Coffee Chat - Facing Changes

 

 

 

 

I took the weekend to unplug from most everything. Spent time with my husband and daughter, and even revisited a store I hadn't been to in years. We worked outdoors, in the garden, and did a little relaxing too. While I do try to write out things that weigh heavily on my mind...there is an area I don't address often. Mostly, because I struggle to stay in a compassionate mindset anymore. I get frustrated at other's lack of concern for our country, our economy, our family units, and even the disrespect much closer to home. Then it comes out as anger, and not the hurt or the understanding of them being ignorant of what they are doing. Yes, I still use words that define what I mean...not the context that those less educated know. The one thing I CAN say with 100% certainty, my parents taught me that education was something that could never be taken from you. The drilled the importance of education, and some exceptional teachers helped evolve my love of learning to this day. However, one thing that seems to irritate some today, is that continued love of learning, the continued drive to learn/study things that don't make sense. 

 

I don't sugar coat most of what I say, but I also don't say 90% of what I'd like to. People have become very weak; in mind and body. There are some that believe that because they are offended, that no one else has the right to have a differing opinion...or at the very least, shouldn't have a right to voice it. It really comes back to "everyone wants rights, but no one wants responsibility." Right or wrong, I take my responsibilities extremely serious. Whether that responsibility be maintaining my home, raising my children, not depending on anyone to take care of my family; all the way out to my civic responsibility of knowing what my government is doing "in the name of our citizens." Sure there are days I would love to go back to a "happy go lucky" person, living a life that didn't consist of a zillion hours of research, trying to reach out to explain to those I care about what is coming down the pike, taking a weekend vacation just because, or even a weekend away to spend more time with family and friends away from where I live. Many times, we have gatherings at our home, because we can not get away...and that is our way to stay in touch. I know the veil of a lot of bad stuff has started to come down, and some of it is almost too much to bear. I get that. That does not mean it isn't happening, or that we can put blinders on to ignore it. 

 

When I began researching, even my husband commented, that what I had found changed me. How could it not?! Everything I believed, was a lie. Nearly everything I was taught was fraudulent.  I tried to talk out what I was finding, only to be told no one wanted to hear it. I have to say, that feeling of loneliness took me to a dark place for awhile. Again, I get that some of this is dark and horrible. That does not make it go away to ignore it though. I began questioning everything. I really dug into behaviors and Psychology, and during a couple of really low points...I spoke with a professional. I can tell you the latter, was the worst thing I could have done. Let me explain. I fully appreciate facing adversity and our past, head on. If one thing was glaringly visible, by revisiting past issues and drudging up those old ghosts...it made things much worse for me. It brought back old nightmares(literally), it had me writing a letter of hurts/anger to people that would never see anything I had written. It reopened wounds that I fought so hard to heal. It turned mole hills into mountains. Honestly, it clouded my judgement. 

 

I have slowly been retaking my own power back. By allowing someone or something else to "control" you, you are empowering THEM over yourself. I had rationalized that because this person made me feel like this...then, they must know better than I did. WRONG! People have their right to opinions, and even to voice them. What they do not have, is the right to control what you think or even say. You don't like what someone says? Ok, move on. Easy fix. By arguing with people, you are either trying to change their mind or trying to push your belief on to someone else. I don't need anyone else to believe what I do, I have the education/research to back up what I say. Sadly, every single person has the same ability to get this education, but a majority would just rather argue or keep their blinders on. That is ultimately their choice. I'm not going to try to change anyone. I spent years trying to share information that would encourage others to go out and educate themselves. I'm at a point now that it no longer matters. I will share what I know, I will continue to rebuild what counseling destroyed, and people will either learn or not. 

 

The biggest area that has weighed on my heart is the push for divisions. Years ago, it was called "class warfare." It was rich vs. poor, blue collar vs. white collar, lower class vs. middle class vs. wealthy. Now, you have all that with white, black, red, brown, male, female, other, catholic, baptist, protestant, muslim, jewish, gay, straight, trans, income, education level, the price of your home, your auto, if you believe in climate change or not, vaccinated vs. unvaccinated, pro-life vs. abortion, democrat vs. republican, and this just keeps going. So, the more divided a society becomes, the easier it is to control them. This is documented throughout history, yet so many are still playing this game. Do I agree with any or all of beliefs here...nope. But, it is their right to believe whatever they choose. When it's my time to answer to my God, it's not going to be anyone else's character or actions that I have to answer for. It will be, mine alone.  As God designed, no matter your beliefs, we all bleed red, and that Bible that so many like to preach about...it designates us as brothers and sisters. So, if you are preaching your Bible, while still spreading the divisions....you are an activist, not leading our brothers and sisters to God. There are bad people, no doubt, but we are given free will. That allows us to make decisions, but it does not exempt us from the repercussions of those decisions. 

So, this has been conundrum for a bit now. I have been learning how to dissect divisions from truths. I've had to come to grips with past experiences, behaviors that still haunt me...but accepting that maybe those involved did the best they could at the time, learning how to keep a protective bubble around me while I do learn to heal from some tragedies. I've had to learn how superficial some relationships are when they are convenient, accepting that some people you may have believed to be part of your inner circle...wasn't when push came to shove. Learning to deal with what I call a withdrawl from people that make you question your worth. Change is difficult for most, no matter how small or big that change may be. In my case, change is what fueled my blinders to come off fully. Change, even though difficult, is what has allowed me to hold on to what I value the most; my family. It drove me back to a church to find direction, to attempt to repair damaged relationships even if they may not be able to be...I know I tried. Change has helped me to see clearer than I have, probably my entire life. It only took me 49 1/2 years to get here. I am not done growing, and I know there will be so many more changes in my time left on this Earth. I won't claim to know the Bible, although I have read it, what I do know is this: God supposedly gave his only son to forgive us of our sins. So many tell us that is only through repentance, and that may be true. I believe God gave us that repentance with the life and rebirth of his son, so that we could improve our own character, learn to love our neighbors, and by treating everyone with respect. I believe, our repentance, requires change to better than we were yesterday...not better than anyone else. 

So there you have it. When I speak of finding my personal calling/mission, I know there is more than one area required...I feel it in my soul. Being of good character, helping those you can, and even educating yourself beyond what the noise box tells you...all play into this. I won't have to answer for what you do, only what I do. For that reason, I will keep moving forward as I am guided to do. Whether that be through research, continued education, personal experience, or laws of man...God does guide us, as long as we are observant enough to pay attention.

June 19th Update

 

June 19,2024

I don't believe a week 2 of Monday's would be complete without a warning from social media that I am being warned again about "community standards." So, Here we are...my updates in a blog. 

Last week was basically like Groundhog Day, every single day was a repeat of the last. This week, has been more of the same...except the treat of eating out when we got groceries...ended up making me sick, and today is the first day my stomach isn't rolling and making me physically sick. It is more of the same this week though. Feel like crap, do what I can, throw in stupid heat and humidity, a mind in constant motion, need to work in the garden(it's too damned hot, and throw in hot flashes...and it's like an inferno outside), not sleeping well, BUT I have continued to take stock in all the blessings I do have. That may be the only reason I haven't gone bat shit crazy yet. Or, maybe I have and I'm just in denial...I mean, if our resident vegetable can deny being senile, and claim to be competent; I'm in great shape!

So, I have gone through both gardens in the last few days. I am disappointed that for 3 years now, I can not get green beans to grow worth a crap. I am going to try one more time, in a different location. The cabbage is looking pretty wimpy, and lack of rain means getting the hose out to help all the plants until we get some more. I decided to try some container gardening this year...to develop a few more skills. In one container is cherry tomatoes...they have grown to almost my height and are covered in flowers. Another container is an heirloom German Pink tomato plant, it's about 3 foot tall and getting ready to flower. I have a container of peppermint that looks amazing right now. Other containers have chives, cilantro, Italian basil, sweet basil, sage and oregano. While most look ok, the cilantro is not doing to so good. In the garden, the radishes have really set on and need to be picked again. The leaf lettuce is up and growing, which is another vegetable I haven't been able to get to grow in the ground for a couple of years. I actually planted watermelon, cantaloupe and pumpkins this year(a first for a lot of years), and they all appear to doing good. Other vegetables that are doing good: corn, kidney beans, horticulture beans, beets, sunflowers, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumbers, sweet onions and even a single zucchini plant. I have a lot of empty space in the garden this year...not because I am not planting, but because I decided to scale back. I didn't plant 40+ tomatoes this year. I didn't plant 30+ peppers this year, or 8 rows of corn. All but one of our kids is now on their own, in their own homes. So, our daily use of foods has decreased dramatically. Although they all know they will have access to canned foods if they need it, I don't have as much being used up as quickly. Going through the main pantry, there are several areas where the supply has gotten low over the winter. Those are easy enough to refill. This year though, I can do some experimenting, and expanding in other areas; soups, meats, drying vegetables, and trying some new things since the 3 of us are less picky. Frozen watermelon is such an awesome treat and is great for adding to a glass of water. Saving pumpkin puree, drying pumpkin seeds, and even making some jack-o-lanterns if we get enough. I personally love cantaloupe and there hasn't been room in the gardens for years to grow vine crops. The fruit trees and grapes this year are pretty pathetic. There were lots of blooms early, but not much fruit now. One grape vine appears to be dying off completely. The strawberries did well early and are currently blooming again...if I can keep the ducks out of them. 

We are down to hearing from 3 of the veterans whose names were drawn for this year's hunt, with potentially a couple veterans that would like to attend if one of the originals can't. This veteran hunt is truly something that makes my heart happy, even if it gets a bit stressful at times. We have had some repeat veterans and some new ones over the past 5 years. We love to get to visit with both. I am working to get all the final details in place, and then getting out into fundraising mode...my 2nd least favorite part. The least favorite being the paperwork. It's important that I know and understand the laws of each state we utilize for this event, to know disabilities and equipment we may need and where to get that equipment if necessary, knowing the veterans hunting capabilities(archery or fire arm), and if there is any special needs any of our veterans have. It is imperative that I know how to spot if there is an issue, as PTSD is a very real issue, especially. Making sure that I am observant enough to catch any issues before they go to far. Sadly, sometimes things to fly under the radar until it's an issue...but I try to avoid that if possible. I want the events we host here to remain a top notch event, and for our veterans to have a wonderfully relaxing weekend. Most of our veterans have become friends to our family. 

I really despise shoddy/half assed work and efforts. So, when I do something, I try to do it and give it my all. Now, understand, I am human and I am no where near perfect! I have my moments of laziness too. Anyway, as I said in the last paragraph...I do everything within my power to make our veteran events top of the line. The attention to detail, I do this with most areas of my life. As I have gotten older, I am slowing down in my progress a little...but when I do things, I think them through, attempt to plan for contingencies and adversities. I worry for others and can usually account for a plan for every letter of the alphabet, sometimes more. A lot of times, I give everything I have, until I am so drained that I have nothing left. Then I give myself some time, and pick up again. I was raised that anything worth having, was worth working your butt off to have. I don't know if I will ever understand those that can give a half effort and move on. It makes no sense to me. I suppose when something is handed to you, and you don't have to earn it, it's easy to piss it away. 

I hope you all have a great Wednesday.

Coffee Chat

 

A slow start to my morning. I'm kind of dragging my backside today, so I thought I'd go ahead and write. As always, this will be a modge podge of thoughts I'd have in a typical conversation, over coffee.

One area of thought that has really played into my thoughts lately, has been the the idea that "what we focus on, becomes our outcomes." For example, when you focus on health issues, they tend to become worse or more frequent. Yes, there are some things you have to be diligent in managing. However, when all your focus is on what hurts, what issues you are having, how good or bad things are, OR what your mindset is on how you are managing areas of issue in your life. Let me elaborate a bit. I truly believe some of the issues many of us struggle with, are self imposed by how we mentally address them. This is an area I have struggled with for years. If you have positive impacts in your life, your overall outlook tends to be more positive. This makes dealing with adversity more positive in response. If you have had a lot of negativity or lack of positive role models, you will focus on a more negative response. As someone who dealt with substantial negativity for a lot of years, I also struggled with a negative self image, a more negative mental conversation of any issue, and in turn it resulted in unnecessary negative behaviors. It has truly been a fairly recent twist(within just a few years), that I am able to notice when my mindset begins reverting to a less positive or even negative mental direction. When I decided to try to "understand" some of the things in my past, and spoke to a professional...that actually made things worse! It took me a place of negativity that took control out of my hands, and had me making excuses, instead of stepping away from issues and focusing on what I could do to better myself. I am not a victim, and dwelling on negatives made me feel like one. No thanks!

I absolutely despise hearing anyone make excuses for behavior THEY can change. Discipline, determination, persistence, and hard work will help change your situations. In a VERY generalized statement...society has become one of excuses and victim hood. So few want to take responsibility or accountability for their own actions, behaviors or even betterment. It's become easier to blame someone else, blame childhood, blame whatever...instead of stepping up to take their own lives by the horns. So you grew up with an addict for a parent...stop the cycle. It won't be easy, and it will take constant effort. You grew up in a divorced home(so did a lot of us), break the cycle. You were raised on the system...STOP the cycle. You grew up poor(so did a lot of us), you don't have to be a millionare to be rich - paying your own bills, raising your own family, and having a home full of love is richer than most anyway. While money is required for life, it is not everything. You won't do anyone any good if you lie, cheat, steal or squander to just have money. Having a job is necessary, but spending quality time with your loved ones will be all that matters in the end. Blaming anyone or everyone else for how you live your life is just a giant excuse. When you can have a determined person come out of the worse housing projects in inner cities to finish school, go to college or trade school, get a job and raise a family, there are no excuses for not bettering yourself. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. In turn, if your circle of family and friends are always focusing on these negatives, lacking, or excuses....you need to change your circle! It is proven over and over again, those you spend the most time with are exactly how you are going to end up! So, look at those - say the 5 closest to you - what is their life like? Is that a step up from where you are or where you want to be?

We have seen such a decline in mental health in our nation, it's really sad. While I personally believe this has been done to a degree, by design; I also believe that a large part of society could fix this. Yes, it is important we understand where we came from, how we grew up, and any evils we have faced. I also believe that have to take an honest look and step back, to steel our spines, and resolve to be better. Whether we have to look at this as a despite our circumstance OR in spite of our circumstances. We have to understand that many health issues are brought on by stress and negativity, as well as our own neglect of physically taking care of ourselves. When so many live on fast food, soda, energy drinks, over stressed lives...just to keep up with poor financial habits, we bring on many of our own stresses and in turn, health issues. We are over stimulated, over medicated, over weight, and some are over lazy. Technology has allowed young and old alike to become even more sedentary. There are video games, televisions, smart phones, grocery deliveries, fast food deliveries; making it so much easier to get even more unhealthy. Society has increasingly become excessive. People have homes full of stuff, rent storage units to fill with more stuff, and are continually consuming stuff. People are constantly buying stuff they don't need with money they don't have. Thus, American's are over $1 TRILLION in credit purchased debt. So, in turn, they are forced to work more hours, stressed more, and become increasingly more negative, and having increasingly more health issues. It's truly a vicious circle. 

We have shifted in our country, from Capitalists to consumerists. Everything has become disposable. Think about it, most of us are guilty are using disposable plates/cups/flatware on a regular basis; when we have the real things that just require washing/dishwasher. A lot of people are trading cell phones with each new model that comes out, even if the old one still works just fine. People trade off vehicles every couple of years when there is nothing wrong with them...they just might have higher miles. Even relationships are disposable anymore. Most people would rather end a relationship than work on it to make it better. Before I get grief here, there are exceptions to this, I get that. When the celeb world makes relationship changes like most change their underwear, that becomes the model for weaker minded people. Or, people jump into a relationship because of any number of reasons, and neglect to to have any respect for that relationship. Relationships are not 50/50, only divorce hits that stat. Relationships take constant and continuous efforts, respect and dedication. This can also come back to the laziness in society, because it takes 2 to make or break a relationship! We all have to understand that we will be right at times and wrong at times. No one is right 100% of the time. 

We have been ill educated in relationships for generations. I actually heard a young lady talking in a store recently, talking about her boyfriend. She was explaining to a friend that he was great for now, how he opened doors for her, was great in bed(I can't imagine sharing that info myself), but she was upset because he was so financially responsible that he working to pay off his debts so he wouldn't take her on a vacation to Mexico. I am assuming he called while they were shopping as she was talking loud enough for 3 isles to hear... she told him she was shopping with friend, she refused to have dinner with his family because she was going to some bar, and if he didn't like it she'd get her stuff and leave. Ya'll this was a loud conversation. Every time I tried to get away from it, they were still behind me. Anyway, hearing these young women chat, the couple had been together for a year. She was behaving like a selfish little brat, and the end of conversation I heard did not seem unreasonable. When you get into a relationship, it should be to find a partner...not a free ride, not to have a child, not for any other perk other having a partner for life's journey. I know this is a little pie in the sky, because divorce is so prevalent. BUT realistically, if you spend even a few months dating someone, you know their habits, their behaviors, and their level of respect - if you pay attention. Why, would you spend any length of time with someone that doesn't meet what you need? I know people change over time, and sometimes those changes aren't good. I get that. When I see people that spend so much to get married, are married for short periods, bring children into an unhealthy environment, it just makes no sense. As I said, I grew up in a divorce home, I experienced that from the child's perspective. I have been married for nearly 25 years, and we have had some really rocky years...BUT we are constantly working to do better. While our children are older now, we still have to work daily to do and be better. Relationships are a challenge, and there are still times we have to table a discussion until we can have a respectful argument or disagreement. It's easy to get into name calling, blaming and accusing...it's not easy to admit when you are wrong, when you have screwed up or done something royally stupid. It is also difficult to not want to rally others into your "corner" when something goes wrong. When instead, this needs to be private conversations, only with those involved. "You have to be a united front in public, even if you argue about one or the others stupidity in private."

I suppose I should get the lead out today...but my motivation has stayed in bed so far. My brain has been in warp speed all week, and the energy in the air has felt all sorts of off. I just keep working on my lists, and doing what I can to busy my hands and finish things I have started. I have some big projects going, in addition to all the paperwork, the gardens and getting my house looking respectable again. The farm is in serious Winter prep mode until about November. Something is picking off my ducks and chickens, it may be just fox but I lost 2 more chickens yesterday with no visible reason why. So, I guess we'll see where I end up there. With so much turmoil on how to proceed and grow our farm now, seeing destruction all the way around us to the land, it appears many bonds to here have splintered. It's truly been a sad realization for my husband and kids especially. We'll see how this all plays out. Our annual veteran event appears to be moving forward with so much help this year, from helping with land to dishes for meals, donations and gifts. It's truly reminding me there are some amazing people in this world. 

I hope you all have a blessed weekend. Please remember all the Dad's in your lives this weekend.

Let's Chat *Trigger warning*

 

Let's consider, for a moment, that we - as a nation, is a captured operation.

Alright, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, understand we are living in a world of bread and circus. The constant distractions, if you are paying attention, are obvious. 

As the entire world is aware, Donald Trump AND Hunter Biden are now convicted felons, per the initial court trials. Both have appeals to go through, that could overturn their convictions. While I believe that corruption and politics has fully guided BOTH trials, what are we being distracted from? Trump's 34 charges, per Constitutional lawyers, were mere misdemeanors and have never been tried. Biden's gun charge, lying on a federal gun application...also, if he was anyone besides a Biden, would have been a slap on the wrist, at best. So, why then is millions of TAX PAYERS DOLLARS, being used to clog the court systems, when violent, repeat criminals being allowed to walk free?

Over the past month, we are flooded with constant distractions, including these circus trials. However, no where, in ANY national news media, is the main issues being discussed? Things that are truly killing American citizens... adjusted job numbers show over 150K jobs lost in the private sector, the petrodollar contact with Saudi Arabia being allowed to expire, the complete loss of confidence in the American economy, the 8 terrorists that were allowed to cross our Southern border - that were FULLY VETTED, the millions of people that are being trafficked through our Southern border, the Northern border also having a flood of illegals, newish conversation pushing yet another pandemic(bird flu, kp3) yet nothing is being done to stop once eliminated illnesses being brought back to us by those coming in illegally. Let's not forget the thousands of lives being taken by the drugs pouring over the border, businesses shuttered because criminals are no longer being brought to justice, "experts" trying to tell the American people that we are not smart enough to understand our economy is booming, American munitions depletion to support a country that is NOT our own - while our own has been invaded for THREE YEARS. American citizens, including our veterans, are living on the streets, are going hungry, and going broke; ALL due to the politicians in DC. 

We are constantly being duped into some new division to divide our people...and those that buy into it, are inflaming the problem. Those in DC and media, have pushed division by class - white collar/blue collar, gender or the insanity of fluid gender, sexual status(which should NEVER be a public issue), abortion/IVF(again, NOT a public but a private medical issue), Trump vs. Biden, Democrat vs. Republican, religion, race and this list goes on and on. It's nonsense!!! Women fought so hard, to be recognized as equal to men...STUPID, because we are not...but they won the women's liberation movement...NOW, women are happy to allow some weak man, to compete against women. I think women have forgotten that we are not equal to men. Now, don't lose your minds here...JUST LISTEN. Men and women were created DIFFERENT for a reason. We were meant to compliment each other. Women, generally, were level headed, they were the bearers of life and home, most women are compassionate yet strong. Men are generally, hotheads. They were made to be warriors, hunters. Instead, we now have men pretending to women and vice versa. Men too weak to be warriors, and women trying to show they are strong enough not need a man. We have allowed the nuclear family units to be decimated to such a degree, that women find it to be beneath them to stay home and raise the family and make a home...while men are too weak accept their role as the bread winners of the family, and the important role having BOTH parents in the home and in the lives of the children, actually plays on society. Divorce began sky rocketing in the 80's. This created broken homes, selfish parental behaviors, "latch key kids" with little to no supervision - let alone positive role models. Yes, divorce has been around a lot longer, but it really took an uptick beginning in the early 80's. This has really depressed nearly every culture - middle & lower class, black, white and even many other cultures. I am all for equal rights - voting, careers, etc. however, if we are honest with ourselves, we have become a disposable society. 

Now, I am NOT saying: I am against gay rights - honestly, what you do behind closed doors is NONE of my business. I am NOT saying that all women are meant to be girlie, trophies...most of us are not in the all or nothing category. I am NOT saying there are not exceptions on the divorce issue. Sadly, the majority of the issues currently in the spotlight, as NOT public issues. So many of these divisions, would not even be discussed if we weren't constantly being inundated with them, as distractions from our governments corruption, lack of economic intelligence, and their constant greed for more power/control. We are constantly being told who/what we should hate, protest, support, or even wars we should/shouldn't battle. This coming from the government, the media and even many religions. So, again - another very unpopular opinion based in fact... there are biologically and genetically only 3 genders. Yes, there are 3. Based on the body parts you are born with, and genetic codes. Male, born with a penis. Women, born with a vagina and breasts, and the 3rd which is rarely ever discussed...a person born with both male and female reproductive parts, referred to as intersex. Period, full stop. Just because someone may "feel" like they are something different, doesn't make it so. I could pretend to be a bear...but that doesn't make me bear. We need to stop pretending. 

I do not believe that we should hate, period. I also believe we have taken political correctness to a damaging level. Just as we have done with our political system. In America, we are supposed to have a 2-party system - which goes against our original principals. The framers of our Constitution warned about this. In reality, we have a uni-party. Even though most claim to be one party or the other, they ALL are really looking after their own gains - be it financial or power. Especially evident the past 50 years, has proven that anyone that goes against either party's power or attempts to decrease their financial gains...is the villain, is slandered, or in one case that comes to mind...is assassinated. America has allowed divided loyalties. Go do your own research on how many Senators and Congressmen have more than one citizenship, how many have domestic abuse charges(that our tax dollars allow to be kept out of the news), how many have criminal records. I think you'd be as surprised as I was. As a Veterans daughter and granddaughter, I was raised there is only ONE loyalty - being an American Citizen. That doesn't mean I'm not white, coming from Irish/Scottish/German/English/Indian descent...it means I am an American citizen, which means MY country comes first, as do ALL her people - whether they are white, black, red, brown or purple! In my belief system, American citizens are not determined by their color - since we all bleed red, it is determined by your efforts to keep America great for all her people...not just the upper 1%. It means that our Constitution is absolute, no infringement on any Amendment is a valid law. Which means there are an awful lot of Congress, Senate and Presidents that have broken the laws of our land and deserve the status of Traitors. 

Concluding my opinions today, I believe that a lot of issues I've written about today are just the start. Our education system, has veered away from actual education and become about activism. Not all, before someone gets bent out of shape...but a LOT of it. Our young people are not being taught to question or use critical thinking. They are being told what to think, feel and in many cases being lied to. Too many people believe their feelings are more important that facts. Too many people are so engrossed into the circus we have been told is life - they can't wrap their brains around anything, let alone think critical and do any research for themselves. If they did, they would have seen it announced January 20, 2021, that there was a successful transition to military power, that everything that happened on inauguration day was not even close to how the military has handled any other inauguration. Veterans would recognize the fake uniforms, the lack of unity and understand the canon fire at Arlington on that day. America has lost so much common sense, while being lost in the matrix.

Coffee Chat and always more!

 

June 6th Coffee chat and always more!

I have spent so much time the last few months struggling to put words to my thoughts. That is very unlike me. I write to get thoughts out, so I can focus and work through issues. So, having to battle just what and how to say anything, has kind of hampered working through anything. 

Today I woke up with a very heavy heart. I understood why, pretty quickly. Part of it, was not necessarily my own emotions. That can be a real challenge when you experience the deep emotions of others. When I first was tuned in to this "ability" it was completely overwhelming. It wouldn't matter if I was home, out shopping or anywhere there were other people...I've learned to manage it a little better now. Sometimes, I still get blind sided when emotions are strong or deep seeded. It can be a blessing and curse.It is difficult for some to grasp how overwhelming this can get. The same can be said for gut instincts. I do my best to listen when that nudge from who knows where, tells you something is wrong/off/bad...but I'm human. I always believe I can handle anything. Sometimes, I'm wrong. 

Waking up with that heavy heart this morning, it was a challenge to do what I knew I needed to do. Today, was the monthly veteran coffee meeting. Each month, I am allowed to spend a few hours with veterans, young and old, listen to services offered for the veterans, and in the 6 years of attending, many times I am asked to speak too. Today was a day I knew I would be speaking. Speaking in public is not an issue for me, I'm not good, but I don't mind doing it. I was speaking from my heart about our annual veteran hunt. I don't handle being vulnerable well, so when I am speaking about something that means so much to me...that's exactly where I am. Sharing my connection to veterans for the newer attendees, and having cheers when I speak about my Dad being an Air Force Vietnam era Vet, and my Grandfathers being WW2 Army vets...makes my day. Those men and women, bring me peace...even if I sometimes get overwhelmed. We decided to expand our hunt this year to 8 veterans. We won't go any larger so we can keep this event top notch for the veterans. Explaining that we had 21 entries wanting to attend, but only 8 spots to fill. Sharing that we are working on fundraising, and welcoming each of the veterans at the meeting to come out to enjoy the meals and get to know the veterans attending. Even having an Iowa Senators assistant, make it a point to visit with me and to let me know she would be attending the event this year. The local VA office in Keosauqua has 2 of the most amazing women working hard for the local veterans. Barbie and Marcella, seriously are top notch women!! 

I want to touch on a few other things. Here at the farm, we have reached the prepare stage of late Spring/early Summer. I've mentioned before this cycle we have....prepare for 6 months, to get through 6 months. This includes the gardens, fruits, hay, clearing out barns/coops, making repairs, doing maintenance, going through data to see what worked and what didn't the last 6 months, planning, preserving the foods we raise/grow, any projects that require decent weather to accomplish and trying to make some time to relax and enjoy our blessings. We are now in that period. While we live a simple life, it is far from easy. Economic distress has postponed a lot for a lot of people. Market fluctuations have had costly effects on most that have to deal with that too. Since we home school, we have finished our school year, but are now in the prep period to start the new one in July. The amount of paperwork required for each and every area previous stated...is atrocious! So, maybe my business degree is getting used after all?! Anyway, like I said..it's a simple life, but it is NOT easy! 

What has become easy for me, has been getting bogged down by too much. It's easy to get so wrapped up in my responsibilities, that I forget to make time for fun, laughter or even leaving the farm for a month at a time. I could easily work 6 am until midnight every single day, and still not get everything done that I need or want to. It's easy to find a routine that allows projects, daily chores, paperwork, etc. that does work...but before you know it, a month or 3 have passed you by. Really, I am happy to be on social media that reminds me of birthdays, anniversaries and memories! Sadly, I would probably forget a lot, only because my days run together and I rarely know what day it is. I am awful about my cell phone too. I set it down only to forget about it for hours or lose it all together, I will read messages and then forget to respond. Some days, I'm a mess, y'all! 

Many of you know, my gardening is my go-to thing. I love gardening, starting seeds, trying new things, learning new things, and taking every possible online course to help grow my knowledge. The main garden this year has tomatoes, bell peppers, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, zucchini, cucumbers, cauliflower, broccoli, brussel sprouts, lettuce, radishes, beets, green beans, horticulture beans, kidney beans, corn, sunflowers, pumpkins, cantaloupe, and watermelon. We have had so much rain, I have some replanting to do. My new garden, may not have been a great idea, since I can't keep the ducks and chickens out of it. It currently only has potatoes and sweet onions. I do plan to put some late crop tomatoes, bell peppers, and green beans; in there. My strawberries have done decent this year, but again, I can't keep the ducks out of them. My horseradish is growing well, although I have a lot to learn about that. Our fruit trees and vines are looking a little bare this year. I decided to try to start some blueberries from seed. We'll see how that experiment goes. I have herbs that are actually growing this year, so I have to relearn how to preserve them. I have also decided to try to some container gardening. I believe in learning a well rounded method of growing my own food. This means a lot of continued education, but knowing that no matter where I live, I could make sure my family eats is a high priority. As I shared earlier, the economic distress of continued rise in food prices and supply break downs, it makes sense to have a means of providing quality food to my family. Since we do prepare, as I have continually encouraged you all to do, these gardens are a main staple to our pantry/preparedness. Again, it's a simple life, but it requires a lot of hard work. 

I mentioned home schooling, well that has been a jolt this week. My baby, begins her Sophomore year of high school in July. This is my last few years of wearing the teacher hat. It's a really difficult transition for me, knowing that the job I love the most...being a mom, will be making another shift. When my oldest graduated, I spent several days in tears. I have never been a mom, that wanted to be away from my kids. I love spending time with my kids. Anyway, I had to adjust the mom hat away from the norm and into "he's an adult, you have to let him spread his wings." Well, then my baby boy got married, and a few months later bought a house and moved out. This is what most want for their kids, myself included, for them to become productive members of society. It was and still is, to a degree, hard to step back. This week, as we finished my babies Freshman year, I got another gut punch. Holy crap, she's learning drivers education, she's going into her 2nd year of high school, and when the hell did she get this much older? I know, I will let her grow and spread her wings too...but I've been a little emotional lately, on several issues. So, I started our lesson planning for the new school year. I have to keep a lot of paperwork, and be able to provide transcripts when needed. Although, many businesses and even further education institutions are more than happy to accept home schooled children now...you still need to provide verification that they were actually educated. Even getting a license and insurance, requires proof of good grades for the best rates. I've had battles with both kids about doing school work...again, it's not an easy task. I have threatened to fail them, hold them back a year...and they know I would have if I thought necessary. Fortunately, both kids learned quickly...they may have attitudes...but they got them from their Momma, who has YEARS more experience...and is stubborn as an old donkey! 

I really need to work on some projects today. I wanted to share a few thoughts today, as I said, I woke up with a heavy heart. I will find some busy projects to work through it, but I think deep and feel even deeper. It can make you feel like you're drowning, at times, but I am so blessed and for that reason...I will keep fighting! It's who I am. Have a great day!!