Stand up and be counted!

There's no apparent reason for being a "doormat" type of person.  All statistics say that everyone is capable of imaginable intellence with training.  Quite frankly, I believe the more you learn the more wise you are...not necessarily smart, but wise. 

I have spoke with so many of my Mom friends and so many of us are in the same position.  We are first and foremost a Mom.  Then we are wives, keeper of the home/laundry/meals/shopping/jobs/etc.  Then when all of that is done, that's when we are supposed to fit in time to just be us.  As I look at the first few sentences...I am laughing at home minimized that sounds compared to all that we do!  I don't know about others, but by the time I finish all the daily chores, and requirements...I am falling down exhausted!  There isn't time for me, let alone finding time everyday to just be me.  Some of us have added the role of teacher to our already huge list of jobs, which adds a whole other element to our already hectic schedules.  I will never complain about being my children's teacher but I do get annoyed when someone degrades me - whether intentional or not!  I truly get to enjoy my children 24/7.  I am a full-time Mom, a part-time business owner, a full-time wife and homesteader. Ha, that in and of itself is hilarious from my personal upbringing. 

I have been given a very unique and challenging, culture shock.  Since I have moved to Missouri, I have learned to grow a garden, can/freeze food out of that garden, hunt, butcher, budget, juggle, and in the last few months I am learning what it's like to live on a farm with livestock.  There were many struggles and many years of fighting against all of this!  I have slowly adjusted to different personalities, and the different lifestyles.  It's been a challenge and very hard for me.  I have spent a lot of time learning how to deal with the personalities.  Some are super easy going, some are trying to keep up with the Jones', some are self-centered, some don't give a crap and many others just work their tails off to make a decent life for themselves and their families. 

It's been a challenge for me to meet people as I am home 99% of the time.  As I make a home, and a life for our family, I have received a lot of critism for the way we do things.  Although some do it as a joke, some are just out & out cruel.  I have always been told that the 1% of the population that steps outside the proverbial box have always been considered "weird," by the mainstream.  However, it's that 1% that have made the huge milestones of our history.  I'm not saying that anyone in our family will be the next Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Graham Bell, or Bill Gates....but we are carving a piece of history for us.  We are teaching our kids the way we believe.  We are showing them how to be self-sufficient, how to make do with whatever they have, and how to succeed without being told what to do.  Our kids are taught to think for themselves and be true leaders.  We don't have to fight with the bully issues anymore, we don't have an ill-advised test to rate our kids intellegence nor do we have the peer pressures of clothing/drugs/sex. 

When my husband and I decided it was time to purchase a small chunk of ground, it was after many nights of late conversations, a few arguments, and a lot challenges for 2 people with 2 different upbringings.  I agreed to live on a farm, something I was not really brought up with but something that I was more than happy to learn.  I did a lot of soul searching.  Since we've been married, we've lived outside of town.  There is a huge difference from living in the country to living on a farm.  I knew that it would be another big adjustment for me, and it has been.  I have always loved the idea of farming, but to actually do it was a HUGE leap of faith.  I love our farm, love the animals, and don't even mind the other work that goes into our place. 

When my husband and I first met, I was a spit-fire!  I was independent, spirited and didn't give 2 cents what others thought of me because I was happy with who I was.  As many Moms will tell you, you lose sight of who you are as a person when you get married and have kids.  I did just that while trying to learn and adjust to the new life I took on when I got married.  We were married for almost a year when our oldest was born.  We had tried the whole working mom thing, and it just wasn't working for us.  Before my oldest had his 2nd birthday, we decided that it was more cost effective for me to be a SAHM.  This was very difficult for me.  I would no longer have my time, my own money, and an identity of my own.  I didn't realize the effect this would have until after the fact.  I would never have believed how difficult it would be to adjust to not having a job.  After 11 years of basically being a SAHM, I have found myself in that rut of just being a Mom and wife...with no identity of my own.  I haven't had time to keep up with hobbies that I once enjoyed, nor have I been out enough to meet new people and the ones I have met have a lot different of a personality than I do.  The friends that I've had for years(since school), find it hard to be around me now.  There's a large distance in miles between us now, and I am a completely different person than the one they knew.  Some of them are humored by the change I have gone through, some say that there's no way I could be happy living like I do, and others don't say much but give you that odd look of pity. 

I'm not the same person I was even 15 years ago.  I am older, wiser, and a lot more weathered.  I have been through things that have knocked me down-but I have gotten back up, I have adapted my life so many times in my life time that I'm not sure if I could even pinpoint what my true personality is anymore, I've grown, learned,  struggled, let go, and been knocked down, but you know...I get up every single time and brush my self off.  I get a few more scars and callouses, and become a little stronger everyday.  For years, I have allowed people to treat me with disrespect, to look at me as an outsider, to think it's ok look down their nose at me, and that has all come to an end.  I refuse to look in the mirror and not be happy with the reflection looking back at me. 

I know that we change as we get older.  We become more aware, and our morals and values change too.  The one thing I know for sure - People will either like us or they won't.  I choose to be true to myself, and my little family.  People will either like me for the REAL me or they can just walk away.  I'm not perfect, I don't know everything, but I am going to be ME.  I don't do drama, gossip, and back stabbing.  I work hard to keep our family healthy, happy, informed and above all else, in touch with a magnificent creator that thinks we are worth loving.