My biggest 2016 goal

There are times that make you grow, change, and learn. There are times that tick you off, and as you throw your hands in the air yelling, "why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?," that the crypted answer appears. Sometimes, you really have to look for it! Other times, it's as simple as having a great friend confirm what you had begun to think was the answer!

You see, my goals for 2016 are numerous, but my biggest goals has been, to be true to myself. No more lame excuses holding me back, no more getting worked up over things that I can't control(this will take time!), and finding my own truth in the mix of chaos. For any that have read my blogs for the past few years, I have really struggled. I let go of basically everything that made me, me. I gave up on dreams, goals, and wants; they didn't fit in my life now, even though they were important to me. I became the type of person that I don't like to be around; negative, flustered, a ticking time bomb of emotions, and someone who had lost myself and become someone I didn't know or like.

With the goal of being true to self, this encompasses body, mind and spirit. Generating all the negatives I have dealt with for many years, into the positive push toward setting free the very spirit I have neglected. Hiding my own spirit so that others around me are comfortable, is pathetic, but how I molded myself to fit into my world. There are times that being true to yourself is difficult to balance with responsibility hanging on your shoulders. This has become my dilemma. Responsibility has always played a huge factor in my life. Typically, that responsibility had to come above my own wants and needs; thus, it carried over into adulthood.

As so many adults today muddle through life, being responsible or comfortable, they lose any idea of what their spirit needs. Sure, it's easy to find quick/easy fixes to make us feel good for a moment. Sometimes, it is even for years. However, when you are constantly neglecting your spirit that one it's going to find a way to get your attention. It could be some massive, momentous event that brings you to your knees or just that one final little straw that will break the camels back. There are so many, like me, that have chosen to fit the molds. Whether it's getting married, having children, getting the ideal career or the huge home or newest vehicle...are these truly what makes your spirit fly free? I really don't believe so. I think, so many have hidden their spirit behind things that are acceptable, or comfortable, that they end up feeling resentful, lost, and depressed.

So many people I have known, wouldn't know how to get along without all their material stuff. All that material stuff becomes their comfort zone. They base their own worth, on what outward appearance they project. When you ask them if they are happy, the majority of the time, I hear, "sure, and I will be happier when I get/do..." Really??? So, their happiness is based on the material stuff, their status in society, and what other people think. Guess what? I have become no different. I got into a comfort zone, I don't have much in high end material stuff, but I value what I do have. I made the statement:" I will be happy when: it's spring, we pay off our debts, it's summer, when I can do this or that." That should have been my first clue!

Being happy is not about what you have, or hope to have. Being happy is just that...being happy! It has nothing to do with material stuff, job, or even the people in your life. You have to be happy within, period. When you are not happy within yourself, nothing else will matter. Sure, it may give you momentarily, a burst of joy...but it won't last. Being happy with yourself, has to include mind, body and spirit, the whole self. When your whole self isn't in alignment, you won't be truly happy. Your spirit will still be bound.

Freeing your spirit, is something that is going to send a lot of people outside their comfort zone, myself included! Think about any point in your life, when you can remember just being happy. When your happiness was not attached to something else. Do you remember? For me, I remember running around the neighborhood I spent most of my childhood in, playing in the little creek, putting my hands in the water and watching the ripples as it flowed on. Or sitting for hours in another small town, watching water rush over a damn and picking up shells and rocks. Or as a 20 something, going skinny dipping in a lake with a group of friends, sitting around a bonfire and listening to music. Or even just 3 years, going to the back of our property to the little stream, taking photos and being at peace with nature. My spirit was free and alive in each of those cases. As you can see, there have been some major gaps in those time frames. It took a 3 hour conversation with a great friend, to set the wheel in motion to see exactly, how much of my spirit has been bound.

Do I want to throw responsibility to the wind, and just forget about it? Not really. I want to find my balance. I want to free my spirit, and see how much damage can be repaired. I want to find my balance, so I can be whole again. When you spend a big chunk of time feeling drained, overwhelmed, angry, resentful, and just muddling through life; it becomes this tedious cycle that is hard to break. Again, this is where the balance comes in. Finding a way to equal the scales while still tending to responsibilities and allowing your individual self, to truly shine; it takes work. It's going to take courage to step out of that comfort zone that you have been "content" with.

Setting such a momentous goal for myself, is rather daunting. After a few years of headaches, drama and multiple issues, I find myself saying, "I don't know where I'm going to fit time for working on myself into my day," or "I'm going to have shirk some responsibilities if I'm going to do this." Well, even though I have had these thoughts, I'm going to share my own pep talk, I am using as my mantra, as I begin freeing my spirit.

"You have to make time to recharge your mind, body and spirit. This is not an option. You are not whole, and you are already giving everything you have to give, to those around you. You have to allow yourself whatever time or energy you need. Those around you are going to see a better you, by taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is teaching the kids, early, that they need to do the same. You deserve to be happy and free. Delegating some responsibility, is a minor trade off, for those that truly care for you and want you happy."

When someone has gotten so overwhelmed, and has allowed themselves to be molded into acceptable roles, it takes time to release that. Hopefully, you are able to catch on a lot quicker that I have. If you are one of those remarkable people that are truly free in mind, body and spirit; I applaud you! If, however, you are not...it's never too late! Although, my own thoughts were pushing me in the direction I needed to go; it took a 3 hour conversation with a trusted friend, to reiterate what I had already known. It was during that conversation, her wisdom and insight, that I "saw the light." It was in that moment that I remembered what I had once known. It was in that conversation that I realized how far from source, I had gotten. My spirit is in nature. My spirit is rooted in the very source that sustains us. My spirit, even though long ago tamed, is still very alive, very free, and very strongly pushing to the surface.

If you go out to enjoy the full moon tonight, really see and feel the energy it provides. Give yourself the opportunity to allow it to recharge your own energy. Thank you C., for helping me to remember what I had once known!!! I am ready for Summer, but until then, I am slowly recharging in ways that are possible right now. You are truly the blessing, I asked for, that I knew I needed!

Happy Full Wolf Moon!
Salli