Coffee Chat

 

A slow start to my morning. I'm kind of dragging my backside today, so I thought I'd go ahead and write. As always, this will be a modge podge of thoughts I'd have in a typical conversation, over coffee.

One area of thought that has really played into my thoughts lately, has been the the idea that "what we focus on, becomes our outcomes." For example, when you focus on health issues, they tend to become worse or more frequent. Yes, there are some things you have to be diligent in managing. However, when all your focus is on what hurts, what issues you are having, how good or bad things are, OR what your mindset is on how you are managing areas of issue in your life. Let me elaborate a bit. I truly believe some of the issues many of us struggle with, are self imposed by how we mentally address them. This is an area I have struggled with for years. If you have positive impacts in your life, your overall outlook tends to be more positive. This makes dealing with adversity more positive in response. If you have had a lot of negativity or lack of positive role models, you will focus on a more negative response. As someone who dealt with substantial negativity for a lot of years, I also struggled with a negative self image, a more negative mental conversation of any issue, and in turn it resulted in unnecessary negative behaviors. It has truly been a fairly recent twist(within just a few years), that I am able to notice when my mindset begins reverting to a less positive or even negative mental direction. When I decided to try to "understand" some of the things in my past, and spoke to a professional...that actually made things worse! It took me a place of negativity that took control out of my hands, and had me making excuses, instead of stepping away from issues and focusing on what I could do to better myself. I am not a victim, and dwelling on negatives made me feel like one. No thanks!

I absolutely despise hearing anyone make excuses for behavior THEY can change. Discipline, determination, persistence, and hard work will help change your situations. In a VERY generalized statement...society has become one of excuses and victim hood. So few want to take responsibility or accountability for their own actions, behaviors or even betterment. It's become easier to blame someone else, blame childhood, blame whatever...instead of stepping up to take their own lives by the horns. So you grew up with an addict for a parent...stop the cycle. It won't be easy, and it will take constant effort. You grew up in a divorced home(so did a lot of us), break the cycle. You were raised on the system...STOP the cycle. You grew up poor(so did a lot of us), you don't have to be a millionare to be rich - paying your own bills, raising your own family, and having a home full of love is richer than most anyway. While money is required for life, it is not everything. You won't do anyone any good if you lie, cheat, steal or squander to just have money. Having a job is necessary, but spending quality time with your loved ones will be all that matters in the end. Blaming anyone or everyone else for how you live your life is just a giant excuse. When you can have a determined person come out of the worse housing projects in inner cities to finish school, go to college or trade school, get a job and raise a family, there are no excuses for not bettering yourself. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. In turn, if your circle of family and friends are always focusing on these negatives, lacking, or excuses....you need to change your circle! It is proven over and over again, those you spend the most time with are exactly how you are going to end up! So, look at those - say the 5 closest to you - what is their life like? Is that a step up from where you are or where you want to be?

We have seen such a decline in mental health in our nation, it's really sad. While I personally believe this has been done to a degree, by design; I also believe that a large part of society could fix this. Yes, it is important we understand where we came from, how we grew up, and any evils we have faced. I also believe that have to take an honest look and step back, to steel our spines, and resolve to be better. Whether we have to look at this as a despite our circumstance OR in spite of our circumstances. We have to understand that many health issues are brought on by stress and negativity, as well as our own neglect of physically taking care of ourselves. When so many live on fast food, soda, energy drinks, over stressed lives...just to keep up with poor financial habits, we bring on many of our own stresses and in turn, health issues. We are over stimulated, over medicated, over weight, and some are over lazy. Technology has allowed young and old alike to become even more sedentary. There are video games, televisions, smart phones, grocery deliveries, fast food deliveries; making it so much easier to get even more unhealthy. Society has increasingly become excessive. People have homes full of stuff, rent storage units to fill with more stuff, and are continually consuming stuff. People are constantly buying stuff they don't need with money they don't have. Thus, American's are over $1 TRILLION in credit purchased debt. So, in turn, they are forced to work more hours, stressed more, and become increasingly more negative, and having increasingly more health issues. It's truly a vicious circle. 

We have shifted in our country, from Capitalists to consumerists. Everything has become disposable. Think about it, most of us are guilty are using disposable plates/cups/flatware on a regular basis; when we have the real things that just require washing/dishwasher. A lot of people are trading cell phones with each new model that comes out, even if the old one still works just fine. People trade off vehicles every couple of years when there is nothing wrong with them...they just might have higher miles. Even relationships are disposable anymore. Most people would rather end a relationship than work on it to make it better. Before I get grief here, there are exceptions to this, I get that. When the celeb world makes relationship changes like most change their underwear, that becomes the model for weaker minded people. Or, people jump into a relationship because of any number of reasons, and neglect to to have any respect for that relationship. Relationships are not 50/50, only divorce hits that stat. Relationships take constant and continuous efforts, respect and dedication. This can also come back to the laziness in society, because it takes 2 to make or break a relationship! We all have to understand that we will be right at times and wrong at times. No one is right 100% of the time. 

We have been ill educated in relationships for generations. I actually heard a young lady talking in a store recently, talking about her boyfriend. She was explaining to a friend that he was great for now, how he opened doors for her, was great in bed(I can't imagine sharing that info myself), but she was upset because he was so financially responsible that he working to pay off his debts so he wouldn't take her on a vacation to Mexico. I am assuming he called while they were shopping as she was talking loud enough for 3 isles to hear... she told him she was shopping with friend, she refused to have dinner with his family because she was going to some bar, and if he didn't like it she'd get her stuff and leave. Ya'll this was a loud conversation. Every time I tried to get away from it, they were still behind me. Anyway, hearing these young women chat, the couple had been together for a year. She was behaving like a selfish little brat, and the end of conversation I heard did not seem unreasonable. When you get into a relationship, it should be to find a partner...not a free ride, not to have a child, not for any other perk other having a partner for life's journey. I know this is a little pie in the sky, because divorce is so prevalent. BUT realistically, if you spend even a few months dating someone, you know their habits, their behaviors, and their level of respect - if you pay attention. Why, would you spend any length of time with someone that doesn't meet what you need? I know people change over time, and sometimes those changes aren't good. I get that. When I see people that spend so much to get married, are married for short periods, bring children into an unhealthy environment, it just makes no sense. As I said, I grew up in a divorce home, I experienced that from the child's perspective. I have been married for nearly 25 years, and we have had some really rocky years...BUT we are constantly working to do better. While our children are older now, we still have to work daily to do and be better. Relationships are a challenge, and there are still times we have to table a discussion until we can have a respectful argument or disagreement. It's easy to get into name calling, blaming and accusing...it's not easy to admit when you are wrong, when you have screwed up or done something royally stupid. It is also difficult to not want to rally others into your "corner" when something goes wrong. When instead, this needs to be private conversations, only with those involved. "You have to be a united front in public, even if you argue about one or the others stupidity in private."

I suppose I should get the lead out today...but my motivation has stayed in bed so far. My brain has been in warp speed all week, and the energy in the air has felt all sorts of off. I just keep working on my lists, and doing what I can to busy my hands and finish things I have started. I have some big projects going, in addition to all the paperwork, the gardens and getting my house looking respectable again. The farm is in serious Winter prep mode until about November. Something is picking off my ducks and chickens, it may be just fox but I lost 2 more chickens yesterday with no visible reason why. So, I guess we'll see where I end up there. With so much turmoil on how to proceed and grow our farm now, seeing destruction all the way around us to the land, it appears many bonds to here have splintered. It's truly been a sad realization for my husband and kids especially. We'll see how this all plays out. Our annual veteran event appears to be moving forward with so much help this year, from helping with land to dishes for meals, donations and gifts. It's truly reminding me there are some amazing people in this world. 

I hope you all have a blessed weekend. Please remember all the Dad's in your lives this weekend.