More than a feeling

 

 I'VE GOT A FEELING...

 

 

As someone who literally feels energy, all the time, it gets really dark sometimes. I know when I have tried to explain this to some, they look at you like you have a third eye growing out of your forehead. I've come to understand this energy, as I have gotten older, and is something I have experienced since I was child. Even then, people would claim you were weird or making stuff up. What I feel, is very real and very exhausting. The best way I can describe it: imagine you are a sponge, and you are constantly in water. You remain in a continuous state of over absorption. You know when you pick up a sopping wet sponge how it's heavy, and much weaker than a dry one? Yeah, that is what it's like when you feel the energy of others. It doesn't matter who it is, family, friends, or complete strangers. So, going anywhere requires preparation to deal with that. When you don't, you end up at home feeling like that wet sponge and completely exhausted. You literally feel peoples emotions and even their "vibe/aura." With a little education, you are able to see through facades, and past their outward expressions. You know who's full of crap, when you are being lied to, when someone is genuinely happy or real. It's been one of the hardest experiences I've had to learn to manage. 

I find peace and can maintain stability in my own space, so I do have gatherings here. My home and our farm is my grounding point. It has taken me a lot of years to understand and be able to manage this crazy experience. It can truly be a blessing and a curse. I have kind of laughed at the phrase, "I hear what your saying but I feel what you're not saying." I pay attention to details, big AND small. I make an effort until I no longer see the same return efforts. When you make my life more difficult, repeatedly, I am done. I juggle a lot everyday, and when you cause me more stress than the joy you add to my life, I am done. I have spent decades now managing my temper. For a few years, it got out-of-control. While I go a long way to avoid conflict and losing my temper, it's not gone...it's just under control - TO A POINT. It has taken a long time to acknowledge the difference between anger and hurt. Many times I've gotten angry, and when I step back...I can recognize that it isn't anger at all, but instead is actually hurt. You see, I have spent years working to better myself. Honestly, I work at this everyday. I am no where near perfect, so there is always work to do. I have had to accept things and even people, for who and what they are. The one big lesson I've gotten to this point...people are quick to point out your flaws, because they are avoiding their own. That was a hard one to learn. We all have had people in our lives that we wanted to be around, then they show out and prove their value in your life is a lot different than you thought it would be. 

Sometimes, I think life would be so much easier if I could live with my head in the sand, didn't experience the emotions, and could just keep so busy that I could look past my own stuff to have the energy to criticize others. Then I am reminded that I would then be like everyone else. I am not meant to be like everyone else, none of us are. We are meant to be individuals, critical think, pay attention to details and if believe in the religious teachings...we are meant to help others, not tear them down. I will never claim to know crap about religion, because I believe we are not being taught right. However, as I have dove off into spirituality, I have had doors open into the teachings of ancient times. Long before ALL organized religions. This subject always ruffles feathers, my own included, because every religion believes it's the correct teaching. Honestly, to each their own. I will never try to convince anyone otherwise, but I know what I know, and no one will convince me either. The biggest thing that upsets me though, is the hypocrisy. For those that have studied the Bible, it says that the Disciples were chosen but none of them were of proper societal norms. There was alcohol, incest, etc. Yet we see religion today turning its back on certain people in society. Don't get me wrong, I have an issue with some myself, but I live by "you be good to me and I will be good to you." The Bible preaches to honor thy mother & father, love thy neighbor and help those in need. Yet, divorce is now more common than a single family unit, certain groups of people are ostracized for their beliefs, neighbors are rarely helping to keep their communities strong, and people are quick to gossip but not willing to step up to help when it's needed. We have accepted the evil that programs our minds through the television; without even thinking twice. This is where politics and religion merge. 

Since the late 1800's, some of the riches and most influential people in the world have thrown a monkey wrench in everything.They decided to regulate the value of our money. They decided that controlling the money and the money supply, charging productive citizens for their efforts, centralizing that money/taxes into a non-governmental entity(central bank) that had no oversight or elected officials, and the bribery(lobbying)of politicians would be acceptable. What so many fail to understand, none of this was ever legally ratified by Congress, and those taxes that they claim are voluntary - are paid to that central bank that has used birth certificates, marriage licenses to create bonds that they bought and sold to make more money - OFF YOUR BACKS. That is the very elementary definition of slavery. They bought the education system, the healthcare system, and they buy the politicians to keep this slavery in place. The saddest part, to me, is we have all allowed this to happen by not educating ourselves, and demanding accountability.  We have allowed so many false idols(a religious teaching) to maintain their course. Just as God said, false idols will lead you astray. Even the teachings of Jesus, stated not to idolize him, but only his father. So, to be true to that teaching, idolizing Jesus is wrong. 

 

I won't dive off into major history lessons, because I've been told too many times, that no one wants to hear it. What I will dive into, briefly, is family. This is a major subject for me. Both my husband and I grew up in divorce households. I truly hate divorce. It divides the family unit, it opens it up to so many complications. I know just having to manage time between parents, struggling with loyalties, and adding additional beliefs to the mix; made for a very long and disruptive children. One I swore I would do everything possible to avoid, if/when I ever had children. So far, I've managed to keep a single household. It has not been without major trials, major arguments and a lot of eye rolls.  I have raised my children with the belief that family is everything, but there have been some serious disruptions that I blame on outside influences. One of the biggest lessons I have learned with kids - we can raise them correctly, with the values we have, but sometimes they will lose their way. It's at that point, we spend a lot of time praying that they will be guided back. They are inundated with so many opinions as adults, and the world today does not want strong family units. They want families divided, they want people so busy and so enthralled with the world that they have no time to look closer to home. They was society driven by greed, excess and instant gratifications. Sadly, it's all hidden in plain sight. Even more sad, people are so engrossed in the bread and circus, they can't even see it. We rush around going here and there, wanting the newest technology, living in debt, and thinking of ourselves first. We miss time with our families chasing the almighty dollar to buy more stuff we don't need. Too many use excuses to put their loved ones into homes, instead of taking care of them as they took care of you. Then there are tears at loss of those loved ones, by those having to live with the regrets. 

I will never be perfect, but I will stand by my values until my dying day. Family is everything, I will do my best to honor my father and mother, if I have any choice - my parents will never be in a nursing home, my kids will always take precedence over everything possible, and those I love - I will do my best to show I love you! There are times my personal development goes pretty deep and can be overwhelming, but I trust that God is leading me. I may refer to God or the Universe...I believe there is a higher power, no matter what word you use to describe it. I don't need a religion to know God, to know doing the best I can and help as much as possible, is the right path. I just keep praying for guidance, to be lifted when I struggle to stand, and to watch over/keep an arm around my family and I. 

Today's prayer: God, I know the balance on Earth is quite wobbly and there are questionable morals being broadcast. Today I ask that you help the world to see your honest teachings. I ask that you help to heal the family units, and bring them back to center. I ask that you wrap your arms around my family to help guide, protect and keep us healthy. Watch over our loved ones both living and passed, and help them to feel loved and guided. I pray you stay with them in whatever struggles they may be facing. I ask you to guide and protect those in our elected offices and our military, and be the strength of our veterans in their daily struggles. I pray you bring our communities back to center and help them to see they are stronger together. Today, I pray for your love to blanket Earth through eternity. Amen!