Coffee Chat

It's that time once again. Some coffee chat, the end of the month, and nearing the end of a rainy and gloomy Summer. It's hard to believe what a complete wash out this Summer has been so far. Not a typical year for us, and it has really played havoc on the cabin fever we've experienced. The chaos of living on a small farm, the inconsistency of the weather, gardening, school planning, and trying to finish my own schooling has kept me pretty busy. Not to mention my love of cooking and baking. I have altered and designed some new recipes, tried some new-to-me recipes, and have designed many floor plans and furniture designs.
Now, if I could just take some time to get some pictures done too!

The news outlets have caused me to quit paying attention to it, and honestly the whole business of being politically correct has me fuming! Everyone has become offended everything, people are breaking the law and then crying discrimination to get out of trouble. The economy is bad, morale has sunk lower than I can remember it ever being, jobs are leaving, the jobs being made are offering half the money and no stability. The war of the races, has gotten unmistakeably worse, and I can't help but think our country has reverted 50 years because of self-serving, ignorant, and politically motivated individuals. I get frustrated when I hear of people choosing a political party over the individual person, running for election. I refuse to become a party aligned, conformist. I vote based on the person, their "plans," and the one that doesn't spew a lot of information I can research to find out, afterward is a lie. They all lie, that seems to be politics anymore. Choosing the lesser of the evils is for the birds. I think we finally have one running that has the back bone, isn't afraid of upsetting party lines, and has a workable plan. Although I don't like him and personally think he's a jackass, he's exactly what this country needs right now.

Aside from politics, I think Mother Nature is on a serious roller coaster ride! This year has been wetter than I can remember, for many years. The ground is completely saturated, and has been for many months, so any we rain we get ends up running off and causing flash floods. I haven't even been able to walk through our yard without an inch of water covering my feet for a long time! I am not buying into the global warming hype, but I do believe that the entire planet is in a warming pattern. Throughout history, these weather patterns have effected the Earth. From the ice age through today, these patterns repeat themselves...just as history does. I do know that the current weather patterns are grossly affecting our lives here in Northern Missouri. Farmers have not been able to get most of their crops in, those who have hay ground are unable to get the hay baled, livestock pastures are a muddy mess, and even those that offer services to the farmers are affected by lack of business. It's a vicious circle that doesn't seem to have an end in sight. I'm concerned that this weather pattern will continue throughout Winter, which will bring impassible snow amounts and those of us living in the middle of nowhere, will be depending grocery trips that will have to last months at a time. I have been using this method for quite some time, but the idea of being completely snowed in, does not thrill me.

As someone who cooks/bakes, a lot, I have had to find or reformat recipes and ideas to give some new life to the typical meals in our household. You get burned out with the chicken, pork, beef, and tried and try recipes. So, several years ago, I began experimenting with new ideas. I will tell you that PInterest has been a huge help in new ideas. Although I may try a recipe as written for the first time, I don't usually leave it "as is," the next time around. I have concocted a few recipes from whatever the pantry holds when groceries are running low, and have perfected a homemade bread recipe that has multiple uses. About 6 years ago, after years of health issues for everyone in my family, I made some major dietary changes. I switched to unbleached flour, raw and organic sugar, raw honey and we do not use anything that has been bleached at all. We use raw or organic spices, and grow/raise as much of our own food as possible. Not only has this been monumental in our health issues, it ends up saving us a large amount on our groceries. It does require adjusting most recipes since the unbleached products tend to be less "filling" than the bleached. As someone who has serious allergy issues, having 2 kids with severe allergy issues and a husband who has struggled with psoriasis for years; these changes have knocked out most of the issues and reduced the rest to being controlled without medication. What little illness that affects our household, is manageable with holistic care. As I go through hundreds of recipes each year, I have decided that I really need to catalog them and put them in book form. I have so many recipes, most of them have been used but a few I have not yet gotten to. So, I am making my own cook book, and adding stories along the way. I have been working on this for 3 years and it is still continuing. I love to explore new food ideas, and my family doesn't mind being my guinea pigs! : ) I can't wait to be able to finish this book and may even offer copies for sale if I like the finished product. My kitchen really needs to be bigger to be doing so much but I am making it work for now.

I have spoken of the troubles we had with our local school district many times, and especially since the problems seem to be ongoing. 6 years ago, we had to make a decision how to handle an issue that was not only not handled well by the district and we were given two options on how to fix it. Private school/out of district or home school. We chose the later. We have been home schooling ever since. Each year in June/July I set in and begin planning our school year. We school year round, so that we have plenty of time we can take off for vacations/trips, days when attention spans are short, or when emergencies arise. This allows us just a few hours a day that we have to actually pay attention and focus. Then we have a couple hours each day that help with our requirements by having hands on experiences. Our state requires 1000 hours of schooling, focused on Language Arts, History(Social Studies), Science, and Reading. With the way we work our school year, we usually end up with more than 2000 hours of required work, and about the same in life skills. We teach real life lessons, and find curriculum that coincides with our values/beliefs/ethics. We do not use a Christian education, since most do not fit our life. We do not have any co-ops, or groups in our area that are not religious based; so we use the people and resources we do have available. I believe every child can be intelligent if they are given an opportunity to explore their interests, if they are taught how to think instead of what to think, and firmly believe that our children would benefit greatly from learning from their elders and the elders in their area. Teaching my children, I have seen how different 2 children can be in learning styles. Even though both my kids prefer hands-on learning, my youngest can focus on worksheets and piecing things together, while my oldest would rather find ways to do the same amount of work but in a truly unique way all of his own. My kids are typical kids, they have their attitude issues just like all kids, they have days when they are best left alone, and they have days that they can't do enough to help out. I will tell you, we do not have the constant illnesses being brought home from the germ infested school, we do not have the constant struggle of making sure our child conforms to ridiculous stress of being in school and coming home to hours of homework, and I do not have the stress of worrying if my children will be safe or approached to buy/do drugs. The trade off of a few hours of time away from my kids everyday, is knowing exactly who they are around, exactly what they are learning, and not having to fear some maniac shooting up their school. Yes, I live in a small area but the exact things that happen in cities is possible in our rural areas too. We have sex offenders, we have crazy people, and we do have drugs in our community. I will choose my children's safety every time!

Schooling to me, is something that should continue throughout your life. I attended public schools growing up, and I loved my high school, especially. However, schools today are not what they were twenty-some years ago. There are still plenty of excellent teachers but they are overshadowed by the ones that are not. My teachers in high school, some of them anyway, were amazing. One in particular, taught me so much and to this day, I still love the very subjects he taught. I think I took every class he taught throughout high school. He made learning fun. He made learning, not feel like learning. The one class he taught, was one I have pulled out of my memory to help pull myself out of this 3 year funk. I drew upon those lessons to refocus, and redefine myself. That man was the pinnacle of teaching excellence. While we have 2 great teachers in our family line, neither of them teach in our area...or the grades of our kids. We have come across a couple of great teachers that were in our district but have since left the district or retired. The one retired and began home schooling her own kids. To me, teaching has very little to do with how smart you are, it is more important to teach your kids how to research, ask questions, and explore answers for their passions. They may need guidance for the beginning of reading, math and the basic skills to help them get started, but they need to be given time and space to explore their own minds too.

I began a new education course in April of last year. I decided to find some form of job, that would allow me the opportunity to be home with my children, as they are used to, and still help bring in an extra income. As a planner, I also wanted to get some updated training in the event that we had to change our current life style. So, after talking to my cousin and my husband about options that were available; I chose the path I am on. Little did I know the amount of effort it would take to fit it this learning in, around our lives now. With an original graduation date scheduled for July 27th, I had to request an extension because I was not ready. I am working each day for a few hours, the hours not already accounted for by someone or something else, so I can hopefully finish by the end of August. It has been a struggle trying to learn around the constant noise, to-do lists, projects, and the kids schooling. I have not been able to set boundaries, because honestly, there is just too much constantly going on. I wouldn't know where to begin setting boundaries, let alone to actually set them and have them followed. So, I keep plugging away with the time I can allow for right now. I'm working on a schedule that will give me my work hours, the kids school hours, and time to the other things I need and want to do. It's also a work in progress!

Another subject change, because this is one that has me concerned. The subject of marriage and divorce. To be honest, this one has me scared. There are so many marriages ending in divorce right now, and all of them have been married 15-30 years. The reasoning I am hearing, is all the same..."life is too short to be unhappy." What is going on lately? Since April, I know of over 20 divorces. Yes, believe me when I say, I understand not being happy. I understand losing yourself in your marriage and kids, I understand feeling like there has to be something more out there. I know my own issues. It's a bit startling to have so many, so close together. Not to mention some of the horrible things I have heard said by one or the other parties involved. I understand divorce; I went through it as a child with my parents and again as an adult in my own divorce. I saw how hateful my parents were towards each other, but I could not be hateful to my ex-husband when it just wasn't working. I can not grasp the concept of being ignorant, rude or greedy in a divorce. When there are kids involved, I also do not grasp the concept of bashing the other parent, denying visitation, or not planning to continue raising those kids as their parents. When 2 people are not able to make a marriage work, it's because BOTH people have faults, both people have differing opinions. It does not always mean that one or the other are bad people(although I know this is sometimes the case), it just means they can not live together and their needs/wants/goals have taken different paths. Most of the marriage failures I know of lately, are strictly that. The couples have found different paths that they want to be on, and that path is too different from the original path. Some couples can overcome that, most can not. The common theme lately, is one I can understand too well. "Life is too short to be unhappy." In my life, so far, finding a way to be happy as a couple and in life has been difficult. I think as women, we lose ourselves in so much. We lose ourselves in kids, housework, being taxi's, working, and any number of other activities. By the time we find our kids growing and not needing quite as much...we have lost ourselves enough to not know who we are as individuals, we have lost touch with our spouses, and honestly...we have lost ourselves. The path we may be on during the chaotic time of raising kids and establishing our lives, may not be the path we want to be on once it's established. Yes, life is way too short to be unhappy, and it's too short to not live it to its fullest. We get engrossed into the here and now, and the mundane of establishing a life, but we forget to live. We spread ourselves so thin with all the daily chores, kids, work, and things that will not matter in 6 months and forget to live our lives instead of just existing in them. We run out of steam by the days end and there isn't time or energy left to be a spouse, or to take time on your own away from being a wife, mom, maid, chef or taxi cab. There is nothing left to offer of yourself at the end of each day, and thus, days turn into weeks, turn into years. All of a sudden, you wake up one day to not recognize the reflection in the mirror. You wake up one day, and wonder what has taken so many years of your life, is no longer the direction you want to go. It's not all that difficult to up and change directions, but for some couples, changing directions is not an option. For some couples, when one person is ready for a change, the other not only fights the change but they don't need a change. Even with the common theme running with the divorces I know of, there is yet another common thread. Each of the divorces I know of personally, it's the women that are ready for changes. It's the women that are finding they don't know who the person is starring back from the mirror. As a woman, wife, and mom; I understand, probably too well. My own days run together, and before I know it, weeks and even months have passed me by. My own energy levels have taken a huge hit, trying to be everything to everyone. My own identity has been tossed in a corner and buried beneath the pile of laundry, school work, bills, household chores and trying to keep peace. When I look into a mirror(which I try to avoid!), the person starring back at me looks old, tired, and lost. I had that moment, almost 4 years ago, when I woke up and asked myself, "is there life beyond my family and home." For nearly 4 years, my husband has been a saint putting up with my constant mood swings while I have tried to find out who I am, he has done and tried everything he can to keep our marriage going and keep us on the same path, he has gone out of his way to try to understand the things we talk about. He has stepped outside his comfort zone, more times than I can count, the past 7 years of our marriage. I have mentioned before that I do not believe in forever, but he is my moment. He is doing everything possible to help ease the rocky spot that I am in and we are working together to try to keep our own marriage going. I don't promise that any marriage will last forever, because honestly we only have this moment in time. My own path to rediscovery of myself is mired with guilt while still having kids at home, and not wanting to push them off on anyone or make them feel they are the cause of any problems. I do know this: even if my path takes me a different direction than what I am on, I love my husband and value his friendship. Even if our moment should ever end, it will not be for a lack of trying, nor will the love and friendship ever end. I will not speak badly of my marriage, or my husband and anyone else that does will be put in their place. For now, this moment, we are working together to find paths that work for each of us. We are attempting to reestablish a relationship that is not just parents, but also a couple. It's not easy when the days run together, energy is zapped by the constant laundry, dishes, bills, kids and outside sources. It's difficult looking in the mirror and knowing that life as it is, is not what you had planned or wanted, and not recognizing the person starring back at you. I know life is a series of ebb and flow, and that sometimes we get so busy making a life that we forget how to live. However, even knowing these to be true, it's difficult to get out of such a pattern or rut, if you will. For nearly 17 years, my husband and I have ridden the roller coaster of ebb and flow. We have somehow managed to pull ourselves out of some serious ruts, and each time have become a little stronger together. I am holding on to the thread of hope, that we can continue to build a little stronger with each new rut we face.

With all the divorce cases this year, there is one thing I find rather disturbing. I guess it's not just with the divorces, but in general. It's the constant chatter of things being said, but people that don't have a clue, i.e. Gossip. I know I have spoke of this a lot lately, and there is a reason. Lately, it seems as if the gossip has gotten so bad, it's reaching me...out in the middle of nowhere. I hate gossip. One thing I was taught growing up, was that there is always 2 sides to every story. I have yet to find an inaccuracy with this. You may hear one side of the story, but the flip side of that story is usually recounted differently. Then you have the middle ground where there lays the truth of the matter. As an example: Man says his wife is lazy, unloving, crazy, a horrible housekeeper, and has anger issues. Woman says: I work all day, come home to do laundry, dishes, cook, help kids with homework, and I am exhausted so I sit down. Man goes to his job, comes home, eats, showers, and goes to bed. The middle ground here is: yes, they both have jobs to do, the man isn't helping with housework to ease some of the stress of the woman, so she is tired and wants nothing to do with sex, she probably gets pissed and does go a little crazy when she feels like she is doing everything. So, you can see how the different sides see/feel like they are both right in there assessment. For me, I may hear a rumor, but I always question what led to whatever the supposed rumor is. I have been know to go strait to the horses mouth, and say simply..."I don't need to know, it's not my business, but this is the rumor I heard and I know there is probably more to the story, but I will not be spreading anything, I just thought you should know." It frustrates me when I hear rumors, especially about people I know personally. The rumor mills seem to be working in overdrive anymore. I guess those gossiping have their lives in order, so they have time and energy to waste on ruining someone else's life.

Now, for a bit of humor...using this term lightly! Do you have any idea the mind boggling experience of 25 puzzles, all mixed together, in a bin that is 8" wide and 12" long?! I am experiencing this at this moment. My youngest, in one of her times of a temper melt down, dropped her puzzles on the floor and they all fell out of their bags. She picked up all the pieces and put them into a bin, but now...I am trying to organize and this is one of those mommy frustrations. I love puzzles, and she has developed that love also, but she is still young enough to not really grasp the concept of taking responsibility for these types of situations. So, I began putting puzzles together last night, and sorting puzzle by puzzle. The different sizes in pieces in the beginning wasn't too bad. They were bigger pieces to start with, but then there were some of those horrible 3-d puzzles mixed in. Those things play havoc on my eyes! Now, I am down to hundreds of pieces that are about the size of my pinky fingernail. As I said, I love to put puzzles together, but I am currently dreading all those little pieces! The nice thing about all this puzzle building, is that I will have sorted out these bin drawers, and cleaned them. That will be one clean thing in her room! Since her room is next on the list for remodeling, I think there will be some sorting and pitching in the near future too! Maybe one of these lovely rainy days!

I am venturing into another day. My spirit is rising a little more everyday, I have returned to cooking/baking that I love so much, I am working toward being ready for my first 5K in September, I am getting just a little closer everyday to finishing my schooling, I am finding some areas that still interest me that I had let go of, and I'm building my own path up to being the direction I want to go in each day. I'm finding that there are some areas of inconsistency that I can not handle, but I am working on a resolution. With so many blessings in my life, it's hard not to be thankful.

I hope each of you have a great weekend, and since it's the beginning of August, I hope that the month is kind to each of you. Take some time to enjoy the life you have been working so hard to build.

Salli