Back To Basics - Preparing and preserving on a budget

 

Preparing on a budget

During every conversation I find myself in, this is typically one of the first concerns I hear. This is a legitimate concern currently. More American's are finding their budgets getting smaller every day. Our wages are not keeping up with the cost of even the bare necessities. 

Naturally, if you are independently wealthy, keep your household prepared is simple. For the rest of us, it becomes a large challenge as the pennies we rub together, keep getting thinner. One basic thought I have heard, is purchasing 5 shelf stable items each week. This way of doing some preparation, will average $5-$10 per week. This is a great option for those living with extremely limited income. Just remember that even shelf stable items need to be rotated. I have personally started writing the expiration dates, in a location I can clearly see, so I know when I need to rotate them out. This is not something you will do once, and you're done. This has to be a life style change, in part. The pricing on items today, is significantly higher than they were 5 years ago, when I began really talking about this. However, having items on your shelf, for an emergency situation, is beyond important. Another area that I personally do... fresh produce that I purchase. Many times, I am not able to get it used up before it starts getting nasty. I have learned, through the years, how to handle this. Even though I got away from it for a period, I have gone back to basics myself. Peppers, onions, mushrooms, fresh spinach, lemons, limes, carrots, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, etc. can all be froze! Either the day I purchase these types of items, or shortly after, I wash/cut and package them. They have really handy square snack baggies and most stores like Walmart. They hold the perfect amount to put into whatever I may need them for when cooking. Example:  half a pepper and a quarter to half an onion, into one of these bags goes into my meals when I cook. So, I will put that amount into the bag, seal it up and put it in the freezer. Celery is another one...a stalk of celery, cut up in a bag and into the freezer. Berries, the amount needed for a recipe in a bag, and in the freezer. This helps me to avoid wasting money and produce. Bananas, as they start to get over ripe for eating, can be mashed(for the amount required for a recipe) put in a bag, and froze. I have personally found, that using thawed bananas make my banana bread sweeter that using fresh bananas. None of these ideas, requires any specialized equipment or really much in the way of knowledge...you have it now. 

Think about what you use. My lemons and limes, I freeze some into ice cubes...especially, when I have more than I can use fresh. Frozen pieces of watermelon, are especially good and are great when you put frozen watermelon into a glass of water or even try something like lemonade. Another area I learned the hard way, some dry goods...they do not always fare very well when they sit on a shelf for extended periods. I have begun putting a lot into jars and using a hand pump sealer to keep them fresh for longer periods of time. You can also put many into the freezer. Dry/powder goods(flour, pancake mix, bisquick, etc) will get little bugs, even in sealed packages. You can avoid that using the freezer or sealing into a glass jar. I purchased my hand vacuum sealer through Amazon for about $26. I put stuffing mix, pancake mix, bisquick, rice, dry beans, instant potatoes, etc. all into jars. There are times that those types of products can absorb the scents around them...spices and even dust. They can also get stale much quicker. One note here:  make sure if you take something out of its original packaging, you keep the instructions also! 

Avoiding having food go bad, is a huge priority! American's waste so much, because we have had a lot of years without concern. You can freeze cooked food! Although, I have not had good luck with frozen cooked pasta, I personally freeze a LOT! While I do a lot of pressure canning, not everyone is willing to do this...and realistically...it's not cheap to get started. You can preserve foods without that, you just need to be willing. Cooked meat, is super simple....once it has cooled, you can put it in a Ziploc freezer bag, squeeze the air out, seal it and put in the freezer! It is really that simple. My own experience here, freezing bread and buns, I found if you put a paper towel in the package before you freeze it...it will not get dried out or hard when you thaw it. 

If you have decided to learn and purchase the items to pressure can or water bath can....this opens up a lot of options. Like I said, these options are not cheap if you are working on a limited budget. I will also warn if you purchase these items used...be sure they are in good working order. There is a slew of hazards when you work with pressurized anything, let alone working with one in a small area like a kitchen. I will highly recommend the Ball Blue Book of Canning and Preserving. That book is the life blood for preserving. Learning the foods that can be preserved by just hot water as opposed to having to use pressure is a necessity. High acid foods can be preserved with hot water bath, lower acid foods require pressure. For me, I water bath pasta sauce, pizza sauce, chili sauce, tomato juice, most jellies etc. On the other hand, I pressure green beans, soups, stews, meat, pickled beets, etc. Having the canning book, or a reliable/informed person you can ask advice is invaluable! I freeze everything possible, however, sometimes freezer space is limited; that's when I start canning. I can always add more shelves, or stack boxes of labeled jars in a corner. 

As I mentioned in the prior blogs pertaining to back to basics...You have to make a list of what you personally use. Being prepared, is more than just food. Knowing your own life style and needs is imperative. Food, water, pet needs, medicines, OTC's, paper towels, toilet paper, other special needs, baby supplies, clothing, blankets, tools, vitamins, spices, printed recipes, even so much as physical books on herbal/holistic treatments. I have found a lot of useful books and cookbooks, at yard sales and second hand stores, many for a quarter! 

Part of learning to be more self-reliant is learning to be thrifty. This means many things, and is different from person-to-person. To me, it means utilizing those yard sales, second hand stores, researching online(while I can) and keeping copious amounts of notes and recipes that I have hand written. It means growing my own gardens, or purchasing local grown produced when need to and preserving it. It has meant cutting out wasted time watching the mind numbing noise box, and instead learning something useful. I still have a wise lady I can call if I have questions, or need some old time knowledge; but not everyone has that. Right now, we still have access to millions of sources online. If you have a friend that does a lot of these types of things, most likely...they will be willing to help you too. 

I know some find this type of information repetitive and even crazy...I've actually heard people say that the government will help if it got as bad as I believe it will get. What I believe is this: we already have millions of people in our country struggling to eat or have a roof over their heads. Our government is bankrupt and has proven they will help every country but ours. I've heard the argument that God will take care of us. While I believe that to be true, God also expects us to be warriors and NOT just sit on our butts. I will be the first to tell you to pray with everything you have! Then, get off your knees and get busy helping yourself, your family and your loved ones. Trust in God's word, but being a sleuth IS one of the deadly sins. We don't get to pick and choose what verses or passages of God's word we should listen to. 

Pray, prepare, be peaceful but not complacent!

Coffee Chat Plus

 

2024 has been a year of chaos for so many, myself included. My time spent in meditation, prayer, and in silence; has left so much on my heart. Today, I want to visit about several areas.

I think very deeply. Rarely, if ever, do I have less than a hundred thoughts racing through my brain, at a time. So many times, I share posts hoping to get others to think beyond the surface...although, I'm realizing that many do not. We all tend to get wrapped up in the hectic lives we live and fail to pay attention. So much is neglected and missed living, at break neck speed. So many details missed, so much empathy/compassion is lost, and we get caught in the trap of selfish behaviors. I know I am guilty of this too. We lose our way by losing track of the very details that could allow our society to excel. 

It's always an education, to me, to get to have meaningful conversations with people, and to empathetically try to understand others thoughts expressed to me. There are 3 examples I've experienced just in the past 48 hours. When someone starts a conversation with I read all your Facebook posts....you never know where THAT conversation is going to end up. I share my opinion. It is just that...my opinion. I won't argue something, if I do not know it to be fact. However, I will debate other opinions; if nothing more than to gain clarity or understanding. Anyway, that conversation was with a good friend that I have high respect for...so, I am always interested in their thoughts. That conversation, I won't share details, but it was good. It was interesting to hear other perspectives. That conversation led to another, about the usefulness of local versus national. It was geared around banking, and those practices. It brought in several others that were there, and was also a wonderful learning experience. I honestly learn something new everyday. I love to learn, grow and expand my thinking. I love to dive into topics that require more than off-the-cuff answers. When you find people that are willing to jump into the deep conversations with you, you know you have found a good group of people. Just as many of us were taught in English classes in high school, it's who/what/when/where and why's that change everything. I love deep and thought provoking conversations. 

As deep thoughts go, I try to always listen when something weighs on my heart. Honestly, there is so much anymore. I'm not exactly sure where to start. I believe in messages being given to us through whatever means necessary - dreams, gut instinct, etc. I believe those are messages from a divine source. Especially, if you can not shake the feeling. Now, I do not claim that God talks to me. There are so many now, that do claim this. Whether that is true or not...who knows. So much has become demonized by religion, that was considered normal just 50 or so years ago. We have too much judgement and religion snobbery, in the world today. Everyone that is of a religious faith, claims to know God, and know the Bible, and their God is the only God. Well, this to me is hypocrisy. The world governments have ruled over religion since long before King James. The government placed different spiritual beliefs into umbrella categories. We know the religions that are "acceptable," and many are quick to point out the ones they find "unacceptable." What we serious fail to understand, freedom of religion...is freedom of ALL religion, not just those you find "acceptable," or those that have been lumped together under that umbrella effect. While I personally disagree with several "religions," I can snub those that have different religious/spiritual beliefs. If the God Christians claim to worship is the great creator, did he not create ALL of mankind? Yes, I get that man created the religions...ALL of them. The Bible tells us not worship false prophets, but in that, wouldn't any beyond God himself be a false prophet. Even Bible stories tell us, that Jesus does not want worship...that is saved for his father, God. Do you know, there are literally thousands of different "religions," or branches of those religions? This is why I have a very difficult time with those that claim to be religious. No one alive today knows the actual truth. All we know is what OUR current understanding of religion is. Where does that leave us to judge anyone? By the very religious teachings, every human on Earth, is a child of God. A few more thoughts for consideration:  I recently was reminded of what is being called the "lost books of the Bible," the apocrypha. These are said to be the books of knowledge and wisdom removed from the original Biblical teachings. Again, how can you have a full understanding if you are not given the full text? How about one of the first Bibles transcribed into English, the Geneva Bible of, I believe, 1580? Why, if this is one of the originals, are we just now hearing about this? Why does this Bible offer translated knowledge further back than most current Bibles? Guys, these are just thoughts. This is how my brain works. When you can group a hundred religions into an umbrella group, many religions belittle that umbrella group as evil, yet they believe they sit high enough to judge...this truly is why I have always fought religion.

Now, I know someone that I consider a friend, and his thoughts have made me question a lot. While this is a whole other topic, it does relate to the previous paragraph. One of those umbrella religions, is the original Native American beliefs. Before they were shipped to "schools" to be "socialized, and civilized." This happened with several different tribe children when the federal government of the newly declared "new world" took over. The atrocities that all tribes across the country experienced is a scar on this country. Sadly, this genocide paled in comparison to other peoples of others countries, but it was an atrocity none-the-less. You see, war by any definition ends with a winner, and a loser. When tribes were relocated(usually by force), were forced from their land(Trail of Tears), or the government took over their land...it disrupted a balance between the original settlers and the Native people.  When you had Native people willing to sell out their own, for benefit from the new settlers; you had even more upset and desecration to so many tribes. However, I have to note here, before the settlers...this was going on between the tribes themselves. So, while the English settlers are getting a justified "bad name" for their poor behavior...this activity was being done by tribes themselves too. While I have done some research into my friend's tribe, and have seen so much that makes me angry about how they have been treated...I do have a few thoughts of my own. I honestly hope that my thoughts will encourage others to think a little deeper too. I have spent a lot of years, off and on, digging into my own family heritage. I believe this is truly a necessity to understand who we are. What I began to understand just a few generations ago, is that our Government in America, began only recognizing a handful of tribes that were on this land, and they once again, lumped several together under an umbrella. (Are we seeing a pattern here?)My own family has been lumped under Cherokee, and from what I can find, Sioux. So, I have Native blood. This to me, means I can carry on that blood line, just as any Native person wants to. Yes, I have been removed to small genetics because of the ancestry, but that doesn't mean it's any less important. It's important to know where we come, who we come from. My own bloodlines, have what my Grandmother referred to as a Heinz 57 mix. The large majority of Americans are no different...especially today. While I know my friend is a lot closer in genetics, and I'd love to spend time learning more from him, I also want to understand and learn about my own. Sure, the Native people have been treated awful. I will not deny that. I get horribly angry about their treatment. However, I still ask: " why not do and be better, and spite the very government that did this to you?" Instead of people focusing on so much negativity? I get generational trauma. But someone has to break that. Why not you, me, whomever? This friend, is such an exceptional person. I have heard his story, at least in part, and he broke the mold and works hard to continue to do better. I have seen some from other tribes, that are doing the same thing...and they are working on the reservations and in their communities to teach the younger generations how to break the molds. This is direction I believe we all need to change. You see, as I dove into research years ago(about 20+) I learned that prior to the push of "civilizing the Natives," the Native people's beliefs were so much different. Their beliefs weren't on worship, as we know it. It was similar to prayer, and that a Creator controlled - Mother Nature, the sun, the moon, etc. However, the original belief system was placed under the umbrella of Paganism, and is now deemed evil by modern religions. Even many Native people today, focus on modern religion instead of their tribal original beliefs. 

Since I know I hit on 2 very hot and controversial topics already, I am going to hit on another. War. First off, Any sane person with more than 2 brain cells is NOT going to support the killing of innocent people. I do not care how cautious or careful Armies are, innocent people are going to lose their lives. I do not support war as a means to an end. Before anyone supports it, they need to consider this: are you prepared to fight and die for your country? Are you prepared to send your son, daughter, brother, sister, or parent to war and quite possible die in that war? What is the true purpose of the war? This past weekend, Israel was attack once again. This time by Iran, directly. The last time, in October, by Hamas...with Iran's support. We still have major conflict with Ukraine and Russia, AND Taiwan with China. America is sending billions of OUR tax dollars to many of these countries....AND OUR COUNTRY IS NOT ONLY BANKRUPT BUT BEING INVADED EVERYDAY!! So many of our Soldiers, right here on American soil, are in a fight for their lives/to just eat...yet we are providing a continuous flow of unregulated money to how many other countries? We have elected government officials pushing for MORE U.S. involvement into conflicts around the world, including advocating for war. We have very weak leadership providing support ON BOTH SIDES of these conflicts. How can we, with the current state of our own country, even consider putting our noses into another country's conflict? Our current leadership, has not supported our Allies, and has financially enabled our enemies. Yet, so many continue to support the elected body of both parties. I personally see, the majority of people around the world, just want to live in peace. The majority of people have seen enough death and destruction, not to mention the majority of false narratives promoted to invade more countries. I fear for America, and the majority of our people. Too many people are hyper-focused on constant drama, war, and globalism...and have neglected the majority of good people that are sick of the system. Going to back to high school lessons....what is the TRUTH about the who/what/when/where/why of all these conflicts? Not the media/Biden administration definition alone...but BOTH sides of this story. What has been done in 160 days to free the hostages still held since October? What has been done to secure America's borders? What has been done to reduce our federal government spending and debt? What have our elected officials actually done FOR and to PROTECT America? When is the last time we actually got unbiased, both sides of a story, reporting on ANYTHING? 

Ya'll, I truly try to, at the very least, comprehend both sides to every story...whether that be personally, nationally or globally. I don't always. I am only a flawed human. What I do work hard at, is not only working hard on myself to constantly do and be better...but to teach the young people I have brought into this world, to do the same. I attempt to constantly learn and grow in actual knowledge and wisdom...NOT drama. I work very hard to be self-reliant, as self-sufficient as possible, prepared, and learn new skills while improving old ones. I refuse to believe I am just a product of the last generation, but instead believe that I can break generational trauma. I have full belief belief in God, but not religion. I believe my ancestors would want me to learn from all they encountered and to grow beyond it. While I still believe that returning to my roots, is exactly how I am meant to do that. I believe that each of us is responsible for shaping our world into a better, brighter and more prosperous world than we have. I believe WE are responsible for teaching not only the scars of our ancestors, the trauma's they went through, but also teaching our young people how to not only co-exist but co-thrive. I don't believe in entitlement. You want better, you have to be willing do better. 

I work hard to understand so much. I know there are some that like to challenge me. That's ok. The difference for me, is that I truly do want to understand. I don't want someone telling me what to think...I know how to think for myself. I want FACTS; not emotions/feelings.  Give me receipts, give me PROOF! When I began digging into my family tree...I learned quickly, not everything is as it appears. You can not truly know your family history without receipts to back it up. When my Grandmother and I would discuss our history, she had the same thought process I now hold. I'm finding more and more of her in my thoughts everyday. I just wish she was still here to walk through all of this with. She had a lot more to work with than I do. She, too, was a writer/journalist. I recently found several letters she had written to me, and read through them again. Some were upsetting, but some were such a bold reminder of the strength, intelligence and determination; that runs through my blood. I come from a strong line of women that fit this list. Weak is NOT in our genetics! 

Today, since I probably have upset many, I'm going to end with this:  Each of us, are responsible for our own path. What we do, inevitably determines what future generations will do have to work with. It is our job, to make sure we are doing our best to leave a better outcome. I'm not saying make it easier, I'm saying we have have to make it better. We have to better educate, better prepare our young people, give them facts not half truths. We have to be better people. We are currently responsible, every person alive today, for improving generational traumas. We have to work hard. It is up to us, to live and teach those around us, that we have to "do unto others as we would have done unto us." It's time to heal. It's time to remove the divisions, and remember we are ALL children of God.

Delicate Balance

 

Finding balance amongst the insanity in a world that thrives on drama; it's a delicate balancing act, that many of us have yet to master.

We are branded from an early age to work hard, get a good job, stay in a job until you can retire, then retire and then what?! At that point, you are working with a limited income, quite possibly health issues, a body that fights against you, and younger generations that like to believe they know it all...about it all. So, then you are "phased out," and left barely treading water after everything you accomplished, learned and created. A recent conversation "enlightened" me and made me realize how wrong my own thinking has been.

While one area I continually preach about is slowing down, and enjoying life...this is just a small part of the overall equation. You see, in my own experiences the last several years...slowing down, or stopping all together, was a really stupid move! It ended up creating more issues, than those it solved. By stopping the activities I enjoy, by not working through health issues with protocols I knew to work; I created more issues for myself that are now taking much more effort to overcome. Some days, they seem insurmountable. That recent conversation, and a lot of previous conversations with others...have come to roost on my heart. While I still believe some areas, a large part, is now seeing a different side. One thing I have noticed, that some people are better able to communicate and comprehend than others. Fortunately, my conversation was with someone that was exceptional in his communication skills. His point of view made sense to me. He was able to verbalize things that held voids for me previously, or that I just couldn't understand from my age group. 

You see, my husband and I are pushing 50. That means we are drawing down on the side of raising kids, and to the point of pushing closer to that "retirement" age. I have said for years, everything should be in moderation...I just never expected those thoughts, to blow up in my face, as that is an accurate thought for every aspect of life. We have all lived relatively easy lives for the past 50 years. We did not live through the world wars, the great depression, Vietnam, Korea, or even the land grab of the 70's...although many of us were children in the 70's. While we may have grown up on the poor side, we weren't the children carting water from a stream or well, we have had indoor plumbing, electricity, and cars. Very few lived through not having shoes for their feet, or having no food to eat. Realistically, we have been very spoiled. We can go turn on thermostat to have heat or air, flip a switch for lights, have a machine to wash dishes, go to a store to purchase food and clothing, even if things weren't top of the line...we have had it easy. Even though we have believed that things are tough, I don't know if there are many alive today that could have survived 1929-1946. Those were the years of the Great Depression. It wasn't just a year or two. The depression didn't end until the end of world war2. You had households with 3-4 different families under one roof. There was not an option of anything different. No one was allowed to be lazy, or unproductive. Everyone worked, the women did the majority of the cooking, cleaning and raising of children. That's not sexist, it's fact. That is a topic for later. The men were out working the back breaking jobs, earning mere pennies just to get by. Children typically only had shoes for the winter months. The women would make the few clothes that everyone had. Not like today, when so many of us have more clothing than we could ever wear, not to mention so much stuff. People only had what was useful. Cooking was entirely different. The women had to keep the fires stoked all day, to be able to cook the evening meal. They cooked on cast iron. If you have ever used cast, you know that is not always the easiest way to cook. Anything that was left from meals, was added to the next, so there would not be any waste. The term "waste not, want not," is very ideal for this era. This also plays into my continued conversations about keeping your households prepared. I know so many give me grief about this, but I hold true to my beliefs. Allowing yourself to be readily self-reliant just makes sense to me. Think back to just 4 years ago with the toilet paper debacle. I heard so many people in panic over that. While I still think that was stupid, living an intended and prepared life, meant that I had what I needed. Yes, it was concerning to see the back up supplies start to dwindle, and the possibility of not being able to get it replaced was a concern...but it was not panic. The country going into a forced shut down, was concerning but not a panic for me. Realistically, it didn't change that much for me. For about 26 years, I have lived a life of self-reliance. That's the way my husband's family had always lived, and I was told very early on that that was how it was going to be. While I did battle this for awhile, I am beyond grateful to have learned as much as I did, from some incredible women! Now, as my adult children have moved out, I can only pray they take their own teachings to live an intended life too. However, I will not be changing my way of life. I will continue to stay prepared, continue to garden, preserve foods, learn holistic/herbal protocols,  and improve my own skills.

I guess, my thoughts here, are just proving how much we have become very wasteful. We are overruled by things and stuff. We have lost perspective on what really matters. Think about it: how many of these storage unit places are there? How many people have maxed out credit cards/have insurmountable debt, just to keep up with what "society" believes you should have? How many of us have house fulls of stuff, that collects dust? I am guilty along with so many others! I have gotten rid of more than 10 trash bags of clothes in just the last couple of years, and my closet is still full. The past couple of years, I have been eliminating a lot of stuff. Things that don't hold any value to me, things that don't serve a purpose, and am working on restructuring several areas of my own life. Personally, I am tired of cleaning around stuff, moving stuff around to ease the clutter, and holding on to stuff that no longer holds a purpose. It seems pointless to me to purchase stuff I don't need, to impress people I probably don't like, and have to deal with more clutter. 

It seems in finding a delicate balance in life, it falls into the exact realm of holistic medicine - mind, body and spirit. Finding other people that have your values, morals, beliefs; I call them your tribe. Is highly important. People are very judgemental. They will belittle every step forward you try to take, if it's not in line with their own view. They will judge you, no matter what you do. They will confront you, argue with you or do anything within their power to negate everything you are trying to achieve. That is just the current nature of society. When you don't just fall into the masses, you are any number of derogatory terms.  Embrace that! That means you are finding your way. Even if that means taking the road less traveled and making your own path. Not a single soul on this earth is perfect, no matter how many like to believe otherwise. We are each charged with our own paths in this life, and it's our jobs to figure out what that path is, and how to navigate it. We can have a tribe with us, but they can not do it for us. One more thought before I close this blog... You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Are those people good, productive, wise and useful? If not, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to find your intended path. You will never grow beyond those you spend the most time with. So, choose your tribe wisely. You don't need people drilling holes in your boat, while you are trying to bucket out the water.

Coffee Chat - Changing Tides

 

It's been a time of big changes for me. I honestly am not even sure where to begin, but I know writing is my best outlet. We have entered April now, and that means Spring is officially underway for me. There have been so many different energy shifts that I have experienced in the last 8 months or so. The latest shift has brought a physical gap in my own being. Ok, let's dive off into this because I have a lot to talk about.

As I push closer to 50, I'm finding some serious changes in attitude. Some have been good but many are getting less tolerant. Rather than just accepting so much, I had to start putting hard lined boundaries. This has been difficult when I have spent so much of my life trying to please others. By not having these boundaries, I kept finding myself being hurt by other's behaviors; then instead of dealing with the hurt, I got angry. So, not only was I dealing with the hurt but also struggling to maintain control of my temper, and would end up making myself sick. I was constantly tired, stressed, and faced several rounds of a dark place that I had no idea how to fight out of. Not only was I dealing with my own change of life phase, but having my children growing up, having parents with  health issues, trying to keep some form of relationship balance with my husband, still teaching my youngest, working our farm, and having the mental shift in my role as a parent. It's been a severely challenging time for me and to be honest...I have not handled it all very well. For every step I keep trying to take forward, I feel like a wave crashes into me, and I fall 50 behind - and this has been a recurring feeling for months! 

24 years ago, I stepped into motherhood. I can honestly say, the greatest blessing in my life,, has been my kids! While I completely despise hearing "it must be nice to be a stay-at-home-mom," I truly have LOVED being able to be a full-time mom. I have loved getting to see all their firsts, to know my kids personalities, learning styles, and even their flaws. Even though it is challenging in both the mental and financial sense being at home, there is truly no greater job on this Earth. 15 years ago, we began the journey of home school. This was something that was not "the normal" at the time...and most did not hold very positive perspective of it. When you are not given much choice, you do what you have to do. Through all the struggles early on - for both the kids and I, it became just part of our life. It afforded us so much flexibility in learning styles, lesson options, and learning experiences. I got to spend all day, everyday with my kids. That was truly the biggest blessing. Then, the inevitable begins to happen. You only hold those precious babies for so long, all the while, you are teaching them to become productive members of society, and spread their wings to go beyond what you have done. That is the crux of motherhood. You spend 18 years teaching them, to then have to feel your heart break as they go out and do exactly what you have taught them. It's when those babies are no longer babies, those toddlers grow into snarky pre-teens, those moody/brooding teens, and then BOOM - they are young adults. It all happens in the blink of an eye. I know every parent goes through this and has forever...but right now, this is my time. My oldest got married 8 months ago, and last week bought his first house and moved out. You see, I have never been one of those parents that looked forward to having my kids turn 18 and move out. That kind of mind set still doesn't make sense to me. Once you are a parent, you are always a parent. Forcing our young people into making a life long commitment at 18 is shear stupidity. There's people in their 50's and up and they still can't make commitments. However, that was the mindset for several decades. So, having to come to grips with having a piece of my heart with each of my boys in their own homes...and my daughter who is not far behind...has been a challenge. 

As I mentioned in the beginning, I have spent about 4 years really battling with my health and injuries. Part of the injuries are my own fault, because I do things without asking for help. However, as I began the shift into the late phase of perimenopause, the crazy aches/pains/sporadic injuries began to pop up out of nowhere. It wasn't enough to fight with night sweats, hot flashes, cold flashes, and moods that left my head spinning(let alone anyone else that was near by)...oh no, then my body decided to go full on beast. Sinus infections/allergies would flare up, then if not gotten under control quickly...turned into bronchitis or pneumonia within days. Not being able to sleep turned into months of no rest, and resulted in constant anger, stress and my immune system bottoming out. Then I'd be sick again. That was pretty much how 2022 and 2023 were for me...a constant roller coaster of illness, no sleep, stress, more illness, and a lot of weight loss. Again, all of that ended up depleting my immune system making me more susceptible to even more illness, stress related health problems and many times on the brink of depression. Trying to explain all this to anyone was difficult because everyone has their own issues, and no one wants to just listen. I never was really looking for answers, just needing someone to listen. When I tried a few times to reach out, I was reminded how much worse off others were...so I shut back down again. I had to learn to pull myself out of that dark hole. It's been a struggle. I just spent a week very sick again. Sadly, this round knocked my husband and I both off our feet. It is not good when we are both down for the count. Yesterday was the first day in over a week, that I could actually stay awake all day, and eat more than a few tablespoons of food in a day. I'm still exhausted, still not 100% but I'm getting there. Stress is something that I don't manage well, without being able to spend copious amounts of time outdoors. 

It becomes extremely exhausting to be constantly battling something, especially when you are expected to just be ok. The physical exhaustion is completely enveloping and the mental exhaustion is just about as bad. Throw in some major life changes, events, outside stress and having no one to just talk through everything with...and you feel like you're drowning. I have always taken great strides to be independent, able to pull myself up and out of everything, and adapt to whatever was thrown at me. I am seriously struggling to adapt to anything lately, let alone have the ability to just pull myself through even mundane projects. So, I have a pretty large "project" on my hands. Since depending on people has already proven a no-go idea, I have to revert back to my independence. This is a bit of a challenge currently, with still battling another round of illness...but I know I need to. My large project, is me. I have watched, listened to and educated myself on so much; but none of that is worth a plugged nickle of I don't put in the work to do better. 

I got away from the very foundations that I KNEW worked, that I KNEW helped and that I KNEW were worth standing my ground for. I let the opinions of others override my own knowledge and take up space in my own being by questioning what I knew. I became the type of spineless person, I don't like very well. So, while I am still fighting to overcome sickness today, I am working on rebuilding my mind, body AND spirit. This meek, making excuses, letting people take up space rent free in my life, person - has got to go. I can't remember ever feeling this weak. 

I spoke a few months back of returning to basics. That is exactly what I am doing. I am just like every other woman, around this age. Women have dealt with their body changing forever, their children growing up and spreading their wings, experiencing hurt by those closest to them, and having to start over - either due to divorce or because they are no longer in the child raising stage. The one thing that makes a huge difference is how you tackle this stage. You either become weak or you build yourself up. I've been on the weak side and I don't like it. So, I'm building myself. I am returning to basics of health that I know works. Returning to outlets that ease stresses. Refocusing on what I know. It's hard to believe I have let myself get so far down. 

So, 2024 is a crazy year already on the national stage and it's about to become that way for me too, on a personal level. So, let's see where the year leads. We are in the rebirth and renew time of year...seems like a good place to begin again. I hope you will all allow me to continue to share my journey here and on social media. There is no room for weak, spineless individuals in this world; those are the ones always on this pity train. I am too strong for that to continue. 

Here's to positive and productive strides forward.