Year End Coffee Chat

 

My official "new year," began yesterday, with quite a bang. Waking up at 2 am with a migraine - that lasted until midnight, a 2:30 am text that my mother had a heart attack, and basically having to waste my entire birthday feeling like crap was not exactly how I planned to kick off my new year. Maybe we can get this nasty stuff out now, so the rest of the year can be better. 

I spoke to my mom today, she is in one of our bigger hospitals, probably the best one for cardiac care in the area. She did have a heart attack, and is currently waiting for test results for possibly a bypass surgery next week. She seems to be in good spirits and ready to get through the surgery to get on the road to recovery. I do not know much beyond this, but saying a few extra prayers for her. 

As for me, I have terrible sinuses and peri-menopause to add insult to injury. So, migraines have taken a toll for a few years now, as have some major headaches, literally. Weather changes irritate my sinuses, so when the pressure changes...my head feels like it will explode. Then it settles into my cheeks, jaw and ears. So, when even your hair hurts...it makes for really long days! This has been my battle, recently since the week before Christmas, and culminated yesterday into a migraine. I still have a pretty sensitive head today but I can sort of see straight again. I've tried medicines, and they just make it all worse. The only things that seem to help is my ACV tea, Russian Tea, and lots of elderberry juice. Over the past year, I have spent a lot of time sicker than ever. I am relating this to too much stress, trying to manage too much, and having basically no help/support at home. So, I have had to take some pretty major steps back to take care of myself first. This is irritating for many others. It's easy to take other's for granted, when they have always been there to do whatever is needed. When you are the one to be "everyone's go-to," you get burned out quickly. I have reached the "end" of the peri stage...so I am told. I can tell you, I have become a lot less tolerant of stupidity, liars, rudeness, crudeness and those who refuse to try to do better. So, basically...the same way I have always been...except those feelings are on steroids! Kinda like Texas or not actually being...everything has become BIGGER! 

I finalized my general goals for my new year, the night before my birthday. Typically, I have them done long before that...but I am running behind on everything this year! Another of my pet peeves is being late for anything. Sadly, I have been late a LOT in 2023. The time has flown past me this year. I have made one of my goals a priority - slowing down in 2024. I know many of us are "waiting for Friday," "Waiting for this holiday or date," and all we end up doing is wishing away time. Instead, I'm going to work harder to take down time to enjoy some bonfires, some hiking, some walks, and just enjoy each to my best ability. Taking some steps back to remind myself of my own priorities. Instead of trying to be everything to everyone, I need to be everything to myself first. I have spent a lot of years putting everyone first, and having nothing left to give myself. 

You all know that I am not going to change who I am to please anyone. I have some plans in place for videos, blogs, projects, gardening(my biggest love next to my family), our farm, and gatherings. I have accepted some poor behaviors that won't be accepted any longer. I have let a lot of things slide that won't be allowed anymore. 2023 was a year of hell for me, and only I can fix it to make sure it does not continue. It's so easy to blame someone else for issues, when we neglect to take responsibility for our own responses to those issues. We have to be held to our own decisions, actions and take accountability. Myself included. We either make the choice to what is right, do what we need to do, and make a better outcome...or we make the choice to blame other's for our decisions, not do what needs done, or be lazy in our thinking and just accept poor decisions/choices...and whine. 

As I said, 2023 has been a year of reckoning for me. It has had a lot of insight, spiritual growth, physical ailments, resentment, sadness and anger. I am the only one that can fix this mess. I've made choices, I've reacted more than responded, and I have enabled poor behaviors...my own included. I have debated about sharing my goals, and I may later. More as a means of being held accountable to myself...but also so others know that I walk the walk...not just give lip service. I have had a lot of folks complain about my constant reminders to stock their pantries...again, I practice what I preach. I have taken a dive into learning about the financial markets, gold, silver, housing and commercial lending, and I'm still trying to learn military law, executive orders, and continuity of government. For 4 1/2 years now, I have dove into researching everything possible. So much of what I have learned, I can't share with a majority of people, because they don't want to know or can't stomach the evil. I get that, it is overwhelming. There have been days I have wished that I was content to just live life like everything was "OK." That's just not who I am. I have had too much experience with first hand knowledge of misdirected information, completely wrong information, and seen first hand what the medical industry lies can do to a person's body. If I am to be completely honest, my research truly began about 24 years ago. It began with nutrition, hormones and vitamins when I struggle to carry a child after miscarriages. It continued 22 years ago after being diagnosed with cancer, and the treatments left so much scar tissue that would never go away. My constant research lead to finding a healthier means to manage my health. It continued strongly nearly 15 years ago when I went back to school to learn natural health and holistic medicine after a round of vaccines nearly killed my 4 month old baby. That research, has never ended. It has become a way of life for me. Knowledge is something that can never be taken from you, however, you will constantly grow and sometimes outgrow those around you. 

Today, as I try to work through this headache, and feeling quite crappy...I know my intentions for the coming year. I know the entire world is a shit show. I truly expect 2024 to get worse, it is an election year. I have every intention to continue my research, work hard at paying off debts, saving some money, getting my own house in order, making some videos, and making more time to just enjoy the simple things. I have zero desire to travel the world, take vacations, have the most expensive home or car, or any of that nonsense. I live in a small piece of heaven, I have a roof over my head(although a little bigger house would be nice), we have 2 vehicles, I have lots of gardens to work with...and could have a lot more if I so chose, we have lots of livestock, and quite honestly...have all we need, and most of what we want. Taking stock in what I am grateful for everyday, is high on the list to remember in the coming year. 

I hope each of you has a safe and healthy New Year's Eve....and a healthy, safe and prosperous New Year!

Pre-Christmas Coffee Chat and Always More!

 

It's early, I know! From my home to everyone reading this:  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

We are down to just 5 days remaining before Christmas. I think I blinked and missed half the year! Is anyone else feeling like the world spinning has picked up speed, and is out of control? Not even mentioning that 5 days from Christmas, and it just doesn't feel like Christmas. What in the Ground Hog Day is happening?! Do you feel that? It's like each day holds some new dog & pony show, because we have spent 3 1/2 years avoiding a major problem to start with. Each new day, brings some new form of shit show. 

I have spent most of my life, looking into every crappy thing that has happened to me, trying to find the lessons meant to be learned from them. So, looking at the past few years...it has made me wonder how, exactly, to fix the mess I see in the world today. I really don't have any precise answers but I do have a LOT of questions. It is very obvious that our justice system is 2 tier. One for the average citizens, and one for the elites. It very obvious that "projection" is what the Democratic party has been doing for a lot years. Whatever they accuse of others of doing...is exactly what they are doing. We have a seriously huge problem in our country with human trafficking, drugs pouring in from the southern border, an out-of-control government spending out-of-control, a serious lack of knowledge about our Constitution and Bill of Rights, there is a major crime problem, and a massive lack of repercussions for bad behaviors...just to name a few. I have dug into a lot of information the past years, and forced myself to learn...not to mention, getting past the serious cognitive dissonance. Honestly, there are days that I wish I wouldn't have. It would be so much easier to stick my head in the sand or the clouds, and pretend that the world hasn't turned 15 shades of wrong. It would be easier to just go about life, and keep the proverbial blinders on. I didn't, and now, I want answers! I am not OK with a lot of stuff that is happening. I do not believe that "it is what it is and there is nothing we can do about it." That thinking is what has gotten into this mess to begin with!I am sick to death of all the investigations, and nothing else happening. I am sick to death of the lies the media is spewing, without ever being held accountable. I am sick to death of having to walk on eggshells, with all the censorship and weaker minds screwing about being offended. 

I can't ever remember being someone that just accepted that I couldn't fix/do something. I have always fought for what I believed in. Now, I'm just older and more determined. Maybe a little more strong willed. I rarely have ever sank back from a challenge put before me. If I know or believe I am right, I will argue with everything I have. This irritated my parents while I was growing up, and it irritates a lot of people now too. I don't manage dealing with weak people well. Whether it's weak minds or otherwise....

So, yesterday, I was talking to my best friend, catching up on life, kids, etc. We were discussing the lack of Christmas spirit that seems to be running amok this year. I can't pinpoint exactly why or what it is...but I had a dream last night, that fueled a couple of new videos this morning on my Youtube channel. It was a dream basically saying slow down, take a deep breath, look at this logically, and stop whining. Ok, so the whining....yeah, I'm still whining because I WANT to feel Christmasy. Anyway, as I took my time this morning to meditate and pray...a laundry list of stuff came into my head. It sent me racing to get a notebook and pen. I took copious notes on thoughts racing through my head on many subjects...but mainly the entire Christmas thing. One thing that I didn't mention in my videos, was the thoughts that sometimes, we have to make new traditions, remove toxicity from our lives, and just deal with life - however we can. I have had so many subjects weighing heavily on my heart the past few months, it has actually caused me to withdraw from a lot, while I figure out how to manage them. 

I've got probably 15 different blogs started, and never finished them. I have struggled to get projects done this year - with a ton of different events thrown in. I have found myself in a constant state of chaos, trying to do and be everything to everyone....to a point of not being useful to much of anyone. I have spent the entire year of 2023, trying to pour from an empty cup! It does NOT work! When there is nothing left in your cup, you can't pour anything out of it. So, I have struggled to try to learn how to refill it. I quit doing a lot of things I enjoy because the cost of everything went through the roof. So, that took away a lot of my "me time." I have been eye brow deep in homesteading, gardening, food preservation, keeping my pantry full, cutting anything extra from our budget that was possible to cut, making sure my family has what they need. One thing that has come from this, I've seen how one-sided most of this is. While I have busted my butt to make sure everyone is taken care of, that I do what I say I will do; I've made life really easy on everyone except me. I've taken all this on, while everyone else has shirked their own responsibilities to step up to help out. Then, it's just taken for granted that I will do all the work, and when others find things they need done - it's also thrown at me, because no one else can see anything they could do to make MY life any easier. Having pinpointed part of my own problems, it's time I fix it. 

It's become very clear to me, how much certain projects and events mean to me. I've taken a lot of time to reflect on some areas that I struggled through this year. The biggest area, has been learning how to be a parent to adult children. My oldest is now married, my other son is now engaged, and my daughter is in high school. After spending the better part of 23 years as a full time mom...the changes that have taken place this year have been difficult. Having to learn how to manage the loss of being that full time parent for so long, has knocked me backwards. My kids are now old enough to manage on their own, and mom is more of a nuisance most of the time. 3 years ago, I left a position that I held a high regard for. Not because of the company, but because of the cause. I worried a lot about how to move forward, still doing what I felt was what I was meant to be doing. I've done so, and it has been a successful annual event, but basically being a "one-man" show, with a great friend stepping up to help out...has been a challenge. I worried about losing my own edge, my confidence when I had to face the challenges from my own family, and even my own abilities. Honestly, whether this sounds bad or not, I know I am more than capable of anything I set my mind to do. Especially, if someone tells me I can't!! There are things I enjoyed being involved in when I had the position in that company, and had some good friends I do miss from there. However, sometimes, you just know or feel that something is off or wrong, and you have to listen to that gut feeling. Especially when you are being left out of loop of information. Anyway, this year was the 3rd year I got this event put together, paid for, got volunteers organized, and even managed to get to enjoy parts of it. It's been a challenging year for me. There is so much more to this story, and I honestly would even know exactly where to begin. 

This year is winding down quickly. My 49th birthday is just around the corner. The start of another new year, is just behind that. What the new year will hold, remains to be seen. I honestly could make a million resolutions, but I wouldn't keep them. I'm lucky to keep reaching for my goals these days. Our Christmas gatherings began on the 10th, we have one on Friday, and continue with 3 more on Christmas Day. This year, I'm almost happy that we at the finish line. I need some down time. I want to day dream about my upcoming gardens, layouts and possibilities. I have some pretty lofty goals to work towards next year, but I'm OK if they aren't met entirely. My biggest goal is to refind me. Not as a wife, or a mom, or anything else...just me - the good, the bad and the ugly. I've put so much focus into everyone else, it's time to focus a little more on me. I need to refill that cup. 

Life around the farm will be pretty crazy starting in January. We have nearly 70 ewes, all set to have their babies January through March. Hopefully, the weather will remain sensible, I won't have a bunch of bottle babies running around my house, and that our livestock guardian dog doesn't knock out any more of my teeth! Lambs are always exciting, even if a lot of work. Typically, I manage everything during the day and my husband manages everything at night. It's crazy but it seems to work. With the drought this year, we know we will be short on hay. Even getting some extra bought, we are still short. Hopefully, Mother Nature brings decent weather all of 2024. Spring will bring the purchase of more chickens. Sadly, something has gotten a hold of several of my girls these last few months. We put the goats into a separate pen, and now something is getting my chickens. I'm wondering if I should rethink that move! The feed costs are still too high, even though they have come down a few cents.(Kinda like grocery prices) We are continually having to watch to the markets, as livestock prices have really fluctuated over the past year. When the costs out weigh the profit, it's not good. 

I have managed to not get a whole lot accomplished this week. I've been battling with my back again this week...it's been pretty awful. After going to get a massage in October, I was loving not having this pain. Now, it's back and with a vengeance. So, I am giving in to only doing what absolutely has to be done, for now. That is a difficult task for me, as I need to be busy. With this pain though, it's been a little easier, as it has almost sent me to my knees a few times this week. I hope it eases soon! Getting in for another massage is months out, because of their schedules...not mine! I'd have been there days ago, if it were up to me! I'm not going to stress, and I'm only going to do what I can. Others in my house may have to pick up some of the load. 

For today, I am going to finish this up. Go take a look at my videos, and see if anything there can help. Have a Merry Christmas, do your best to enjoy it, and be grateful for every blessing AND lesson!!

Morning update coffee chat

 

Monday morning again....this time with just 14 days until Christmas!  Lots to say, so let's just jump in!

This past Saturday, we had our Christmas Open House. For those that don't know, we began this tradition in 2012. Each year, usually the second Saturday of December, we open our home to neighbors, friends and family to come in and enjoy so treats and visiting. It is always family friendly. I spend the week before cooking, baking and making candy. My husband makes a couple types of soups, and we have several types of dips. It is an old-fashioned type of Christmas gathering. It's not formal, and gets kind of chaotic and loud...but it seems to be enjoyed by everyone. Our early years usually brought out 15-25 people. This year, we had 56 people come into our home, from 4 states(Missouri, Iowa, Illinois and Texas). My girls and I made: 12 types of cookies(over 1000 actual cookies), 7 types of fudge, 3 types of bread, 6 types of dips, 2 types of soup, 2 types of meat & cheese trays, and a dessert salad. We went through 7 gallons of tea, a gallon of eggnog, 3 pots of coffee, a case of bottled water, some hot chocolate and some Russian tea. We had people in and out from 4pm through about 10 pm. So came to visit the entire time, and others came in and left after a short visit. It's a lot of work to put together, but it is absolutely worth every effort!!! We all really enjoyed it! 

We had a really busy weekend. The open house Saturday, and Sunday we ended up with a house full again to have Christmas with my Dad. This meant most of my siblings, us, my Dad and step-Mom, my niece and her husband, my nephew and my great niece. That was a spur of the moment gathering but it was so much fun to have everyone here. I am always thrilled to get time family, and my great niece! I have gotten to spend so much more time with my brothers in the past year, and that has been amazing. Having most of my extended family fairly close now, has allowed for more time together. 

Around the farm, everything is always in motion. Yes, we are just a couple weeks from Christmas and New Year's...but those are just a few days. After the first of January, we begin our lambing season. The times for the lambs to start arriving is within 2 weeks of the 19th of January. So, that means anytime after January 4th...we could start having baby sheep. With 70 head of them, the breeding program has 2 groups to help stagger the births. The first group should be done by the start of March, and the second group should be about 6 weeks behind them in start and finish dates. With such a big group this year, it means my husband and I will be on barn duty 24/7 for several months. We have had 1-3 babies per sheep each year, so that means a LOT of "baby sitting" and several possibilities of raising babies indoors. This is just on the livestock end of the farm. Beginning in January, will also be the start of garden planning, complete inventory of the farm/house/food/stuff, repair/maintenance planning, and a very large shift in dynamics for my family/home(more on this later). While December means finishing out a year...January begins the planning for a new year. I have a new large garden, the original garden and plans for another pollinator garden to go along with the one from last year. 

I am finishing out all the paperwork for this year, over the next few weeks. Our farm stuff, the business stuff, and the veteran hunt paperwork. It's been a real challenge to stay on top of things this year. I have found a serious lack of motivation and concern for a lot. I have struggled to stay positive, and keep too much negativity from seeping into my own soul. That has been a full time job, in and of itself. Attitudes, personal interactions with people not matching my own drive, and those who lack integrity has really put some major bumps in my road. I am determined to overcome these dark clouds that have found me this year!

The 2024 Disabled Veteran Deer is in planning mode. The date has been set and the lodge has been reserved already. The hunt will be held Sept. 26 - 29, 2024. We are planning for 6-8 veterans once again. We have had so much interest that we have had to start having a random draw of names to attend the hunt. We have determined that keeping this hunt smaller is the best way to keep it personal. If it got too much bigger, we could not maintain the interactions that make this hunt great. We have some great volunteers that are working hard to get raffle tickets sold for our drawing, that will help cover the expenses for the 2024 hunt. Each raffle ticket is $10, with only 500 tickets being sold. We will continue to sell these until they are gone. We will be visiting with local businesses also, to help make sure this hunt continues. Donations are always welcome.

I want to finish this blog with some thoughts. I have personally had a few weeks of really impactful thoughts. As I said earlier, there have been some pretty dark clouds over me this year. While I firmly believe in facing issues head-on, educating myself instead of being fearful, having a plan for everything; I would rather fix problems than whine about them. The past few weeks, I have had a few dreams that left me scratching my head. Things that have come up in them, have been resurfaced issues for many years. I believe when we remember our dreams, it's because we are supposed to learn from them or prepare. So, what has occurred to me is there are several areas of issue that I have either not learned my lessons from or the issues are recurring issues that I need to deal with - so I can move on. Allowing myself to get too stressed, is one area that is recurring. I worry about people more than I should most of the time. I allow my empathy for others to override the logic that giving too many chances to behave with grace, class and integrity; only causes me stress because many others don't care or don't recognize their poor behaviors. I have allowed too many excuses for my own actions and that is disturbing to me. So, moving forward from here, there are some massive dynamic shifts coming. For my own peace of mind, it's time to get back to being the fixer instead of whiner. It's time to make my own way out from under the dark clouds. I am too strong willed for this nonsense. 

Have a great day!