It's crazy to me, looking back. Nearly 25 years ago, I packed up my little car, at the time, and left the only thing I had known, to try my hand at something new. I was 22 years old, almost 23, and felt a pull to a small town in Missouri that I had only spent a few days in previously. A year later I met my husband, and 2 years later I had my first child. 24 of my 47 years of life, have now been spent not only in Missouri but with my husband. The past 9 days have sent my mind into a tailspin.24 years is a lot of time.
I have spent a lot of time lately looking through memories, photos and sharing stories. Friends, I'm going to push you to take too many photos, let yourself be in front of the camera - no matter how you think you look, and share your life with those you love. When it's your time to return to God, those photos and memories are what your loved ones left behind will have to pass on your legacy. Make sure those closest to you know your wishes for not only material possessions, but also for your final wishes/burial/etc. Over use, "I love you," and in everything you do...do it from your heart. Don't do things for recognition or acknowledgement alone. Learn to accept compliments. Always stand up for what is right. I don't care if you lived to be 200, there is never enough time to spend with loved ones. Remember, each of us is on loan from God.
There are times that things come up that kick us in the backside. They are not always good or bad...sometimes, they are meant to make us stop to think. We get overwhelmed in a world of constant noise, movement and information. Take time every single day to thank God for each and every blessing, and even lesson. Be in the moment, whatever it may be. Learn compassion and empathy. Put yourself on the other side of any situation you may face.
Just over a week ago, I found myself in a position that I truly was not prepared for. Even though I have spent a lot of years within the circle, I have never felt truly part of it. Although I did step up and do what I was asked and what I thought I was the right thing. It has left me feeling a little strange. You all know how much I preach about the importance of family. This is something I feel, within my heart, for my immediate family. I grew up in a divorced family. I knew how strange the dynamics could be. It did not prepare me though. When you face the unexpected passing of a family member, that is not yours - so to speak, it's a challenge. Even more so, you have your own emotions to handle that will be different that those directly related. For me, it has been overwhelming sadness - not just for me but also for my husband and children. It's knowing the loved one was part of your life for so many years. It's know that the phone won't ring anymore for crazy questions, new ideas for projects, or just a venting session about any number of things. It means no more lectures about raising my kids, no more tips for decorating cakes or spending a day going to yard sales and coming home to unload a car packed to the hilt with treasures. While it is still emotional for me, I have a lot of memories to pull from, a lot of recent conversations that helped me to know I wasn't alone in issues I have faced.I have had to deal with my emotions quietly. I won't put that on anyone else.
Today I am grateful for so much. I do try to find gratitude everyday, but I am pushing through emotions today towards being thankful for the time I had. It was not always good, but it truly had a part in shaping who I am. I can promise you I have hugged my kids and my husband tighter. I always tell them I love them. Never take for granted that we only are only promised today.
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