Everything to everyone

Well, here's the rap. Day in and day out you drag your butt out of bed. You have list upon list of things to get done. You have demands, requests, and several surprises thrown at you from every angle possible. You have phone calls, text messages, emails, letters and visits from others needing something from you. You are trying to be everything to everyone, all the time. Then, a day comes and you can no longer be that person. You can no longer be anything to anyone, and you shut down. All your emotions are quiet except the lone emotion of defeat. They broke you. The people, the stress, the constant chaos, has finally shut you down. You no longer care who is angry, who is upset, who needs you, and who just wants your time. Your mind becomes the only noise you hear. Too many questions, not enough answers, too many responsibilities, too many variables. Too much noise.



To speak of anger as the emotion, misses your mark. It's not frustration either. It's not being upset. It's just complete shut down. Sure all those emotions were there. Once. You spoke about them for a long while. You shared your thoughts, concerns, hopes, fears, and dreams. Deep down, you hope all that you are isn't dying with the noise. You hope that frustration, anger, or being upset won't be permanent. You hope the constant headache will eventually go away. How long can you hold on?

There's no fight left, it's not worth another headache. There's no anger that can be reached with any definitive grasp. Sure there's hurt, but even that has lessened has time has drug on. You have reached out for so long, held such a thin thread of hope for so long; you can't keeping holding.

You are angry, but more so at yourself. You have given more than you had to give, yet they keep asking for more. You have chastised yourself for allowing so much for so long. You finally get angry enough, you snap. You come to grips with the way things are. You will not ever have what you so long for, but the questions pummel you, can I keep going or should I let it go? Can I turn this situation around or has is gone too far? The anger sneaks back in. Why in the hell did you let this go so far off course, when you knew a long time ago, you didn't like the direction? How did you let an issue get so far out of control?

No matter what the situation, issue or problem; you begin to ask the same question: " How do I fix this?" Once again, the noise of thoughts begin to cloud up. The chaos of thought spins so many different scenarios, some are worst-case, some are best case...and some are just there. The thoughts, unspoken and free moving, become this vicious cycle. Especially, a cycle that appears to be on repeat mode.

Making decisions becomes almost impossible. Taking on anymore, is impossible. You can't talk to anyone about your issues, no one has time. Your own mental chatter just keeps running scenario after scenario, without any answers. Then, as if your already overwhelmed mind, takes on one more thing/issue/problem. You are seriously waiting for smoke and fire to come shooting out of the top of your head and your ears. You can't do this anymore! You have nothing left to give to anyone. You have no more of yourself, that hasn't already been taken over. You feel like one of those boneless fish, that just flutters around in the water. You mindless move through your day, finding or inventing new things to do, that require zero thought or you focus on thing that allows that frustration and anger to seep out.

Then your mind circles once again. "How do I fix this?" Well, the rap of this is just this, "you can't keep doing what you've always done, and expect different results." Well, now. Isn't this just frosting on a cake. So, now the question becomes, "Are you willing to make the changes needed, to get a different outcome?" Sure, some of them are terrifying. Some of them are not the most convenient, and some may even upset others. When is it time to do what is best for you?

When was the last time you were not stressed out, when you had more than just a couple of minutes of laughter or truly enjoyed something you were doing? When was the last time, your mind was quiet? When there wasn't thoughts of resentment, anger, fear, stress, or unfulfilled needs? When was the last time you had the time to just exist, without any demands or requests?

When you are continually giving to others, there isn't time to give to yourself. There isn't time to quiet your mind, or to unwind from any of the stresses we deal with on a daily basis. When you give all of yourself, to everyone else, there is nothing left to give of yourself to yourself. You become run down, overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, and mentally aloof.

So, now the questions pop up again, and it's time to grab the bull by the horns. It's time to fix whatever needs fixing and let go of whatever can't be. Use the anger, and determination to change your direction. Change the outcome of what is not working for you. "How do I fix this?" It's an age old question, I suppose. How do you fix it? Does it mean changing careers? Does it mean changing your location? Does it mean letting go people holding you back? Does it mean learning a completely different way of life? It could. This will be different for everyone.

There comes a point in life, when you have to stop being everything to everyone, while letting yourself slip by. There comes a time, when even the hardest decisions, can make or break every single scenario you think up. Some decisions will hurt, others will be saddening, yet you have to make the decisions that will work best for your own situation. You have a responsibility to your self first and foremost. This will upset others, and will fuel guilt trips and probably some manipulation from some. This isn't always done out of hate, it can be done out of despair. No one likes changes that include them, or lessen their inclusion to your life.

It's time to find a back bone, and make some tough decisions. Make the decisions, do what you need to and let go of the stress and mind chatter. Let go of whatever is holding you back from following your dreams, and living the life you deserve. Let go of negativity and self-harming conversations. If you want a change, you have to be willing to make a change.

Being everything to everyone, all the time, will be similar beating your head against a wall. Without doing the things you need, on a personal level, you will be resentful, angry, and bitter. This will cause health issues, relationship issues, and will cause an uprising in every corner of your life. It will only take one small issue to send your temper into orbit, and then what? You will not be any better for all you do. You will continue to be exhausted, tired, and resentful.

No one can or should be expected to be, everything to everyone. That is too much responsibility to bear, for anyone. Take time to fix your stresses, make the changes needed to change the outcome, and let go of anything or anyone that keeps too much grief in your life. It's just not worth it, no matter how much "love" there may be, when someone or something is the continual stress to you, it is not bettering you.

You need come one to compliment you, not complete you! You need someone to prove their love over and over in every way possible. You need to get the solutions decided on, that will allow you to let go of stresses. Let go of the negative thoughts, and fix them!

Being everything to everyone is exhausting. The next time you in the mirror, and you are not smiling, ask yourself why. The next time you are so exhausted you can't even hold your head up without some sort of medication, it's time to let stuff go. No matter how you do this, it's important to just eliminate the very things that are holding you back.

~S.