Stepping out of the destructive box of negativity

"Trying to hang on to anything positive in a world that has become so negative, becomes a full-time job."



Have you ever just listened to the conversations around you or listened to a single 30 minute newscast? It seems that no matter where you turn, the negativity is creeping into society like an errant leak that hasn't been detected. Between the news, and typical conversations, you hear complaints, ranting, raving, and general negativity. People complain about their lives, their jobs, their spouses, their kids, the schools, politics, their neighbors, the price of things, etc...you get the picture. Very rarely to do I hear of anyone actually DOING something about any of it! Why, has become my mantra, of sorts! Why, are people not fixing what they see as a problem? Why, are people not taking action to the outcomes they are looking for? In my humble opinion, most people are afraid. Whether it's a fear of change, a fear of stepping outside that destructive box of negativity and going against the mainstream, or just an overall fear of the unknown.

I know many people that when I mention changing whatever is not working for them, the response is immediate, and always the same: "no way, I am not going to step away from this or that. I am not going to look bad because this is what everyone else is doing, so it must be right and I just have to deal with." I am going to apologize ahead of time, because I know I am going to offend many! I am calling those who believe or think like this, out! These thoughts, these reactions, and this crap; are the exact reason that so much of society is so negative.

We are a society that has been buffaloed into believing that, society is a "one size fits all." Seriously! If the issues causing all the negativity were clothing, and we were expected to wear "one-size fits all," there would be a lot of wrongly dressed people! Think about it. How many people actually fit into those "one size fits all," clothing?! Why on Earth, should society be a "one size fits all?"

You have school systems set up to teach a "one size fits all," curriculum. You have entire subdivisions set up for "one size fits all," with the HOA's and regulations on a home YOU bought, you have a job to pay for that house that you rarely get to enjoy, you get married knowing that through the religious belief - it's supposed to be "until death due you part," but through the judicial system it's a division of property, a signature, and a court date away from divorce. You pledge your life to one person, only to find out that that one person isn't the one for you. We are led to believe that raising our children takes a village, but that's just not true. It really takes 2 parents, working together with the same values, morals, and beliefs. It takes a steady, firm, and forgiving discipline to teach those kids right from wrong, respect, and honesty. We hear so many complaining about our political system, and yet, the same politicians continue to be elected. We complain about the price of food, and groceries; but few are stepping up to grow their own. I can't help but wonder when our society became so dependent and needy!

If you research, just a little, what life was like after the Great Depression; you find so many useful tips to live a life that is simple. A life that does not revolve around consumerism. When did it start to make sense, that it was ok to spend more money that you made? Our society has become broke, poor, sickly, uneducated, unskilled, and seriously lacking common sense.

I do not claim to know all the answers, I do not claim to have life or society figured out, but I also do know that the track society, as a whole is on, is not sustainable! How many people today, would know what to do(let alone know how) if the power grid went down indefinitely? Would you know how to take care of yourself or your family? Do you realize that if the power grid goes down, that would mean no power, no water, no cell phones, no television, no real communication unless you have people close. Would you be able to handle a week, month, or year without all your modern conveniences? Most newer vehicles couldn't even function if the power grid went down! Would you know how to forage for food, would you know how to grow your own food, would you know how to barter, would you know how to filter whatever water you could find so it could be drank? I would be willing to be that 90% of Americans could not and would not be able to handle that. Obviously, this would be worst case scenario, but never-the-less, it's something to think about.

I catch a lot of flack for the life style my husband and I live. It's very simple and so much less materialistic than most. Anyone who reads these blogs, knows our life. It's a small homestead, in the middle of nowhere, getting by(barely sometimes) with one income, home school, holistic health, and trying to leave as little of a footprint on Mother Earth as possible. Myself, I would love to be more self-sustaining. I would love to say we don't have any modern conveniences...but that's just not realistic. We have power, rural water, vehicles, internet, computers, gaming systems, and tractors. However, we do not use chemicals(when we can avoid them), we use holistic medicine, we grow as much of our food as possible, we have livestock that provides our meat. We teach our children at home, and we question everything. We are not a family that just blends into the mainstream mold.

We love our life. I love showing my children how to raise or grow their own food. I love teaching them lessons that will help them in their adult lives. I love teaching them how to care for their illnesses with foods and herbs. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "I GIVE UP!" I was not raised that way though. I was raised to stand proud when I believed in something...even though as a child, I'm pretty sure my parents would rather have had me be more passive. I was raised to do what I felt was right. I was raised that no matter how difficult life was, giving up was never an option. I live by the lessons my parents taught me so many years ago, and we are raising our children by those same lessons today.

When I hear so many complaining about everything under the sun, I just want to ask them, "so, what are you going to do about." I know I have days when I complain about everything, but I have done something about the issues I had. Even when I may have bad days, the choices we have made about our life, have been what allowed us to step out of the constant complaining stage. The choices we have made, meant living a simple life so that we could kind of survive on one income, not have to pay someone else to raise our kids, not allowing the whims of a "one size fits all," education system determine how smart our children were, not letting our kids grow up believing that food does not just come from store shelves. We have transitioned our lives to include lessons of budgeting, finance, and loans; and how each should be used responsibly. We are teaching our kids that hard work and earning their way, is the only way. The understand that you never get something for nothing, and that depending on some large entity for means of support is wrong. Even through all we are teaching our kids, knowing that for these 2 kids, there are millions of others that are doing the exact opposite. It's heartbreaking for me, to see and hear of so many that lose everything. Yet, I know the choices each of us makes, is what make or break us.

As I finish up this blog today, I ask just a small favor. For the next 7 days, whenever you think of a complaint pertaining to your life, write it down....then stop complaining! At the end of each day, look at that list, and determine what you are going to do about each complaint. Don't stew about it, don't make excuses, don't just brush it off. Face those complaints, make a plan to FIX those complaints, and DO IT! You will find a million excuses why you can't, but just remember that's all they are - excuses. You can fix whatever is not going the way you want it to, if you are willing to work on it. It may not be something you can fix overnight, most things aren't! Make a plan, work towards that plan, and cross it off your list! It's up to each of us to fix what is not working in our lives, however we possibly can. If it's meaningful enough for you to complain about, it's meaningful enough to try to fix. If it's not meaningful enough to try to fix, complaining won't help anyway!

~S~

A video caught my teenagers attention...

Last night, my 14 year old son came to me with a video that caught his attention. Sometimes, as a Mom, when your teenage child tells you about about something that caught their attention...you cringe! You go through all the possibilities, and in your head you are thinking of some kind of explanation for everything under the sun. We were getting ready to eat supper, so I told him it would have to wait till later. This helped buy my a little more time to contemplate a few more ideas to explain away whatever he had found online.

When supper was over, dishes were done and it was time to sit and relax, he brought out his tablet, and said here Mom, I want you to see this. It didn't surprise me that the person doing the video was a girl, after a minute though, it registered who the girl was. It was Sadie Roberts from the Duck Dynasty family. (He loves the show, by the way!) I didn't catch who it was at first, because she was make up free. She had a powerful message that I was very proud to hear.

As many of my readers know, I am very spiritual but not religious. However, I have taken my children to different churches so they can choose the best form of spirituality for them. So, they know the Bible, they know religious beliefs about God, etc. When my son spoke of how this video touched him, I began thinking.

It's difficult for me to speak and have a deep discussion without gaining some research, so I stumbled through our conversation some, but I told him if it spoke to him then that was what matter. It wasn't until everyone was sleeping, and I had the opportunity to watch the video again, that my mind began to wrap around so much of what the video would really mean to so many, not only young people but possible to some older people that are struggling too. So, here I am writing again with some insightful words of my own.

Knowing my son, I have hoped that as he grew into a young man, he would respect women and men,know what working hard meant, knowing that you have to move beyond outward beauty to find a truly beautiful person, that material things were not what mattered, and that family, above all else was what was important. I am very proud of the young man he is becoming, even though some of the teenage drama still filters into our home.

Here is my thoughts on Sadie's video. I think this young lady has a level head, and has been raised right. Her overall message was to just be you, even through different problems, you can turn to the Bible and prayer to get through whatever you are going through. Finding confidence where you need to, to not only deal with every day challenges but to accept the body you have. Miss Sadie Roberts, you may not be my daughter, but I am proud of the young lady you are. You have found not only an avenue that works for you and have shared your true self with so many but you have inspired so many other young people; my son included.

So many young people today are ambushed with materialism, and consumed by all the things that just don't matter. The one thing she brought up and I have heard locally is "thigh gap." Seriously?! This is a concern for girls now?! Girls, here's a thought...quit worrying about such foolish things when you have so much potential for so much more! Your outside appearance, although you need to take of, is not who you are on the inside. The "thigh gap," makeup, brand of clothing, are all just material and unimportant things that will change with time and age. Being real with yourself and those around you is what will make you stand out from the rest! Being with family, being honest and loyal, being true to your form of spirituality, staying true to you own beliefs....that is what will never fail you. Setting goals for your dreams, getting the best education possible, and becoming strong independent people is what young and old need to work on today; Not just following a crowd of people because of what's "popular," right now. Aside from academics, 95% of all the crap that goes on throughout the years of school-through high school, WILL NOT MATTER, later in life! To tell you from my own experience, most of the "popular kids," I went to school with, did not end up any better off than I did. The majority of them did not go on to be pro-athletes, they did not go win a Nobel Peace Prize, not a one of them is the next Ben Franklin, Ammelia Earheardt, or Albert Einstein. To this day, not a single one of them is President of the United States, and only one has gone on to be in Congress or Senate. Some of those all powerful, "popular people," are working in fast food or retail because they found out the world did not revolve around them!

My message today is to all the young people today. Find out who you really are: loose the make up, loose the attitude troubles and stop bullying others, forget about all the material items others may have, forget about the superficial clicks, and stop doing things just because others are doing them. FOCUS on what is important! Your family will be there even if everyone else leaves, once you loose all the superficial stuff you can connect with other people that like the same things you do and build strong, lasting friendships, don't stress/worry over body flaws...your body will be changing a million times throughout your life, don't be a follower!!! Find your own path, and don't be concerned about the stereo types from people that are not capable of being real. Remember that even though people act one way in school, there may be a million issues going on at home for them. Look beyond the shell they present on the outside and look for true beauty within. Don't be a gossip!

As a Mom, I have tried to teach my son so many things that will better him, as a person. I don't tolerate lies, he understands that women can do anything a man can do, he knows that family is always the first priority, that education is not only important but ongoing throughout life, that having faith/spirituality in some form is highly important, that having a good work ethic will take you far, being willing to earn the material things he wants but doesn't need isn't easy, understanding that just because there is some new gadget on the market does not make it better than the tried and true, and above all else, staying true to his own beliefs and values will never steer him wrong.

I have tried to be sure that both my kids understand the importance of family. You know they've heard it a millions times, when even my 6 year old told everyone at her birthday party, "I love my family!" Since we home school our kids, I have the privilege of having 3 meals a day with my kids, we sit down at the table together, eat and share information. We do our studies together, and I learn right along side of them. Although I may be teaching them their subjects, they are teaching me so much more! We do not deal with superficial in our house. We do not try to keep up with anyone, and those that do get to spend time with us can not be that way either. We don't care if people wear name brand clothes or shoes, we don't care they have brand new vehicles or Flintstones mobiles(for the adults reading!), We don't care if you are rich, poor, or somewhere in between. We care about loyalty, being real, and being around people that share our values. We have plenty of flaws, have plenty of areas that we could improve, but we are who we are. We love to be at home, with our family. We would rather sit around our bonfires, work in our gardens, work on anything around our farm, than spend any time with people that are superficial, gossips, and trying to keep up with the neighbors.

These are the values we are raising our kids with. These are the values I wish more young people had. I know from the few years our oldest was in public school, that kids today are cruel. They have no class, no respect, and honestly...many of the parents don't either. When I see a child speak to their parents with so much disrespect it not only makes me cringe, but makes me want to shake the parent and ask why they allow it. To see the kids and some adults, walking around with the jeans hanging half way to their knees, just ticks me off...I have offered to buy many belts! To see the girls wearing barely there dresses at junior high level, I think...there is no freakin way will I ever allow it, let alone encourage it! Then you have the girls that wear the shorter than short, shorts or see through shirts and all I can do is shake my head. These things are never acceptable! Girls, have some respect for yourselves! Cover your bodies. Any guy worth catching their attention, will be attracted to your mind and your personality! That brings up another area that has me a little touchy. This whole dating thing, in junior high. Really?! Girls and Guys alike...it's great if you find someone you like, it's great if you spend your time together, but to listen to all the drama that goes on, it makes me question the logic. I have told my son, having girl that is a friend, is great. Since 99% of any relationships that are started in junior or even high school ever work out, it's more important to be friends. Yes, I know I will catch grief for that but how I see it, I know a handful(5) couples that got together in high school, and only 1 of them is still together. I am not a hypocrite, since I know what I did though high school. I am however, trying to save my kids a little grace, a little frustration and a whole lot of headaches. I know they will do things that will be questionable in value...that's part of being a kid and growing up. However, my kids will have many morals, values, and lessons to be able to face their lives. They earn my trust, they know they can talk to me and I will be honest with them. I will share what I know, my feelings and thoughts, but it's ultimately their decision to be respectful, honest, loyal, and follow our family values. If I do all the choosing for them, they will not become the responsible people they should become.

I am so glad that my son has found some inspiration from someone that is so levelheaded, from a good family oriented television show. With so many of the "reality" shows out today, at least there is one that has some of the values we stand for.

Salli