Reflections

 

 

 

 

Reflection,  while this has more than one definition, I am referring to: a thought, idea or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation, consideration of some subject matter, idea or purpose. I do a lot of reflecting, usually in the little time I get before my days get moving. 

I remember days when I was in the rat race. You literally ran from early morning until early the next morning, surviving on a couple hours of sleep. Constantly distracted by a job, travel, events, or entertainment. Spending several hours each week watching a movie, or the noise box. Attending fairs/festivals, getting caught up in the thrill of those expensive events. Traveling to other states, jumping on an Amtrak to go back to my hometown for visits quite frequently, attending concerts, rodeos, and even a lot of time in nightclubs. I can remember staying out having fun until 2-3 am, sleep for a couple hours to be back in class by 8, work from 10-2, class from 3 -5 and back to work from 7 until 1am; and then do it all over again. I can remember closing down clubs, to race back to where ever I was staying to catch a nap, head out on a boat for several hours, eat a bite, and start all over. Racing into Chi-town for any number of events - whether single or not, and not paying any mind as long as I stayed in the "safe" part of town. I did all these things, for several years. 

Oh, how life changed for me. Looking back, I know I changed a lot once I had my first child. My job was to be a mom. My husband and I would still take some time to go out once in a while, but not often. Our focus changed. We decided I would be a stay-at-home-mom very early on, so we had to adjust to living on a single income. That has not been easy, even 22 years ago, it was a struggle. My husband spent a lot of years working 2 fulltime jobs, to make sure we had what we needed. That left me home, with a baby alone, a LOT! We did a lot of the frugal living even then. The one thing that has always stuck with me, we may not have had much, but we always had what we needed. We had a great support network, and I had some incredible teachers during the years. 

Reflecting, for me has become a necessity. In today's world, we are inundated with drama, constantly. We are fed continuous commercials for things we "should buy," "talk to our doctors about," or the latest/greatest object. Somewhere along the way, we jumped the track from capitalism to consumerism. I think back and think about the stuff my grandparents or great-grandparents did or talked about. Vehicles for one. They would purchase a vehicle, take care of it/maintain it, and drive it until basically the wheels fell off. Now, we have people going out buying vehicles costing more than some people's houses, financing them for 10 years, and trading them off because they have a lot of miles/are the newest ones in their neighborhoods. Many households have more vehicles than they could drive. Real Estate is another. People have their primary homes, their vacation homes, their hunting/fishing property, rental properties, etc. Why?! How many of those people appear well off, but their debt to income ratio is beyond maxed out? So many of those people are struggling just to pay the monthly payments. Many decades ago, you were well off IF you actually owned what you had, not owed on all you had. Do you realize that the current credit card debt alone is at one of the all time highest levels? Many years ago, you did not consider preparation as an option. It was called life, even in non-rural areas. You always had several months supply of items on hand, you made due with what you had, you fixed what broke - not threw it out to go buy new. You lived within your means...even if that meant "living dirt floor poor." 

What the heck happened to those values? Now, if you buy a house(you truly have to finance them anymore), and don't have a 4,000 sq. ft. home, made of brick, with a useless yard to mow...people look down their noses. If you drive a 20 year old vehicle, that is just a sad day because even though it's paid off, it's not like the $100K car parked next to it. If you don't buy your kids some high priced name brand clothing, their are picked on in the schools. If you don't live in a "good" zip code or they don't go to the "right" college or even go to college, your child's education is not as good. If parents choose to keep one parent at home, oh boy, does everyone have something to say about that! 

The strange thing, well...at least one of them, about all of it, is that no matter what you do...someone, is going to look down their nose or belittle you. You truly can't win, if you listen to anyone else's opinions. Someone, is always going to tell you what you are doing wrong. I have come to the realization that people who live in glass houses, should not throw stones. You see, social media has allowed everyone to put their entire life on display. The good, the bad, the ugly and open themselves up to constant criticism. Even if you share something on your personal media, it opens a door for other's to insert their opinions, argue, and even let you know that because you have shared something...you are now making it a public opinion forum. Ok, well...that can work as a two-way street, although I attempt to keep off of other people's pages and their opinions. No matter how you cut it, when you share anything on social media, you will end up with all sorts of input. I have been pretty fortunate that none of my kids are real interested in any social media, for the most part. Most of the kids use it, but are not tied to it, and my youngest says it too much drama and crap. Most days, I agree with her. 

One thing I truly start my everyday focus with, is the blessings I have. My kids are always my number 1! They have made me a better person. I am always grateful and thankful to my husband, who has always been a great provider, and done everything he could to be the great dad he is too. He's an incredible person, albeit a bit harsh for most. I am blessed to have a life and life style that as a child I loved to dream about, never thought I would ever have. I have been blessed to be a strong and independent person. I can do most things on my own, even if I don't have to. While I have spent years struggling with religion, I am truly blessed to know that God can hear my prayers even if I can't find the words. He can hear my heart. I am blessed to have a spirituality that believes there is good in people, even those that don't look or act like me. I have found a path closer to God/Spirit/Source/Universe, whatever you choose to refer to our grand creator. 

I believe so many people have been shoved into the rat race, they have forgotten how to reflect and just be quiet. Our kids are into every sport/event so they never have time to be bored and learn to think creatively; like we did. As parents, we listen to all the chatter about how idle hands are causing trouble. I disagree with this. The lack of idle hands, has drive so many young people to constant connectivity and influence from some not-so-great, people. So many parents depend on technology, sports, events and the school system to raise their kids. Before I get ambushed again, I get it! Just being real, this is how it has all played out. The young people spend so much time on technology, they have forgotten how to interact with people...not just their own age, but the entire spectrum. Sure, it's great to have children within the same age group to play with, but how are they going to behave in real life when they have to interact with people older and younger than them? How will they ever appreciate the life lessons the elders could teach them, if they aren't ever allowed to spend much time with them? How will younger siblings/cousins have life long relationships when they never spend any time together? This one, I know a lot about. Having 3 younger siblings 2-9 years age differences, while I have a relationship with each of them now, I did not growing up...even into my 20's & 30's. Of course I love them, but to spend time with them, or be each other's support...not so much. My kids are close. I am so completely blessed with that. My boys have done a lot to look after their sister. My oldest, has been there to help teach her, play with her, teach her how to take care of animals, run the lawn mower, and a million other little moments to build on. I'm not disillusioned to think they will not have their fights, they have already a lot of BIG ones! My youngest is a spitfire, with zero tolerance for bullshit - from anyone! However, these kids will typically go to each other for advice, sometimes before coming to me. My kids have spent time with their grandparents, great-grandparents and even some time with great-great-grandparents. They spent time with aunts & uncles, and cousins. I have made plenty of mistakes, as all parents do, but I believe I done a lot of good things too. 

Today, as I took my lunch to write this, it dawned on me how much reflection means to me. I have my days, like today, when I can clearly see so many blessings. I also have days, when I feel sorry for myself and feel completely drained by everything I see as a blessing. Being the oldest child, I grew up knowing it was my responsibility to set good examples for my younger siblings. Knowing that those young people could look up and watch everything I did. So, I did my best, as a child myself, to do that. I have always had an issue with rules, but I did what I could. I also believe, that being an oldest child, has given me really high standards and expectations. I spent some time truly relaxing these, but the winds of change are turning that tide, again. If I have learned nothing else in my 48 years, I have learned this: depending on any outside praise, depending on any person aside from myself to see my value and worth. Having to depend on someone to say they are proud of you, that you have done your best, or anything of the sort...opens a door for complete let down. Not because people can't see it, but because so many are trying to live up to standards that are only real on a movie screen. 

Be blessed!