily. I do have bigger dreams and goals than working for someone and doing mindless work that doesn't challenge me to grow. The idea of working for someone that tells me what my time is worth, makes me sick. To this day, the idea that you can judge someone off a piece of paper, and a short conversation, still pisses me off. That company wanted someone who was willing to settle for whatever they would offer, and settle in an office doing mindless paper work, and then who ever they hired would be content with a job. That job definitely did not fit me, even 10 years ago. That brings to light a whole new thought.

If something like that was said 10 years ago, and is still resonating with me today, it tells me that this path I've been on is still not right. It means what I thought was just 2-3 years of reflection, has been much longer in reality. Have I ever really found my own path, who knows! I know for a few years, I was happy, content, and fulfilled, but then I got restless. Did that mean I only thought I was those things? I don't think so. I think, as I said earlier, we all change over time. What once made us happy, fulfilled and content; may not stay the same. It may fluctuate or take a hard left, on occasion. I know a couple of years ago, hormones were thrown into the mix, but I'm seeing that a lot of my own issues have been silently lurking for 10 or more years. The humorous thing about reflection and journaling, for me, has been to revisit some of my writing. Some of it actually causes me to laugh out loud. Some of it has brought tears to my eyes, and some has brought back the pain I felt at the time. Each time I have read through a journal though, it has opened my eyes a little more. It's amazing to me to read the insights, but I refuse to live in the past. Hind sight is 20/20, but would I change anything from my past...I can't say I would. Each experience, each twist and turn of my past, made me who I am today. Sure, I would love to be able to delete the bad parts, eliminate the hurts or erase the mistakes; but I can't and I really don't believe I would. All of it, combined, has made me the strong, independent, loyal, open minded person that I am today. I am a beautiful person, and no I do not mean physically. I don't need anyone to acknowledge or agree with me, because I know my heart is beautiful. Even the way I care too much for people that don't think twice about me, is beautiful. My ability to see past the shell people show the world, to be able to see their hearts and minds, is where I find my true friends. Those that know that physical beauty is only skin deep. Those that are willing to open their minds to something other than what may be socially acceptable. Those that are willing to try to understand and embrace the uniqueness of who they really are. Those are the people I want to be around, who I want to call friends. Those, to me, are the beautiful people.

Our paths may be bumpy, and make some strange turns, but don't limit yourself. Each new adventure brings an opportunity for growth. Instead of focusing on how wrong, bad or miserable your situation may be; why not focus on something you are striving for, dreaming of or a goal you have always wanted to chase! The only one holding you back, is you. Not every day is going to be perfect or bring you loads of happiness, but the days that aren't exactly what you want are a chance to learn. Those cloudy, gloomy or sad days are the chance for you to put forth more effort to achieve whatever it is you want most in life. Don't settle for less than you deserve because society may believe that it's just not possible. Take a leap of faith to achieve everything you REALLY want from life. Don't let what is considered "normal," hold you back. Find what you need, make the changes necessary, and take that leap of faith!

Exploring my paths,
Salli

May 18 - Coffee Chat

I believe it's a great day for some coffee chat. I personally have an enormous amount of thoughts swirling through my brain and I need to get some of them gone. So, here we go!

It's a pretty cool and wet spring here in the Midwest. I believe last spring began much the same way, wondering if it would ever quit raining and warm up. We've had several beautiful days of sunshine and warm temps, but the cool and wet days are definitely in close competition. As someone who loves to garden, this weather has been really sucky! I got the entire garden in, in late April, only to have the weather turn cold and wet. I have since replanted a lot of plants and several seeds too. It's been a chore to get in the swampy garden to weed, and after last year's fiasco of the weeds taking over...I am struggling to keep up this year and actually have a garden that produces something this year. The good thing so far has been fresh radishes and green onions, we have already gotten from the garden. As I looked at the 7-day forecast this morning though, I wanted to cry! Aside from rain chances 4 out of 7 days this week, the temps look more like March than May! Mid to upper 60's in the daytime and low 40's at night. This is NOT GOOD for a garden! For our family, this garden helps to supplement our grocery budget for the year ahead. To do this though, it requires a LOT of work. It requires caring for the soil to make sure the nutrient levels are correct before planting, working the soil to allow the soil to breath and shift nutrients from the surface into deeper levels, planting seeds/plants, adding additional nutrients throughout the growing season if necessary, keeping the weeds under control to prevent them from soaking up the moisture and nutrients from the garden plants, and eventually harvesting the garden to preserve the produce to use throughout the year. That is just the outside care required. Once the produce is harvested, then you begin the work of preserving all of, and this is a continuous process for several months. It requires several different pieces of produce to be preserved, at the same time. It's not a deal of each different type of plant to produce all at the same time. You may some tomatoes ready, peppers ready, green beans ready and jalapenos ready all at the same time...and they are all preserved differently. A typical year means preserving food from about June until sometimes as late as September. To be honest, this is a true labor of love for me. Although by the end of canning season, I am burned out and ready for the break, know that during the worst weather months, my family will have the best food possible. After a horrible garden season last year, and having to eat mostly store bought foods, I really don't want to ever have to do that again! They do not taste any where near as good and there are virtually no valuable nutrients left in them. Even the raw fruit and vegetables are not as good. So, I am busting my tail to be sure we have our fresh and preserved food supply restocked. There is no greater pride to me, than knowing that 95% of everything consumed in my home (on a normal year) is grown or raised right here.

As with anything you value, there are points of contention that are draw backs. Weighing those draw backs against your goals can be tricky at best. For us, we have not only the gardens, but also livestock. We don't get to travel more than a day or two at a time and someone has to be here continuously to care for all of it. We have animals chores that must be done twice a day, and caring for the garden properly requires at least a little time each day to keep up with it. It does not allow for extended vacations, shoot, even weekend trips require a large amount of planning. Being able to just load up the truck to take off for a weekend get away, does not happen. Living the way we do requires serious commitment and a lifestyle change that has kept me a little off balance for several years now. Even taking off for a day, requires some planning and organizing to allow for several hours away from home. Even something as simple as a trip to the grocery store, for most would be nothing, but for me it is usually a two hour preparation. Aside from the hour long battle with my kids to get ready, it's planning a tentative meal plan, planning a grocery list, trying to think ahead for any possible company or visitors, taking a brief inventory of what we already have, and making a list of nonfood items we may need. I do not have the luxury of just walking up and down isles at a store and grabbing what looks good. I go into a store, my list in hand, get what's on that list, and leave. Aside from not having any big box stores really close to me, all my shopping is done locally. I am not a fan of big box stores anyway, but it seems a frivolous expense to walk into one, and have to walk two miles to find the handful of things I actually buy. Besides, I honestly have better things to do with my time! I don't like to spend money, absolutely hate shopping, and too much of the stuff I see at stores - I look at and think "why on Earth would I buy that, when I could make it; cheaper and it would be more solid." I don't mind going to yard sales, although anymore people are trying to make a mortgage payment off of junk. Occasionally, I will find something useful and be happy I went. When it comes to furniture...I build my own. I have gotten very unhappy with high cost of junk furniture. In 2011, we bought a table and 6 chairs, for $800. Earlier this year, they were falling apart and looked horrible. So, I built a table and 2 benches. They are not the same style, but we have more seating. When I was completely finished with them, I had less than $300 invested in materials and about 10 hours of labor. So about $400 and we have a dining room set that is build to last. That's half the cost of the crap we bought just 4 years ago. Not to mention, buying a set similar to what I built, would have cost us close to $2000. I did the same thing with our bedroom set, a bookcase, a window storage bench, a media center and 2 bookshelves. If we would have had to purchase all of these...we would have been set back about $2800. Instead, I spent about $600 on supplies and put in about 100 hours worth of work, and saved us $2000...on this list.

I have become a very financially frugal person, someone who will go to great lengths to save where I can and still have nice things, and isn't afraid to say, "I am not keeping up with anyone or anything. I am building a life that is more meaningful and less focused on consumerism." There are plenty of "things" I would like to have, but I have everything I NEED. When I was first learning the difference, it was hard for me to determine wants from needs. I think most of us have grown up with so much "stuff" that we have blurred the lines of wants and needs. We can want a bigger house or newer vehicle, but we don't NEED them. We only need shelter, food, water, and a miniscule amount of clothing to survive. We could have a one room shelter that offered a place to cook, a place to store food,(for me)a bathroom, and a place to rest our heads and we could survive! We don't need 4000 square foot of living space with a bathroom for each bedroom, 3 levels and garages for each car. This is not a necessity, it's a luxury. It's "keeping up with the Jones's," and it's become a pathetic means of existence. It's a status statement, to me, to have all that extra stuff and not need it. Yet, a majority of those with so much, are either in debt beyond their eyeballs, or have more money than brains. I am quite happy and have everything I need in our 1989 manufactured home, that we are remodeling as we can. I have a beautiful home, but you know, it's just a house without the love, that consumes it.

In my little family, we are going back to simplicity, or back to basics if you will. We do not believe in keeping up with anyone, we aren't going to be driving the newest vehicles in our community, we won't have the biggest most expensive house in our area, my kids will not be wearing brand new - name brand clothes; they will be wearing whatever is made with quality to last, they will understand the value of things instead of the price. They are learning the importance of family, quality time, and the loyalty to those that are honest, and loyal to them. They are learning to value what means the most in life, instead of just what costs the most. My kids understand that love, respect and trust are earned; not bought. Some of the hardest life lessons to teach, has been explaining peoples need to keep up with others, consumerism, and hypocrisy. My children have seen so much of all of this...whether on the noise box(television) and even to some degree in our families. It's difficult to explain to them why those who have so much, seem so unhappy with their life. Yet, they see some that have less than we do and seem so happy. My children are never without what they NEED, they may not have all they want, but their needs will always be met!

My kids are such amazing young people. I know all parents feel this way about their kids, and I am no different. We have days when our personalities clash, but I know they are still learning about themselves, just as I am. Since we are an unconventional family, it's sometimes hard for others to understand us. That's ok though. Every family is unique and unless you are experiencing physical abuse...embrace your uniqueness! In our family, I have the privileged of educating my children everyday. Some days this is a gift, and others...not so much! :-) For the most part, we learn together, on everything. We do what we are required, we explore new ideas, we contemplate and discuss old ways/traditions that seem more logical, we discuss upsets and celebrate achievements. We talk about disagreements, and have heated discussions, we show respect, love and encouragement too. Having 2 children, with 2 completely different learning styles, has opened my eyes to a great deal of differences. With 1 child a hands-on learner and the other drawn to books, it's a unique experience to teach them. Each of them loves to learn...in their own way. While one is a struggle to get sat down and go through the book learning, the other is a struggle to pull away from a book. Now, I am beginning another new adventure. My oldest is beginning high school and my youngest first grade. The high school teaching is expanding on what has already been taught/learned, and the first grade and just beginning to learn. I can't help but wonder some days, how the Mennonite community teaches their children and they are finished with their education by 8th grade. There is so much more I want to teach my children, so much more I want them to understand and so much more I want to share with them...I can't imagine how I am going to fit it in, in just 4 more years with the oldest.

I have spent more than 2 years in a big ole black hole. A place that has been dark, scary, and very humbling. What sent me so far into that direction, I will probably never know for sure. However, I can tell you, my own learning and enlightenment has been amazing. Even on the worst of days, through all my journaling and research, I have learned so much. I have recognized areas of my own life that were in serious need of attention, I have found out who my true friends are and who has used and abused my loyalty, and my mind has become more open than ever. I have become very forgiving and accepting of my own flaws, and have learned to look past the flaws of those I value. I am becoming more accepting of who I really am...underneath the vise of wife, and mom. I am learning to accept that no matter how hard I try, I will never be "good enough," for some people. That's their issue, not mine! I have learned that I can be a great friend, a loyal friend, and respect other values, without it changing me or what I believe. I have learned the hard way, that those attributes are usually not returned. I have become more accepting of who I am, in all layers of crap that I was told to be, expected to be and told to believe. I am uniquely me, and no one on this Earth is just like me. I have days when I don't like anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, and just want to be alone. It doesn't mean I am angry or upset, it just means I need time alone...time to recharge. I have days when I'm angry. Angry at life, people, or circumstances...I will get through it and move on...I just have to allow those issues to work through me. I have days when I just want downtime. I will take them, even if it's several at once. I am a hopeless romantic, with an uncurable heart for caring, love, and giving.

I love love. While I don't believe in fairy tales, and happily ever afters; romance doesn't usually include that kind of crap anyway. To me; love is not only a feeling but also an action. Showing you love someone, can be done in so many different ways. I'm not just talking about romantic love either. The love we have for our extended families, close friends, and partners in life; all take action AND feeling. It's not something that happens on its own, and it will not last without constant effort. Romance to me is the initial feeling, followed by constant effort at the action side as well. We all know/remember the first dates with our partners. Everyone puts their best foot forward. It's the initial attraction, the initial conversations, the beginning attraction. You have what many refer to as the "honeymoon stage." It's dating, being wined & dined, the flowers, cards, etc. Once that stage wears off, that's when the real work begins. That's when it becomes easy to take advantage of a relationship/partnership. That's when it's easier to say you are in a relationship,and not do anything to strengthen it, but the style of relationship is different for 2 people. One may be content and the other not so much. As you move through a relationship, you progress through it's different phases and some find themselves married. Marriage is work! Marriage takes a serious effort to make it last. Anytime you take 2 separate people, and throw them into one home, it's going to be an issue! I don't care who you are, or what kind of crap some will have you believe...at some point in your marriage there are going to be problems. The extent of these problems is going to depend on the strength of the relationship, and the willingness of the people involved to work through them. There are going to be issues that pop up and sometimes even issues that have not been resolved from previous issues. I am a firm believer that communication is a necessity in any relationship; marriage or otherwise! However, sometimes, communication is the issue. With different people, comes different communication styles. Myself, I am a writer. I tend to write my exact thoughts without filter. However, when speaking...I really have to concentrate on saying things the way I need to say them, so they will be understood by someone else. However, when I write my thoughts, they come out much clearer. Temperaments are another area that can cause issue. Different people = different temperaments and personalities. For me, I was always able to adapt to whatever was going on around me...at least for many years. Now, I don't adapt so well. I'm pretty set in my ways and hard-headed. For years, moving to a new home or school was an adventure. It was exciting and fresh. Now, the idea of changing my life in any way is intimidating. For years, having the same set of friends of was comforting but not a big deal. Now, I have a handful of close friends that I wouldn't trade for the world! For years, the idea of dating and getting to know new people was a thrill...something new. Now, if I had to go back to dating, I think I'd just stay single! Although I love the idea of new adventures now, and some I would take if circumstances allowed; I can't say that I would right now. I love the thought of taking off to new places and exploring, but I love my home and the life I live. I don't want to pack up and move a dozen times anymore. I want roots, with a little gypsy thrown in on occasion. It all boils down to changes. I think as we find our true selves, as we grow older, we start finding more meaning to everything from relationships, to romance, and even to our personalities. My once very bad temper, has calmed to only when I can't take anymore. What I once thought was romantic - the wining & dining, has even changed to more meaningful sentiments. Even though I may be stubborn, what I once thought I knew, I really didn't. I have learned so much more, after I thought I knew so much! When I once communicated only verbally, it never made a complete thought real until I began writing.

I really think that people change multiple times during their lives. Sometimes I think the changes are very miniscule, while other times the changes are pretty drastic! I know in my own life, I have changed many times over the course of 40 years. Some of those changes have been for the better, some not. While I am overall proud of the person I am, and could have used multiple issues growing up as a crutch or excuse, I didn't. I used them to learn for the most part. Some have been the cause of my coldness, and aloofness, and others have caused me to want to be the best for my own children and make sure they never have to experience any of that. Some of the experiences I have had, caused me to build mile high and thick, walls around my heart. Other experiences opened my heart to possibilities, caring for others and wanting to help anyone I could. As a child, I can remember always being a little more free-spirited than most of those I was around. I can remember loving to laugh, making others laugh, and just being a kid. As I got older, life handed me a huge lesson on divorce and how jaded people could be when they didn't want to believe things that were right in front of their eyes. I pulled into a shell and didn't allow anyone to get too close. By the time I graduated high school, I had a huge chip on my shoulder. I looked for attention in whatever way I could find it, thought I fell in love with my life partner, and got married. Then yet another lesson on life when I wasn't able to handle all that marriage entailed, dealing with extended families and I divorced. The following 5 years, brought a lot of lessons and some more changes. By the time I was 21, I thought I had a few things figured out when yet another person entered my life. By that point in my life, I kinda knew what I wanted and really didn't want to settle for less. Even though we are still great friends, it wasn't meant to be at that time. Then I got a wild hair. I packed what I could fit into a little Dodge Omni, uprooted my entire life, and moved to Missouri. I decided to finish college, and find myself away from everyone I knew, so I could have a fresh start. I spent 2 years finding myself, finished college, worked a job I loved, and met some amazing people too. One of those were my husband. While I really was in no way looking for a permanent relationship, let alone marriage; he intrigued me. To this day I can't tell you why, but none-the-less; we met for coffee after my shift and talked until almost 5 am, the day I was supposed to be moving back to Illinois. I called my mom and told her I was going to stay a little longer to see where this went. Fast forward a little more than 16 years, through many changes and issues, and here I am still in Missouri and still married. That's not to say there haven't been plenty of issues and disagreements. We didn't grow up together, we didn't grow up the same way or even in the same geological location. I wasn't looking for a permanent relationship, and honestly, I hadn't even wanted a serious relationship. Commitment was something I was shying away from at that point. I didn't want someone that could tell me what to do, say, think or what people I could be around. Which, at that point in my life, was exactly how I viewed relationships. At that point in my life, my view on relationships was very tainted and not real pretty. My theory at the time was, I would have 10 kids if I never had to be married. Horrible, I know...but it was what is was. I had had some good relationships, but I was in no way ready to settle down into a relationship beyond dating. The idea of marriage scared the hell out of me. The first time my husband told me he loved me, had me ready to run, far and fast. We had a good connection, we could talk and share our life stories, but I was fighting a battle within myself to be more. After my parents divorced, I was always trying to prove myself...to them, to be the person I was expected to be so my siblings would have a good role model, to prove myself to my step-parents, then transitioning from that role and expected to be a kid again in high school; when I was so conflicted and angry. After hearing many stories of how others behaved in high school, I was VERY mild and almost to the point of being a goody-two-shoes. Yes, I did things that were wrong, but nothing so horrible that I should have ever been labeled as a problem. I hid a couple of relationships, though not well and not really caring to hide, I didn't do the party thing until I was a senior and even then it was always the same place and if I drank...I called home for a ride. I danced, was in band, musicals, plays, and softball. I graduated, on the honor roll. No where in anything I did ever arise any kind of drugs or having the law involved. Even though the course of my education did not get to go the way I wanted, I still went to college and got a degree. No, my plans to be either in architecture or marine biology did not get to happen, I am still smart and still love both! Through the years I have made many changes in myself and my thinking. At 18, I couldn't wait to get away from my family. I couldn't wait to have a life of my own, even if it meant working 2 jobs to support myself. However, I was brought up the thinking that you had to get married right away from one side of my family, and you had to be self-sufficient and independent from the other side. Talk about conflicting messages! I grew up fast, had to after my parents divorced. They divorced and each of them was too absorbed in themselves to worry about how their actions would effect the kids they brought into this world. They each found someone else to have in their lives and that brought a whole new set issues with 4 different people trying to tell us how to behave, act and think. While I know they all handled the situation to the best of their ability at the time, it did not help any of us. I think, being older now, that each of my parents and step parents were more angry with each other and we were just caught in the cross fire. I do not blame my parents or step parents though. The way they were, was a lesson to me. While I disagreed with a lot, there were some things I did agree with. I do live my life today, much differently because of the lessons learned growing up. I think as parents, we all do the best we can, so don't get me wrong when I talk about my childhood. I was always very close to my Dad. He was my hero and for years I we talked about everything. When my parents divorce, I didn't have that closeness as much and as much as that hurts, I have accepted it. I love my parents and step parents, and that is something that does not ever go away despite any disagreements. As I have gotten older, I have learned to respect them and accept them as they are. I don't have any ill feelings towards my parents or step-parents. Just as I have had to learn to accept myself, I have accepted who they are as people and not just parents. No child comes with an instruction manual, and parents have to handle their children the best way they know how.

As I have gotten older, and really taken a look at what I want, the life I expect and the needs I have; I have learned that absolutely nothing is just black or white. There is a lot of grey area that is left to interpretations. Just as parenting has a lot of grey areas, so do relationships, careers, and every other area of life. While many still have the one side only view, love is love. I really don't care who it's with; whether it's a romantic love or a friendship love. Love is one of the very grey areas. In all the grey areas of life, relationships seem to always come front and center. Since relationships can have any number of meanings, this seems to be a hot topic, all the time! Friendships, those you work with, those you love, your life partner...these are all relationships. Some may be easy to pin point where they fall categorically, others may not. In my own life, I have some of the greatest friends, I have worked with several great people, people I truly love and a life partner. Sometimes, people cross your path to teach you a lesson, or help guide in a pursuit you are on. Other people cross your path to show you how to love, care or what you don't want. I've always heard it said that "people come into your life for a season or reason." I fully believe this. I have crossed paths with so many amazing people. While some of them were only in my life for a short time, others have been in my life for many years. The grey area in relationships seems to come through what is considered acceptable and what is not. Most people will tell you that when you are in a committed relationship, you do not have an affair and many times anymore, there is a ton of jealousy in relationships. The jealousy is something that I can not relate to. I don't understand it and honestly...I have better things to do and have more respect for myself than dealing with it. I can't imagine jealousy ever serving a purpose. If I have to lower my confidence level to worry over my husband talking to another woman or even talking to an ex-girlfriend...then I am too insecure. If I have to not talk to an old friend for fear that my husband will be jealous...that just would tell me that our relationship is not in a good place. I can tell you, the day someone tells me who I can and can not talk to, will be the day that someone will not be in my life. Period! I have spoken to many of my guy friends throughout the years, and have also spoken to most of my ex-boyfriends and even my ex-husband too. I don't hide it, my husband knows every time I do. What's the point in hiding that? To me, if I had to hide what I was doing, then I am doing something wrong. Just as I would never ask him not to talk to someone he knew, he would not ask that of me either. (Not that it would do much good, anyway!) That's kind of where the hard-headedness comes to play. If you are in a committed relationship, there should be trust, and respect. If you do not feel you can trust your relationship partner...you probably shouldn't be together.

I have conformed a whole to fit in this lifestyle I live, however, there are some things I will never conform to. I will not ever give up friendships, for anyone. I love my husband, just as he loves me; but always having to feel jealous is a waste of time and energy! Yet, this is another grey area. I have heard some people say that their significant other doesn't need to talk to ex's or friends of the opposite sex because that is considered a form of having an affair. I would call a very loud BULLSHIT on that one. I know, this is another area that I look at things differently, but I can not understand it let alone want to! For me, a majority of my friends have always been guys. Some of them I have been closer with than others, and the ones I was close to...I loved, but just as close friends. Some I still care for as a friend, and even though I am married, they still old a spot in my heart. Friends to me, male or female, have my loyalty until prove they don't deserve it. While this has happened recently, it has not happened much in the overall scheme of my life. Now, that's not to say that some of my male friends, don't have jealous significant others. While I won't pretend I completely understand jealousy, from what has been explained to me, I can kinda see it. While I don't hide anything from my husband, I am a rarity, I have been told. The way I see it is that people get jealous for one of two reasons: they are insecure, or they or their partner have had an affair. I have had a few male friends tell me that they don't tell their partners they talk to me. While I typically give them hell about that, I guess it is what it is. I don't agree with it and typically they hear about it! I do tell my husband, even if he doesn't care, every time I talk to any of my friends...male or female. Dealing with insecurities is an issue that the person with them has to deal with. It is not their partners fault if there hasn't been an affair. If you are so insecure in a relationship that you must sink the level of jealousy, there is either a problem with your relationship or you need to raise your self-esteem. If you or your partner feels an affair is necessary; therein lies a major problem. However, it is not necessarily the beginning of end. You can work through it, but the trust is not only broken, it may never be the same. However, too many times an affair is just a game to some. Rather than talking to a partner and being honest about needing more attention; it's easier to run into a fling where you are getting undivided "honeymoon stage" attention. I won't judge what other people feel is the best way to handle their lives, but when it comes to jealousy...this seems like a pointless emotion.

With all the grey areas in life, sometimes that grey area is exactly where you need to be. Each of us has to make a decision that is best for us, at the time. No matter what anyone believes or says, everyone has made questionable decisions in their lives. You either fall in a bed of roses, or a bed of thorns. When we feel we are not being related to in the way we feel we should be, we seek out what we need. It's just what we do. If we find we are no longer content with our careers - we seek new ones, if we are no longer content in a relationship - we seek ones. It all boils down to the same thing, no matter what we are seeking contentment from. If we are not receiving what we need, we seek out what we need, by any means we can. I'm not saying you can have your cake and eat it too...that goes against my beliefs, but sometimes things aren't right and you have to find something that will make it right. It does not matter if that is a relationship, career, home, location, etc. Sometimes, all it takes is talking to someone to help pinpoint exactly what you are looking for, or taking some time to yourself and letting your emotions flow to give you a clear insight of what you want and need. Sometimes, though, it takes a little digging. People that jump from one relationship into another, don't give themselves the time to figure out their needs and wants. They are too dependent on always having someone in their lives, and then wonder why they aren't ever fully satisfied. It's really sad to me that people lose themselves in someone else so much that they neglect themselves. I am guilty of this, so understand there is absolutely no judgement from me!

I really think life would sometimes be easier if, like kids, they came with instruction manuals. However, there is so much joy, happiness and contentment to be found in some of life's unexpected events, if you just look for it. Just as some people can get in their vehicle with absolutely no destination in mind, and their entire journey is spent in the little stops along the path they are on, is the destination within itself. Learn to trust yourself, hold yourself in the highest regard, and open your lines of communication in any form that is comfortable to you. Life is one hell of a roller coaster ride, so deal with what you must, but enjoy the ride! It's over a whole lot sooner than any of us will ever be ready for!



Destination Unknown,
Salli

Dancing to the beat.

It's one of those days again. You look in the mirror and wonder who the heck is staring back at you. It's not the physical looks you are looking at though, it's the emptiness in your eyes. It's the hallow feeling you see when you look into the windows of the soul. It's the longing for something more that is drawing you in. It's the sadness of what you once knew to be you.

It's these windows of the soul that have you feeling edgy. You know you can see more in them, but it just seems to evade you every time you look. You know there is more, you can feel it. So where is that light that illuminates the darkness, where is the determination that once rode so think it was untouchable, where is that confidence that once was unbreakable? Where is your beautiful soul? What power have you willingly given to someone else in the name of conforming to be considered socially acceptable? How big of a portion of who you really are, are you willing to give up? How much have you already given?

In a world of judgmental hypocrites, how can you ever be truly who you are if you are constantly being berated, degraded, and labeled; to justify the hypocrisy? If you are not a person to fit into societies image of what is normal or acceptable, you will be labeled, you will be criticized, you will hear your share of negativity. How do you hold on to what you feel to be true, what your feel to be right, and what you believe? Too many times, without really knowing it, you become just one of the crowd. You get tired of fighting for your beliefs, you get tired of constant negativity and tired of the "normal people," using you as a laughing stock.

When too many in society aren't willing to break the mold, it becomes easier to just "go with the flow." It becomes easier to just do what everyone else is doing because they don't draw attention, or they are not strong enough to stand alone and face the "norms." It's easier to let others guide your way. It's easier to just do what everyone else is doing so you don't stand out or draw attention. It's easier to just be in the mix of the normal people so you don't have to actually think for yourself, you don't have to worry about making a decision that could throw you out of the normal realm, you don't have to make time to think through an issue...because all the norms, have "already done the research."

It reminds us of the cartoons, we had as kids. It was always the cat, mouse and dog. They followed the normal stereotypes at the time...mouse eggs the cat on, the cat chases the mouse. The cat runs by the dog, and in turn aggravating the dog, so the dog chases the cat. It's the way society has become today. You have a constant repeat of chasing after what frustrates you, to never really find a finish line. So, you are just constantly running, you're constantly after some frustration, trying to find some imaginary prize for catching the frustration; when in reality, there is no prize, there is no finish line, and the frustration - it's stays just out of reach to keep you chasing it.

When you look in the mirror, the outer appearance will never be as good as it could be until the windows to your soul are shining with your own reality. Your soul has to shine through all the chasing, it has to be blinding to what is not acceptable to you, you have to allow that light to shine on who you are and not what you are expected to be. Do you know the REAL you? Do you know your strengths, weaknesses, passions and desires? Do you know and understand who you really are, without apologies, without fear of the backlash of not fitting into society's "normal?"

If you do, you are a beautiful rarity. You are truly a light to those that are floundering to find their own inner strengths.

Finding a peace within in a world full of chaos seems to be impossible. It is within sight but always seems to be just out of reach. Finding people who are stimulating to you seems to be the route we all need to take. However, finding those that are not only stimulating, but also inspiring, seem to be hard to find.

Finding our own beat, finding our drum, finding our march; doesn't have to be impossible when we are willing to go it alone if necessary. So many times, we follow what our soul guides us to, only to lose focus when all the outside negativity filters in. As we find the beat of soul, and our own realities seem to finally make sense, we are then faced with the outside negativity of those that either don't understand or those who are too ignorant to even try. As soon as someone begins to find their beat again, there is always someone sometimes even multiple people, that are more than happy throw out negative comments, throw out the reminder that you are so different from everyone else, and/or they are lacking the understanding of you as a person they don't realize how hurtful their remarks really are.

For those involved in the lives of the people that are finding their own way, I can only offer a bit of advice. Be supportive, even if you don't understand it. Remember that just because you may not have found your way, does not mean you can be disrespectful to your partner and the paths that work for them. If you are in a relationship, communication is essential when one or both partners are trying to find their beat. You may not always agree, understand or believe in the same paths, but you either have to find a middle ground that works or deal with the alternative of parting ways.

Too many times, as we are finding a beat that works for us, we are hit head on with so much energy, negative and positive - from so many different fronts, that it becomes overwhelming. We are finally dancing to a beat that works for us and find that that beat does not blend with our partner, family or friends. It may mean letting go of a few relationships that are just not going to work, it may mean learning to accept that some relationships - you just won't be able to share your beat with. When finding your beat and accepting your uniqueness, you must be willing to accept and deal with all aspects that may change.

Dancing to the beat of your own drum, is in my opinion, what our purpose in life should be. Finding that spark that sets your soul ablaze with so much purpose and light, that you become a beacon for those like you. Finding what makes you happy, fulfilled and content, is not easy but is more than necessary to truly live. You may go through stages, when your soul wants something different. It happens, and it's natural. We make promises of forever, that seems flawed to me. There is no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring, let alone forever. All we can promise, truthfully, is to love/cherish/honor today.

As each of us venture into our own beat, I encourage you to listen to your soul. Find the fuel that brings your spirit alive. Find your own beat, and do not let anyone persuade you from what really drives you. Give yourself permission to be different, to be individual! You deserve to be happy, content, and completely fulfilled!

Dance to your own beat!
S

The wheels are turning.

I can't seem to grasp to the changes in human behavior sometimes. It's not something, I guess, I really want to understand. Though we live in a technical era of electronic connections, we have lost the human touch in so much. We don't seem to be able to connect through conversation, in person.

I know how important technology and electronics have become. I love knowing I can share a phone call, text message, or share something on social media that will be communicated to the multitude of family and friends all over the world. However, I begin to get frustrated when you have a gathering and either neglect to show up because they are "too busy," or they show up and spend 90% of their time on some sort of electronic. People can't seem to have intelligent conversations because they are sending a text message in some coded language that I have to lower my intelligence just to figure out. Proper grammar, and spelling have flown clear out the window, and being respectful of others has taken a back seat to cell phones and computers.

Don't get me wrong. I love my iPhone, and my computer. I love being able to connect with people where ever I may be, but there comes a point when it becomes a severe disrespect when that becomes a priority over the people and conversations going on around me. When I have a gathering, or am visiting with someone in person, that is NOT the time to be using technology. Yes, there are exceptions, mainly emergencies. However, ridiculous text messages that are not emergencies can wait, job messages and phone calls can wait. If I am taking time away from what I need to be doing, to spend time with you, I expect the same degree of respect. If you can't or won't give me that respect, that tells me exactly where I stand in your life....and it's pretty low on the ladder.

In my own household, technology has taken over and pisses me off on a daily basis! While I love to write, visit with friends online, research and dream online; I can handle powering down just fine too! My kids have become obsessed with technology. Online games, online videos, video games, our satellite TV, and the tablets. Even their school work and mine is mostly online now. Getting them away from technology ends up being a battle of wills, and takes an act of congress to accomplish. With the high tech cell phones now, even meal time at our house is disrupted and causes me a lot of stress. Everyone comes to the table, cell phones in hand, and then they eat while texting or scrolling through social media. Meal time in my house used to consist of family time, and conversation. My youngest won't eat unless watching cartoons or watching videos. If I take away the computer from her, it seems hypocritical since I allow the cell phones to stay. I do not believe in theory of "do as I say, not as I do." I try to teach my kids by example. That does not seem to be going real well right now.

It seems that as I get older, I am disheartened by the lack of respect everywhere. The saddest part is that it's not just children; it's the adults too. Between the lack of respect, the lies, and the lack of compassion; it's really no wonder we have become so hardened of a society.

I think back to when my oldest was younger, and can't wonder when everything changed. Raising my oldest, I didn't allow much television time, I didn't allow video games, and I spent ever possible minute "socializing" with him. I didn't believe in baby talk, so we would have real conversations with grammar that slang did not come into play. We didn't have a gaming system in our home until he was 8 years old. I started out that way with my youngest and somewhere along the way it has become extremely technology driven. At 6 years old, my youngest has 2 tablets, can work an iPhone and iPad, knows the computer better than I do, and plays video games. It's not only become ridiculous, but out of control. The oldest is the same way. I get so frustrated when I ask for a simple hour of family time, with no technology and receive a barrage of excuses why it can't happen. It's not just the disrespect to me that is upsetting. It's the complete disrespect to what I consider the most important thing in the world; FAMILY TIME!

We are planning a Promotion Party(Graduation for public schools), for both kids. One from 8th grade and one from Kindergarten. As much as I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends; I know how it will end up. You will have a handful of people actually visiting, and the rest will either be on their phone, on a computer/tablet, or will spend the entire time with text messages or scrolling through Facebook. It will defeat the purpose of gathering to visit and celebrate the kids achievements.

We have had bonfires, for years, at house every chance we get. It used to be a funny thing, we wouldn't have anything formal, we would just light the fire and sit around it. After a short while, we would have people that would just show up. They'd sit around the fire with us, visit and we'd have a good time. We never really invited anyone, actually, if they saw a fire...they'd just show up. Now, we have heard the excuses of being too busy, not wanting to drive that far, and a million others. Honestly, I love to visit but I refuse to beg people to make time for me or my family.

You all know of my love/hate relationship with technology. I just get frustrated with the complete lack of people skills, people have anymore. The idea of friends getting together, seems to be a thing of the past. It's sad to me, knowing that my kids don't have the close bond of friendships that we had, because technology is now the only way people keep in touch. Relationships are started and ended through technology, which is pathetic at best! There is no emotion, no personal touch to technology.

I really didn't mean to take off so much on this subject but it is obviously something my mind and heart wanted to write about. I really intended to write a somewhat uplifting blog today, since my spirit is beginning to soar again, and don't get me wrong, even the topics I am covering are not snuffing out my spirit anymore. I am lifting myself up, even if the rest of the world is stuck in technology and being busy, I am slowly finding my center balance again.

With finding that balance, I am finding that so much of my stress is due to my own lack of ability to voice what I want or need. I have pushed those things to a back burner for so many reasons; someone else needing or wanting something, it's easier than dealing with disagreements, or something as simple as fearing what someone else will think or some negative comment that will make me feel like less of a person. So much of what I believe is because of research or some innate feeling. I have been "tuned in" to my own body most of my life, even if repressed from some years. I have spent years listening to my gut feelings or that inner voice, if you will. Somewhere along the way, I quit listening to most of it. I started doubting my abilities, my knowledge, and even my own feelings. I started making excuses for myself, and to others as to why I didn't do things, or why I didn't know something. All that did for me, was to cause a huge backlash when those feelings, emotions, needs and wants grew, far too big to be contained.

So instead of listening, accepting and growing; I repressed them and become very bitter, cold, and resentful. Instead of taking time to understand what I felt, or to listen to that nagging gut feeling or that little voice begging to be heard; I ignored it all. I allowed my feelings, emotions and wants/needs to be determined by everyone else. I didn't deal with issues that upset me, I didn't listen to the emotions when a friendship turned out to be nothing more than an alibi, I didn't listen when a gut feeling was telling me something was very wrong - in turn, some important people in my life have now parted ways, I didn't listen when my heart was yearning to attend one of my best friends funeral, or when it screamed to make a trip to see his family after they lost so much to a tornado. Now, my heart is screaming to make a trip to my hometown, because my other best friends brother and his family have lost everything to a home fire. I know there isn't much I can do to help them, but just being able to visit a few days give him and my best friend a huge; give their parents - another set of adopted parents to me, a big hug and reassure them that everything will work out and that I am still there for all of them. It's just part of the constant tug in me, between my family & hometown, my best friends, and my home now. Spending my most formative years with some truly amazing people, have embedded them forever in my heart. Knowing that both sets of my parents, are facing life changing issues and I can't be there for them kills me! I may not be able to do much, but just being there and showing them each my love and devotion to them might do some good.

I am growing and accepting life as it's handed to me, but sometimes it's an overwhelming sense of duty that I feel that I am neglecting. I have a loyalty to those who mean the most to me. My extended family, my friends and of course, my own family...when I feel I am letting any of them down, it breaks my heart a little more. With all the stress I have felt for so long, I have not been the wife or mom, I should be. I know this and I am trying my best to be better. My oldest child is at the stage of being a lot more independent, while my youngest is still in that all demanding stage. That stage that children believe they are the most important, and very self-centered. My youngest is pushing every single hot button I have on a daily basis. I have had no patience or understanding with her free-spirit personality. Instead of helping her to grasp that spirit and use it purposely, I get frustrated and overwhelmed. My oldest has an old soul personality that I can relate to but have neglected to help him harness that inquisitive sense to it's full potential. I have had to spend too much time the last few years trying to grasp my own stress, to truly be a guiding light to these amazing young people. Although my husband and I have a great friendship and a good relationship, I have always kept walls around me that have kept everyone at arms length for so many years now, that I'm not sure how to tear down those walls. Honestly, I think if my true spirit every truly comes out, without those walls, it would too much for anyone to handle. I have held so much back from everyone, and became this quiet mousy type of person, that doesn't like to ruffle feathers, that I'm not sure I would know how to handle it either!

It's amazing to me how introspect comes from soul searching. Each new observation and realization seems to lessen the weight on my shoulders. Each new feeling/emotion I allow myself to feel or experience, is easing the stress I have felt and is opening my spirit up a little more all the time. Instead of constantly biting my tongue and pushing feelings aside, afraid of showing them or feeling them, is clearing my mind.

As I got on social media yesterday, and saw photos and status messages, I had to smile. Yesterday was Mother's Day for the United States. I'm not usually a "Hallmark Holiday," type of person but this year, I am finding that I want to celebrate everything. I want each holiday to have it's own mark. In our household, we celebrate the major holidays for the most part. We don't usually do much in the way of Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Mother's Day, Father Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, or Halloween. Yesterday, I saw pictures of flowers other Mom's had gotten, the husbands and kids fixing their wives/moms breakfast in bed, spending the day with their parents, etc. It made me hope that Mom's, even if for one day a year, are celebrated for all they do and are. There is no such thing as a perfect Mom, but those of us who care for our children and do what we feel is best for them, are good moms. We all know kids don't come with instruction manuals, and unfortunately what works for one child may not work for another, but we love our kids with all our hearts, none-the-less!

Today, I am writing with a clear head and an open heart. The nice thing about writing, for me, is that I write what comes to mind, without too much editing. I don't usually go through and re-read what I have written until after it's published. I try to keep my blogs real and from my heart. I try to keep actual names out to keep a privacy for those involved. When I write, it's my clearest and most honest means of communication. Words are my easiest way to explain, sometimes, what I am thinking and trying to say. Sometimes, it's easier for me to write, and it also helps me piece together my thoughts. I guess journaling all these years has allowed me to put words to paper and be honest with myself and others too. Sometimes, writing in my journal has given me more insight than I really want to accept. Other times, it opens my eyes to recurring issues. Then there are times when I start writing, and will write for hours, only to go back and read what I've written and completely been blown away with what I've wrote. My journals are my authentic self, my authentic feelings and emotions, and the most honesty I have within me. Obviously, I will not share those online, but I am glad to have multiple outlets that have helped me to regain perspective and accept myself again.

I am going to end this blog today with a knowledge that I am slowly finding my way again, and am lightening the load of stress on my shoulders. Knowing that writing has become a large part of release and also a love of mine. I have been given a couple of opportunities to write, free lance, and I am considering it. If I do decide to write for either of the sites, you will be given an opportunity for even more insight into me as a person and the life style I live. Feel free to always leave comments, or tell me something you would like for me write about. We may have differing opinions, but I will respect your opinion as long as you respect mine. So, please keep negative comments respectful.

No longer spinning my wheels,
Salli

May Day Coffee Chat

Image found at northstareasternsky.blogspot

It's time for some coffee chat. This crazy world of ours seems to spiraling out of control into a deep, dark, abyss. I am becoming very disappointed by people, events, and expressions; that seem to be on the verge of stupidity! Surely, with all the "safe chemicals," they put in everything, people should not be loosing brain cells! Between all the chaos, fighting, rioting, ignorance, and relationship demises...people can see the destructive path we are on.

As I have discussed in previous blogs, 2015 has been the year for divorces/indiscretions in my world. Since the beginning of March I know of 10, and have been personally affected 2. I know things change, people change, and people grow apart. It happens. What I don't get, is why now? So many of the divorces I know of are relationships that have 20+ plus years invested. When you are around those going through a divorce, it becomes harder to know how to talk to them, and sometimes(in one case I am personally around) how to act. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I also don't want to deal with the drama or B.S. that is going on. I try not to judge anyone, because there are plenty of things that go on behind closed doors that no one knows about. However, when you are going through a divorce, why would throw a new relationship in the face of someone you once said you loved, let alone the children you share? I don't agree with it, and when it comes to kids being involved...they are my concern. The adults can fend for themselves. I don't care how old the kids are, a divorce takes a huge toll on them. Knowing so many relationships are in bad shape, and the people are seeking gratification outside their relationships, makes me sad. A relationship is supposed to be a sacred bond between two people. Unfortunately, that just isn't the case most of the time, anymore.

The rioting here in the U.S. has become stupid! I read a social media post today about someone calling for all white police officers to be shot. Not only was I appalled, I was shocked! How on Earth has our country gone so far in reverse without someone seeing it? I will not dispute that there are officers out there that get a "big head," and behave badly. However, those are not just in one race. I am so sick of hearing about race, I could scream! Last I knew, we all bleed red, and were supposedly created by the same creator. Does that not make us all "related" so to speak? Give me a damned break! You want equality; behave with some lawfulness, act with some class and have some damned respect! I don't care what race you are, I don't care what religion you practice, and I don't care if you are male or female! If you break the law, you deserve the punishment! You don't go into your neighborhoods, loot the very businesses that are trying to serve your community, you don't behave like a bunch of rabid animals! Come on people - WAKE UP! You all are smarter than this! You don't like the laws? GET AN EDUCATION, AND RUN FOR OFFICE! Get out of the mentality of everyone owing you something! You are not OWED anything! If your ancestors were treated badly, that is sad...but it was not you! You need to do better for yourself. I don't see my Native ancestors behaving badly, when they are still treated plenty of disrespect! Get over yourselves, get jobs, get an education and quit using lames excuses as a crutch!

Once again, I know my opinions will probably fill my inbox with plenty of hate mail, but good grief. I grew up around police officers, and almost all of them I knew were good people. They had families to support, they followed the law, and if someone was breaking the law...it was their job to arrest them. Most officers, are good people. Most of them live in the communities they are to serve and protect. While there are some that abuse their position, the biggest majority do not, and would not! They put their lives on the line each and everyday they put on that uniform.

I know today's coffee chat may repeat some of my other blogs, but some of these issues really have me riled! I see comments on social media, read articles written, and hear so many different conversations; it tends to send me into orbit! When it comes to people knowing who I am, most do not. I tend to keep to myself, mainly because I am such an opinionated person and will debate anyone. What I don't want is to have confrontations. I get riled, and will voice my opinion. I am usually happy to listen to another opinion, IF it's an educated opinion. I don't handle opinions that just follow the main stream, rather than researching and educating themselves. Then you have the ones I refer to as educated idiots. These are the ones that go to college, read the way things should be/go, and once they graduate...they are automatically experts on EVERY subject. These are the ones, sadly, running our country. People that don't know what it means to live on $35,000 yearly income. The ones that are more than happy to raise our taxes, and send our tax money to countries that hate us. These are the ones that, a majority, wouldn't know what it was like to have to put in a real days work. The ones that are happy to line their pockets with their ever increasing incomes, their huge chunk of tax payer paid pension, and then take on an after retirement job with one of the companies that paid them while our tax dollars paid them.

Politics is yet another area that keeps me riled. I am a smart person. I have a degree and I have real-life experience, but the politicians just amaze me. I am not Democratic and I am not a Republican. I will typically vote for whomever seems to be the best for the job at hand. I can tell you, every single politician in office today, I would not vote for! They have no morals, they are happy to lie to get the position they want, and they are more than happy to sell out to the highest bidder. Somewhere along the way, our Constitution and Bill Of Rights has been used as a door mat, and our political leaders were the offending subjects. Our country has stepped into civil wars we had no right to step into, we are sending money to countries that hate us and our country is broke to start with, we are exhausting our military by continued deployments, and our domestic areas...WOW! Our economy has supposedly grown, though I'm not sure where. Our morals have been lost, our good jobs have been sent out of the country, our healthcare system is broken and now in a state of complete chaos, our monetary values have decreased terribly, and now we are giving illegal immigrants a "free pass." It sickens me to think about all our veterans that have fought for this country and are now being treated like dirt. The family members of mine, that fought World War II, Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan; They are now seeing the country they fought for falling in a heap, they aren't getting the medical care they deserve, and some of them are still being deployed to regions that may as well be classified as war zones. These men and women are the pride of our country, yet they are walked on, used, and lied to.

We, as Americans, have allowed our liberties and rights to be trampled in the name of "security." We, as Americans, are allowing politicians of BOTH parties to ruin our beautiful country. We are allowing big corporations to take over the small businesses that built this country. We are more than happy to accept the poisoning of our minds and bodies in the unproven experiments of those large corporations. We have become a society that wants it all, and we want it now. We are accepting of huge personal debt, we are accepting that our food is actually produced at a grocery store, we are accepting that being politically correct, is correct. We accept that what we have is never enough, that we must go spend our hard earned money on things we neither want nor need...just because someone else has it, we have become a society of consumerism instead of capitalism. We go buy large homes to impress that take 40 years to pay off, we buy new vehicles that take 7 years to pay off, we have credit card debt that just grows each year, and for what? So we can impress people we don't like to start with?! I just don't understand the thought processes.

Today is May Day. The first day of May, some celebrate with the wrapping of the May pole for fertility. This was a big celebration when I was young. In Kindergarten, we had a May Day celebration, with the May pole. However, each year after was less and less. I have learned that the May Pole was actually a Pagan tradition, and as our country became more and more politically correct, the May Day celebrations became more offensive. By the time I got to grade school, we would grow flower seeds in paper cups to hang on the doors of people we care about. That only lasted a few years before there was nothing left of May Day, other that just being the first of May. It has me curious how many more of these celebrations have been left by the wayside in honor of being "politically correct."

In recent years, I have seen so many areas that have a positive impact on me personally. The rise in Farmer's Markets, the growth of people growing their own food, people buying organic food, the continued growth of holistic health, the acceptance of lifestyles different that what is considered the normal. It's all a positive growth, however, I have seen so many that refuse to accept many of these as well. So many of the small local businesses that had once shut up shop, are now coming back. A lot of people are figuring out that shopping local has more added benefits than saving a few dollars at a big box store. The personal touch at a local store is unmatched! Bartering with neighbors for goods and services you need is another area that is increasing. I think back to September 2001. Although that was such a dark day in American history, think about comradery of Americans. A large part of American households proudly displayed their American flags, the constant bickering over irrelevant subjects ceased, people in general found humanity again. It was nothing to have a stranger smile when you walked past, or a stranger start a conversation. Now, we have riots and fighting over race, religious beliefs, and what is or is not acceptable. Mother Teresa once said: “I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.” While I am not religious, this amazing woman was truly a saint.

It's been said, when you focus on what you want instead of what you don't want...you focus will become your reality. I can't help but wonder what people are focusing on. So many of the people I know, focus on their issues. They are lacking in some area, so that is their focus. They neglect to see all the beautiful areas of their lives. They neglect to see the forest through the trees. Then you have so many others that are quick to judge everyone for everything. Yet, they neglect to understand why they are being judged. They have forgotten to close their own closets and their skeletons are there for all to see. We all make mistakes, we all do what we feel is best, and it's not going to be the same for everyone. Each of us have different wants, needs and desires. There isn't a saint left on this Earth, so there is no one qualified to judge anyone else.

As I listen to conversations, and complaints, I am learning that the majority of people do not think or feel as I do. That's ok, and is how it should be. However, I look at the repetitive complaints of employers and have become dismayed by it all. So many employers I know, have the same exact complaint...those they are hire, have no work ethics, no skills, and no real ethics. These are the 3 main complaints. This is somewhat tied to getting an education I spoke of earlier, but different too. We have become a society of technology. How many times do you walk through a store and the biggest majority of the patrons are either talking on the phone or texting? How many times are you driving down the road and other drivers are on their phones? How many times do you go into a store, make a purchase and the cashier counts your change back? Then I look at the younger generations. The generations that have grown up with technology. The kids, to me, that can't carry on a conversation unless it's in some screwed up language in a text message. Do you know how many times I will be trying to have a conversation with someone, only for them to be sending a text message, on their phones, or using some online app on their phones? This is disrespectful, and completely pathetic to me. If I am taking my time to talk to you, or visit with you...lose the damned phone! The only times I do not have issue is in the case of emergency, or if you have kids you must check on! It's rude, disrespectful and pisses me off instantly! It is not any different in my household. I am instantly pissed when we sit down to eat supper and someone's phone goes off. I don't care if it's a text message, a phone call or just being on some app....family time is more important that just about anything, and those stupid phones can wait. They are disruptive, and have caused too many people to be lacking in real conversation skills. The whole text messaging thing ticks me off too! If you can't take 5 minutes to make a phone call, you don't need to be bothering me. It pisses me off when I get a text message from someone saying hey, thinking about you...only to get the underlying message of "but not enough to make time to talk to you." It's become so detached of a world with all the technology. Now, relationships are started and ended through text messages, people don't have to take more than just whatever time it takes to type to actually think about someone, and the idea of taking time away from being "busy," is unheard of! When is the last time you got together with some friends...IN PERSON, to visit? When is the last time you turned of those ridiculous phones and conversed with your family - without interruption? Without some sort of technology? When is the last time you were disconnected from everything but your family?

The next complaint from employers is work ethics. I can't say this is a generational thing. Sometimes, you can say well...it's a baby boomer generation thing, or a generation x thing. The entire society, that works, is struggling. Many different ages groups fall into this. They want the pay check, but they either don't want to show up or they do show up and don't know squat! Then they expect high wages, and they are undeserving of them. This seems to be a rising issue anymore. Those working at minimum wage level wanting $10-$15 an hour. Let me tell from the experiences I have had...not too many deserve minimum wage, let alone more! I don't care if you have a degree. If you do not have people skills, if you do not have actual experience in your field...you deserve minimum wage. You want more income....do your job, do it above all expectations, and watch as your income grows. You want to be illiterate, belligerent, and behave like a barbarian...you should take minimum wage and be happy! Unless you are going out there everyday, doing the absolute best you can do, doing your job without complaining, you are not worth an increase in pay. If you can't show up on time everyday, and do the job you were hired to do; you don't even deserve the job to start with. I don't care if you work at McDonalds, Wal-Mart, in an office, or even clear up to president. If you are not doing the job you were hired to do, you are lucky to be making minimum wage! You want more money? Do more to earn it! When you walk into a place of business, and the employees are cussing or complaining about their job; they completely disregard a customer because they are on their phone or are not smart enough to answer a question...these are what employers are happy with. These are a few areas that will either raise your income or cause your income to be stagnant.

Showing up to work and doing the job hired for, is another big complaint. After working with several companies as a business management consultant, I learned real quick why so many employers get tired of hiring. You have a potential employee come into your office, they claim to have some sort of experience for the job you are hiring for, you hire them only to learn that they don't know even a fraction of what they said they did. If you go to an interview for a job, and you say you know something....you sure as hell better know it! When an employer hires you, they are looking for a specific qualification for a job they need done. They do not have the time, resources or desire to have to stop what they need done to train someone who doesn't know what they claim to know! If you are not qualified for a job, DO NOT APPLY! If you have the education but not the hands-on experience, do not lie about it and do not demand an hourly rate of pay that would be acceptable for a qualified person, but not someone just starting out. Be willing to start at the bottom and earn your way up. Just because you got an education, does not automatically qualify you for top pay. If you take a job, you better show up! You may get the job, but if you don't show up or don't show up on time, you are unworthy of the job. Most jobs have set hours. If you are scheduled to work 8-5, show up by 8 at the latest. Stay until 5, and do your job. Unless you have been there long enough to earn vacation time, or personal time or there is a REAL emergency...you do not have the right to not show up or to leave early. Other employees should not have to pull their weight plus yours. If you slack on doing your job, you shouldn't expect to be rewarded!

I have listened to many complaints from employers, and most of them I agree with. I agree that someone that does not do their job should not be rewarded, but I do believe that when you have employees that are doing their job and then some, they should be rewarded. A business is only as good as it's employees. If you have the wrong employees, there are many more out there looking for work!

I am on a bit of a rant with many areas of life, that I deal with. Between the 2 divorces that have affected me, the technology that irritates me daily, hearing complaints about employees, the lack of knowledge and ignorance of so many, and trying to keep most of my opinions to myself...it can be challenging. I have always heard the phrase "ignorance is bliss." This couldn't be more true in so much of our world today. It's really disappointing to hear so many with the everything is owed to them attitude. It's disappointing to see programs designed to be a hand up, become more of a hand out. It's disappointing to watch society withdraw into technology. It's frustrating and depressing to see that happening in my own home. It's hard to accept all the negative attitudes and opinions. It's hard to listen to all the complaints about finances when people aren't willing to make changes in their spending habits to better their financial security. It's hard to listen to arguments about increasing minimum wage when those throwing the fit are uneducated and unable to make their case because they are illiterate. There are plenty out there that do deserve an increased minimum wage, because they work their tails off. There are plenty of good, hard working people out there but those that don't fall into those groups far out number them.

I am going to end this coffee chat with a few of my own thoughts. I know technology has become a large part of our lives, even if I don't like it! I know that there are so many who bust their ass at a job and are not rewarded for it, I know there are so many people that just try to get through each day. I know there are great advances in medicine that have their place in healthcare but people need to nurture their mind, body and spirit; and they will see an improvement in their overall health. More people need to grow a garden. I know, this will give me a few more nasty grams, but it's true! If people grew even just a few things for themselves, they would not only save on their grocery bill(in preserved) but would also be eating healthier. I know frustrations set in when your job isn't going as you wish, or your finances take a hit, or you have a bad day; but that is no reason to not do your job, not keep working on your finances, or take a walk to clear your head. Quit making excuses for bad behavior, for not making changes, for not doing something. Excuses are nothing more than a crutch! You either are willing to better yourself or you're not. There is nothing in between. If you have to make changes in your life, there will be resistance from those who have known you to always do the same things. That's ok! Those that are meant to stay in your life will learn to accept the changes and will not only grow with you but also help you grow.

Take some time to connect with people. I mean REALLY connect, not through phone calls, text messages or emails. Take time out of your "busy" schedule to actually visit with people, talk to people, spend time with those who mean the most to you. Don't use the excuse of being to busy, to connect. Life is really short. Even the best of intentions do not mean much if you never act on them.

Salli