It's become such a strange world to me. I am hearing all the news stories, and all the debates over societal opinions, the politics and the economy. It seems everyone has become offended by everything, so many believe they are owed something, and taking responsibility for themselves is just not happening. So, needless to say, I am thinking outside the box again.
We have been told we can't blame an entire religion for some extremists, yet we can blame an entire group for the stupidity of a few. We are told that we can't say or do so much, for fear of offending someone. We are allowing people, who are breaking the law by entering our country illegally, to remain in our country. We are bickering over party lines, and for what? Every single politician in office has been bought by a lobbyist. BOTH parties, period. They are no longer working for the American people; they are working for those, with lobbyists, who can pay the highest dollar. It's a fact that can no longer be ignored. It's become this pathetic game to see who can have the most, but the cost of this thinking, is much higher than I suspect most realize. Our country is on a dangerous downward spiral, that without a major shift in thinking, can only end in disaster. There is no reason for us to be policing the world, and losing the precious lives of our soldiers. Yes, I would rather see extremists fought on soil away from America, however, at what cost are we draw a line? We are spreading our military thin. We are overly involved in civil wars around the world, sending in our soldiers to protect everyone from everything, and then our soldiers come home to less than good veteran health care, PTSD, and more broken families. We are straddling a double edged sword by policing the entire world.
Then there is America. The country that by Constitutional law, is supposed to be the highest priority for our elected officials. The domestic unrest in our country is becoming alarmingly high. We keep hearing the "Jobs Reports, Unemployment Numbers, and Stock Market." I don't believe we are hearing accurate information. The good jobs from years past, are gone. More than likely they won't be coming back any time soon. The theory of working a "good job," from the time you get out of school until you retire, is not possible anymore. Our politicians have forced laws, regulations and multiple agencies and tax loop holes, to ensure that our citizens are "protected," from everything. This has closed businesses, wiped out entire industries, sent the "good jobs" out of the country, and caused a whole generation of innovators to steer clear of any new start-up, because of too much red tape. Our education system has been shifted to training our kids to think like workers instead of innovators, the businesses still open are struggling to keep up with all the new laws and the costs of implementing all the new requirements. Then you toss in the multiple agencies businesses have to deal with, and you have mess! You have politicians making laws for the American people, that they don't have to follow. You have laws taking precedence over personal responsibilities, and it's creating a state of dependence that concerns me.
Our domestic economy is in shambles. You hear the statistics of over 50 million Americans on food stamps, and our government seems proud of that. Why?! That particular program was one of many established to give a hand up, not to be used as a hand out. I have no problem when people use these as they are intended. I do have a problem when people trade these programs for a job. When you have families living off the system, they are getting cheaper rent, utilities paid, cash assistance, food stamps and healthcare; and they are living comfortably... I have a BIG problem with this. Those of us who work, sometimes multiple jobs, just to get close to making ends meet...and struggle for everything we have, are expected to support those living off the system, pisses me off! A quick story of a recent event in my life. Friday evening, we went to get groceries. For my family, this is a process. We get groceries about every 6 weeks or so. I buy in bulk when I can or buy large amounts to save several trips. I plan meals for 4-6 weeks at a time and make grocery lists for what I need. We went into Aldi's. We usually need 2 carts for our trips in there, and they are usually full when we leave. As we were unloading the carts onto the conveyor belt, there was an old couple behind us(probably in their 70's). My husband was unloading the front cart while I unloaded the back one. As I was finishing up, the lady made a comment that pissed me off but it was rather funny too. She told her husband, "I bet they pay with food stamps. No one else buys groceries like that." A little judgmental, but I have thought the same thing on occasion when I have seen others shop like we did. Anyway, as we finished up, we pulled out cash to pay. Yes, I was feeling quite snarky, by this point. So, I turned to her, smiled and winked, and walked away. I spend about $300-$400 per month to feed our family, and by toiletries. This is about double what I was spending just a few years ago, but the cost of everything has increased. Unfortunately, our income has not. The whole point here is, this is common thought now. If more people shopped like we do, planned meals, and didn't just run to the store every week, it would save so much money. There was about 2 years, that I got away from this planning. I went to the store as I needed to, usually hungry, and without a list. Those 2 years, showed our grocery budgeting jumping, what we spend now, to almost double that. It was a hard and expensive lesson to learn. We do not buy much in the line of junk food, even though occasionally, I will. I buy items that I can make enough to have left overs, or freeze for another meal. I make everything I possibly can from scratch, and we don't buy much in the way of boxed meals. Yes, it's more work for me, but I know our family is eating healthy. Don't get me wrong, I have bought boxed type meals(frozen pizza, instant potatoes, canned soup) but I try not to.
For 16 years, I have been learning some amazing life skills, that I didn't really grow up with. I have learned to preserve the produce I grow in my garden. I have learned to cook and bake from scratch. I am continually learning new methods for both cooking and baking, and trying new recipes that fit into my requirements. Having 2 kids and myself with extreme allergies, we were forced to make changes in our diets. We have had to be very careful how much processed foods we ingest. I have had to learn to handle multiple health issues through Holistic medicine, herbal medicine and diet; to offset those allergies and life style differences when the kids aren't at home. I have learned to butcher meat we have raised here, and packaging that meat to preserve it in the freezer, and even canning it. I have been given some great cooking lessons from my husbands family, that I will always cherish. I have grown to love cooking, baking, gardening, preserving, butchers, and even have grown past most of my fears of livestock. These are not lessons I would have ever learned had I stayed the "city girl." When my kids were cursed with my allergies, I knew how to handle it, and was able to make sure my kids and I would not have to be on daily allergy shots. I am very proud of everything I have learned so far. I'm proud of myself for doing what has been best for my family, even when it has gone against everything that most people do.
As for me, I'm seeing the black clouds part, finally. A new day is dawning, and even being kicked last week, didn't keep me down long. I'm learning to accept what is; the Universe is ever changing. Yes, I am going to have tough times, but nothing has ever or will ever keep me down for too long. I am too resilient for that, too determined. I have too many things, much more serving, than to continue to dwell, on the ignorance of a few.
So, my new day has finally dawned and feels quite liberating. Even though I have buried so much of the true me for more years than I care to count, I'm still here. Still entrenched in a life that I am still learning, yet, still the same ole me, just a little wiser. You can knock me down but you can bet your sweet behind, I will get back up more determined than ever, and more than likely just pissed off enough to succeed beyond your wildest imagination. I've been knocked down, a lot, and guess what? It's time for me stand. Yes, I am pissed but it's that anger fueling my desire to better myself and succeed in everything that has knocked me down. So to some degree, I should say thank you, for reminding me why I have learned to control my temper, and redistributing it to better serve me. I have spent so many years trying to prove myself, trying to always be the better person, and spreading myself so thin for several people that didn't deserve that much power. N O T A N Y L O N G E R!
Guess what?! For so many years, I was called a bitch, the ice princess, uncaring, and thinking I was better than everyone else. Yep, I was, and still am. I have blended as best as I could. It didn't work. I am not a conformist. I don't blend well with people less than what I am. I know who I am. I know what I am capable of. I know what I know AND what I don't know. I also know that treating others the way you wish to be treated; is a nice theory. I walk a very fine line. A line that tends to be curvy and look more like a squiggle. I'm not a party till you puke person, but I love my time out with other adults. I'm not a good housewife, or a perfect mother. I hate housework and can find a million other things I would rather do! I do what I feel is best for my kids above everyone and everything else. Yes, I have my own thoughts on what is best, but since I am raising them, that means I get to make those decisions. I hate budgeting! I love numbers, but having to be strict on finances is a bit of a chore for me. Even though I hate debt, and am working to get completely debt free, I know it takes time. Patience is not a virtue I carry. I want what I want, yesterday! I don't like waiting for anything. I don't like putting anything in someone else's hands. I don't want anyone else to ever have so much power over me, they can pull the rug out and leave me flat on my ass. I do not believe in consumerism. The idea of buying more and more stuff, to me is senseless. Anything and everything in my life, has to serve a purpose. Even the people I allow in my life can not bring me too much senseless drama, or they won't be there anymore. A few are finding this out. When life seems out of control to me, it knocks me down. I have to be able to make logic of things and when I can't; there will be some major changes made.
As much as the phrase irritates me, "it is what it is," it's true. You can't make something what it's not. We live in an era that is all about change, and upgrade. Most changes I have seen, are horrible and going in the wrong direction. Some however, make sense to me. There are times, you have to be knocked down far enough to regain solid footing. It's those changes that have the biggest lessons tied to them. While I have been knocked backward for 4 years, I admittedly, neglected to find the lessons I was needing to learn. I believe I am finding them now. It's in these lessens that I am finding so much more. I am beginning to understand, not only the lessons being taught but also so many reasons that I am the way I am. I make no apologies for the person I am, or to the people that it will offend because I am not longer willing to play the games. I will not apologize for being me or having a mind to think for myself. If I make a mistake, I will apologize. I will not be sorry for being true to myself though.
I have spent my entire life trying to prove myself, be who I was expected to be, being discredited for speaking out, and not being someone that could be pushed around. Each issue that came up, moved me closer to be being a little colder. Each issue that came up to push me just a little further from the person I was; has made me who I am today. I could be angry, bitter, and revengeful; but I'm not. I have and will continue to use these issues and my stepping stones to strength, determination and perseverance. I've made it 40 years, through some pretty dark times, to be strong and self-dependent for a reason. Instead of conforming to my environment, I believe it's time to be blazing new paths. It's time to open the flood gates of the real me, and see who is still there when the rush ends. I guarantee it's going to be far fewer. It takes a special type of people to understand me, and no one will EVER control me.
I'm anxious to see where the Universe takes me, and even the people that are put in my life for this journey. This small moment in time that we have, we need to make the most of it. That does not mean becoming materialistic or having astronomical debt. For me, it means finding people that are like minded, genuine and real. It's not all this back stabbing, acquiring so many material items you can't fit them in your house, or having to work more and more hours in a day just to make payments. I believe that our culture has gotten so far off base, and we have not only lost values but our standards have gone off into orbit.
I could sit here and discuss the standards of other lives all day long, but I won't. Quite frankly, what others do and how they choose to live their lives is not my business. As long as they are not harming anyone else, who cares what they do! I'm more concerned with working on my own household, making work what I can and changing what isn't working, and raising my kids to be productive and conscientious. Teaching them to question everything, think outside the box, follow their dreams, and never let others dictate their value.
We each have unique abilities we could share, if we could just get past the constant competition. The constant need to blame someone else for the paths our lives take, has been getting worse. People have become so offended by everything and sue happy; that the joys of life are becoming a hassle. If more people stepped up to take personal responsibility for their own lives, we wouldn't have time to worry about what others are doing in theirs. This is my own plan. This is where I am steering my own life, and discarding the people that want to infringe in my life, that don't have the knowledge to do so. My circle is getting tighter, and may become very small, before it's all said and done. It's time to lift my own vibrational energy to attract the kind of people I want in my life, instead of the ones that are there by default.
You see, I have spent years now, allowing too many voices assess my life. I have allowed those voices to lower my confidence and strength. The time has come to take them back. No one should ever have the authority to take so much control over another person's life. What works for me, may not work for you. The beautiful thing about that, is that we are not all alike! Each of us is different. Each of us possess unique knowledge and abilities, that we should be able to find others that compliment us. Finding other individuals that are like minded, or have achieved the goals we are just getting to, is where we need to be heading. When you surround yourself with constant negativity, constant pain and suffering, and poor health; that's what you are bringing onto yourself. Raise your own vibrations, and find those that are going the direction you want to go or have been there and achieved those goals. It's much easier to accept advice from those who have succeeded that to get advice from those who have failed to achieve their goals and tell you yours are impossible!
I have felt a major shift in my energy as I have walked away from some of the negative people I have been around for years. I have drawn back from most people until I find those that have similar goals and more positive outlooks. I have been paying attention to my own vibrations and gut instincts instead of just tossing them by the wayside. I am finding so many positive places in my own mind that remind me, I may not be where I want to be but I'm so much closer than I once was.
Salli
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