Finding the path that is right for you, can be daunting. It may take several wrong turns and lots of winding roads. Just remember half the joy of finding your path is the journey.
I didn't realize that along a journey, there are so many landmarks that would catch my attention. Did you? What would it feel like to just explore and take on adventures as they were presented, instead of having to plan everything?!
What kind of adventures could you have without the worry, stress and tethered need to pay bills; what would it feel like to just be able to take off on an adventure with no worries?
In my own winding, and some times treacherous journey through life, there have been plenty of adventures and twists in my path. As I have grown, both mentally and physically, I have found areas that have affected me on plenty of levels. In my journey, the past 20 years, there has been plenty of aimless wandering too. While I have been goal oriented for many years, I have always had a restless feeling of needing something more. That feeling there was something I was meant to do or be, was just out of my reach, no matter how hard I have tried to reach for it. I have tried to keep my gypsy tendencies under control for so many years, but sometimes...they come on out of the blue. Usually I can keep them tamped down, and under control. I can usually reason with myself and talk myself out of that need to explore. However, lately, that gypsy soul of mine is popping up on a regular basis. It's rearing it's head, and reminding me that I am neglecting a part of who I am.
As I am learning to embrace my whole self, not just the parts that acceptable to others, I am learning that I need to be true to every aspect of who I am. This does tend to be hampered by financial obligations, time restraints, and yes, even children; but in that regard, how can I encourage them to find their own paths when I am not following mine.
There are so many that have taken the "fitting into society pill," that they are limiting themselves to the possibilities that they are capable of. So many, that have chosen to just go with the flow to be accepted or because of a lack of ambition. Then there are those, like me, that have taken on responsibility and allowed it to drown the very hopes, dreams and ambitions that had once kept them on the right path. Those that have veered so far off the path that they were enjoying the journey, and now are just mucking through each day. Some are so strapped financially, that they can't see the hidden path back to where their hopes and dreams are.
It seems to be another vicious cycle. You follow a path to what you want at one time, you get bogged down by responsibilities and the path begins to grow up in weeds so you can no longer see it. By the time you need to find that path again, and need to go forward with your journey; the path seems like it's disappeared. Like the path is impossible to find again. However, the paths we take through life, twist and turn and even sometimes fork. Each of us know, even if not consciously aware, the direction we should go. This is where we make a choice; we either stay on the path we are on and risk loosing part of who we are, OR we take a giant leap of faith in a new direction that may lead us exactly where we need to be, or may give you a few twists to point you in the right direction.
Everyone is different, yet we are all the same. We are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with, but too many are willing to give up too easy. Too many are willing to keep dredging through life, living quietly in the shadows, and snuffing out their true desires. Too many are afraid to take a leap of faith, even though they would like too. Too many are afraid of how society will treat them if they take that leap of faith and find a new adventure.
Each of us need to find a path to happiness and contentment. Many times, the very happiness and contentment you find, may change over time. That is when you need to have faith that everything works out the way it's supposed to. I've always been told that everything happens for reason. I believe this but I also believe that sometimes things happen because of a LACK of ability to want to make changes. You have to want the changes more than you want your current situation, or you will continue to be in the cycle you are in until you do. Fear of the unknown, is a reason for many, not to change. Fear is a very big driving force for many. Fear is the same, whether it's a fear of the unknown, fear of societies perception, or fear of failure. Fear is fear, no matter how you look at it. However, fear is not something that should hold you back. If you are chasing your tail, wandering aimlessly, or are so unhappy that you are acting out in other ways, GET A GRIP! For me, getting a grip, meant sitting down and writing. I write my blog, I write in journals or a diary, if you will. Find where and when your fear took over and conquer it so you can begin a journey of fulfillment!
I don't care what your current situation is, take a good, honest look at it. Make a list, write in a journal, talk to good friends, or your partner. Take apart the entire situation with an outsiders eye. If you are in a good situation yet unfulfilled, there is something you are not paying attention to, that you should be. If you are in a bad situation, figure out how to fix it and DO IT! Quit moping, quit complaining about it, quit allowing yourself to wallow in whatever circumstances there are. Fixing it may take time, and may take outside help, but everything can be fixed. Sometimes, it takes looking outside the proverbial box to find the right direction, but if you are really fed up and really ready to change your path; it can be done. Find the way that works best for you, to express your need for change, to express your dreams, to express your fear; then set about to fixing it. For me, the best expression is writing. For some it may be talking, or even meditation.
I can't pretend to understand how millions of people can seemingly be on the exact same path and truly be happy. I won't claim to know how that's possible, because in my eyes...it's not. Each of us is given this one life, to grow our soul and spirit, and it's seems profoundly upsetting that so many are wasting it. I know not everyone is a gypsy, and not everyone is capable of following their dreams. As sad as it is, it's just a fact of life.
I firmly believe my few years of dark reflection has led me to a much better place. It has forced me to focus on what is truly important to me. It has forced me to see so many aspects of who I am, that I have severely neglected for many years, that needs to be let free. It has forced me to see beyond the smoke and mirrors that society has deemed as acceptable. I am not a "cookie cutter person." I am as unique as the universe, as individual as a blade of grass, and only a leap of faith from allowing the world to see the real me - happy, content, and fulfilled.
Many times we cross paths with people to teach us a lesson, occasionally it's painful to learn. However, even if painful, we need to find the lesson and learn. Whether the paths cross to teach us how not to behave, or how amazing some people are, sometimes it's even a simple phrase spoken by someone in our path that makes all the changes. What person was that for you? For me, it was a potential employer, about 10 years ago. I went in to interview for a job. It would have been a good job, with a decent income. That employer looked at my application with the eyes of a typical employer. His remark still resonates with me today, because I believe that was the point when I truly realized how much I was floundering to find what was right for me. His remark, "it seems like you have held many different jobs. We are looking for someone stable to be with us for many years. I don't think this is the best fit for you since you seem to not like staying in the same place for too long." Could I have done the job, and well? Absolutely! Did I want the job? Not really, the idea of sitting in an office every single day, doing monotonous mindless work didn't thrill me. How did that remark affect me? At first it pissed me off. I couldn't help that a few jobs were shut down, or that one job couldn't make payroll so they handed out checks that would bounce. After the initial shock of how my entire life was viewed off one silly piece of paper and a 10 minute conversation; I began to do some re-evaluating of my own thoughts and views. Yep, I do get bored easily. I do have bigger dreams and goals than working for someone and doing mindless work that doesn't challenge me to grow. The idea of working for someone that tells me what my time is worth, makes me sick. To this day, the idea that you can judge someone off a piece of paper, and a short conversation, still pisses me off. That company wanted someone who was willing to settle for whatever they would offer, and settle in an office doing mindless paper work, and then who ever they hired would be content with a job. That job definitely did not fit me, even 10 years ago. That brings to light a whole new thought.
If something like that was said 10 years ago, and is still resonating with me today, it tells me that this path I've been on is still not right. It means what I thought was just 2-3 years of reflection, has been much longer in reality. Have I ever really found my own path, who knows! I know for a few years, I was happy, content, and fulfilled, but then I got restless. Did that mean I only thought I was those things? I don't think so. I think, as I said earlier, we all change over time. What once made us happy, fulfilled and content; may not stay the same. It may fluctuate or take a hard left, on occasion. I know a couple of years ago, hormones were thrown into the mix, but I'm seeing that a lot of my own issues have been silently lurking for 10 or more years. The humorous thing about reflection and journaling, for me, has been to revisit some of my writing. Some of it actually causes me to laugh out loud. Some of it has brought tears to my eyes, and some has brought back the pain I felt at the time. Each time I have read through a journal though, it has opened my eyes a little more. It's amazing to me to read the insights, but I refuse to live in the past. Hind sight is 20/20, but would I change anything from my past...I can't say I would. Each experience, each twist and turn of my past, made me who I am today. Sure, I would love to be able to delete the bad parts, eliminate the hurts or erase the mistakes; but I can't and I really don't believe I would. All of it, combined, has made me the strong, independent, loyal, open minded person that I am today. I am a beautiful person, and no I do not mean physically. I don't need anyone to acknowledge or agree with me, because I know my heart is beautiful. Even the way I care too much for people that don't think twice about me, is beautiful. My ability to see past the shell people show the world, to be able to see their hearts and minds, is where I find my true friends. Those that know that physical beauty is only skin deep. Those that are willing to open their minds to something other than what may be socially acceptable. Those that are willing to try to understand and embrace the uniqueness of who they really are. Those are the people I want to be around, who I want to call friends. Those, to me, are the beautiful people.
Our paths may be bumpy, and make some strange turns, but don't limit yourself. Each new adventure brings an opportunity for growth. Instead of focusing on how wrong, bad or miserable your situation may be; why not focus on something you are striving for, dreaming of or a goal you have always wanted to chase! The only one holding you back, is you. Not every day is going to be perfect or bring you loads of happiness, but the days that aren't exactly what you want are a chance to learn. Those cloudy, gloomy or sad days are the chance for you to put forth more effort to achieve whatever it is you want most in life. Don't settle for less than you deserve because society may believe that it's just not possible. Take a leap of faith to achieve everything you REALLY want from life. Don't let what is considered "normal," hold you back. Find what you need, make the changes necessary, and take that leap of faith!
Exploring my paths,
Salli
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