A new chapter in my book of life.

When you have Christmas and a birthday over the course of time before New Year's, it gives you a unique opportunity to fore go the New Year's Resolutions. Over the 6 days from Christmas to New Year's, if you have a birthday, is the time to start your own fresh new year. Sure, the calendar start of a new year is January 1, but you can start your own personal new year; each year on your birthday.

Each year on January 1st, I coined the phrase, it's a new year and a new chapter to my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. No matter when your birthday is or what holiday or special occasion is going on; YOU can start a fresh new year. Whether it's today, or waiting until January 1st. There is no reason, if you are wanting to change something in your life, that you can't designate today as your fresh start. There is absolutely no reason, that you can't set your goals and decide that today is the day to begin again, to begin working toward your goals.

I absolutely abhor the idea of new year's resolutions. How many people actually follow through with goals they set on one of the drunkest nights of the year? How many people really want change enough to stick to their goals, UNTIL they are really ready to accept them? Not many!

So, I am changing my ideals, and starting my new chapter of life, on my 40th birthday. My goals, plans, expectations, and desires, have been changing for a few years now anyway. Why not begin sooner, and work toward everything with a renewed spirit and heart, on the day I came into this world?! Seems like a fair idea. I haven't made resolutions in years, because I don't follow through with them. I don't have the drive to make the permanent changes I need to make, when I know it won't matter because "no ever follows through with their resolutions." So, it's not as big of an issue when you fail. I am pretty hard on myself anyway, so any failure has always made my heart heavy. I was taught that failure was unacceptable. In my eyes as an adult, this is wrong. Failure, to me, now means that I have one way that didn't work...so, now it's time to try it a different way.

As someone who now lives a life that is completely different than I grew up, and not the life most live, I have found plenty of ways NOT to do things. I have slacked off on some of my expectations, desires, and even fore gone some of my own goals to allow for the life I lead to exist. I have allowed other individuals opinions to seep into my thoughts and caused me to second guess my own beliefs. With so much negativity in the air, it actually melded my own thoughts into the same negativity and caused me to reconsider everything I am attempting to accomplish. Some may call this empathy, and I do not have a better term for it. When those you are around, are negative and degrading; if you are around them enough you become just like them. Just as when you are around those like that, the thoughts you have of yourself become the same. I believe this is where the phrase, "misery loves company," comes into play. I have done this. There are days, I can't hardly stand to listen to my own self-conversations!

While I am taking a day or two to unwind from Christmas, and all the negativity in my own mind of the last few years, I am making the concerted effort to become the person I was meant to be. The person I had started becoming just a few years ago, before too much negativity. I am writing down my goals, dreams, desires, and plans; that I am going to make for ME. Not because someone else wants me to, not because I want to blend into society, not because some may believe I'm weird...I am making changes for ME, and because I know I can be so much more than what I have become. I am unique, and just blending in with the crowd, doesn't work for me. I have always loved my more eccentric side. I have dreamed of becoming the best I could be, without just being another face in the crowd. My goals have always driven me to do whatever I needed to do to accomplish them. It's just the last few years that have taken their toll. It's the last few years that have had me second guessing myself, and giving in to the negativity and outside opinion. It's time to change that, and the only one who can accomplish that change, is ME! I am not someone who can blend into a clique, or even a specific group.

It's funny for me to look at the last 2 years of my life. While I always take my responsibilities extremely series, that determination has taken on a whole life of its own. I have become the type of person I have always chuckled about. Too series, too overwhelmed, too scheduled, too "by-the-book!" As I write this, I am less than 30 hours from turning 40. I have become that person, that I couldn't stand to be around. The person who couldn't laugh at their errors, the person that had to have a schedule to survive, the person that got so overwhelmed it turned to depression, the person that had to look at the overall of society to determine if what they were doing was right or wrong. I really dislike those types of people and you know, when I look in the mirror...that is exactly what stares back at me. So, you can imagine the self-talk in my head. You can imagine nagging person that was there before, clawing and screaming to be set free again. The one that was driven by goals, desires, passions, and dreams; wanting and needing to come forth once again. The one that is there in the back of your mind, just shaking her head and saying "you don't need to be like everyone else...there's already too many of them. BE YOURSELF! Be yourself, and the right people will love you for who you really are. The right people will come into your life, at the perfect moment."

It's becoming a new era in my life, and it's time to begin again. It's time to lose the negativity and doubt, and just be the best ME I can be. It's time to re-evaluate the truth in my heart. I am eccentric, I am an outside-the-box thinker, I am an individual and there is no reason not to be. I have taught my kids to think for themselves, even when they are told by many that they need to be like others. I have taught my kids to find solutions to issues by following their heart. How bad is it, that I have not been following my own advice?!

As I wind down from Christmas, gear up to celebrate my 40th birthday :-), and begin to refocus on what I want; I am finding that my heart is feeling just a little bit lighter. I am finding that I am able to take easier breaths knowing that I am finally going to be allowing my own REAL personality to come through. I'm certain there will be obstacles, and there will be plenty of people doing their best to squash the goals I have. You know, that's ok. For each of those that go out of their way to bring negativity, and nay-saying to my life, there will be twice as many doing the exact opposite. I will have moments that I will question my path, and I'm sure I will have moments where I wonder if it's worth the fight, but I have never been one to give up easy - AND I DON'T INTEND TO START NOW!

Beginning December 28 2014 at 2:34 a.m., my newest chapter of my life will begin. It's my new chapter, my new decade, and it's going to be MY life. I asked for 2 things when this year began for my birthday: a night out dancing and a kick-ass birthday party to celebrate. (Yes, I am actually looking forward to turning 40!). One out of 2, I guess isn't too bad. Now, I am going to make all my wants, needs, dreams, goals and desires, come true. No one can make me happy if I am not happy with myself, and I haven't been. So, I am going to make myself happy.

Goals have always been such a big part of my life, and I have let them slip. I am going to change myself, for myself. I am setting new goals, focusing on what I need and want, and I am going to chase my dreams. Even if the changes I have to make for me, are a bit much for some, it's never too much when you are reclaiming your happiness. It's long past time to make changes, but it's never too late!

My life is beginning again, and this stuff of just existing and getting through each day, is over! I have the backbone, the will power, and the determination to accomplish ANYTHING I set out to do! This is my gift to myself, for my 40th birthday!

Let my new year begin!
~Sal~

Merry Christmas

As our children wake with hopeful eyes, and the excitement builds just a little bit more, we know Christmas Eve is upon. There is such a magic in the air, this time of year. The excitement of Santa visiting, knowing that our family will be together for Christmas, getting to spend time with some of our extended family, and the joy of knowing how happy our kids are is gift enough for me.

I don't believe in buying so much that it can't be covered by one paycheck. I don't believe gifts are really necessary at all. The most important part of all holidays for me, is spending time with those you love - family & friends. As adults, we are in the final stretch of chaos. Whether you are still shopping, cooking, wrapping or in my case...cleaning, tomorrow is Christmas. A day to not worry about the everyday stress, a day to spend loving your family and enjoying their company.

As we begin our flight of the bumblebee schedule for Christmas Eve, I look forward to time with my family and part of our extended family too. Wishing all of you, the happiest of times and warmest wishesh. Merry Christmas everyone!

~Salli~

Finding my spirit only to lose it again.

As Christmas is drawing near again, I have found my spirit faltering again. It's not that I do not want to have the spirit, and turn my house into a huge light show or have the inside look like Santa's workshop; I just have found that there is so much more to Christmas. I am trying to find my true spirit again. I have always loved Christmas. The decorating, warmth, family, cookies, food, basically...everything that I have remembered through the years that Christmas meant to me. Now though, I am trying to learn how to fit that amazing spirit into my own family. In a world that has become so fast, so disconnected.

Do you remember your best Christmas ever? Do you remember what made it so amazing? I can remember a few Christmas' that I would say were my most favorite. However, I think what I remember most, was how they made me feel. I can only remember a few gifts that I got through the years, but the years I remember most were feelings; not gifts.

With all the commercials, too much television, too much technology, and too many entitled thoughts; the whole attitude of Christmas has changed. Now, kids expect high dollar electronics, toys are extremely high priced, and made extremely cheap. Parents put themselves in a financial predicament to either buy the high priced stuff or the kids are disappointed and not very kind. Instead of kids being grateful for the gifts they do get, they whine or complain. The parents are just as much to blame by allowing the ungrateful behavior, and actually spending way too much on gifts.

In our house, we have always focused on Christmas being more about spending time with family and friends, and we have not ever spent more than $100 per kid for Christmas. We don't believe in spending ourselves into debt that will take until next Christmas to pay off or by saving all year, just to provide a huge amount of money to buy gifts that in less than 6 months will either be broke or forgotten about. We buy a few frivolous gifts, and the rest is stuff that we can use or need. We don't buy until we are broke. We bargain shop, depend on sales, and the last few years; have depended on online shopping to get more bang for our buck. That brings me to the lacking of Christmas spirit.

The last few years I have depended on online shopping, and waited until the very last minute shop. I have dreaded Christmas, even though I have tried so hard to put on a fake smile and keep the spirit alive for my kids. Honestly, last year and this year so far, I have failed miserably. I have cringed at putting up decorations, and honestly, just want to forget the day and move on. I know deep down, that's not entirely true, but without digging deep, that is the surface emotion I feel. I got away from the very spirit I have been trying to teach my kids. The spirit of giving, warmth, family and friends, baking and eating, not to mention that I have quit looking at Christmas through my kids eyes. I have allowed the cold, harsh, and cruelty of the outside world to infiltrate my thinking. The constant negativity of others thoughts, the greed of marketing, the constant push and pull of providing a happy Christmas season for our kids, while struggling with the everyday chaos of jobs, bills, family, and the meaningless business of being busy. It saddens me that we have all gotten so far from what's important.

The past 3 years, until this year, my family has hosted an Annual Christmas Open House. We invite our neighbors, family, and friends. I spend weeks baking cookies, candy, and the kids and I make other kinds of candy and dips. We spend time visiting with anyone that can be here. Last year, the weather was so crazy, that everything we planned was messed up. We had several major family illnesses and injuries, and I had a horrible time finding my spirit. I felt sorry for myself. I wanted to much to be in the spirit for Christmas but I just couldn't get there. We didn't even shop until just a few days before Christmas. This year, we have had this major remodel project going since February, and once again, everything was put on hold to allow for the mess we have had to deal with while remodeling. It's been crazy at best this year. Project after project...has put a hold on absolutely everything this year. Our regular bonfires didn't happen, the parties we had for the kids birthdays were stressful and not as enjoyable, and decorating for Christmas has been tragically difficult! I was excited to get the decorations up a week ago. We had family here to help decorate, we had a nice dinner, but as soon as our family left...so did most of the interest in decorating. The only one that still seems to have a ton of spirit, is my daughter. She is so excited for Christmas. Sadly, I have even gotten after her for being too excited. How pathetic is that?! How can you be too excited for Christmas? How can I fault a 5 year old with so much spirit, so much excitement, and so much love in her heart?! Sadly, I really don't fault her at all, it's my own lack of spirit that I have the fault with. Knowing that we still have so much to do with our remodeling, and that alone has really hampered any excitement I have had this year. All while knowing these projects are necessary, they are completely uprooting our lives.

This past week, I learned that my grandfather was having some pretty series health issues. Enough so that, he was in the hospital with an illness that is serious for a middle aged person, but can be detrimental to an elderly person. Living so far from my extended family, means that I am depending on second hand information on every event that happens with them. While living so far away does allow me a different perspective on events, it also makes life very frustrating when there is a health issue. It always feels like a tug of war between my family, and my extended family. I want to be there for my extended family every way I can, but I have such extreme guilt when I have to be away from my family to do so. While I have spent nearly a week trying to get enough information to make sense about my grandfather, I have worried constantly. Knowing that I need to make a trip home to see my grandfather for myself and know that if something does happen, at least I got to see him one more time. So I do not have the horrible regret of not doing so, like I have with my last grandfather that passed away. I also need to be at home with my family, taking care of things here and getting ready for Christmas. We not only have the Christmas season, it's also tax time, end of the year finance stuff, shopping, my birthday and this does not even cover the remodeling projects that have our lives turned upside down. Finances are always tight in December, and anything extra puts a huge bind on the budget. However, when something like an unexpected illness and trip appear, what do you think happens? You figure out a way to do what you feel is right. So, I am making a trip back home, alone, to see my grandfather for myself and do whatever I can to help! For several years, my Mom has been taking care of my grandfather as he has gotten older and required more attention. In addition, she has been in charge of raising my niece and nephew since they were babies and her husband lost his job of twenty some years only to be unemployed for a few years and get a job making a lot less than before the down sizing. While we have plenty of disagreements, I still recognize all the crap she gets thrown at her and all the responsibility she has resting on her shoulders. For a lot of people, it's easy to find fault in anything she does, but none of them are in her situation. So, now with grandpa in the hospital, my niece and nephew in middle and high school activities, and trying to get ready for Christmas, she is overwhelmed.

While I am up visiting my grandfather, I planned to help her with whatever I can while I am there. Even with the difficulty of leaving my family for a few days, I am hoping that by helping others, I will be able to find some spirit too. Maybe spending some time with at least part of my family, I will find the piece that I have felt is missing. Maybe in addition to seeing my grandfather and spending some time with him, I will be able to come home to my own family with a renewed spirit. Even though we will not host an open house this year, I will still be baking for our neighbors. Maybe this will help ease my heart against the terrible nagging feeling I have felt for a few months now. Maybe the few months of unease I have felt, was actually this illness taking hold of my grandfathers body. I am praying for a complete and fairly quick recovery for him. I am not naive though and I do understand at almost 90, sometimes a body gets tired of fighting. Selfishly, I'm hoping that his stubbornness and orneriness pull him through for several more years!

I have found some of my source for being kind of grinchy for a couple of years now, and it's time I figure out how to fix it. It's time to pull out of this dark cloud and find my happy again.

A little reminder to myself.

Local Small Businesses

We are all familiar with the term "Mom & Pop businesses." I am going to be highlighting some of our local businesses. I am planning to spend the next year doing my research and highlighting all our local businesses. Having weaned our family from the big box stores has been a challenge, but so much more rewarding!

Each year, we have done less and less with corporate owned shops and more with our local businesses. It's fascinating to me how many of our local owned businesses are just as competitive with the big box stores...when you figure in the cost of a trip to each. Besides the price comparison, knowing that we are supporting our actual local communities and not some gigantic corporation, is worth its weight in gold!

I know there are communities all over the U.S. that have some amazing small or local owned businesses. It is my hope that more and more people will realize the benefit and rewards of shopping locally, support our neighbors and friends, and keeping our "Mom & Pop" businesses growing and striving. I feel that I live in such a unique area, although I know there are thousands of areas with similar dynamics, living on the boarders of 3 states and multiple counties has given me such a great perspective!

I am very excited to highlight as many of our local businesses as possible. I will be contacting every single business that I can think of that is local owned, and maybe some of my local readers can help with some that I may not think of. I hope you will all enjoy learning about some of our local businesses, and hopefully, it will help my local readers with their shopping experiences.

Be sure to be checking back with this blog, and my Facebook profile as I begin highlighting our small/local businesses.

~Salli~

Happy Thanksgiving!

We are upon my favorite time of the year! Over the next 5 weeks, there is so much to be thankful for! Family gatherings for Thanksgiving, and Christmas will consume most of our family time, and I couldn't be happier! We all know we should be grateful for family and friends throughout the year, but this time of the year seems to always solidify that. We gather for Thanksgiving, a time of family, and lot of food. In our family, we eat, and sit around visiting for hours. There is always so much happiness and time aware from the stresses of jobs and everyday life. Even though we won't be hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, it's really been a blessing. With all our projects, I was not prepared to have a house full of company, and having our meal at my husband's grandmothers home, makes it seem just as special.

I remember being so excited over the holidays, but the excitement was for different reasons. As a child, you see time off school, gifts and time to play with cousins for the holiday excitement. As an adult with a family of my own, I am finding that my excitement has shifted. Now, I look at the holiday season as time with family. When jobs are mostly closed, our family has uninterrupted time to be together, we get together with extended family and friends, enjoy way too much food, and my children get to spend time with our family without the interruptions of everyday life. I am so blessed everyday, and of those blessings my children top every list! As with so many, I love PInterest. I found a beautiful saying, and I will be making a wall plaque with it's sentiment. It is perfect everyday, but especially this time of year!

As you spend time with your family for Thanksgiving, I wish you each the happiest of Thanksgivings. Don't count calories, or worry about weight. Count your blessings, enjoy your family and wait to shop until Friday. The majority of us really don't need any more material items, and there is nothing more valuable than family and friends!

Loving and warmest wishes to each of you and your families!
Salli

Being honest with myself.

Are you kidding me?! There is a whole world of exploration, a world full of knowledge and experiences and adventures. I did my adventuring and my explorations before and when I landed in Northern Missouri more that 15 years ago. So why is it that now, at this stage in my life, am I craving SOME adventure, SOME exploration, and knowledge that seems to be flitting right past me? The difference now, is that I want to show my kids that there is so much more in the life than just working your fingers to the bone, being in debt to your eyes, and always stressing over something.

For the past year, I have been going through a major emotional/mental/physical and personal change. I have held back so many emotions, so many thoughts, so much of who I am...that until the past year, had shut me off from everything and almost everyone. As I have tried to understand all the changes, tried to work through them; I am finding that to some degree, I won't be able to until I deal with all the crap I have buried, and all the crap I have placed on hold. I have had too many years of trying to be everything, to everyone, all the time. All while neglecting myself, my needs, my wants and my desires. So, the more I am understanding and accepting this "funk" in my life, the more I am learning not only about myself and what I need, the more I am learning that I am who I am. I would love to say I am carefree, a fly-by-the-seat-of-pants person, but I'm not. I would love to be so artsy that I could wear those adorable BoHo fashions and not look like a freak. I would love to be able to throw my hands in the air with a "rock-n-roll" sign, and have it feel and be natural...but I'd just look like a dork!

I am a hopeless romantic. Sadly, enough. I prefer simplicity over everything else. Material stuff is nice, but it's not without it's own complications. I am a free-spirited, free-thinking, gypsy-ish, nature girl. Going into any town or city, sends me into instant panic mode, anymore. I love to talk to people, but I don't want to be around thousands. I love knowing I can handle just about anything...as long as I can do it from home, or be outdoors doing so. I have found a bit of my own niche just being outdoors. While I had enormous plans, years ago, about a couple of different careers and paths that I thought I wanted to go down. Fate, led me in a different direction. In my mind and my heart, the universe is pulling me away from everything I thought I wanted.

The last few blogs, I have focused on my family, and trying to voice the crazy whirlwind of thoughts I have had. This blog however, is about me. It's about being completely honest with myself, for the first time in more years than I can count. It's about owning up to what I know will be, a shock to some and a "finally" to others. It's time to face the music, and be true to myself, and my heart. So I can quiet my mind. It's about getting out of this funk, dealing with what I must, saying what I can no longer hold back, and accepting myself in all the forms that make me who I am.

Wow, rereading the last 2 paragraphs is a little overwhelming. It's funny to think that I grew up in towns, around a lot of people, spent a lot of time in cities, loved career thoughts in architecture and marine biology, had plans to travel the world, and spent the most of my life never being satisfied with mediocre. I bounced jobs, always looking for something more fulfilling, and hated when someone else told me what my time was worth. I hated being confined to anything. I loved knowing that no matter what I did, it was always temporary. Then I moved to Missouri. This was just supposed to be another of those temporary changes in my life. Fate stepped in, and that changed over the course of a year. Every time I have gotten restless for change, fate stepped in again. Now, 15 1/2 years into my marriage, the restlessness has returned with a vengeance! Yep, I'm restless. I'm feeling rather caged, tethered, and rather trapped. I am attempting to fight the urge to just run wild for awhile. I am not talking about abandoning my family, our home or anything like that. I'm talking about making major changes in how I have to handle this cagey feeling.

One of my last blogs, I realized that absolutely everything I needed, was right here. It was a realization that felt like a kick in the head. I can get almost everything I need, right here on our little farm. I can get almost everything I need to be happy without ever stepping foot off our little 25 acres of dirt in the middle of the most beautiful piece of countryside. The few things I want, that I can not get here, will take time and patience, since they will require major amounts of planning and saving. They will also require me to face my fear of driving, my fear of what will be said about me(behind my back), and my fear of change. There are travel plans that I want and need to make. Areas of our beautiful country that I want to go, spending more time with my extended family, and more time doing what I really want to do, instead of only doing what I have to do. I get so tired of so much technology all the time. I love my blogs, and keeping in touch with family and friends, but I hate the time it takes away from what's important. In my house, there is always something...either cell phones going off, a computer or two running, a television or 3 running, the radio going, or the house phone ringing. It's complete insanity. You have all the technology, all our remodeling projects, all our animal chores, keeping up with finances, laundry, meals, dishes, school work, jobs, all while trying to remember to keep in touch with extended family, friends, school events, home school events, dance classes, animal husbandry, feed order dates, birthdays, anniversaries, and other gatherings. I do all of this. It's become my responsibility to keep up with almost every single thing on this list. Those that I talk to that wonder why I only sleep 3-4 hours a night...this is why. Whether I am trying to finish my to-do lists, find time to read a little to destress, juggling the finances, or just to try to make more lists so I do not forget everything that has to get done...this is why. The ONLY time I get completely alone is late at night, or whenever my kids go to grandma's during the day. I am always changing the hat I wear, as to who I am supposed to be. Whether it's the hat that says "I'm Mom," or the one that says, "I'm Wife," or it says employee, student, daughter, sister, friend, or whatever....there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a days to take off the hats and just BE! Even while I sit here and type this blog, I am going through a half a dozen lists of what I "should" be doing instead of writing. I "should" be cleaning, doing dishes, doing laundry, doing my school work, juggling the budget to find money for Christmas, making the grocery list, cleaning out one of the rooms that will be getting remodeled before Christmas, or figuring out what to fix for supper. In all honesty, even more so than writing, I would love to take off on the 4-wheeler to our timber and take pictures, take off in my truck and find amazing countryside photos to take, going out and jumping on a horse and just riding until everything makes sense, or just sitting and reading an entire book while drinking a pot of coffee. I would love to jump in my truck and drive a couple hours awhile to have supper with one of my best friends while she is so close for work training. I would love to have it warm enough that I could go out in my garden, and just dig in the dirt, put my bare feet in that dirt and talk out loud like I'm talking to someone...when I'm just actually talking to the universe. I would love to be able to gather my family in my truck, and head to New England. Just to see the amazing Fall foliage, and show my kids the ocean and treat them to fresh seafood. I would love to load up the truck and head to Wyoming or Montana for a few days and explore the beauty out there again with them. I'd love to just pack a cooler, some blankets, and take off with absolutely no destination in mind. Stop in a town when it's time to fill the truck, and see what's there, and then do it again. Finding hotels, motels, cottages, or bed & breakfasts as we landed...no plans, no destination, no time frames, no hurries. Just leisurely trips, no rushing because we need to be somewhere, no plans ahead of time, and no danged phones ringing constantly.

I want to take off to flea markets and find junk that I can repurpose. I want to set up a roadside stand in my yard during the Summer for fresh vegetables. I want to build my photography into an art that goes somewhere besides just Facebook. I want to build furniture that stands the test of time, and that people will love enough to purchase. I want to teach my kids that while work is necessary, it's not the only thing. That by limiting your material needs and wants, you won't have to work as hard or as long as their Dad and I have. I want to show my kids the beauty of our country, but do it without all the city stuff. I want them to see beauty in even the most rural areas. I want to be the kind of Mom that leads by example. I grew up in a generation that was taught, "do as I say, not as I do." That's just how it was. I refuse to do that. I refuse to tell my kids to do one thing, while I do something completely different. I want to be that kind of Mom, that when the kids get older and look back, they can say how great their mom was, loving, caring, supportive, creative, passionate, and HAPPY. I don't think, at this point, they could say MOST of those things. I love my kids with every ounce of my being, but as most adults know, love does not solve everything. Sometimes, life just gets in the way. So many of us have seen that relationships don't last forever, women have grown so independent that the need for men to be chivalrous, and compassionate aren't even in the cards anymore. Even though so many women complain about this, why on earth would men feel the need to be chivalrous if they are constantly thrown by the wayside because "we are women, we don't need them." That is crap. Men need to step up, even if it's out of their comfort zone. I don't know about all women, and as much as women are generalized...we are not all the same. Most of the women I know, love, love. They love being dated, even if they are married. They love being the center of the man's life they are with. They need support, comforting on occasion, they want to have their doors opened for them, their chairs pulled out for them, flowers for absolutely no reason, holding their hands in public, kisses on the cheek or temple, they want to feel special. Yes, I know responsibilities tend to push us away from dating our spouses, but it shouldn't. That's why the divorce rates are so high. When people marry, they forget the excitement and anticipation of being with that person. We get into the "couple rut," where we have responsibilities, bills, jobs, and too much stress. We forget that we all need to feel special, women and men alike. We lose focus on our spouses as kids come along, jobs become more demanding, the materialistic items take over and BAM! The relationships are no longer a priority. We all fall into the comfortable grove of being an old married couple. You forget the thrills that drove your attention to your spouse to begin with. You forget to voice your needs, your love, and you become lost in that mundane everyday routine. Enough Psychology. Back to me... :-)

I want to finish writing my cookbook, that I have been working on for 2 years. I want to get back to nature, natural health, gardening, I want to find my way back out of that couple rut, I want to be excited for each and every day. I want to be able to live my life to the absolute fullest. Even though I have settled down some as I have gotten older, the one thing I have found, is that I am not really the settling down type. I am high strung, I stress, I have to have some sort of organization, I have to have some sort of control over things happening in my life, I have to have some excitement too. I need to feel productive, wanted, needed, and useful. I need to be able to see my value in everything I do. I need to the freedom to explore my interests. I need the security of a supportive family. I have seen divorce, both as a child AND an adult. Neither are pretty. Neither are worth even talking about. Both do irreparable damage, even in the worst of circumstances. When people marry, knowing that divorce is an option, it's hard for even the best people to try their best. As married people spend more and more years together, they get comfortable with each other which is fine. However, they get too comfortable. They tend to forget why they got together to begin with. That is sad to me. The few long term relationships I have had, still mean something to me. There's obviously reasons they didn't last, but the reasons I had those relationships is still in my mind. Each one of them were special, and could have lasted...IF they had been meant to be. While the relationships that I am thinking of had their own uniqueness, each one carried a degree of similarity. They were exactly what I had wanted at the time. It's strange to think back on now, but none of them were really that different. Once the relationship was established, we got comfortable or there was an underlying issue that wouldn't come to a surface for me until I got older. The first long term was a first love thing. We basically grew up together, our parents were all friends for awhile, it seemed natural even though we were young. The next was great in the beginning until issues beyond our control were thrown at us. We were fairly young, not mature enough to deal with those issues together, and it was too easy to just walk away. The one after that was, well what do I say here. It was great for the most part, but there were issues there that I didn't know about until sometime later. Then there was one that even though it wasn't really long term in my eyes, it was a good relationship despite the alcohol. Then my husband came along. 16 years of being together, has definitely had it's ups and downs. He has put up with a lot out of me. I know I am a handful, at best. Being very stubborn and strong-willed tends to get kind of messy sometimes. Until a year ago, I knew where I was going, what I was doing, and why I was doing any of it. Now, I'm kind of floundering as my needs, wants and desires have changed and become so strong.

I know I keep hearing that I am going through this emotional uproar because of my age or hormonal changes, but to be honest, many of these things have really bothered me for years. It's just really come to a head the last year or so. I get restless when I spend too much time doing what is expected of me. I always have. I have tried to be the super mom, super wife, the responsible sibling, the good daughter/daughter-in-law, the good friend, or even just being a friend. And you know, in all I try to be, I do it FOR everyone else. No where in all the equations in the last several years has anything been about me. Growing up, I had to be responsible so my siblings would have an example to follow, I went from being a kid to being an adult and expected to go back to being a kid. I was a teenager dealing with issues NO teen should ever have to face let alone doing it alone. I found a passion in taking dance classes, and performing arts. I married young, thinking I was old enough to handle any situation thrown at me, and I wasn't strong enough. I dated a guy that I found out later wasn't divorced as he said he was, and I did not want to be in that situation. I uprooted my life, to get away from everyone that knew me. I didn't want to be reminded of everything that had happened in my life. I put up brick walls, so tall, they are still there to this day. I wanted to start over. A fresh start, with people that could get to know me, as I was without the shadows of my life before. I wanted to find the person I was meant to be, without interference from anyone. The person I was, when I first moved to Missouri, while pretty closed off - emotionally, was so different from the one I was in Illinois. I figured that anyone who got close enough to me would learn about my family, and my past, if they cared enough to try. I had no intention on getting married or even really settling down in Missouri. I really came here, looking to find myself, and to prove to myself that I had value. That I didn't have to try to be who anyone else thought I should. Well, fast-forward 16 years, and guess what?! I have done that, I have become what everyone else thought I should be. My love of dancing hasn't waned, but the only place to do that is a bar...a no-no for married people and moms. Performing Arts...HA! Not around here, and I'd probably too afraid to do it now if it was around here. I came to accomplish a goal, and while I did at the time...I also lost the goal. The one person who knew me and knew everything about me, showed up in Missouri and because I was being a friend, got the wrong impression and walked out of my life again. Even though through the years, we have talked occasionally, we don't anymore for whatever reason. One of my best friends passed on and yet another person who knew everything about me, and liked me anyway, was gone. I couldn't even break away from my fears to attend the services for him. Now, it feels like a piece of my life is missing and unsettled. My other best friend up there, I can't seem to ever get enough time to visit. Her schedules and mine never mix. Our kids are busy, our work schedules are crazy, and while our spouses are really a non-issue with us...having them and responsibilities prevent us from getting together much. The handful of people I talk to here, aren't the kind of best friends I have in Illinois. I talk to them, but I'd never share with them some of the things I share with my Illinois friends. One of my closest Illinois friends, that I haven't yet mentioned, is a guy who has been the best for about 20 years now. Although he is married, I know I could call him anytime and we are so honest with each other that anyone listening in, would have their jaw hanging. :) He's a close enough friend that many times, we will be talking and he'll call me on something. He'll call bullshit, and say ok, now what's really the issue. My inner circle of friends, the ones that get to see the real, uninhabited me, are so few these days. I don't trust easily, and once that trust is gone...it's gone.

I'm trying to learn what is changing within me, and trying to do it without completely being a witch. I'm trying to figure out how to handle the myriad of emotions that seem to have bubbled up over the years, and try to find my way back to a person I can be happy with and handle life in a way that not only makes me happy, but helps keep this restlessness at bay. I guess wanting my free spirit lifestyle back, is the goal. Stress does bad things to me, and even though I know this...I have to come to grips with multiple issues to be able to move on. In the meantime, some days the stress gets to me more than others. I guess I will keep my writing so I have an outlet as I continue to grow from whatever lesson I am supposed to learn from all this. I know there's a lesson here somewhere, I know I am supposed to be able to figure this out and grow from it...it's just taking time and patience. Neither of which I am good at giving up.

I am trying to overcome the shear magnitude of emotions I have been dealing with. I am taking this by the horns and dealing with it the best I can. This is just the beginning of dealing with everything. I am going to be better than all this when I am done, and more true to myself.
~S~

November 6th Coffee Chat

Every once in awhile, you have what I call a "light bulb moment." One of those moments when you are just sitting back, and it's like a huge fog lifts and everything becomes clearer. When the very ideas and thoughts that have had you frustrated, flustered or angry; become so crystal clear, and you can see the very answers and path that you have been looking for. It's as if the forest clears out, and there are not longer any obstructions in your line of sight. The answers you have been searching for are suddenly laid at your feet,the thoughts that had concerned you are now providing their own answers, and even when the course or direction you are heading is so far off from where you need to be heading - there isn't any reason for concern because you can see the path you need to be on, it's just a matter of getting there. Even that directional change no longer seems to be this daunting task now, it appears to be an adventure even if a bit bumpy.

Even during some of my darkest days, I never lost hope that eventually I would find my way back to the positive, optimistic person I have been for most of my life. About a week ago, I had one of those amazing "light bulb moments." While some do not believe as I do, I am certain that I had a spirit or two that have been trying to slap me in the head! It was one of those moments, in the middle of searching for stuff on Pinterest, that everything I have been trying to figure out, everything that has worried me, and everything that I have been wanting to do; came into full, clear form. It was like the brightest light bulb ever put off this giant beam, that I finally comprehended. It was such an amazing few moments that I stand there for a few more moments, and was astounded by the freedom I felt.

The struggles I have had for the past year, finally made sense. I finally understood that each struggle, each negative thought/feeling, each failed projected; every one of them was meant to help me understand, learn and find new respect and perspective. Every tiny step forward I made, was because of my own desire to better myself. I got some answers to questions I had, was able to put a time frame on some of my memories that came to me through dreams, I was driven to depend on one person that I knew I could trust. I was given a unique opportunity to see life through a different set of eyes. The change in perspective, the shift in being self-reliant to depending on someone, and a shift in my own balance; gave me a unique opportunity to redefine myself.

Throughout the past year, I have learned to let go...some! As someone whose mind is continuously moving, I decided to start sharing everything with the one person I should have been all along, my husband. I know for some this was one of those times I would have heard, "duh!" or "you don't have to tell them everything, they don't care anyway." This was difficult for me, not because I don't trust my husband, but because I have spent most of my life keep my thoughts (at least most of them) to myself. Whether it was a fear of making someone angry, saying something the wrong way, or just getting all these thoughts out of my head, I just didn't talk about much beyond surface stuff. Sometimes, when you dive into areas that may be uncomfortable to talk about, you can get a few surprises that throw off your equilibrium. Sometimes, the answers you seek, begin to explain some other areas too. As I began really sharing sharing the mass amounts of thoughts with my husband, I believe the comment he made was:" no wonder you are so stressed." I am still trying to adapt to being able to share everything without fear of backlash. I am still working through my control freak issues, but feel I am doing doing better. My husband and I, I feel have become closer over the past year, even though my emotions have been on a roller coaster. He has helped me to see and understand some of the issues that have gotten to me, and some of the answers I have gotten...he has helped me to understand without being critical. He has been hugely supportive through so much the past year. Now, as I move on from this year of realization, I know I have one person I can always depend on, even when he isn't happy about the conversation, he will never be judgmental or deceptive. He's honest with me, sometimes to a fault! :-)

Now, that I can see how far off track I am, I am making a new path in the direction I want to go. I am not good at following the trails, so I am sure to make more of my own. I have no desire to become a follower so, I am going to lead the way with how I need things to go. We are winding down my years in my 30's pretty fast! Just 52 days, and I will enter a new decade. A new era in my life. I am looking forward to my 40's. I am looking forward to making the next 10 years, the best of my life so far! I have spent my 20's moving to a new state, getting married, having my first baby, defeating cancer and learning. I spent my 30's raising a young man, having another baby, working through marriage issues, diving into motherhood, and working on myself. My 40's are sure to be an adventure since my young man will be in his 20's, my baby will be 15, and my marriage will hit 25 years before this decade is over. While I still have a young child, it is time to redefine how I look at my life, my job as a mom, and my role as a wife and fit them in and around allowing myself to be me too.

I have a bumpy path to blaze, but you bet your sweet tush, that I will make it! Coming from a family of strong-willed people, has never given me an option but to fight my way back up, blaze my own path, and come out stronger than when I started! It's time to find that strong-will, find that stubbornness and kick some butt! I am eliminating things from my life that are time suckers, energy suckers, and quite honestly...downers! I don't have time for any of that anymore. I am adding things in my life that make me happy, help me to find peace, and helps me keep a positive balance in my life.

The most important people in my life, my husband and my kids, will be sharing in my journey. These amazing people, are my reason to keep going and keep improving myself. They are my light and the end of a very dark tunnel. It's a month to be thankful, and the blessings in my life are too numerous to count. The 3 blessings that always begin my list of things and people to be thankful for are my family. Now, I will begin moving forward again without all the extra baggage that has weighted me down.

My new goals aren't really new, but revamped instead. I will reach my goals and celebrate each one with the loves of my life!
~S~

Finding balance, when feeling lost.

A lot of transitions are happening in this chaotic mind of mine. I have been feeling a bit trapped within myself for awhile. I am not miserable, nor am I mistreated, but I have been struggling to find my happiness for a long time. I spent years focusing on my kids, and to a lesser degree my marriage. I spent years trying to be the best Mom I could be, by being 100% for them. That doesn't leave much for being the best wife I could be. I have always put my kids above and beyond every other thing or person in my life, including myself. I never understood how a parent could leave their kids with babysitters all the time, when they weren't working. I couldn't understand how parents would go out with friends, over spending time with their children. To some degree I still feel this way, but I am rethinking some of my thoughts too.

We all age, it's just part of life. I have hit the stage in my life that every woman goes through, where my body is transitioning from a reproductive stage to a mature stage. The chaos that ensued that transition has left me feeling lost and unbalanced. I'm not depressed, but I'm needing answers now. Not just answers to some issues, but answers about my life that I don't remember completely. I am troubled with some bits and pieces that I do remember, but can't really place where they fit in. There have been other issues that I do remember, areas that I know weren't the best of times but there were some good times, even my marriage has had ups and downs and through the years we have grown together, some how! There have been areas of my life, that as I have learned more, have really changed my view.

I have always been told that unless you are at 100% you can not give 100%. This couldn't be more true. This transition in my life has made me see things differently. I have neglected myself for so many years, and I know I can not continue to do this. As it is, all these years of putting everyone and everything else above myself, I believe, have partially led to where I am emotionally. I have allowed others to dictate my behavior, and my life. I have not allowed myself the space I need to recharge and renew. I have heard some older women say, well we never had to have "me" time or we never had to have a date night with our husband. Well, for many years this has driven me. Now, however, I have to say: "I am so glad that worked for you, but it's NOT working for me!"

We do not have a traditional life. We home school, so I am with my kids, typically 24 hours a day. Until July, I didn't work outside of home, so I was always at our home. Until last year, I never allowed myself a night out with friends, and the few date nights I took with my husband, weren't very much. I was always a person that would not depend on anyone. I would not ask for help, because many times when I did - years ago, it was hung over my head. I still HATE that! I began closing myself off from everyone but my kids. I kept my walls up, and anytime something was said or done, those walls got higher. I shut down my emotions, and basically learned to be a wall flower. As each day over the past year, has dawned, I am finding that the flood of thoughts, emotions, and overall perspective of my life, is changing.

I have had a good life, overall. Even though there were areas that I would not go back to if I could...overall, my life has been good. Every bad thing, brought me to the strength I would need to grow. It would teach me a lesson of how not to be, how I wanted my life to be different, or led me to the life I have now. Moving to Missouri was a hard choice to make, and once it became a permanent move, it took on a whole new level of difficulty. I know my move down here was a huge step for me, and a huge learning experience too! I left behind all my family, and friends...basically everything I had ever known. Even though, at the time, it was just a way to get a start on my own, finish college, and to experience life without everyone I knew knowing everything I did...I never expected to stay. A year after moving here, I met my husband. Even though we got along really well, I wasn't prepared to hear "I love you," on our first actual date, or that hearing that he wanted to marry me. In all honesty, it sent me running for the hills! I had been married, briefly, before hand and marriage was not on my list of wants! So, after running, I decided there were worse people and areas I could end up. Don't get me wrong, I loved him! We had one of those relationships that just clicked from the beginning. We could talk, for hours, and we enjoyed spending time together. It was my fear, that drove us to have many problems! My own fear of commitment, my fear of getting too close to someone - only to have them walk away, my fear of losing myself. When we found out that we were going to have our 1st child, my fears magnified again. After some scar tissue damage from my teenage years, and a miscarriage; I was terrified to get excited. When he was born, and was a healthy baby, I relaxed some. To me, he was my miracle baby! I was thrilled but dealt with postpartum depression for a few months. A new baby, one that cried a lot, and didn't sleep, all compounded together to make life a little rocky for awhile. We got through it, we dealt with marriage issues as best as we could, and even though the love we have for each other has never changed, sometimes life gets in the way. Over the years, we had ups and downs and many times, I was ready to walk away. The last time I was at that point, I found out we were going to have our 2nd miracle baby. Our oldest was a year old, when I found out I had cervical cancer. I dealt with that, but was told I wouldn't be able to have any more kids. I had one, so I was ok with that. Our youngest, took me by complete surprise. Obviously, both kids are healthy and beautiful little people. I am very blessed!

After everything we have been through, somehow, our relationship has grown. Even though we don't always agree, we have a pretty good relationship now. We still have our disagreements, we still get frustrated with each other, but I know I can talk to him about anything. He has become my best friend and sometimes, even though I try not to, my ranting post. He is doing his best to understand this crazy transition in my life, he has held me a number times as I cry through emotions that I had locked up years ago, he is loving me the way only a husband can. He tries to bring another view point to line of sight, even when I fight it. He is always right there when anything good or bad happens. He doesn't forget to call, he doesn't play the game of only being there if he wants something and he doesn't tell me I can't do something.

It's been kind of eye opening for me to spend some time looking at my life the past year. I have learned a lot, but most importantly, I have learned that things are not always what they seem. Perspective has become a major part of my life. I have spent a year dealing with something...and I still can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but it's something pretty major. Like I said, I am not depressed, I do not have negative thoughts really...more introspective, but there is definitely a huge shift in my own being. What I have been thinking was unhappiness, isn't. It's a transition, or shift in my personal being. It a shift in how I look at life, relationships, and people. Even though this has been one of the most difficult years of my life, it's been a year of realization too. Realizing that people aren't who you thought they were, that memories are just that...they didn't make it to your present for a reason, that life is a roller coaster that you can either enjoy or cringe from, and that some of the most important people in your life are the ones that help you grow...not hinder your growth. People either compliment your life or complicate your life. It's up to us to find those that compliment us! I still have a ways to go, but I am seeing life a little clearer each day.

For years, I have devoted my life to my kids. In July, I decided to take a huge step outside my comfort zone and go back to work part-time. It was difficult the first few weeks. The next few weeks were rather enjoyable, and the last few weeks now, have been hell. Not only are the patrons a lot more redneck than I am used to, the drama within the job gets overwhelming. Most days are like dealing with high school kids! The customers, mostly are fine, but there are a few that have left me feeling more than uncomfortable. I'm told that I can not defend myself against unwanted advances from customers, and to me, this goes against everything I know. When I began bartending at 21 years old, I was taught how to bar tend. I was taught how to stock, and prepare for the next shift. I was also taught that respectable bar owners stood up for their employees. These lessons continued through ever bar I ever worked at, until now. While I love the type of job I have, and I am good at it, I am not sure how to deal with the one I have now. All this aside, I hate that I am missing meals with my family, I am missing many of the activities my kids are doing now and the time I am away from home is hindering every aspect of the life that my family has built. The extra money coming in from that job has been great. It's been a chance to get away from home a few hours every week, but I am really questioning if it's worth it. I am beginning to think it's not, but I'm not sure I really want to give up having some spending cash either. Ugh! Just another area I am evaluating.

I have missed the past year, wallowing in the chaos, that has consumed my brain. I have really missed my gardening, baking and cooking. I have missed getting excited over holidays, and a few date nights. I have missed time with my horses, chickens and my nature walks. I have allowed the chaos of following a schedule, focusing on cleaning, laundry and to-do lists to over run the balance I need to feel whole. I have allowed outside sources to interfere with my balance too.

Now, TODAY, I am beginning again. I am reshaping, refocusing, and rebalancing MY life. I am moving forward to begin enjoying the things I like again, I am moving forward to place equal balance between my husband and my kids, and I am placing myself first to be sure I am recharged and balanced, so I can be the best Mom and wife possible. My wonderful husband made a comment last night that although it about made me cry, it was a huge kick in the ass. His comment: "What I want for Christmas is for you to be happy and be like you used to be." So, my dear,(I know you are going to read this!)That is what I want too and I am getting there with your patience, love and support! I will find my balance again and there may be several more changes, but I am almost there!

We are getting to my most favorite time of the year. Even though Halloween is first, and the most dreaded holiday for me, Thanksgiving and Christmas are soon to follow. We are not having Thanksgiving at our house this year, and although this was sad for me, I know that giving up a little to make a huge step forward, is worth the temporary change. I am planning to have our Christmas Open House, bake again for our neighbors, Have Christmas at our home, Decorate our home to the fullest extent our budget will allow, and I am making a change of plans for my 40th - RIGHT NOW! I want to spend my 40th birthday with my family, and friends...and not go somewhere that I can't have my kids with me while I celebrate! This is a huge milestone in my life, and while I want to celebrate, I want to do it surrounded with my family, our extended families, and my closest friends!

I am finding my way, slowly but surely. With the help of the 3 most important people in my life, I will be able to pass through this transition and be the person I was and want to be! I may be unorthodox, a little wild sometimes, too opinionated and mouthy, but I am tearing down the rest of these walls. These walls have kept everyone at arms length for a lot of years, and they are no longer serving a purpose, and to some degree have caused the flood of emotions I deal with daily. The empathy I have felt for friends, even those negative friends that seem to drag you down every time you talk to them, is still entact but will be limited now. I will be a venting post for close friends, but I will not be used by anyone!

I am finding my foot work, and anything or anyone, that throws off that balance again will hear about. I will be asking for help, and accepting that help...even if grudgingly. For those that ask me for help and don't return the favor....don't bother asking again, because it will be a one time deal. I am not a door mat, that you can be friendly with when you need something, and don't have time for otherwise. The handful of true friends I have, aside from my husband, I will always be there for...just as they are for me. My inner circle is becoming an exclusive club.

Finding Balance has become my goal. Finding balance without taking out the weights that tip the scales is pointless. I am taking out the trash, the dead weight and the air. I am better than the person I have been the past year, and I will be a better person yet with a little more focus. Getting there!

~S~

Coffee chat - Oct. 27th - Solving the problems of my world over coffee...

A little coffee chat this morning before my week begins. I am facing the fact that no matter what I do, I am only one person and I am who I am...and I can't change that. Not that I would really want to change who I am, but some times, I wish I could be a little less uptight. Even though the last few years, I am finding myself becoming more tense, I really think that these last few years I have taken on so much more than I have ever done before. I don't take time out for myself, I have allowed my schedules to rule my life, and I do not handle change well anymore, so any changes or veer from normal, makes me uptight and stressed. So, I am trying to reign in some of those crazy obsessive needs of being self-dependent, and I am attempting to do better with asking for help.

Between the fact of getting older and dealing with a different stage of health, and realizing that my kids are growing and changing all the time, I am rethinking the way we are handling our lives. We took on this insanely huge remodel project in February. It has been completely consuming. Even though we are making headway, it's a slow process. There have been too many "surprise," projects thrown in to the mix to account for. There have been too many projects that should not have taken very long, but multiple surprises threw off my schedule. I am attempting to handle all the surprises the best I can, and attempting to keep my temper and stress in check.

Health wise, as women mature, their bodies change and so do their needs/wants. While I have joked about a mid-life crisis,it's really not a joking matter. My own experience has included so many of the menopausal symptoms that I had heard about from other women. The crazy hot flashes, night sweats that cause you to wake up and have your clothes soaked, mood swings that you can't control, bodily changes that you don't understand, and even to some degree; doctors that push medicine like the change from a reproductive stage to a mature stage is an illness or disease. I am a researcher, by nature. A lot of what I have read is from the Western Medical view. While there are some issues that constitute medication, menopause is not an illness nor is it a disease. It's a part of life that women have dealt with from the beginning of humanity. The difference from years ago until now, is that everyone wants instant gratification; they don't want to make changes in their lives to allow the natural process to happen, without synthetic drugs to control every aspect of that change. Fortunately, since I am a researcher and have several great holistic doctor friends and friends in the holistic field, I am finding what I feel is the natural way to handle my own changes. No, these changes do not happen over night and many times it has taken weeks to really start seeing a difference. However, I am not filling my body with drugs, and I know that this is a natural process, so I am trying to handle each new symptom as it occurs. Diet, exercise, and boosting your immune system with real food, is the key to better health...no matter what you face.

It's strange to feel so at ease with the chaos in my life. I get stressed, no doubt, but overall...I have found my new normal(to some degree!). I have began my vitamin changes, started including foods that are known for mood enhancement, also foods that have amazing health benefits, and because of a dream come true; I have began exercising again regularly so I can start teaching dance again. Although, the teaching is as a sub right now, it's still something I have dreamed of doing again, since I quit teaching 15 years ago. Dancing has always been something that allows me a release. I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone, and taking time for myself. Even though I was looking forward to it, a girls night out was something that I really wanted to do, but by the end of the day...I was tired and just wanted to stay home. I knew it would upset me later if I didn't go, so I went. We had fun, laughed so much at some of the costumes, and we didn't even drink...we just danced. It would have been so easy for me to just called up my friend, and say I was too tired to go. I didn't. I forced my way through getting ready, forced my way out the door - when it would have been so easy to throw on my sweats and curl up in my recliner, drove to her house, and we went out. It was fun, and laughing felt amazing. We got home about 2 in the morning, and I was back up by 8:30. I was totally exhausted, but it was another step for me.

My work schedule has thrown a bit of a monkey wrench in my life. I hate that, now that my kids are involved in different activities, I am not here to take them to everything. I have had to depend on my husbands mom to do a lot of the running, not to mention asking her to watch the kids so I can get a little time for me. She has willingly helped me out so much, and it kills me to ask, but even with my own pride issues...I am so grateful to have her help. My husbands step-mom has been a huge help to me throughout our marriage too. Between long conversations early on, to the current conversations that have helped me to understand the natural responses of menopause and how to deal with some changes, I am very fortunate to have her help too! Since I am working now, I have had to depend on my kids to do more, as well as my husband. Even though I am only working about 15 hours each week, there is about a hour before hand that I need to get ready. The times I work are the best for our schedules, and with my husbands job...it's still been a huge adjustment that I am still trying to work with. The little bit of extra money from my job has been amazing. I love having a little extra for things that I wouldn't normally do.

I have been in a candle business for the past 5 years. The company has been really good overall, but several changes the past couple of years has upset the balance for me. The candles are the best, the decorations are great quality, but the policies for the reps have changed and the shipping has become horrible. So, as part of my changes to help myself, I have decided it's time to walk away. I have given my customers a months notice, and since I have had so many amazing customers, I have a letter going to them with ways for them to continue ordering, but I will not be continuing that venture.

I am constantly reshaping myself into the person I want to be. I don't deal with gossip, and I have found that several folks I was friendly with, are too gossipy for my likings. I have some long time friends, that I continue to reach out to, because I am finding that true friends, are hard to come by. Even though I have 2-3 people in the area that I live now, that I can talk to and am friends with...my truest friends; the ones I can tell anything to and I never worry about them repeating anything, are still in my hometown area. Too many people, as far as I can tell, are your friend when it's convenient but they aren't there when you need them. They are what I call fair-weather friends. I am the person that everyone calls when they need to talk, but when I have needed them...they are no where to be found. It's upsetting. I have decided that I am not going to dwell on this though. I know I am a loyal friend, I do not gossip - I hate gossip with a passion, and I would never ignore someone - especially someone I consider a friend; in good times and bad! I am not responsible for others lack of respect, loyalty, or ignorance.

I have taken on a new outlook during my self-find mission. "I can not control everything. I will deal with what I can control, and if I can't control it...I will take a few deep breaths and LET IT GO!" This is not always easy for someone who wants to control everything around me. Stress does bad things to me. Most people, when they get stressed, eat. I go to the other extreme. When I get stressed, I don't eat, I can't. I end up losing weight, and getting sick when I get too stressed. I don't have much to lose before I look horrible. As someone who is 5'2 and on average weighs about 110...it can be a really bad deal to get too stressed. I have always had an issue gaining weight, so to lose weight, causes more stress as I try to put some of it back on. Last year, putting on weight was a fairly easy task, since I had orders for baked goods most of the Winter. This year, I am struggling with getting time to just fix meals. This is yet another area I am working on...but not quite ready to say I have it figured out!

I have spent many years going along with different areas that I didn't necessarily agree with. It was easier to keep quiet, so I didn't start an argument that to voice my opinion and deal with the aftermath of a differing opinion. That is changing too. There are so many things I have differing opinions on, but I am not a vindictive person. I would never degrade someone about their opinions, even if I don't agree. I am going to be me, even if I'm not always the most tactful person. I have gotten to a point, when I have several things bugging me, I write a note to my husband. I know he cringes when I tell him I have written..or when he reads these blogs. Sometimes, ok...most of the time, my mind is moving so fast, that it's easier to write my thoughts so I can keep up with myself. I want to tell him everything I am thinking, but at the same time, we either have little ears that don't need to hear everything, there isn't ever a good time to have real conversations, or there are just too many thoughts in my head and it's easier to write them. He has been very patient with my moods, my writing, and even trying to support some of the things I am wanting to do. I know I trying his patience...most of the time. I give him credit for attempting to understand the chaos that has consumed me lately. Even my insistent need to control everything hasn't driven him crazy yet.

With all the chaos in my life, I am trying to get organized. My constant thoughts, learning new parts of my family history, the changes happening with my kids, the changes within my body, the remodeling projects, trying to find my niche in this big crazy world...it's sometimes too overwhelming. Finding a path that will allow me to continue to grow, to stay family oriented, and to be true to my own needs; is not an easy path. What I have found, is that even though so many people are struggling with some sort of issue, people don't want or have time to visit when it's not their issue. Honestly, people don't just visit anymore. I grew up before the internet and "smarter-than-me-phones," were such a momentous part of life. I grew up with family dinners, people got together with friends for no reason other than to visit, you would call/write a letter/or jump in a vehicle just to spend time together. Life wasn't handled through text messages, email or Facebook. While I think some of the new technology has allowed us to keep in touch with those we live a distance from, I am afraid that technology is making America even dumber. People don't know how to communicate anymore without technology. In my house, some of the new technology(i.e. computers, texts, tv) is being taken out of our schedules. I know it has some good points, but I am rapidly getting more frustrated with it.

I can't get all of my emotional chaos organized until we get more of our house organized. The way my house looks, is what my brain feels like! Living in your home, while you remodel, would try the patience of a saint!!! The constant uproar of moving stuff from one room to another, having stacks of stuff everywhere while you remodel, and not being able to really clean is driving me nuts! I know we will have a beautiful home when we are finished, right now it's complete aggravation!

As a last bit of conversation this morning, I was thrown a bit off again, with the whole jealousy thing. This is not something I have dealt with in life, or even in my relationships. I don't understand it, and when I talk to people that say things like, "my husband/wife wouldn't allow me to do (insert anything in here!), it sends off the deep end! I seriously don't understand how people can be so insecure that jealousy becomes an issue. I have spoken to several that have/do deal with it though. The spouses, whether it's husband or wife, can't talk to certain people, can't dance with someone of the opposite sex, can't wear certain clothes, or when they do their hair and make-up end up getting a ration of crap for doing it. The newest little "thing," was Saturday when a friend painted her nails, and her husband asked her why she was getting all dolled up, after several other remarks. Like I said, I do not deal with this, so I really don't understand it. My thought is: if you are secure enough in your relationships, you don't hide your activities, and you respect your partner...what the heck good does it do? If my husband wanted to mess around, I would not stand in his way. I have more respect for myself than that. Yep, I would be pissed, I would go through mass of emotions and be hurt. However, to be jealous, and tell him who he could or could not talk to; or to get pissed when he talks, flirts, dances or dresses up? Not going to happen! I won't allow anyone to tell me who I can or can not talk to, or what I can or can not do or wear! I still talk to several of my ex's, and even some of their wives. No one is going to tell me I can't. I have no desire to have a fling. Quite honestly...I have more respect for myself than that. I wouldn't allow myself to do something like that, when everyone I know that has, said the feelings after the fact are so horrible. In my house, we have an agreement. IF either of us feel that we need to mess around, we will tell each other. Yes, the conversation would probably be uncomfortable, but wouldn't the emotional effect of doing it behind their backs be worse? I would think it would be. I know several that have dealt with extra-marital affairs, and while most regret it, others just become more confused. These types of situations, do not always result in divorce/break ups, but some do and then what? How many people end up with the person they had affairs with? I don't know for sure, but many do not. I do know that many times, affairs happen when one partner or the other aren't getting what they need from the other. I know of 2, and both of them are the same...they are needing real attention, real conversation, and real quality time that they are not getting at home. While it's great to get very attention from the opposite sex, it's when you take it to the next level that you are not only lowering yourself, your standards, and causing yourself emotional chaos you don't need. I am not someone that will ever judge someone, for anything. I know that some feel they have just cause, and if it works for them...great. I just know that for me, I prefer solid, real relationships that don't hinge on lies. I will not ever judge anyone, for the choices they make, even when I have given them my thoughts. Everyone has their own thoughts, their own feelings, and their own goals.

Even in my darkest days, I am a confident person. I know my heart, my mind, and my emotions...even when I can't control emotions...I own them. I know it's my job to make myself happy, I know that until I can accept myself as I am, I can't expect anyone else to accept me. I also know that I have plenty of flaws, and I have done things that I shouldn't. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, though. We may not understand them, or like them but it's true. I know for me, my list of pros/cons for myself could go either way, depending on the day. I know that my mind changes, my emotions change, my expectations change...sometimes at the drop of a hat. I am, however, who I am. The good, bad and ugly! :) It's kind of freeing, to know that I can accept myself as I am, without degrading myself or belittling myself. It's a great feeling to know that even when I don't like my moods, I can accept them and find a way to deal with them.

So, now the coffee is gone, and I must get started with my new changes. I will write more about those later, but I am hoping that the changes will allow for a little extra time for me to explore some of the things I want. Wishing you all a great day!
~Sal~

The dating game...

As my husband and I begin the new journey into teenagers, dating and unnecessary drama that goes hand in hand with teenagers and young love...I have reached out to some of my mom friends, those with older teenagers for some insight. I know my own personal wishes for my kids and their choice of girlfriends/boyfriends. I also know that I can guide them, and raise them to the best of my ability; but ultimately, not only is the choice theirs, but the decisions they make with those in their lives are theirs. I just have to hope I have raised them with the innate ability to be respectful, honest, and true to the values we have instilled. I will never tell my kids who they can and can not date, even if I don't personally care for the other person. That is their choice, not mine. I will however, tell them my feelings. It is up to them to make the best choice for them.

As I mentioned, we have began the journey into this strange new world with our oldest. With a girlfriend that is now considered just another member of our family, comes as unique opportunity for our oldest to grow and learn through situations. While they are obviously too young to actually date, the idea that they have been friends since pre-school, text continually, and talk about so much that I'm certain most 14 yr. old kids don't...it makes me proud of the young man I have raised. Fortunately, my son and I talk about everything, and he isn't afraid to tell me anything or show me text messages. He's knows I check his Facebook, and his cell phone, and he doesn't have to hide anything. I have been really lucky with him, but I also know that that may not always be the case. I know that I trust him to use his brain and not to do anything that will come back to bite him. I also know that by pushing him too far, in the opposite direction of where/what he's wanting, will not work to my advantage. All that does is drives them in the exact direction you are trying to veer them from. For me, I will trust my kids to make the right choices, before making a judgement that they have done wrong.

Our family is a little different than most. We are a close family, we hug, we are honest with our emotions even if the initial expression is a little loud. We put our family, the bonds between us and our personal values above everything else. Anyone that becomes involved in our little family will have to understand, and accept this, as well as, be willing to become another thread our family. I grew up in a family that opened their arms to many outside of our familial circle, and that is how our family works. We will welcome in the close friends of our kids, and treat them the same way we treat our kids...unless we are treated with disrespect or our kids are. Then, everything changes, and the welcome mat is no longer there.

As I said, talking to a group of moms this morning, got me thinking. We usually chat about once a week. We share stories, many of us have younger kids too, and we share some of the issues we deal with too. There was an article discussed today that was written by a Dad, and was the rules for dating his daughter. I got a chuckle out of the article. When we began discussing this, so many of the moms has strict rules, strict expectations, and in my mind...they were basically pushing their kids in a direction that I could never do to my kids. However, it got me thinking what I wanted for my kids. So, here are my hopes for both my kids.

Young love is cute, scary, frustrating and special. I have had plenty of conversations with my teenage son about how to treat a lady, what respect is, what honest is (with both her and me), and that it's important for him to find someone that he could relate to. I know from experience that finding someone who has some common interest is important, but I also wanted him to understand that the life he wants to lead, is going to take a special girl to be interested in that life. I also wanted him to understand that there are qualities in girls that he should look for. I know that at this age, kids are a weird species to all of us parents. They have emotional roller coasters, the drama gets to be a bit extreme, the world as we knew it with our "babies," begins a massive transformation of "OMG! who are you and what have you done with my son/daughter." It can become difficult to relate to every change they go through, and even more difficult to handle the constant change in personalities. It's no different in my household. Although, I have been lucky enough to have my son willing to talk to me, willing to share not only thoughts and feelings, but how the emotional roller coaster feels. I'm hoping that I have done something right, in that he still talks to me about everything.

Having a teenager, with a first girlfriend, has been eye opening for me. The young lady he chose as a girlfriend is someone he's known since pre-school. She's such a sweetheart, beautiful, personable, and smart. They talk about everything under the sun. The are cute together. I didn't expect him to take being supportive of her to an extreme, but I know it means a lot to him...so, I am trying to be supportive of him. Although we are having to put in a few more rules, we are working with it. I know there are plenty that do not agree with us, or the way we are handling different situations with our kids, we are all just doing what we feel is right, for our individual circumstances.

I don't have a strict set of rules for the whole dating game. Maybe I should, but honestly, I believe in what we have taught and will teach our kids, and I know they will make the best decisions for them. As I said, my son and I have had a conversation or many for that fact, that have hinged on what I expect and hope for him and for his sister. The first and most important in my eyes is RESPECT! Respect each other, respect yourself, and respect your responsibilities. Be a gentleman/gentlewoman. You do not have to be laying a blanket over a mud puddle, but you better be opening doors, helping her put her coat on, and not interfering in her dreams/goals. I expect both my kids to behave with class. I don't want to see clothes being worn that are not respectful, I don't want the sexting thing to happen, period. I expect them to grow up following their dreams and goals, and anyone they end up with - I want them to not only accept that, but to encourage it....and to follow their own dreams and goals. Since we have begun the dating journey, we have had the sex talk. I have explained the importance of understanding the consequences of what can happen when people have sex, even with protection, and that sex is an that should only be shared between people that truly love each other...and it's not just a game, sex and love go hand in hand. I refuse to let him believe that that is a dirty subject, or that it's a bad thing, but we have discussed the importance of it. While he is currently adamant now about waiting until he's married, I know that this may change as he gets older. I am not blind or oblivious either. I was a teenager too. I do not believe in being dishonest with my kids, nor do I believe in pushing them in the way I want them to go.

I have seen too many kids that intentionally go against their parents wishes, just to prove a point when the parents are pushing too hard. Heck, I was one of those teenagers. I guess, even though my teenage years, were many years ago for me...I remember what I felt, and wanted to say or ask about, but was not comfortable enough to do so. Now, going through this with my oldest, has me juggling my own emotions carefully. While I would love nothing more for my kids to not have a boyfriend/girlfriend focus until they are a few years older, I am also fully aware that times have changed and I am adjusting to what I had hoped to have a few more years before having to deal with. It is what it is and I will not live my life, again, through my kids.

I can only hope, especially after listening to the other moms, that I will continue to be lucky enough to have open conversations with my kids. Hearing about the other moms expectations, and requirements, made me cringe and just shake my head. The high expectations they have for their kids, the high maintenance of some of their kids, the unrealistic thoughts some moms are placing on their kids...baffles me. I know my kids are not perfect, but they are good kids. They are respectful, honest, and not afraid to show their emotions. In our household; we hug, we say I love you, and we share thoughts. Anyone involved with our kids, will have to behave in a similar fashion, since that's how our kids are too.

I am glad that I have a great group of moms to visit with, even if we don't always agree. It makes me breathe a little easier knowing that we all go through the same thing, even if it's just a little different. I know we are unconventional, but I believe we are doing the best we can for our kids, minus a lot of drama. I can only hope that whomever our kids end up with, that they are just as amazing, respectful, classy, sweet and lovable as our kids are.

So, once again, I am off to get on with my day. I was just amazed at our topic of conversation this morning, and how different people's attitudes are when it comes to young people.
Have a beautiful day!
~Sal~

People Watching

If you haven't figured it out, I am a people watcher. I am always amazed at the personalities of different people. Between the personalities, opinions, physical appearance, and knowledge of people; I am always captivated. Being back into the field of bartending, has put me back into the unique position of people watcher and psychologist - all in one. I love what I am doing for a job, which is another topic that is unique. I've been really evaluating everything for about a year now, and the more I learn, the more questions I have. So, I am going to offer up my opinions on a few areas that have intrigued me lately.

People watching - some people call this by other names, but it's basically just being aware of those around you in the sense of physical appearance, and attitude. This is something I have done for so many years. I am always amazed by behavior, attitude, appearance, and lack of self-respect. The latter of these, has become so much worse over the past 20 years. The idea of building self-respect was introduced to me in high school. A class was offer through my high school, called "I can." It was simply a class offering to teach us how to respect ourselves and those around us. Although I loved the class, and am very firmly an advocate for having self-respect; I can't help but wonder if we haven't taken this concept too far. Everyone is so worried about other people's feelings that they neglect to take responsibility for personal actions. Children are being forced to become victims instead of standing up for themselves, and adults are becoming wishy-washy wimps. Everyone uses excuses for their behavior, attitude and personality; my parents were strict, my parents are divorced, I had a rough childhood, or whatever excuses there are...everyone uses an excuse. To some degree, the excuses we all use are accurate. However, too many don't take what they have learned to better themselves. These excuses may be the reason we allow ourselves to wallow in pity but these excuses can also be used to push ourselves to be the best people we can be. A driving force of sorts.

I know almost everyone is aware of the web site called people of Wal-Mart. In my eyes, these photos just prove a point. Not to mention, the insane amount of jealousy that I have heard about. It's amazing to me, all of this! I do not shop at that store often, but I am never disappointed, when I go in, that there will be plenty to watch. Do people really have so little respect for themselves that they dress in pajamas to shop, that they wear clothes half the size they need to be, they go without undergarments and have no right to do so, or allow their children to act like heathens? I don't care about the financial end of things, though I know I am told this has a lot to do with it. Personally, I rarely ever purchase brand new clothes...unless there is one heck of a big sale. I don't understand why people would allow their appearance to slip so badly. I don't care if you make $1000 a year or $1,000,000 a year, you should always look your best when you go out in public. I have always been told that you sell yourself, whether you are applying for a job, or making an impression. Why sell yourself short? Why degrade yourself so badly, and even make the possibility of a web site like that, to be possible?! I don't know anyone, that once they get dressed up, even if it's just in their best jeans and a nice shirt, that doesn't feel better - more confident.

I was always told you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This goes right with the attitudes of people. I am a firm believer in treating others with respect, when it's earned, but also treating people nicely. Very rarely will you find me being an ass to someone without first trying to be nice. I will be nice first, and if that doesn't work, then I become more aggressive. However, watching people so much, I am finding the majority are just the opposite. Which just tells me, that folks are just out for themselves. As long as people are getting their way and others are jumping through hoops for them, they are happy, nice, and easy to work with. When the opposite happens, they are having to work toward their intended purpose, they are cruel, mean, and rude. Here is an idea, when something isn't right or going the way you want it to go, try being nice first! Try using common courtesy first and see if you can't just get a little further than jumping up and down like a monkey! Don't be disrespectful, so that the other person you are dealing with becomes defensive. Something that is always going through my head, whenever I deal with anyone, is that they may be going through any number of issues of their own - so treat them the way you are wanting to be treated! Pretty simple!

Opinions and knowledge go hand-in-hand. For any of you that talk to people, you know that everyone has an opinion and many times, their opinions are not based on knowledge. To me, when I think about some opinions, I think, wow - this person is really ignorant. Unfortunately, there is enough of a lack of education anymore, that people don't know the true definition of ignorant/ignorance. So, here's a Language Arts lesson for today -
IGNORANCE - ig-no-rance - NOUN - a lack of knowledge, understanding or education: the state of being ignorant.
For so many, their opinions are based on what their parents believed, what their jobs believe, what they just see on the news or hear from someone else. I guess, for me, I question everything! I never take what I hear, see on the news, or what anyone has said, without evidence. I will argue my point, but if there is something brought up that I am not aware of, I will go research it and if I am wrong...I will happily apologize and alter my opinion. However, never will I just follow what I am told. To me that is just asking for trouble. I really believe that without knowledge, you have nothing. I was raised that no education is ever a waste. I still believe this, to this day. The more I learn, the more I question, the more research I do, and the more knowledge I gain - and I can voice educated decisions, and opinions. I am not overly biased about anything. I will admit my own faults, errors and mistakes. I know no one is perfect, and we should all account for that...but why not educate yourself in areas that will allow you to better yourself?

People watching while I work, is always interesting; sometimes entertaining, and sometimes aggravating. Off and on, for the last 19 years, I have done some sort of bartending work. I love the work, the people and the uniqueness of each shift. Most bartenders will tell you, when you become a bartender - you also become a psychologist. Some folks come in to just unwind from their day, some come in just to eat, and others come in looking to talk about their life. I am kind of a strange breed of person, and in each of those circumstances, I enjoy the atmosphere. I grew up with a parent that drank, I had a couple of wild years myself, and now...I don't drink often nor do I drink a lot, but I wonder about the need for alcohol in such great amounts. I know that alcoholism is now diagnosed as a disease, but I can't help but wonder if it's used more to dull a pain or drown an underlying issue. Anyway, watching my customers now, I think about their unique personalities. Other bars I have worked in have had their own uniqueness, but the one I work in now...it's different in so many different ways. The people are not anything like most I have met. These folks are hard workers, they have spent most of their lives busting their backsides to make a living. Some are couples that come in an hang out together, some are there for a game or race, others are there to socialize. I have had the a great opportunity to meet so many of these folks, get to know them, and while it's a different atmosphere...it's the same as every other bar. There is drama, and games but there's something more. This is such a remote area, while people may not live that far apart, they don't gather but at the bar. We have a diverse crowd that ranges from children coming in with their parents for a good meal, to elders that come in to enjoy the camaraderie of friends. With such a small, rural area, you have a uniqueness and a bubble like area. It's difficult to break through the barrier of friendship in such small areas. It's also unique to be able to watch from an outsider view, before breaking through. For me, it has allowed me to see people not for just the persona they put out, but also for the person they are beneath that persona. I love my job, which I'm sure there are some who would love to judge me on that, but I do. I love laughing with my regular customers, I love some of the elders that come in and visit about their grandkids and my kids. I love the folks that come in to watch the games/race, the couples that come in together and visit with each other and you can see the respect they have for each other, and even the singles that come in are great. Some are a little different, but interesting none-the-less. I have a few that visit with me about issues in their lives, a few I have become friends with, and I love when new people come in and I am happy to share what I know about the beautiful area they are visiting. While I get along ok, with most of my co-workers, a few I have gotten closer to and have respect for. My 15 hours a week, may not sound like a lot, but it's plenty in my crazy schedule, is my time to enjoy people watching. It's my time to interact with other adults and have fun. When it's no longer fun, it's not worth being there. I know there are times it gets frustrating, whether it's customers or fellow workers, but honestly...the customers are always the best part of the job.

Is it just me, or has the ridiculous emotion of jealousy taken on a life of its own? I know in my psychology class, we were taught that jealousy, and insecurity were fueled by an individuals lack of respect or a degradation of self. Whatever. Personally, jealousy has never been an emotion I understood, let alone one that I dealt with. I was brought up to be independent and a strong person. That meant, to me, that it didn't matter what was going on...you depended on yourself, period. I have seen, through the years, when couples are jealous of people that the other talked to. Seriously, I don't get this. That type of insecurity, says more to me about that couple than anything else. No matter what the relationship status, I don't find a need to deal with jealousy. There are so many other issues couples face, and that one to me is pointless. The one issue that has recently come up, and has been a regular issue I've heard since I have been bartending, is either of the people(usually the men), come in complaining because their wife or girlfriend talks to another man or dances with another man. Always my first response is: SO? Do you know what the typical response is? "He/She is flirting with them." Again, my response is SO? I personally, still talk to most of my ex's. Honestly, I don't think that someone flirts, talks to, dances with or even visits with, someone of the opposite sex is an issue. I think it's amazing that people are so insecure that these little things become such a major issue. Real issues are agreeing finances, how to raise kids, where to live, or employment. I think society, as a whole, has become so needy, that we have lost sight of what's truly important. Fortunately, my husband and I do not deal with the jealousy/insecurity issues. He talks to women all the time. Whether they are ex-girlfriends, friends, or even just people we meet in different locations, and he flirts...although he says he's just being nice. :) It is what it is, and I think it's funny how nervous women get, when they see me with or realize I am there. Relax ladies...I have more respect for myself than to worry about that! I have always had more guy friends than girlfriends. So, I talk to guys a lot, I am a flirt to some degree, and that will never change. I will not ever tell my husband who he can or can not talk to. That is just wrong, disrespectful and pathetic...in my eyes. Maybe, that is the underlying issue with jealousy, disrespect in relationships. I don't know, but I know it seems to be ramped anymore. It seems to me, to be a complete waste of energy. My husband and I have had our share of difficulties, but not a single one of them has stemmed from jealousy or insecurity. While I have seen fights break out, and spouses fight amongst themselves because of jealousy, it's always such a waste of time to me. For those that read this, and most are women, here's a little advice that I learned MANY years ago!: If you have a boyfriend or husband, don't be petty. If he talks to another woman, dances with another woman or even flirts...let it go! Just like kids, if you are continually pushing them away from something or someone...that is the direction they are naturally going to go. It's like hearing so many accused of having affairs. Seriously??? Do you think, by constantly accusing someone of having an affair, or even constantly telling them not to do something, it's going to work in YOUR favor? It's not, all you are doing is pushing the person in your life, in that direction. You can only be accused of something for so long, before that's exactly what is going to happen. That brings me to one more tidbit that I have learned through the years. When someone is accusing someone else of having an affair...typically it's because the one accusing has done that exact thing.

I am not very old in years on this Earth, but I have learned a lot by watching/listening to people. I have learned a lot through research, but honestly people are the best sources of information. You can learn a lot by hearing both sides of a story...even if you just end up piecing pieces of information together to find a partial story. You can learn so much by just keeping quiet, watching, listening and observing. If we were completely honest with ourselves, we would all know most of this.

I think if more people were to respect themselves, there would be so fewer issues. Rather than be jealous, have respect for yourself and your partner. Rather than dress like slobs, whenever you will be in public...dress nice...you only get ONE chance to make a first impression! Rather than mindlessly following the crowd, research and educate yourself. Rather than hating your job, or drudging through it, find a way to enjoy it. You have to have an income anyway, you might as well find a job/career you love, and one you can enjoy.

Just a few thoughts, from my people watching. I have always enjoyed doing that, but what better way to learn to love what you do, than to find something that makes a job fun. Try people watching some time. Go to a mall, restaurant, bar, whatever...and just sit back and observe. Listen to conversations, and interactions. It's quite educating sometimes!

Salli