New Chapter - K.I.S.S.

 

My new chapter begins now. I am not a "new year, new me" person. What you see is what you get. Each year, I begin a new chapter of my life, on the day of my birth. I keep notes all year, on things I like or don't, attitudes and goals. I set goals for myself, because I am my own worst critic! No matter how much or little I do, I am constantly pushing myself to the highest standards possible...when I don't meet those, in my own eyes, that's when things go down hill. 

Setting my goals for the coming year, means writing them out, putting a date that I WANT to accomplish them, adding in multiple plans(because you know, Murphy's Law), lots of details, and a final date to actually achieve my goals. I have done this every year for a few decades now. The past decade, I've gotten a little lazy with my goals. You see, I set goals for myself, for our family, and for our farm. I work very hard to achieve everything I set out to do, but sometimes...reality bites, and I miss my mark by a long shot! Then I become more critical of myself, and everyone around me! I hold myself to high standards, and I usually do anyone that is involved in my life. Sadly, as I said, the past 10 years...I've gotten lazy. I've allowed things to happen - that would have NEVER happened before. I've allowed poor behaviors to become acceptable and instead of outright calling bullshit, I've just put distance. I've held my tongue more and more the past 10 years, choosing to avoid battles, that needed to be fought. I've put myself on the lowest rung of the ladder, while trying to help others up it. I've allowed my heart to become pretty cold - which goes against the fiber of who I am. I've also allowed some serious negativity to infiltrate my own attitude. 

I will, undoubtedly, remain the sarcastic, opinionated, thoughts all over everywhere, person I have always been. I am just hopeful to be able to get back to being a little more organized about it all. I need to make a lot of projects happen this year, since many have been put off for a couple years now. Some of those, need to happen before it creates a bigger headache. Myself, I prefer to make progress without having to back track to fix things first, before moving forward. I hate being behind, playing catch up, and all that noise. 

I know 2023 is going to test my very being, the economy is looking to get worse. Now, I am losing my vehicle because of damage from a deer. I have fought to keep myself in check - a little better, since I am getting older...and tact seems to want to fly right out the window. I am wanting some things to change, needing some things to change and I know that making those changes is going to a massive uphill battle within my household. I have been pretty low-key when it comes to my own family and their behaviors...but I've ended up creating more stress and headaches for myself. I have things/projects I want to do, and if everything stays on its current course, I won't have the time, energy or money to do them. I'm low maintenance, NOT no maintenance. I have let a lot slide and I can not continue that. 

I will continue to stock my pantry, garden, can, and take care of critters. Some things will not change. While my gardening/canning and animals are stress relievers, I do enjoy all of them. Actually, as I have gotten older...I enjoy them a lot more. I have new flower beds I want to put in to bring more pollinators to my gardens. I want to do more landscaping. Our pool is gone now, so there is a large area I need to decide how to use. My chicken coop has some pretty massive issues that have to be addressed this year. It won't withstand another winter without help. This last fall, I let a lot in my garden go to waste, as there were many bumps in our road. The coming year, I have to make everything count. I also have a responsibility to myself, to take care of myself. I have let a lot go; after no longer having to be out on a regular basis(outside of the farm), I have lost a bit of determination and a lot of confidence. I need to clarify that. I have plenty of confidence in myself, what I know and such BUT I've lost the confidence of knowing I could take on something new, and achieve it. When you have spent the better part of 20 years as Mom, and homemaker...your "worldly" education leaves a lot to be desired. Not to mention the fact that employment is NOT the way it was when I worked. There is no loyalties anymore. It's very cut-throat, and that it NOT who I am. I would love to have something part time again, off the farm, but that never works out well on the home front. So, between battle my youngest to get the school work done, taking care of my responsibilities here, making sure everything stays where it has to, to work...I am home for the foreseeable future. If only I could make a living as Mom, housewife, farm manager, cook, laundress, meal planner, event planner, and gardener...

My goal list for 2023 is pretty long. I am still working on it, as I seem to be running behind on everything this year. I guess if it doesn't get completely finished before the 1st, I'll finish it when I get to it. Until then, I keep working away at all my regular tasks, and the lovely end of year ones. Whatever will be, will be. I am going to work hard to minimize some stresses, and take some much needed time to balance out life, as I need it! That is my biggest goal for 2023...don't sweat the small stuff! As I shared with my son and future daughter-in-law:

KISS:

K - Keep

I - It

S - Simple

S - Stupid

Here's to an overall great 2023. May our blessings far outweigh our stresses!

Salli

Coffee Chat and more

 

Coffee Chat and more

Staring with the obvious, the count down. 9 days until the Winter Solstice begins which means the days start getting longer! 13 days until Christmas. 16 days until my 48th birthday. 19 days until the start of a new year. Do y'all realize there is less that 20 days left of this year?! That's crazy!

We just had our annual Christmas open house. I truly look forward to it every year. It's a lot of work but the fellowship it brings, is not measurable! We had a smaller group this year, 34 people(there was 53 last year). It's incredible how most of those attending, have been here from the start. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "thank you for doing this. We look forward to this every year." It's so amazing to me that even the younger generations are interested in this type of "old fashioned" gathering. So many believe that Christmas is about expensive gifts and mass amounts of them. I honestly, get the best gifts from this open house, giving love and friendship to those I care most about. Our open house is not glamorous, it's not fancy, and kids are always welcome but, it is a beautiful tradition that I hope lives on long after I have gone! 

It's astounding to look at the calendar and realize how close the year's end is. It's been a truly turbulent year for me personally. The chaotic energy and economic struggles have been a challenge to juggle. When it rains, it pours...has been my thought process all year. There have most definitely been wonderful and beautiful times, but there has also been some truly staggering struggles too. The emotional roller coaster this year has exhausted me. I've had to step way out of my comfort zone a lot this year. I've had to make decisions that I was not prepared to make. I've also had to bite my tongue a LOT more than I care for, this year. Many that read this, know how difficult that was for me. 

Coming up on my birthday, has really had my thoughts going even more chaotic than normal. It has pushed me to revisit some past experiences and memories that have been very unsettling and uncomfortable. I can't really blame this on my birthday, but maybe more likely is the time I am in within my life. It's so strange to have memories resurface, or what you believe to be memories. I've had to actually ask family about them, to see if they were or not. Well, those memories opened flood gates to a massive amount of other thoughts. I am told this is like a discovery/repair phase. I have learned a lot, and a lot of the way I am as a person, is making more sense...the more I discover. Although, there are a lot of areas that I may never discuss, my life to this point, has brought some unhealthy coping mechanisms. On the flip side of that, however, is the positive things: strength, independence, and compassion. 

Many times we focus on the "bad." I'm guilty too. We can't see that many of the things we deem as bad or negative, actually drive us to be better people. Whether that is shoving us to become more independent, more self sufficient, more determined, or more understanding. We neglect to look at ourselves, to do better for ourselves. Instead, we stay in a negative vibration and focus on bad or sad situations, instead of celebrating good. A good example: I just recently told my own kids; I do so much for the Christmas season as a celebration for those we no longer have with us, physically. I take great steps to add to our decorations annually, to remember all the wonderful people that passed. Because Winter is typically a dingy time of year, it is very easy to get wrapped up in negativity. Once the beautiful leaves start falling off the trees, the grass turns brown, the gardens are put to sleep till Spring, the weather turns cold, the daylight hours shrink, and many times we deal with mud...it's easy to fall into a dreary attitude. I personally need the beauty of Christmas. I don't want or need anything, so gifts are not even on my radar. I enjoy family and friends getting together for a meal, a holiday celebration, or just because. I know there are times that too much togetherness, is still too much. However, having these gatherings spread from Thanksgiving till New Year's is mostly a great thing. Christmas has become so materialized, it's sad. I've seen some of the gifts asked for/given, and it breaks my heart. Kids and adults alike, have lost a sense of compassion - for lack of a better word. Kids ask for high dollar items, things they want in the moment but will use once or twice and never again. Adults give these items, or struggle financially to give endless amounts of useless gifts, clear through the next year. That is why Christmas has become so depressing for so many. 

For our kids, we never have gone overboard. I don't see a need in that. They may get 2-3 gifts from Santa that are unnecessary, but the majority of what they get is educational or actual needs. And you know the crazy part? They get excited to get socks, flannels, gloves, scarves, coats! They are beyond happy with those useful gifts. Even my grown up kids STILL look forward to open their gift on Christmas Eve, knowing that it's just new PJ's!! They look forward to that, and ask every year if we are continuing the tradition. Even my moody teenager has asked if we get to do this tradition again this year. Honestly, it's the little things that our kids will remember. For us, we get new family ornaments every year. Each person has a new one, that goes on the tree. My grown up kids, have started putting their new ornaments on their own trees. These things are what makes this momma, very happy. 

Our family has continued to expand with our bonus daughters. Our boys have brought their girlfriends/fiances into our family fold. It's kinda crazy how children that you do not bring into this world, can hold a piece of your heart too. I'm pretty certain everyone knows my children, are my entire world! 3 of these children, are not biologically mine. However, they are my chosen kids. One of boys has been an adopted son for about 12 years. One bonus daughter, came into our world as an exchange student, and is now planning to marry into our unique family. The other bonus daughter, has become the other half to my bonus son. So, our family of 4, has quickly become a family of 7. I love these kids so much! Each one is unique, and each one will have their place in our family. When I look at photos, my heart just grows in happiness. 

This year, as I have said, has been a challenge for me. I have experienced many emotions that I thought I had buried. I once took pride in being able to turn off all emotions, and lived up to an old knickname of ice princess. I can still turn off some, but for the most part...I don't want to. Instead, I'm trying to understand them. I'm trying to piece together how to deal with them. That's not to say I will be accepting bad behaviors, because I can't imagine ever doing that. This year has been about understanding how poorly someone must think of themselves, to treat someone else so poorly. It's trying to understand how ignorance has become acceptable, while compassion and empathy is looked down on. I was reminded this year, how precious life truly is. How we can make plans, decisions - both good and bad, and in the blink of an eye...life is taken from us. Even if things are done without death, some decisions and vocalizations can never be forgotten. 

I have spent many years learning to measure my words. I know some would question that, but I promise if I actually spoke everything that came to mind, it would be ugly. Anyway, I do measure my words, most times because they are either thrown back at me, or used against me. I also do this, to keep my own sense of privacy. Yes, there are many times I would love to give people an ear full. I typically don't, or limit my conversations because I can feel the level of comprehension from the others. It is said, and I believe, that people will only understand from their level of understanding. For people that are not capable of empathy, compassion or even true care - they will never understand what I have tried to say. That's ok because they are on their own path, they will have their own crosses to bear when judgement day comes. It is not my job nor is it my right to ever judge anyone else. I do, however, have my ascension to tend to. While it weighs on my heart to help others, to be compassionate, to be empathetic, to be kind, and to break generational curses; I can not focus on other's place in their lives. I have honestly had to walk away from people that are not choosing to help themselves. That energy decreases my own, and I can't allow that anymore. 

I'm having to learn how to manage my thoughts, my emotions, and even interactions with others; because I am one that needs to talk through issues. There are many that can't be bothered to talk through it with me, there are some I depend on when I just can't get past an area, and sometimes...writing does not help. I've tried to write out issues, and then burn those painful areas...it did not work for me. I have written in journals for years, and while that does ease some...it does not always help. When I've tried to talk to some, they either look at you like you have a third eye coming out of your forehead or they just don't understand. It's frustrating, but I get it. I am at a different stage of my life. I have focused on what I was chosen to do for years - being a Mom, first and foremost. Now, my kids are older for the most part. Now, I have to ask what is the rest of my life to be. What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do in this world? I want to do something to make my mark, to help people, and to bring an education to the younger generations that has slipped away from years of not passing this knowledge down. 

So, as I finish up today's blog, I will be getting my house put back together after the weekend and getting back to some of the regular daily chores. I will be back in teaching mode, learning mode, and preparing for the last week of the month and all the celebrations that take place then. I'm also making plans for the new year. Building some furniture, doing some painting, and making some needed changes in our lives. I will continue to share some videos as I can, some blogs, and my typical stuff of stocking up. Today though, I am allowing myself the space to think and pray. 

Have a great week!

Speaking MY truths.

                    Speaking MY truths, as I see and understand them.

                     Even strong people have weak days!

Some of you may have read my social media yesterday. I have had some pretty crappy days this year. However, I am a fighter, and I will overcome them. I always do. 

The person I have become, has allowed too many things to culminate before speaking up. I have allowed poor behaviors(my own and others) to dictate the very directions I go. This is so NOT the person I know myself to be. I have gone with the flow, let stuff roll off my back, and have not spoken up for what I know to be right, for too long. I've allowed bad behaviors, disrespect, and taken on the responsibilities for other's behaviors instead of making them face their own music. I let go of the tight ship I ran, the organization I needed, and let go of most of the things I needed to be able to decompress. I need to change this! 

I need to dive into an area, although I am still learning, that seems to be a common thing for many people my age. Holy crap! We hit mid-life. How can we be closer to 50 than 40, where did our 30's & 40's go, and the lovely menopausal crap we as women are so "fortunate" to experience. Many of us have experienced this stage of our lives, depending on when you had children, when you begin to see the empty nest...the rest of us, are either getting closer or in my case...have an adult child and a teenage child. We are at different stages of the same game of life. For me, I have an adult child. While that child still lives at home, he has his own life to manage. I also have a hormonal teenager. I am fortunate enough to have a mother-in-law, not much older than me, that is my level head/been there-done that friend to go to when life kicks me in the butt! I truly believe I would be curled up in a corner, balling my eyes out, if not for her wisdom! Anyway, those teenage hormones mixed with my mid-life hormones end up a mess. I'm sure many of us remember those teenage years; mad about everything but not sure why, no one understands, liking things one day but not the next and the same goes with people. I can kind of relate as I have reached this mid-life stage. However, sometimes with age comes with some wisdom, responsibilities and priorities...at least for some. In my stage, I'm finding it necessary to evaluate myself, my life, my outlook, and see what areas I can do/be better. Women, which I can speak from experience, seem to handle mid-life differently. I am looking at my relationship; how can I learn to reconnect with my husband after 20 plus years of being totally in mom mode. How can we find a common ground again, when I don't even know what my interests are anymore. How can we overcome the obstacles of bodily changes that have occurred due to menopause. Sadly, for me, it feels like being back in my early 20's with no sex drive. Sorry, that was blunt...but that's part and parcel for this stage. 

I know many women who slowed down their lives some, when they had family, but they never stopped doing some of what they loved completely. I am truly happy for them, but I don't fall in that category. My life as "Salli" was put on hold to be "Mom," and take care of my home. I have been blessed to have to that opportunity, but it is also coming back to kick me. I've done thing through the years, but I tend to stop the things I enjoy to allow for extra time/money for the things my family needs/wants or when money got tight. Just as an example; we have been on this farm for 11 years. This year, I bought my first pair of new insulated bibs and insulated boots, ever. In prior years, I would use a used pair that belonged to one of this kids. While the cost is high, like everything, I just never felt I should spend that money on me. My kids and husband had bibs, boots, coats, hats, etc. but I wouldn't spend the extra for myself. I have bought myself a total of 3 new pairs of jeans in the past 12 years. I usually wait for yard sales and pick things up cheap. I put my family over myself. I have loved to dance for years. I have not been dancing now in close to 8 years. Probably couldn't remember a single step now if I tried! I love to build furniture, but again, the lumber cost sky rocketed the past 2 1/2 years and that stopped too. I have spent my adult life living a strict and organized life. I had to have it to deal with my anxiety that stemmed from unresolved issues years ago. That was the way I felt like I had some control over my life. That strict and somewhat organized life changed several years back and I was pushed to just go with the flow. That is not how I function. I don't handle that well. I can't fly by the seat of my pants, and let the cards fall where they will. I need direction, I need structure, I need organization, and I do not need clutter and chaos. 

Most of you will know, Spring/Summer/Fall, are months I spend most of my time outdoors. I need nature. Whether I am hiking, walking around my yard, working in the gardens, or even just sitting around a bonfire...that time outdoors is my "stress relief." Winter...while I love it and it holds my favorite holidays, is my least favorite time of year; because I am stuck mostly indoors. I can't walk bare foot through the grass, I can't get my hands in dirt, I can't see the efforts of my labor in growing plants, I can't see new flower beds or gardens take shape. I need to be productive. You see, I clean, cook, do laundry, etc every day. Sure, you can tell when I don't but I don't see progress with that. Typically, it's just the opposite. I spend everyday cleaning, just to have my family come home and clutter surfaces and throw their crap every where again. My days are done in segments....get out of bed, get coffee, talk to the guys before they go to work. Then, I go through my research, start laundry, do whatever dishes are in the sink and eat breakfast. Then, it's school work for my teenager, while lesson planning for the next week, lunch, clean up, more laundry, more dishes, and finish school work. Then it's getting meat out for supper, sweep, fold blankets, empty trash, dive into a bigger project for a couple hours, go take care of my outdoor chores. Then the madness continues: start supper preparations, fight with teenager to clean room or at least help clean something, let the dog out for the 400th time since 7 am, clean up supper prep, more laundry, make sure all the indoor animals have food and water, and then the guys come home. It's their outdoor chores, everyone talking at once about their day and the daily gossip, while my teenager and I roll our eyes, talking about the livestock, eating supper, showers, and making sure supper gets put away, and typically by this point...I'm beat! Some days, I will go lay in bed, I have a waterbed so it's heated...it's relaxing, it's quiet and I can give my back a break. Sometimes, I will attempt to sit in my recliner but honestly...whether the noise box is going or everyone is sitting in the same room...everyone is looking at their phones. So, conversations are rare. My teenager retreats to her room, and only comes out to say good night. 

I try not to complain or nag about my life. I love my life, overall. I can't imagine living any other lifestyle. It does get pretty lonely at times though. I share videos, blogs and information on social media..honestly, even my own family doesn't pay attention to. Once in a while, I will get questioned by husband or kids about what I meant...but never is there any real support or comments. I've spent time trying to better myself and my own knowledge, because I am teaching my teenager. I refuse to only give half truths when it comes to education. I firmly believe we should continuously learn, and in turn continuously better ourselves by learning. I don't do this gossip crap. If I have something to say, I will say it, and when I speak to people...what we talk about, doesn't go anywhere else. That's just how I work. I don't want it done to me, so I'm not going to do it to someone else. As I have said, I have made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime. I have tried to learn from each and every one of them...and NOT repeat them. That's not to say, I won't...but I try not to. I give too many second chances, I care too much, and I try to have empathy for what others may be dealing with...although, that is becoming less and less. 

Now, this comes back to the whole mid-life thing. I have been struggling with what is called perimenopause...the stage of the reproductive side of female - hood, shutting down. It's the time when women transition from child bearing years, to their mature years. That's the basic text book explanation. Let me tell you, that is so much of a glossed over explanation! If you are anything like me, all you hear from those around you is "it's just you being hormonal, because of menopause, you don't mean that." Or, you are led to believe that because you are no longer willing to deal with other people's bullshit, you have gone batshit crazy from menopause. I've heard this from men, about several different women. Those women lost their minds when they went through menopause, or they are crazy, or any number of other derogatory comments. From my own perspective, some days you do feel like you're losing your mind! When things have been a certain way for a long time, and you are no longer willing to put up with it; or you no longer care for something, or start getting snappy about disrespect. This is typically women saying enough is enough, but men take it as losing their minds. I can promise you, while some days feeling crazy does happen, most days...it becomes more about not putting up with people's shit anymore. You reach a point, when you've just had enough. You've done what you needed to do, now, you are making your own way. If you are married, you have to learn to bridge that gap, as a team, to get to the other side. Otherwise, the relationship will fall to the wayside. As we know happens, by the shear number of divorces amongst married people aged 40-60...typically with marriages that span 15-40 years. This time in a woman's life is truly a catalyst to next the phase of life. She is going to have what she needs, and you either step up to join the journey or get out of the way. 

I have heard comments about the hormones, and this or that is because of this stage. Well, to a degree that is right. However, that is only the stepping stone. Many of us have suppressed a lot through the years. We were raising kids, building careers, making a life. Now, we want less stress, and more happiness. We want a partner and companion is our adventures and in life. We want to enjoy our kids and grandkids, but we want someone by our side that doesn't radiate negativity, that doesn't degrade/belittle every move we make, that is up for a little adventure...even if it only lasts till 10 pm. :D We want to know our partner is there for us to cry on their shoulder when we get overwhelmed, that we can snuggle up and just enjoy the closeness. We want to have long conversations about everything under the sun, be able to sit in comfortable silence, speak our minds/hearts, take calculated chances, and know our partner is right there with us. 

I have always had a strong will. However, I do have some weak moments...which I'm sure gives some something to talk about. Whatever. I have always, and will always pick myself up and keep going. If I have learned anything in my almost 48 years....being weak is not an option. Mentally, I am beyond hard on myself. I have pushed myself so hard, my entire life. I've lived most of it in fight or flight mode. When you finally come out of that mode, it's exhausting! You feel totally drained, and like you've been run over by a bus...that decided to back over you, and run over you again! Add that with this menopausal crap and it's a mess. HA! Anyway, for me, spending so much time striving to constantly do better, constantly be better, fighting for every damned thing you've ever had, getting crap from people for one thing or another, striving to first in somebody's life, finding something that gives you pride, being a good mom, a decent wife, or a million other areas...I found myself becoming my own worst enemy. You toxicity comes in many forms. The mental chatter can become toxic when you live in fight or flight mode, as you are constantly trying to outrun your own nightmares. Toxicity comes when you allow outside opinions to influence too much of your life. Toxicity comes when you allow yourself to play the victim card, whine, or complain WITHOUT doing everything you can to overcome whatever is weighing you down. After several years of trying to overcome and get to the bottom of years of toxicity, I have learned one big lesson....you have to unpack and address that baggage, but you can not hold on to it like a security blanket. You have to learn to work past it. That is difficult in some situations. Some issues can't be resolved, and you have to learn to accept them without closure. 

So, I had my weak day yesterday. I am dealing with what I need to, and will eventually get that put away. In the meantime, I refuse to believe every thought/emotion is hormone related. I refuse to continue to whine, and instead I'm making the effort to change what I can and move away from what I can't. I will find a way to talk through what I need to, bundle up if need be and spend some time in nature to release the toxicity of stress. I will just say this: for those that have gatherings, understand that sometimes people need a few minutes to recharge - even when things are happy. If they go outside, or disappear for a bit...they are just doing what they need to. Please do not take it as an insult. 

Today, I'm taking my own power back. I'm doing what I can, as I can.

The significance - pictures

 

Photos, the gift that gives even once you have left this earth.

I have always loved taking pictures. I don't ever get rid of pictures either. In my eyes, even if there are people in those pictures you are no longer associate with, that was a part of your life. I love looking through my old pictures. They bring back good and bad memories, but those pieces are all part of who we are today. 

A couple months ago, having pictures proved again, how important they are. I was thrown into an emotional project of gathering photos for my Mother-In-Law's funeral service. She and I would laugh about all the pictures we would take, but we were rarely in front of the camera. A few years back, we made the agreement to get her and I more in front of the camera. I can not tell you how glad I am that happened. Eventually, we were able to sort through a lot of pictures, but it really hit me. 

We take pictures of so many things, if you are like I am, I have tons of unprinted photos. I personally take on the battle of getting my family to take pictures every 2-3 years...beyond that is a chore. I take pictures of about everything else, but I am always BEHIND the camera. So, there are not as many of me either. However, the photos are never about the "professionalism" or even everyone being on their best behavior. So many times, those candid photos...the ones when your family is being goofy, pictures that show the chaos, and just random life happenings are just as amazing. 

Two months ago, I decided to make some pretty massive changes to my photo wall. I always put my own family first and fore most in everything, but I want to expand my pictures...which means moving the photos to a bigger wall. I am going to be repainting once all the Christmas decorations come down, and then one of my living room walls will be devoted to pictures - my family, my extended family, our dearest friends and loved ones. Our extended families are rather large, since both our parents are divorced, that added in bonus parents, bonus siblings, bonus nieces & nephews, and cousins that have also expanded their families. It is very important to me to have a picture journal of our loved ones. 

So, that is my request this year, what I want for Christmas. I want photos of our loved ones and their families. I want to add the pictures to my wall and be able to see your faces even if we can't be together is person. I want to be able to share memories with my kids of extended family, of years long past or even some that weren't so long ago. When I have the honor of becoming a grandparent, I want my grandkids to grow up knowing how important family and photos are. 

November 20 - On my mind

 

 

November 20, 2022. Sunday morning before Thanksgiving. Let the fun begin. 

 

I always have a laundry list of things to get done. I keep several calendars and planners to keep up this life. Some days I am able to cross off everything, some days only a single thing. I get frustrated when I don't get everything done, but I'm also learning that things happen or come up, that you have to take on - in the moment. It's not easy on me, as I push myself hard to always be and do my best. Once in a while I have those moments, when I get to actually talk through thoughts or get an inspired feeling from above...and that allows me to see so many things, so much clearer. 

 

A dinner date with extended family Friday evening, get me a little time to talk through thoughts with my most trusted level headed  "Friend and family member." There were several moments that were "ah ha" moments. Yesterday, included a trip to get last minute groceries. It also included talking myself out of an anxiety attack, without making a scene. So, while there are days that I get down, frustrated, angry, extremely hard on myself, or even condescending...I have learned a lot that has allowed me to not be stuck in dark place or remain there. 

The turkey is in the fridge to thaw for Thursday. I was able to get the remaining items, although substantially higher in price. I was able to make it through the store, that was literally elbow to asshole, through the entire thing. I didn't call anyone out for their rude behaviors, being run into with a cart, or having isles blocked while people stood in the way. As I said earlier, I was able to talk down my anxiety in that chaos without having a melt down. While none of this may seem significant to others, this is huge for me. I do not handle chaotic situations well, most of the time. Anyway, with the increase in food prices being so noticeable, a lot of things will be made from scratch this week. My girl and I will get homemade noodles made, home made dinner rolls, homemade pumpkin pies, homemade pecan pie, sweet potatoes will be made from the potatoes I grew, and deviled eggs that my chickens lay. Our meal will be mostly a traditional style, although not my favorite fried turkey, we will still have turkey. Fortunately, my boys had bought a massive turkey last year, that was too big for the fryer, so we put it in the freezer. Thankfully, we did! I will make regular dressing, and oyster dressing, mashed potatoes, noodles, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, dinner rolls, pumpkin pie, and pecan pie. We will have some early appetizers of stuffed mushrooms and bacon wrapped water chestnuts. While I will not have a house full this year, there will be those that we are closest to, mostly. 

Once Thanksgiving day is done, and we recover from eating too much...then the shift begins to baking and planning final details for our Christmas Open House. My girl and I will be spending a lot of time in the kitchen over the coming days and weeks. As with garden season, baking season takes on a life of its own. I love it, and hope to pass on the joy to my own kids. Cookies, breads, cakes, and candies will litter every available surface. You see, I push so hard to get decorating and cleaning done because once I start baking, there is little time for anything else. I love to try new recipes, I have beloved favorites, and some that have been passed down through the generations. I have learned that the easiest of recipes...I usually mess up, royally! I'm able to work with yeast but can't make a no bake cookie to save my butt! So, I leave that to my husband, who whips them out spectacularly every time. I have struggled to learn how to teach young people bake...not so much how to follow a recipe, but having people in the kitchen while I bake. I have done so much, alone, that it's different to have eyes watching every move! 

This year, things seem to be such a struggle. Between the increasing costs, the limited availability, and the strong emotional side of things...it's been a true challenge for me. I am trying to work through this because it is my favorite time of the year. I may have a few struggles, but I am determined to make the best of this season, keep many of our traditions going and honor our loved ones that are no longer on the Earth with us. 

This is a different kind of blog, but it weighed on my thoughts this morning, and this was my outlet. Have a blessed Sunday!

Coffee, snow flurries, blustery, holidays and always more!

 

               Coffee, snow flurries, blustery, holidays, and always more!

I have attempted to write so many blogs over the past several weeks, and I just can't seem to put words to my thoughts...at least in a way that makes sense or would not royally tick people off. I'd like to say all these thoughts are just annoying tidbits that really don't matter, but I can't. They matter to me, and that means I have to put them into a form that makes sense. No one has the right to tell us how we should feel, or even if our thoughts are irrational or unfounded. As I always say, I speak my opinion, my truth, if you will. I say things based on what I see, hear, read and research. I will argue till I'm blue in the face if I know I am right. 

You see, I talk about energy a lot. It's because that is how I experience a lot. I feel energies long before I hear the words. It's weird, I know...I hear it all the time. It's weird to me that others don't experience this too. Anyway, for as long as I can remember, I have experienced this. When energy and words don't align, is when I get the most anxiety. When I can feel/sense that what is being said, does not match the energies...it makes me question the situation. It's difficult to explain. The energies of the world have become so negative, chaotic, and mean. For someone who "feels" these energies, it truly knocks the wind out of my sails. It does not matter if I know someone personally, or pass them in the store, get a call/text, or read a post...I feel the energy. It's truly a blessing AND a curse. So, with the world as it is, that has played into a lot of energy in my own field that overwhelms me, when I can't get a break or downtime, to unplug. That is very difficult in my current life. 

As I have talked about before, living a life in rural America, means planning 6 months out of the year, for the remaining 6 months. Typically, May thru November is our plan/prep time. It's when we start taking stock of what we used the previous 6 months, what we need to replace, what we need to restock, what we need to adjust, projects that need done to simplify drainage or simply to make our farm more productive, it's repairing equipment/tractors/buildings, it's gardening to help reduce the grocery needs for winter. It's counting left over hay/straw/small bales of hay to see what the usage was. There's a world of preparation that begins in May on a homestead. We tend to run like crazy from May until about November getting the winter preps done for the coming winter months. We never know what winter will bring from year to year, and honestly, that goes for Spring, Summer and Fall too. This year alone, we started the year very wet. Lots of rain/snow, cooler temps. Then once it turned dry...it stayed that course most of the Summer and early Fall. That meant substantially weak hay crops, higher grain costs, higher cost for having to purchase hay, and not enough grass to keep livestock on late Fall and Early Winter. Being a small family farm, we do not have the options of extra help like many of the larger farms have. We are stuck with the good, bad and ugly of whatever comes about. What many that don't live this life fail to grasp, is the amount of time/energy and money that goes into this life. It's not a thing you can just pick up or drop when you get tired, when you want to do something or go somewhere. This can be as or at times, more demanding that children, and it can be a 24/7 job. 

For me, our little farm is all of a full time job. It's daily record keeping, it's seasonal husbandry/lambing schedules, it's knowing the feed/rations/grains/needs of every animal, it's keeping a fluid budget(as much as possible)for surprises, it's managing all the extras required to keep the farm operating...all while teaching our child, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, planning gatherings, attempting(and usually failing)to keep up with extended family & friends, vehicle maintenance, household repairs, inside pets, everyone's specific needs(whether diets due to allergies or soaps, etc.), it's making menus, grocery shopping, juggling a budget, gardening or garden planning, food preservation, it's lesson plans and cooking classes, and trying to keep my family values intact in a world of greed and ignorance. It's juggling schedules for last minute changes, and never having less than 10 projects running at one time. It also requires me to continually learn. Whether that be nutrients that each different animal on the farm needs, what I can do better in my gardens, how to make my hens produce more eggs, how to care for ducks, how to cook to allow for more bang for the buck.  You see, when I first began living in the "country" here...I truly didn't know crap. What little I did know, was basic survival. In the 24 years that I have lived this way, I have learned to cook, bake, garden, preserve foods, care for livestock, care for poultry, care for kids, and keep a home. Mind you, keeping a spotless house has NEVER been a priority to me. It has spent many years covered in toys. Even though throughout the years, the toy messes became and less and less....(I miss having those toys now!)I much rather spend my time outdoors than fussing indoors! I've learned to survive on less than enough, and make the best I could of it. 

One thing I will say for myself is that it's a damned good thing I am low maintenance! This type of lifestyle is not for the weak or faint of heart. It can be very rewarding, but it can and is a lot of the time a humbling lifestyle. It can break you down, it will make you question your life choices, it will try even the best of relationships, and it can be one of the least recognition. If you were someone that needed a pat on the back, needed to be acknowledged, needed the constant romance, or needed someone with you all time - this lifestyle would not work. There are heated disagreements, brutal arguments, cutting words, and days you can do no right. Thankfully, I am not a person that really needs anyone else. I don't find it necessary to have my hair, nails or whatever done on a regular basis. I don't need anything. Although there are times a pat on the back or word of encouragement would be nice, it's not required, at least for me. There are a lot of things I am still learning, and pray that continues every day of my life. However, there are a lot of things, I have personally benefited from by living this life. Being able to stay strong, independent, cook/bake about anything, and keep learning...this to me is priceless. 

We have reached that late Fall/early Winter stage. We've had snow/flurries 4 out of the past 5 days, it's gotten cold and quite blustery. That's Winter in the Midwest. I will complain like most everyone else, but I know to expect it. The first measurable snowfall is always exciting for me. Snow around the holidays is always my wish. After that, I'd be good with 75 and sun! I know that's not realistic, so I just add more layers and tromp outdoors as I need to, and keep going. I have seen so many models of "Winter 2022/2023 predictions," I think the weather folks are just as clueless as the rest of us. We can't control it anyway, so we will just deal with what we need to and move on. After all the wind/tornado this year, I have realized that my chicken coop/goat house/duck houses all have to be modified next Spring. I'm hopeful they all last through the Winter! We need to get some tree lines established to help shield some of wind on this knob. The winds that come from the North and West, and even to some degree from the East, have effects on buildings that could get costly if we don't work on this. We are in for a bitter weekend of cold and wind. The conversation is saying negative temp windchills. My boys are already having to go out every morning to break ice in water pans, and do it again every evening. This is the type of thing we try our best to plan for 6 months previously. 

As the temps plummet, I always know that means the holidays are near. My favorite time of the year is Thanksgiving through to New Year's Day. It's always been a time, for us, as lots of family time. We have our traditions, and we look forward to them every year. Obviously, things have changed some now that my kids are older. I'm just thrilled they still get excited over the little traditions we started when they were little. Our annual open house is one of my favorites. Although I truly love November & December for all the holidays together. It's sometimes a challenge to keep this love of the holidays when surrounded by grinches and negativity. Through the years, it has weighed on me more and more. The economic hardships so many face hinder their joy through the holidays. Too many have made presents a priority over presences. The true gifts are spending time with loved ones and friends. Too many have forgotten this. It became about who gave the biggest, the best or the most gifts and that just ruins Christmas. Anyway, our first gathering of the season is less than a week away. It looks to be a smaller than normal get together, but we will definitely be thankful for all who attend! Just a couple weeks later will be our annual open house. We squeezed over 50 people in our house last year! It was so much fun, watching all the little people running around, the adults visiting...outside of my family, it was my greatest gift! 2 weeks after that is our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day traditions. I have been known to be the one going through the house waking everyone up on Christmas morning! Then a week later is New Year's Eve traditions of board games, snack foods, watching the ball drop, and then bed. 

A few things I have been learning as of late, is that no matter how much I try to help others, ultimately it is their decision whether to do the right thing or not. You know the whole, you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink... yeah, this is difficult for me. While I find it easier to withdraw from people that either belittle me or make me feel irrelevant in their lives; it does not stop me from trying. At least not completely. I do pull back, I do tend to withdraw and shut people out. It's my personal defense mechanisms. It helps me to avoid too much continuous hurt. Learning to deal with senses that not everyone experiences has made changes in my life, it has shown me people's true colors, and it has become my personal built in bullshit detector. Being basically at the end of this pre-menopausal stuff, has pushed me to understand so many things. I now understand how woman get to a certain age, and decide they are no longer tolerating crap they have tolerated for years. I now understand that no women that reach this stage are not crazy, they have just reached their maximum bullshit level. They now demand respect, they no longer put up with half truths, half commitments, or half of anything they fully deserve. This stage makes you feel crazy, but only because you are changing your boundaries, and an awful lot of people are no longer meeting those standards. During the child rearing years, women tend to forget their worth and their value, as they focus on their children and spouse. Once the children are grown/same as grown, the shift back to being not just a Mom/wife but also a woman comes back into play. It's truly a major dynamic shift. 

I am sure more blogs will be along before year's end. For today, I'm going to wrap up with this: keep stocking your pantry, help out a local food pantry and the "angel tree," in your community. Refocus your holidays around loved ones and friends instead of gifts. Help others when you can! This world needs a lot of kindness!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Grab some coffee...

 

Grab some coffee, let's talk.

Well, I've been trying to get a blog in for well over a week, and I can't seem to get all my thoughts lined out. Too many, all at once, and it kinda feels like a squirrel in traffic!!  So, let's see if I can get this one typed and published before my brain takes off again.

To say that I'm irritated by a multitude of issues would be, I think the biggest understatement of the year. I'm going to attempt to break this down, and maybe that will help me wrangle these damned squirrels! I truly think they are calmer than my thoughts have been this year!

Anyway, obviously, the political circus has really come to a head. I don't care what party you associate with, they are corrupt. They have completely disenfranchised the American people in lieu of foreign countries and foreign citizens. They have all neglected their oaths, and are working overtime to remove our rights. Not to mention the scandals that have come to light - from Epstein to newly declassified watergate files, from Russian collusion, to J6, to the laptop from hell, from JFK to nearly every 3 letter agency and all 3 branches of government. It's sad how many people are still stuck in the Matrix. It's past time to take the red pill, and take off the blinders. I'm not dwelling on this, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

We are currently 13 days from Thanksgiving, getting turkey and necessities for the traditional Thanksgiving meal has been horrendous! IF you can find them, they are pricey. Even though Wal-Mart and Aldi have claimed to roll back prices. Finding many of the staple sides is difficult, or again, pricey. Thursday, I went into one of our local grocery stores, not my usual store, but thought I'd try to get a few things I hadn't been able to find. A head of lettuce was $4.59. They all looked pretty bad...browning/slimy leaves and even though they were bigger, they were not solid heads. The bags of garden salad were 2.59 each, and just plain shredded lettuce (8 oz pkg) were 1.45. A 14 pound turkey, a brand I had never heard of, was over $30. I shared on a video on my Facebook page, a few days ago, about my usual grocery store only having 2 turkeys, a sign saying they couldn't get lettuce and several fresh produce items. This is disturbing to me. We typically have a vegetable try with Thanksgiving, and have had a lettuce salad too. I personally eat lettuce year round, so not being able to get it, at a reasonable cost, is upsetting. I'm not saying they won't ever get it, they just did not have what I wanted at the time. It made me wonder if that wasn't going to be an ongoing theme. These stores have a decent amount of items, right now. However, the things we want/need, are touch & go. So, for me, foregoing fresh produce is not life threatening, but it does upset my personal body care. Fresh fruits and vegetables help me to maintain my immune system and counter act allergic and sensitivity issues. Eating processed foods decreases our immune system and allows illnesses to take hold. Like so many others, we may have to make some changes to our traditional Thanksgiving meal, but we will still have a meal with our loved ones, none-the-less.

The next holiday being Christmas, good grief Charlie Brown! A brief look at the prices over the weekend and boy was I glad to not have little ones to buy for! While we have always limited our Christmas giving, because for us, it's never about the gifts. Christmas in our home has always been about family and the biggest gift is being together. However, we do have gifts and now that our kids are older, their wants have also gotten bigger. We still do minimal on expense for Christmas. We try to stick to one or two Santa gifts of wants and a need, and from us...we do the same. We have had nearly 20 years of a Christmas present to open on Christmas Eve...which usually consists of new PJ's, popcorn, hot chocolate, and a little candy. Christmas is a big deal around our house, but not because of gifts. Each year, our family looks forward to this time of year because of our gatherings. We usually have Thanksgiving, then our Christmas Open House, our traditional Christmas Eve and Day, and then our New Year's Eve of snack foods, board games, music, watching the ball drop before we go to bed. 

I want to talk about our open house for a bit. This is something I remember hearing about years ago, from one of my grandparents. They used to invite friends and family to one house or another, for a "party." They gathered to share snacks, fellowship and the season. So, when we moved to our farm, I wanted to continue an old fashioned tradition, that seemed to have been forgotten. It has turned into such an amazing event every year! Each year this grows, and we have so many neighbors, friends and family that attend...it truly makes my entire holiday season!! I spend the week prior, baking, making homemade fudge/candies/cookies/breads, we have a couple types of soup, crackers and dips, and people can come in and our or just stop in to eat and then head out. Our house is super full, but it truly is such a positive energy! I'm anxious for this year's gathering. It's a true reminder of the spirit of Christmas.

Now, I'm going to dive into another topic that gets a little sticky! Relationships. Yeah, I'm going to jump into this one, and see where it goes. It's been interesting watching my boys find their way in relationships. I'm not exactly the most positive on a lot of this subject. I think as relationships progress, people get lazy. Many of us, put our best foot forward in the beginning. We make efforts, we pay attention to details of the other, and we have a common point of interest that keeps a bond. As time goes on, we begin to take advantage of that person. Whether that is intentional or not, it happens. If you have done the work early on, you can grow together. Many don't though. So, as time progresses, you grow apart. You lose a common thread, and that bond slips away. As I said, both my boys have found incredible young ladies. I truly love them both. I just pray that they learn from those of us older, and don't get complacent or lazy. I hope they continue to date these beautiful women, I hope they actually listen to them and hear them, I hope they continue to give 100% everyday, every year. 50/50 is only in divorce...

Finally, today, I want to remind everyone to keep stocking up. I know, everyone gets tired of hearing it...and I get tired of saying it. The thing is, as you find things on sale, as the deals that have come up lately are implemented, now is a good time. Get those extra canned goods, get those extra items that you can store in your pantry/extra bedroom/basement. Prices are not going to get any cheaper for awhile. Stocking up over the past year, could have saved you a ton. So, now we are paying a little more, but the sales being offered will give a little break. You can still get $1 cans of Campbell's soups at Dollar General stores. They have several items that are less than $2 a can/box. If you are storing boxed items, have some hard plastic totes to avoid mouse issues! Also, get rid of excess cardboard/newspapers/magazines. These things draw mice, especially in Winter. Make sure you have a handheld can opener, bottle opener. Canned goods aren't useful if you can't open them. Have at least one cast iron pan that you can use on a grill or open fire, if the power were to go out, you could still cook! Don't forget:  toilet paper, paper towels, disposable plates/flatware/cups, soaps(body, laundry,dish), pet supplies, medications, coffee(for coffee drinkers), spices, noodles/pasta, powder milk, etc. The thing to remember is, you could be having to make things from scratch if they aren't available at the stores. So, a few items to keep in mind:  flour, honey, sugar, yeast, oil, butter, salt, baking soda, baking powder, brown sugar. With these staples, you can make so many things from scratch! 

So, I'm going to wrap up today. Still lots on my mind, but will have to tackle that later! Have a great weekend!

Reality and Realization

 

The biggest disappointments become reality through expectation.

I have spent a lot of years writing in journals, blogging, and more recently turned to videos. I rarely have "expectations" of anyone actually reading/watching anything I have to say. Honestly, most people have the attention span of a squirrel, most times - myself included. I never expect anyone to agree with my thoughts 100%, realistically, that is rare. Sadly, there have been plenty that I only hear from when they want to disagree or argue. I have no desire to argue, I do my best to respect others...I just want the same in return. 

This morning, I have been gut punched with several realities and realizations. Honestly, some weren't that big of a surprise but some were. So, I thought I'd share a few thoughts. In just the past few months, I have outwardly questioned how I was a "problem child." The things I look at, as a parent, are things I look back and know were not bad. However, looking back...I questioned authority, even as a child. I bucked the "because I said so" theory, a lot. I'm not going to dwell on the past though. Being a person that has always questioned everything, was a realization just this morning. My need to research continually, my need to learn continually, and my desire to educate; I believe have all culminated from the type of person I am. It does not make me right, it is just who I am. I need to know the "why's," of everything. I need to visually SEE the purposes. This comes into play in my life, on every subject. Show me why things are the way the are. I guess Missouri was a great state for me. SHOW ME!!! You can tell me things are the way they are, this is how it's always been done or we can't change something; and my response is typically going to be WHY?! Yes, this has caused me troubles. I believe this has a lot to do with my childhood. I saw from an early age that nothing is ever what it appears to be. I learned early on that the only person you could depend on 100%, was yourself. I also believe, this is why I have always been so hard on myself. I know for a fact, there is no one out there that can be harder on me, than me! I can promise that. 

Anyway, I have spent 4 years researching and learning so many things that most people don't even want to acknowledge. I have attempted to share all this learning with my family. I figured if I did the research, they should also benefit from knowing the information. It's difficult to share this information, share my videos, and explain this massive fraud going on; when even my own family doesn't want to hear it or doesn't pay attention. If I was a weaker person, it might end my own learning. Thankfully, I'm not! Thankfully, I had a couple of people that showed me that I could have this independence and confidence without needing validation from others. The hardest part of this education I have given myself, is the "aloneness," that comes with it. Most people don't want to hear anything that goes against their own beliefs, their perspective or their ability to comprehend. It ends up making you feel alone on an island. You find yourself unable to carry on surface conversations that have no depth. Talking about the weather, gossip or other people; do not hold any value. 

My reality has changed. My outlook has changed. With all these changes, has brought new perspective and insight.While my own growth, has come changes I have zero control over. I have talked about this phase of my life, to some degree. I honestly spend more time biting my tongue than I ever have, until I can no longer hold back...then it's ALL going to come out, without a filter. I have reached a point, I'm actually going to say it's more like a cross road. It's juggling family, farm, relationship, extended family, issues I feel are important, things that are important to me, and putting a halt to people using me as a doormat or battering ram. I try to lead by example, even though I make plenty of mistakes. When I see or feel people pulling away from me, I'm not chasing them to keep them in my life. You want to go, go! You want to be mad, ok. I deal with enough negative energy on a daily basis, I am happy to let go of any that wants to leave. I am a strong person but I am tired. I've spent too much of my life in fight or flight mode, to keep that up. I just want peace now. While I spend my time working hard to become a better person, I have to let go of things that hold me back. I can't hang on to anchors that hold me back.

I am truly in contemplation mode today. It's amazing how eye opening and heart breaking conversations can be, but make sense in the same breath. So, I'm taking a deep breath, keeping busy and moving forward. It is what it is.

Coffee Chat

 

Let's sit with our coffee and chat a bit. There's so much to visit about; I'm just not even sure where to begin.  Between person issues and global issues, the vast conversation could go in a million directions. Let's get started and see where it rolls!

I want to start on something I believe many women in my age group are dealing with. The "next phase" of our lives. I know for about 8 years of dealing with this, I believe to be in final stretch...finally! I really don't think many people understand this phase. It's not really taboo, but just not discussed. Whether that be due to the variations or just "part of life." Let me tell from my own experiences, "just part of life," is not cutting it! Not only are we dealing with changes within our bodies, but hormonal changes, attitude changes, and being less likely to put up with other people's shit! That being said, if I hear one more that my "attitude" must be because of this phase, I MAY lose my shit! Whether you have children or not, you WILL experience this shift. I am fortunate enough to have a very trusted friend and a very trusted natural doctor, to help make sense of many of these changes. However, because we are all different, we may all feel/experience different "symptoms." I hate that word, because we are not ill, just progressing in our lives. Anyway, yes we are experiencing hormonal/chemical changes in our bodies. We are progressing from the motherhood roles into our mature lives. It can make you feel crazy at times, and SOME very unwise folks will bravely tell you, you are acting crazy. Let me say this, after 30+ years of a menstrual cycle, you have earned the right to be crazy for a period. Seriously, you are NOT crazy. Your entire body is making a transition. Things that we have tolerated, dealt with, and even believed for a few decades changes. It happens. Even men experience a form of "mid-life crisis/phase." Now, I am not saying going out and find someone half your age, buy a sportscar/motorcycle and ditch your responsibilities; however, I am saying that we do change. The key, in my eyes, is learning to make changes responsibly. If you are in a serious relationship, make changes and grow together. If not, make changes that allow you to learn, grow and better yourself. In my world, I find myself changing my thoughts, and my mind regularly. My attitude has gotten pretty harsh. My tolerance level has become non-existent. And, oh, the cluttered rooms in my home, are about to make me go postal! Simple things like: changing the toilet paper roll, doing dishes AND wiping down counters/stove, emptying the trash, being observant to things that need done/picked up - these do drive me instantly batty!! The whole idea of being observant to your surroundings makes sense to me, but obviously not to everyone. Simple things like being respectful of letting me know you will be late so I don't worry, doing what you say you will do, not being on technology during a family meal/not having the noise box blaring, paying attention to conversations happening around you...you know, simple things that SHOW respect. Honestly, I think if I hear "well, you are going through the change of life, so that's why you are behaving the way you are," one more time....it won't be pretty. 

Ok, I could talk on that subject for DAYS! So, let's roll on. We are just days from the final 2 months of 2022. Hard to believe, I know! I truly despise Halloween, on a normal year, but this year...I am more fearful for our children. With so many candies being called into concern being laced with Fentanyl, I am more hesitant than ever. I don't understand how parents are not more concerned with allowing their children to take candy from strangers, and not being in huge concern of handing out candy that could kill our children! My daughter wants to hand out candy in our nearby town this year, and I am seriously concerned about being involved at all. I know it's fun to dress up. I've done it since I was kid, but we didn't have the issues we have had the past 20 years. Kids ending up kidnapped, candies laced with needles/razors, now deadly drugs. Unfortunately, I have a child that actually likes this "holiday." I would bypass it altogether if it were me. So, the back and forth continues. What's the right way to handle this? I wish I knew. We've had dress up dance parties at our home the past couple of years to avoid the weather and that extra nonsense, but what's the best solution? 

I typically turn Halloween into a "pretty" time, but putting up my Christmas decorations. This "tradition" started because my husband didn't want to dig through the attic to find the fall/halloween stuff when the Christmas stuff was right in the front. He has been pretty grinchy most of our marriage. I can't tell you how many years I heard "it's just another day." It is, but the entire season for me, is beautiful. It's not about gifts for me, and hasn't been since I was young. It's about the warmth, kindness usually found during these months, and the times spent with loved ones. Those to me, are the BEST gifts. In 2012, we started hosting an annual Christmas Open House. We invited neighbors, family and friends to our home in December, for a few hours of visiting, some traditional Christmas treats and fellowship. We have had this all but the 2 years we spent away from our farm. Each year this has grown. I have already scheduled it again this year. For me, this is such a great gift! It's a lot of work preparing, baking and cooking all week long; but the outcome has been as many as 52 people coming to celebrate friendship/fellowship. It is our gift to "our community." It is typically our neighbors, family and a few friends will come occasionally, but it's those that never miss or rarely miss it, that are our closest circle. It's not formal, just a casual family setting with kids running through all the adults. Lots of food, goodies, coffee and lots of visiting. It is one of my favorite parts of the year. 

Since 2020, so many things have just been messed up. People so afraid of dying that they won't live. Out-of-control government intrusion. Illegal and unConstitutional means to destroy our economy, our livelihoods and our communities. It's truly scary how conforming so many have become. I am not going to get into politics today. I am just truly concerned with my own communities well being, as our economy continues to tank and more people are facing some real economic and financial hardships. I think we need to focus on more kindness, forgiveness and community support right now. 

I have stressed and worried about our own projects so much this year. I have finally put my garden to rest, with the help of my husband and son. I have gotten new bedding out for my critters. I got the deck closed back in, except now...I have to redo part of it with the crazy winds. With the help of those crazy winds, the pool is down. My husband got the sheep lots cleaned out, and the manure spread, but we still have the cattle lot to finish. We have fencing that will need work again in the spring. We had a bad drought this year, so we are having to buy hay, which is killing the savings...not to mention having to also replace a fridge that decided to go out, AND all the food that went to waste in it. We are returning to some pretty tight budgeting due to the strains being seen in the economy. With all the supply chain issues, parts and equipment shortfalls, increased prices, and the fears of job losses...it's become evident that pinching pennies is required. While this is not really something new, it is becoming necessary. It is necessary to start "rationing" of sorts. It's not buying anything frivolously, not wasting anything unnecessarily. Waste not, want not. It's going back to reusing what you can instead of just buying new - which you can't find half of it anymore, and the other half is sky high. I know 2008 was tough for a lot of people, and times now are becoming even more lean. Even my own Christmas shopping this year, has been necessities, useful things, with only a single, small frivolous gift. Our Christmas will be noticeably smaller this year, but we also won't have a bunch of clutter sitting around in a few months of gifts they "had" to have and will forget about by March. I am hoping to make some positive changes for the current times, but also for the future with my kids and future grandkids. 

As much as I am personally struggling this year, I am pushing myself to keep moving forward...even if it is babysteps. It's so easy to get wrapped up in other people's drama, the disaster of our economic times, our own health issues, or any number of areas; that some days are just down right depressing. It's difficult to find commonality with many folks anymore. It doesn't make anyone anymore or less than the other, it is just we are all on different paths with different goals. I am a pretty simple person, in the terms of: I value the old fashioned family unit, I value friendships, I value my family - husband and kids, I value God/Family and Country. I do not buy into brimstone and fire, nor do I buy into "one size fits all." I believe in live and let live. To each their own, just shove your beliefs on me. I don't believe the world needs to know every move we make, or that our mindless tv/activity habits are doing us any favors. So many have gotten so up in arms over the different beliefs of others, that they have become exactly who they claim to dislike. Extremism is extremism no matter what the cause. Constitutionally, it is our right, per our Constitutional Republic, to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Period. No where in there, does it state that we all have to pursue the same goal. I think we really need to remember this. While I have my own very opinionated beliefs; who am I to judge someone else's life style?! I do NOT have to answer to God for what others choose to do....THEY do!

On that note, I'm going to sign off for today. I hope you have a great day, make it great! Small steps forward, are still forward moving!!! Keep going!!

Salli

 

 

Times of trial breed strength

 

Prepare, plan, work, worry, and repeat. 

 

This is the world I live in today. I am grateful to family & friends that remind me to unplug and unwind, but it's usually not so simple. Unplugging from technology works usually, aside from constant messages blowing up my phone. Or people getting their panties in a bunch when I can not take calls or deal with technology/phones instantly because my life is busy. My time online, is typically my breaks from the actual life I live, the chores I constantly do, and right now...from projects I have to get finished before winter weather sets in. I've said it before, but apparently needs to be said again, this life is one that if you don't live it...you can not possibly understand it. That is not to be condescending, but you can't understand the amount of time that is required to take care of things around here. We are not wealthy, so we do not have farm hands, helpers or even modern equipment. We work with what we can "afford" and that means a lot of upkeep, a lot of improvising, and a lot of redneck ingenuity. 

The days around here get kinda nutty from time-to-time. If they actually ran smoothly or didn't have a bump somewhere...I would be concerned. The off-the-farm jobs, teaching, winter preparations, livestock care, Fall lambing, chickens/ducks/goats, housework, meal prep, groceries, financials for farm & business, long term preparations, vehicle/farm equipment repairs, household repairs; are just a portion of my daily life. Each of those areas have "sub-areas" that get a little tangled at times. Throw in any injuries or illness and you have a recipe for complete, unorganized chaos, in a hurry. 

I am beginning a weekend of mostly unplugged. Since so much seems to involve technology anymore, having a truly unplugged time is tough. I have a ton of outdoor projects that have got to get finished this weekend. The weather is supposed to be warmer, and my blood is too thin for doing a lot of this in the cold. Things like: putting all new plastic on the deck enclosure panels, closing in under the deck, getting the ducks/chickens/goats areas ready for winter with new straw and putting away some of the outdoor stuff they use all summer, getting new Christmas lights hung before it's cold, getting yard decorations put up, getting the remainder of the pool stuff put away, cleaning out the garden. This is stuff that usually starts in September, but it didn't this year, so I am running a month behind and have a weekend to get it done. We also had a drought this summer, so our hay production was small. That means having to purchase the high dollar hay and straw. Which also needs to get done, starting this weekend. 

I can tell you, my days would remind most of a squirrel. Racing from one thing to the next, then back to the first, then starting the third...I probably walk/run 5 miles a day just to get half of about a million projects done. It makes my mind as cluttered as my house currently is. It's not good! I do not handle clutter OR unfinished projects well. 

As I try to keep up with world news, and no I do not watch tv(it's been more than 10 years since I did), I read and research to know the actual truth. I have realized that so much of what we are told is complete crap. If I had to put numbers on things, I would say about 95% of all elected leaders are corrupt to the core, have illegally benefited from insider trading, have sold American secrets/resources, and are dumb as the day is long. Sadly, there are a lot still buying the lies. I get tired of hearing, "well, that's just the way it is. We can't change it." I am calling complete bullshit on that! WE ARE THE RIGHTFUL MASTERS OF THIS COUNTRY, WE HAVE GOTTEN LAZY!!! Those people have neglected their oaths, they have neglected the people of this great nation for decades, and We the people have allowed these indiscretions to continue through complacency. When 50% of this country can not take a blank map, and write in the states, you know they don't have the slightest knowledge of our Constitution, our Bill Of Rights or even the FACT that they have been in debt slavery since 1871. For those that have to be ignorant, and claim they don't need a history lesson... You are VERY wrong! THAT is EXACTLY what a lot of people need!! Our freedoms, our liberties, and our very way of life is not guaranteed. We have to fight for it, through every single generation. An Australian journalist said it right, "hard times produce strong men, strong men create relaxed times, relaxed time creates weak men." This is the exact progression.Many of our grandparents/great-grandparents lived through world war 1 & 2, and the Great Depression. They struggled to support their families, they knew how to raise/grow their own food, they learned to live their lives frugally, and they worked hard. The boomer generation had it a little easier. They had the Vietnam War, but think about how those soldiers returning were treated. Then there was my generation, Generation X - I believe, we grew up easy for the most part. We had Dessert Storm, but as children, we had the inventions of video games, tv was a regular fixture in our homes, the convenience of fast/boxed foods. Then there was the Millennials. The Generation X'ers children. Sure many were alive for 9/11, but most were young. They had constant connectivity of the internet, they have had very easy lives in that everything was at their fingertips 24/7. They never had to wonder where or when their next was, they never had to struggle with much of anything. We basically made their lives "easy" because that what generations do. We try to make our children's lives easier than ours were. We ended up creating a generation of entitled, self-absorbed, lazy and ungrateful young people. NOW, UNDERSTAND I AM ONLY GENERALIZING!!! I AM IN NO WAY SAYING IT IS EVERY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE IN THESE GENERATIONS. Then we have the youngest of generations. They are in limbo. They have seen the torment of being muzzled, being ill, seeing their parents lose jobs for standing up for their rights, and questioning what they are hearing - even if they can be self-absorbed. Is this younger generation going to be the generation that sees the hardest times of any one that is alive today? Maybe. When I talk to my teenager, and she is trying to understand why we are experiencing nuclear threats, why our government is not protecting Americans, why the news reports do not match what she researches, and why the grocery shelves are not only thin or bare but also so much higher...it is difficult for a young person to grasp. 

We have reached a point that words mean nothing, nothing is as it appears to be, very few understand or even know what the law of our land says, people believe that doctors/lawyers/politicians will do what's right, and having a conversation about the "hard" stuff is considered conspiracy. It's no wonder our young people are struggling with mental health. They can not ask questions, have conversations or even "socialize" because of the mind wash they are being taught...not just in schools but on television and internet too. It's a running joke in my household every time I get "Facebook jailed" because something I post goes against a narrative, yet the information is readily found on any government or military web site. The "fact checkers" do not want you to question what they say, so whenever something is "fact checked" you know it is correct and you better be looking into it. 

We do not have to agree on everything, that would be super boring! However, we should agree that the very basics of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is the very foundation of this nations founding. Moral decisions are not up to governments, nor anyone outside of the decisions being made. The only ones that will have to answer for their choices, are the ones that make those choices. The push of LifeLog/Facebook, has opened a door to airing dirty laundry for the world to see, for being disrespectful without repercussions, and allowed a whole host of mental illnesses to be viewed as "normal." A lie does not become the truth just because many believe, it's still a lie. 

We are just 18 days from a midterm election. I do not remember ever seeing so much corruption on display in full sight, and so much manipulation of laws being pushed for even more. We are in the 3rd quarter for economic downturn. Folks, we have long surpassed a recession, and are on a collision course with a depression that will make 1929 and 1987 look like a child's play. Looking at the numbers, January of 2021, inflation was at 1.4%, in September it was 8.2%. This was even after the Federal Reserve claimed to be fixing that with the increase of baseline rate increases. The Consumer Price Index is the highest it has been in 40 years. The Wholesale Prices have increased ten-fold. The housing market is beginning to fall and will continue to do so as current mortgage rates continue to rise and it becomes harder to get mortgages. When the Federal Reserve publicly states that they need to raise the rates AND raise unemployment in order to get inflation under control...you know they have NO clue! Inflation comes in when you are printing more money than you have assets to back. When the U.S. is pushing $32 TRILLION in debt, however they are still sending billions to Ukraine, as well as other countries; plus the are depleting the SPR to its lowest levels since 1987. We have a MAJOR spending to debt problem. The SPR is there for emergencies, and for use by our military during times of war. Once that is gone, this administration has sent a large portion of our military equipment to Ukraine, where exactly is that going to leave our military for defending America? Congratulations to this Administration, you are officially destroying our country from within, better than a foreign invasion ever could. You know why? Because there are still nit-wits out there that think this dementia ridden, mafia crime organization is doing good. Good at what? Destroying America and her values. 

When we have 8 million children, worldwide that go missing, every year - and absolutely no accountability for trying to stop this. Our own Department of Defense admitting to have 336 worldwide bio-weapon labs, many of them benefiting from gain-of-function and creating the exact viruses we have dealt with for 2 years. We have an invasion at our southern border that is allowing the worst of the worst to walk into our country, while those going through the legal means sit for YEARS to try to come in legally. When our own citizens do not realize that our country is operating under maritime law, being run by the foreign territory of D.C., by many administrations that have been in bankruptcies since 1871, that the latest bankruptcy was actioned in 2018, and the U.S. Treasury said LAST YEAR that America was out of money. That the stock market is being propped up by falsified numbers and the buying and selling of American's debt - like buying and selling cattle. That the number of doctors, politicians, lawyers, judges, teachers, and CEO's that have been arrested and charged with sex crimes against MINORS, in the past 5 years was thanks to President Trump's fight to protect our children. 

You want to know what's happening with our supply chain, human trafficking, elections, and military...go study Trump's executive orders. I will recommend starting with E.O. 13919, E.O. 13885, E.O. 13848, E.O. 13958. Look up Noah Law 1991, Jade Helm, Law of War manual, 47 U.S. Code 606, Common Wealth Act No. 671, UCMJ, Military Law, Military Codes and Regulations. 

I'm off for a weekend of knocking out winterizing projects. I hope you will all educate yourselves, make sure you vote, and keep stocking up!

Coffee Chat

 

It always feels like I have so much to share with you all. I honestly try not to overwhelm everyone with information, but I want you all to know what I find too. It's a pretty fine line and I apologize if it gets to be overwhelming. 

Let's jump right in today. 22 years ago today, then President Bill Clinton signed into law the NESARA act, the National Economic And Recovery Act. I first learned of this about 4 years ago, and am still learning more today. This act, was to reverse the most devastating fraud ever inflicted on the American People - the Federal Reserve Act of 1913. The latter, created many hardships for the American people, and was never legally ratified through the Congress, but pushed through by several very powerful individuals. The Federal Reserve Act in turn, created the IRS, Taxes, and illegal banking practices. This resulted in the the 1970's-90's federal land bank forclosures, trillions of dollars of stolen gold, unconstitutional interest percentages, the creation of taxes/interest/banking fees, the removal of the U.S. monetary supply from precious metal backed to a string of IOU's, and 108 years of fraud/treason/corruption within all branches of our government. NESARA implementation was to be as follows: 1. zeros out all credit cards, mortgages and other bank debt due to illegal banking and government activities. This is the federal reserves worst nightmare.  2. abolishes the income tax. 3. abolishes the IRS, employees of the IRS will be transferred to the US Treasury national sales tax area. 4. Creates a 14% flat rate non-essential new items only sales tax revenue for the government. In other words, food and medicine will not be taxed, nor will used items such as old homes. 5. increases benefits to senior citizens. 6. returns Constitutional Law to all courts and legal matters. 7. Reinstates the original title of nobility amendment. 8. establishes new presidential and congressional elections within 120 days after NESARA's announcement. The interim government will cancel all national emergencies and return us back to constitutional law. 9. monitors elections to prevent illegal election activities of special interest groups. 10. creates a new US Treasury rainbow currency backed by gold, silver, and platinum precious metals, ending the bankruptcy of the United States initiated by Franklin Roosevelt in 1933. 11. Forbids the sale of American birth certificate records as chattel property bonds by the US Department of Transportation.12. Initiates new US Treasury bank system. During the transition period the Federal Reserve will be allowed to operate side by side of the US Treasury for one year in order to remove all federal reserve notes from the money supply. 14. restores financial privacy. 15. retrains all judges and attorneys in Constitutional Law. 16. Ceases all aggressive, US government military actions worldwide. 17. establishes peace throughout the world. 18. Releases enormous sums of money for humanitarian purposes. 19. enables the release of over 6,000 patents of suppressed technologies that are being withheld from the public under the guise of national security, including free energy devices, antigravity, and sonic healing machines. 

 

Many democrats and republicans have fought tooth and nail to bury this law. This would remove all current elected people, and bring in military to oversee an uncorrupt election. Something to think about, this NESARA act was set to be instituted, by military command, September 11, 2001. At 10 am, Alan Greenspan was scheduled to make this announcement publicly. Incredibly, the computers that were to make the transition were in the twin towers, and the Naval Command Center in the Pentagon that were coordinating the activities supporting NESARA. Everyone that knew anything about NESARA was placed under a gag order via the US Supreme Court. A Minnesota Senator, Paul Wellstone was about to break that order when the small plane he, his wife, and his daughter crashed, killing them all. There is a lot of disimformation on the search engines regarding this act. The fact that not one Democrat NOR Republican, has forced this implementation should be seriously upsetting to ALL AMERICAN CITIZENS!!!  This is more than 2 decades of dodging a law, not implementing a law, by both parties, all 3 branches of government and high up military.

Next up is Military Law. This is a newer area for me. I am not going to dive into this, as it would take me HOURS of talking and days to write! I want you all to do your own research. Look into:

Title 10, 10 US Code Ch. 1209, Executive Order 12148/13912/13919, 47 US Code 606, Stafford Act, National Emergencies Act.  

Diving into those few areas will tell you exactly where we stand!!

Here's another tidbit of chaos. Have you heard of the snowball effect? In a basic explanation, the analogy is that a snowball starts very small, as in accelerates down hill, it gains momentum and snow, and before long that tiny little snowball becomes this massive snow object. This is what is happening in our country and probably worldwide today. Since the illness mess of 2020, many things were shut down. Whether that shut down lasted a few weeks, multiple weeks or even ended up shutting businesses completely forever. All those shut downs, resulted in a serious supply chain disruption. Manufactured items, raw materials, and many other supplies were hindered by the draconian shutdowns, and lockdowns. That meant the imports and exports were shuttered, or severely delayed. Remember the "great toilet paper shortage of 2020?" Think about this on the grander scale. Many people lost their jobs, many were laid off indefinitely, and many businesses shuttered. Our ports crawled, mandates requiring experimental vax or required 2 week isolations, governmental handouts allowed many people to take unemployment and the bonus of that to stop working altogether. This halted what little manufacturing was left in the US. Since that chaos, the labor market has all but disappeared, we can't materials or products imported, and thus...we begin the snowball effect. As I shared on social media, a story about the farming community: a farmer needed to repair a few pieces on his combine, to make it usable for this harvest. The 2 remaining pieces for one part available in the entire country were 1900 miles away, one part was located nearly 60 miles away, he was told to get another piece from about 90 miles away. Well, needless to say, this farmer got one part, drove 1900 miles to get 2 more pieces, found out those 2 pieces were not complete so he had to drive around 90 more miles only to find out they were the wrong parts, then had to drive around another 100 miles to get the right ones as well as replace 1 part that was damaged. Folks, let me explain a little more. We are in the heart of harvest in my area. This means the combines, tractors, grain carts, grain trucks and many times pickup trucks all come out to get the crops out. Farmers are typically in contracts for their grain, they operate on farm plans that allows them to consolidate the annual repair/need/operating expenses at the end of harvest, plus they have their regular bills to pay. As of yesterday, soybeans were over $13 a bushel, and corn was over $6. This may not sound detrimental, but consider this:  the national average for 2020 bushel per acre for - soybeans = 51.4, and corn = 171. So, on a small scale 500 acre example, this would be soybeans - 27,050 bushels, corn - 85,500 bushels. Where do you think our farmers are going to be sitting with those numbers? This was just on a small scale, imagine being a large scale farm with thousands of acres. Getting back to the snowball. When the imports are not coming in, meaning materials and raw materials, that means factories/industry in the US is not able to produce anything. That means business closures, that means job losses, and that means finished products are not coming out of those factories/industries. That means getting replacement parts, equipment, vehicles, tractors, combines, grain platforms/heads, belts, tires, basically any operating part of any piece of equipment from ag related to vehicles to appliances; are not being produced. That means, if something breaks, you're screwed! That farmer story above, the one piece he got, is used on about 90% of combines currently in use...and there are NO MORE left in the US. That means any other farmer that has an issue with that part, will not be able to replace it, which will result in not being able to get their crops out, not being able to fulfill their contracts, not being able to repay their farm plans, and not being able to pay their bills or feed their families. That also means the food supply for the coming year is looking even more bleak as many farmers across the US are now facing the lack of replacement parts and having to leave their crops standing in fields. This is really bad news for us, folks. 

Home builders and the auto industry are in the same boat. They can not get the needed materials/supplies to finish their jobs. Home builders are now struggling with increased interest rates, not being able to get appliances, increased cost of materials they can get, and unemployment is rearing its head. Auto industry hasn't been able to get the chips to finish cars for a couple years. Other raw materials are either not available, or not affordable. Many of the factories have forced indefinite layoffs, or closures, again leading to more unemployment. Just look around you. Look how many "now hiring" signs you see where you live. When the minimum wage increased to $12-$15 hour, leaving skilled workers in the market at $20-$30, it was a slap in the face to those skilled when someone flipping burgers was making nearly as much as they were. Now, fast food can't keep help. Retail can't keep help. The skilled trades are struggling to keep their jobs because of the supply chain chaos. 

Even if you choose to live your life like all is right in the world, I really hope you are doing some preparing. Because when the wolf comes knocking at your door, it's going to be a pretty big shocker that your government has sold you out to the highest bidder. For those paying attention, now is NOT the time to give up or stop preparing! Keep going, my friends. As this shit show keeps rolling downhill, gaining momentum, I fear the culmination is about to come to a head, in just a few short weeks. 

I have so much I want to share, but I need to get some things done today. Pay attention to what's happening friends, keep preparing. Make sure you fill your pantries, your pet needs, your children's needs, have plenty of water on hand, have some emergency cash on hand, have a means of protection.