Coffee Chat

 

Today's early morning thoughts.

 

My early morning thoughts began about 4 am. I have spent the past 7 years working hard to reach financial goals, so I could reach some other goals. These early morning thoughts actually woke me up, and have been nagging at me for several hours. While I am truly blessed with so much, there are material things I need and some that I want. I am not someone that requires much, especially materially. So, the thoughts of when is the right time to bite the bullet and make big moves/changes? I know this is an individual decision, but I can't help but wonder. I am not at an ideal situation, but I am also not willing to wait until I can't enjoy it. When is the timing ever really "the right time?" Making changes is terrifying to me, especially big changes. As someone who thinks constantly, I will always come up with a million "what-if's" to delay what I can, but even those scenarios aren't holding much ground anymore. I really try to have dozens of "back up plans" because I know life gets messy. 

 

That general thought this morning has really made my mind whirl. I have spent decades now trying to do what I believed to be the right thing. Then I look, and see the many of the results, only to end up asking, "why bother, I'm going to be the bad guy no matter what I do." Yet, here I am...still trying. Still fighting for everything and everyone I believe in. I'm not one to give up, but does a time come that you don't have to fight, like your life depends on it, for every step forward? When you don't have to get through every letter of the alphabet of plans, to have one finally work? When the prayers you pray, are finally answered? When you can see the fruits of your labor, your tears, your sweat and your effort? I told you, my mind works overtime, and these are only a fraction of the thoughts...just this morning.

 

I'm ticking off the to-do list for the veteran hunt, my deep cleaning/organizing list, the last couple of years of home school, and the semi-annual preparation list(winter/spring). None of which ever seems to get completed without several additions for tasks not completed when I have delegated them. Which is always a joy. I keep reminding myself that, that the only thing I can control completely or depend on is me.   With that, I know I will make everything possible work and I'm not afraid to work to get things done. It just gets a little tiring when I am constantly told to ask for help, yet when I do...it either doesn't show up, gets done half-assed, or it's forgotten about. I don't wait until last minute, when I can avoid it, because that stresses me out....and ticks me off. 

 

So, I will keep working through my lists, projects and plans. I just needed this outlet this morning. I keep on, keeping on. Even on days that are heavy.